February 9, 2011, - 10:27 pm

What’s In US Navy “Training” on Gay Acceptance?

By Debbie Schlussel

The U.S. Navy is currently in the process of establishing “training teams” to begin “training” and preparing sailors for openly gay sailors to start serving.  I’m wondering what goes into “training” sailors for the arrival of gay sailors, and I have a few ideas of what would–or should–make up the list of bullet points in the PowerPoint presentation.  Those are below, but first we need for all sailors to watch this short instructional video, set to music–hey, sailors, gays love musicals!

* Pink is the New Black, er . . . Navy.

* Out: Interest in the ladies; In: Interest in Lady Gaga.

* Old Navy Hero: Medal of Honor Winner Navy SEAL Michael A. Monsoor; New Navy Hero: Perez Hilton.

* Out: Posters of Megan Fox in a bikini; In: Posters of Neil Patrick Harris in a bikini.

* Out: Bill Goldberg; In: Whoopi Goldberg.

* Out: Back-breaking deck duty; In: Brokeback Mountain.

* Out: Rules of conduct; In: RuPaul conduct.

* Out: “Navy SEALS” movie; In: “Top Gun.” Tom Cruise, Kelly McGillis–something for everyone in the LGBT Community!

* Out: Wheaties; In: Fruity Pebbles.


In the Navy

* Out: Sports; In: WNBA.

*  Out:  “Deadwood” & the History Channel;  In:  “Magnum, P.I.” –Mustaches Galore!

* Out: Pittsburgh Steelers; In: Green Bay Packers

* Out: The girls from “Sex & the City” having relationships with men. In: The girl who is “dating” (euphemism) one of the girls from “Sex & the City.”

* Out: “McHale’s Navy”: In: Oprah & Gayle’s Navy.

* Out: Chuck Norris; In: Janets . . . Napolitano, Reno, etc.

* Still In: crew-cuts for male sailors; This Just In: crew-cuts for female sailors.

* Out: Aaron Rodgers. In: Martina Navratilova.

* Out: Navy. In: Rainbows.

* Out: Pantsuits for men; In: Pantsuits for everyone!

* Out: Rock, Rap, Country Music; In: Achin’ for Clay Aiken . . . and Elton John, George Michaels, Rufus Wainwright, and Ricky Martin.

* Out: Museum of Military History; In: Liberace Museum.

* Out: “Glory” and Old Glory; In: “Blades of Glory” (read my review).

* Out: Navy brass; In: brass decorating tips from Nate Berkus

* Old Navy dream date: supermodel; new Navy dream date: male flight attendant . . . or whoever is “dating” (euphemism) Rosie O’Donnell

* “All hands on deck” now accessorized with pinky rings and manicures.

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26 Responses

I think you will find this a very fertile area for plaintiffs’ attorneys. There will be discrimination and sexual harassment suits galore. Also, I suspect that conscription will be over the horizon as desirable recruits decline in numbers, and those who are are already in decide that the low pay and lousy environment(not talking combat) are not worth any bonus offered.

worry01 on February 9, 2011 at 10:42 pm

    Recruitment is up …you bigoted twit. I’m a Navy Vietnam Combat vet that actually saw action in Vietnam. There are gay people out there that serve out of patriotism and not any interest in your sorry butt or any part of any other bigots body parts. Gays are selective and aren’t whorish wimpy thugs.

    George Deeming on April 14, 2012 at 8:44 pm

Debbie the military has tons of semicloseted gays, kind of like the priesthood but without the child abuse. What bothers me is the explicitly Christian ethos that’s all over the military. Bible thumping is a good way to get promoted these days. Jews are often barely tolerated and generally treated as outsiders. Better they should dispatch Judaic sensitivity trainers to the officer clubs.

A1 on February 9, 2011 at 11:30 pm

    “Debbie the military has tons of semicloseted gays, kind of like the priesthood but without the child abuse. What bothers me is the explicitly Christian ethos that’s all over the military. Bible thumping is a good way to get promoted these days. Jews are often barely tolerated and generally treated as outsiders. Better they should dispatch Judaic sensitivity trainers to the officer clubs.”
    If they can’t handle Jews, how can they handle sodomites?
    What bother’s me is the explicitly sodomite ethos that’s all over the world nowadays.

    James Solbakken on February 22, 2012 at 5:47 pm

Time will prove that “Don’t ask. Don’t tell” was a much better policy for the service men and women and the nation. There will be big problems with this new “open” policy. Lawyers representing both straight and gay sailors, marines, soldiers and airmen will be the only beneficiaries of this new policy. This will be a classic case of. “be careful (gay military members) what you ask for.”

Bonzer Wolf on February 10, 2011 at 12:29 am

Don’t talk to me about naval tradition. It’s nothing but rum, sodomy and the lash.
— Winston Churchill

Jack on February 10, 2011 at 12:38 am

It’s 1:43 in the morning – 6 degrees outside, and I needed a grin. Thanks Debbie; you’re priceless!

Kent on February 10, 2011 at 1:44 am

In the Muslim World they’re laughing at us silly over our trying to create a politically correct armed services. No doubt “civility” will be a higher value than the ability to fight.

I used to be amused by the French “Le Cage Au Folles” satire of the gay lifestyle in the 80s when I was a young man. Today’s “Gay Navy” though, is no joke!

NormanF on February 10, 2011 at 4:38 am

Hey, I was in the Navy during the 1970’s, and stationed in San Francisco! It was a wild and interesting time! The things we saw!

“In the Navy” by the Village People actually became popular after the Navy decided they were going to use it in their recruiting commercials. If I recall correctly, they actually bought the rights. Then, someone in Brass figured out that the Village People weren’t exactly the kind of image they were looking for. Afterall, these were warships, not the Love Boat!. Needless to say, the Navy dropped the song and the Village People skipped all the way to the bank.

Paul on February 10, 2011 at 8:02 am

Out: Combatting pirates. In: Doing pilates.

To ensure no sexual harrassment, you must preface sexual advances with “permission to come aboard!” If the answer is “Prepare to repel boarders!” then it’s a no.

There won’t be any sexual harrassment lawsuits, but I guarantee you there will be lawsuits to push spousal benefits for “partners,” and many other agenda-driven actions that will distract the military from its mission.

Sean on February 10, 2011 at 8:57 am

    You want to REALLY know what the gay agenda is ??? It’s called “The Constitution”. We want exactly the same rights that you have. NO B.S. about special rights, just EXACTLY the same rights. We want the freedom to marry someone we love and all the privileges that that entails, we want the freedom to be accepted everywhere without discrimination, that we stand as just and equal peoples before and alongside all other peoples in this nation with no discrimination or lessening in ANY form.

    We’re not out to destroy your marriage or harm you in any way.

    George Deeming on April 14, 2012 at 8:54 pm

OK, no jokes about submarines… you know, those things that are long and hard and full of sea men…

Mister E. Mixx on February 10, 2011 at 10:48 am

Although I do love The Village People, I detest the gay agenda and thought DADT was the perfect remedy for the whinging gays.

I do like gay people, but hate political gays. In 2011 they have come so far but are NEVER satisfied (like most Liberals) and worst of all, they are hanging on to their “special victim” status with a kung-fu grip yet don’t want to be called on their deviant behaviour…in fact, they want it called normal.

The gays are losing me more and more each day. I don’t expect anything from them than what I would any good American. They are NOT getting special status from me. Those days are over.

Skunky on February 10, 2011 at 11:14 am

Every religion says that homosexuality goes against comsic nature. Sex is by definition is procreation, therefore homosexuality technically can’t exist.

Acting this way messes up the energy channels in the body. In Montreal you have to be an in-the-closet heterosexual to be accepted, but the suicide rate is still many times higher amoung homosexuals there. The homosexual/bi suicide rate is 6 to 10 times higher everywhere in the world even in places where homosexuality is socially acceptable.

J on February 10, 2011 at 11:53 am

    There are over 500 different species of animals in the world that have homosexuality … and they all accept homosexuals except humans. Why? … we pay school taxes for your kids, we contribute to charities, we were born here…some of our families go back to before the founding fathers..we work in decent jobs and try to live normal lives – how are we really hurting you ?

    George Deeming on April 14, 2012 at 8:37 pm

I love the Village People — they had a real sense of humor about their songs.

OmAnonymous on February 10, 2011 at 12:13 pm

As the old saying goes:
100 bubbleheads go out on a 6 month patrol, 50 happy couples come back.
Sorry, just couldn’t resist.

Seriously, I think this policy is misguided and will damage our military’s operational readiness as long as the policy is in effect. One more reason to vote for proven conservative candidates in the future. John Paul Jones must be rolling in his sarcophagus.

SkimmerPuke on February 10, 2011 at 1:24 pm

If in a year or two it turns out that letting gays openly serve in the Armed Forces isn’t such a big deal, can we get an apology for conservatives who are *convinced* irreparable harm will be done?

Brad on February 10, 2011 at 4:59 pm

*from conservatives

Brad on February 10, 2011 at 4:59 pm

Out: “Old Glory” In: Glory Hole

Out: Admiral In: Rear Admiral

Out: Anchors Away In: Thar he blows

Out: All hand on deck In: All hands on dick

Out: Porthole In: Cornhole

michman on February 10, 2011 at 6:47 pm

We can laugh and joke, but, we are seeing the slow destruction and demoralization of our armed forces – from a fighting force to a social experiment. I have some different comparisons of what’s in and what’s out:










‘Nuff said…….

Herbster on February 11, 2011 at 4:24 pm

As a person I can tell you I have nothing for or against gays. I couldn’t care less how consenting adults get their rocks off.

As a retired Navy guy I can tell you that I would have have a problem being in close quarters (including shared facilities) with a person who might be viewing me as a sexual object.

Eliezer on February 11, 2011 at 6:20 pm

    …so you’re evidently not married.

    George Deeming on April 14, 2012 at 8:33 pm

    The point George Deeming was making was that you say that you don’t want to be viewed as a sexual object by someone who doesn’t have your consent, yet that’s basically all that America does to its women…
    The “threatening” feeling that you get by that possibility is exactly what all women feel on a day to day basis, but no man really cares about that… Just something to think about…

    Gay men aren’t going to mess with you… You’re obviously married, and by default, that means straight… Why bother? Why do something that will most likely end badly for them?

    So you’re telling me that you never showered in communal facilities in the gym or in high school or college or anything…? It isn’t like gay people weren’t there either…

    Eric on June 15, 2012 at 4:02 am

This article is a loooong and unfunny anti-gay joke. Luckily I care far too much about jihad to fret about this example of tastelessness.

BTW, I sure hope classical music isn’t too gay. Me, I don’t like musicals OR rock music.

skzion on February 13, 2011 at 5:21 pm

Reply to George Deeming: actually I am (happily) married. And have been for 20 years. Also, as I have 4 kids (all with that spouse of 20 years) I obviously have nothing against sex.

I gather that you’re gay. As I said earlier, I have no problem with consenting adults choosing their own lifestyle. However, there’s a reason the Navy (and most every other place) do not have unisex showers and changing rooms.

We already have male/female facilities onboard. What’s next?!… Hetro/gay facilities in addition to the male/female facilities?!…

You say you want to be accepted as you are. No problem. I accept gays as they are. I.e. as men who get turned on by other men. And I don’t want to be ogled by somebody like you who might be viewing me as a viewing me as a sexual object.

When you’re looking for acceptance its not a bad place to start with acceptance of the other. You accept that men/women have separate facilities. That you don’t accept that a straight guy wouldn’t want to share the shower with a gay guy is quite telling…

Hans on May 24, 2012 at 4:12 am

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