March 2, 2011, - 1:30 am

NFL Lockout Countdown: Which Players Will Have to Work @ McDonald’s?

By Debbie Schlussel

As you may know, March 3rd (that’s Thursday, just a day away) is the deadline for the National Football League (NFL) and its players union (the NFL Players Association–NFLPA) to hammer out a new collective bargaining agreement.  Without one, the NFL owners say they will lock out players.  And I can’t wait.  That’s ‘cuz I can’t wait to see which NFL player is the first to have to get a real job . . . like pumping gas or asking, “Would you like fries with that?”  After all, that’s about the only jobs for which they’re qualified, and except in a very few places like New Jersey, there aren’t gas pumping jobs left in America.

You see, as I’ve repeatedly noted on this site, the NFL is basically the American League of Overpaid BabyDaddies. NFL multi-millionaires tend to father a gazillion kids with a gazillion mealticket-seeking slutty babymama groupies.  And that child support is on top of their spending-like-there’s-no-tomorrow ways.  You know–they all think they gotta live like they’re permanently refreshing the set of their own personal hip-hop video.  And that’s not a racial thing, as it extends to the few White NFL players left (less than 25% of the league), though a smaller percentage of White players fail financially.  And the day that regular season is supposed to start but doesn’t, many of these guys will not have any money left, despite the millions they made, which they flushed down the toilet for fancy cars, fancy digs, exorbitant strip club outings and other such stuff.

More than a decade ago, one rookie NFL player I knew (from being an academic tutor at the University of Wisconsin Athletic Department during grad school there) spent tens of thousands of dollars a month on custom giant aquariums stocked with exotic fish all over his condo because it reminded him of when he worked at a fish store in Indianapolis’ inner city.  This guy’s fish regularly killed each other and were regularly replaced, costing oodles.  This utter moron, who signed for and made millions, is now broke.  And no longer in the league.  He was recently suspended from a minor football league, where he went next.  So sad, too bad.  Hope those fish were fun, chump.

It’ll be a bit of schadenfreude if the lockout actually happens and extends to the regular season because it’ll be fun to see these profligate spoiled brats struggle to pay bills after living the high life to the max.  I’m betting on Antonio Cromartie, who–as I told you, previously–fathered eight kids with seven women in less than five years (four or five of them in the same year!), to be the first current player to face serious financial trouble, if there’s an extended lockout.  And taxpayers will have to pick up the tab for his litter of kids nationwide, who will likely be on welfare (and may already be).  Even during this past NFL season, current player Mark Brunell, filed for bankruptcy, listing over $25 million in debts.

And this is why I believe the lockout won’t last into the season.  It’s like the U.S. and Saudi oil.  We can go for a few months without oil from Saudi Arabia, but their extravagant, big spender cadre of 50,000-70,000 princes and princesses cannot go for even a month without oil money coming in from the West.  NFL owners are billionaires.  They can afford to hold out and have their teams–which are largely vanity playthings–closed for business.  NFL players–living from million-dollar paycheck to million-dollar paycheck–cannot.  Many of them will be desperate for some cash, when mid-summer arrives and they’d normally report to training camp.  Attention, Michael Vick (who also filed for bankruptcy):  probably not a great idea to put in an application at PetSmart.

No tears from me.  In fact, I’m looking forward to it.  I like watching pro football.  But like even more to watch worthless chumps have to live like the rest of us.  And since they know that’s on the horizon soon, that’s why they’ll ultimately have to cut a deal and give  in to NFL owners.

But, if they don’t give in and go without their million dollar paychecks, it won’t hurt me to be wrong.  As I said, it’ll be fun to watch all the Snoop Dogg  and Charlie Sheen wannabes struggle to live the life of Fred Sanford and the pre-Beverly Hillbillies.


So, what do you predict will happen with the NFL CBA (collective bargaining agreement)?  Do you care?  Which players are most likely to run out of money?  To me, it’s billionaires arguing with their multi-millionaire employees, all subsidized by taxpayers who willingly and foolishly subsidize their office buildings (the stadiums and arenas).  No sympathy for either side here.

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37 Responses

Only Debbie has the courage and wit to put this on her blog! Thanks for the laugh – and the smile that I always get when I see someone write or speak the truth!
You see, as I’ve repeatedly noted on this site, the NFL is basically the American League of Overpaid BabyDaddies. NFL multi-millionaires tend to father a gazillion kids with a gazillion mealticket-seeking slutty babymama groupies. And that child support is on top of their spending-like-there’s-no-tomorrow ways. You know–they all think they gotta live like they’re permanently refreshing the set of their own personal hip-hop video. And that’s not a racial thing, as it extends to the few White NFL players left (less than 25% of the league), though a smaller percentage of White players fail financially

witdit on March 2, 2011 at 6:50 am

Is it my imagination, or have the players’ associations of various sports (not just NFL, but also baseball, hockey and basketball) become equivalent, in recent years, to the public employee unions whose extravagant demands have pushed states and municipalities to the breaking point (never mind the federal level where Obama has taken the unions’ side against the taxpayers)?

ConcernedPatriot on March 2, 2011 at 7:36 am

I hate how the idiots on ESPN are handling this situation. Typical left wing race baiting nonsense. The worst is Michael Wilbon. Generally I am against the unions do admire Carson Palmer who has saved and invested his money and is willing to quit rather than play for a crummy team. He is upfront about the issue and is similar to a professional who quits his job.

madman on March 2, 2011 at 7:42 am

I think an NFL shutdown would be a good thing. Fewer traffic jams, less alcoholism, easier on the taxpayers with fewer stadium upgrades paid for at taxpayer expense.

Little Al on March 2, 2011 at 8:02 am

I read if the NFL does lock out, the CFL or UFL will get more exposure.

Rocky Lore on March 2, 2011 at 8:05 am

Some recent bankruptcies:

Deuce McAllister
Rocket Ismail
Dermontti Dawson
Travis Henry (11 children by 10 women, one had twins)
Lawrence Taylor

Aside from the babydaddy problem, many of these nitwits guaranteed loans for deadbeat family and friends.

The players should absolutely demand that, as part of the new CBA, 75% of earnings are placed in low-risk retirement account against which they are not allowed to borrow. Of course, they’re too stupid to ask for that.

Adam on March 2, 2011 at 9:07 am

I can always watch Ben Hur, The Godfather, The Thing, and find other stuff to do. If the NFL doesn’t play, the sun will still rise.

P. Aaron on March 2, 2011 at 9:20 am

there is an article about this at right now. it seems that some poor players are having a toughf time getting by on salaries of only 320,000 per season. they are living paycheck to paycheck. oh, to be so poor.

augiedog on March 2, 2011 at 9:22 am

    Let the worthless bastards starve. Who cares? I cannot believe Minnesota is considering helping finance the new Vikings stadium. I have NEVER chosen a place to live on the basis of what pro sports teams are there.

    Occam's Tool on March 2, 2011 at 5:39 pm

There’s as much chance of a lock-out/strike as there is the local network TV channels being dropped from the cable system – which they threaten every year and never happens. And I don’t care because I don’t have cable. Like Debbie said, the players can’t afford to not receive their paychecks, and I don’t think the owners will want to pass on the billions the season generates (it would be like owning a casino and not being open for business – you’re leaving money on the table).

Disagree a little on taxpayers building the stadiums. They have to vote for it, and those things bring in money. They got rid of a bunch of ghetto crap apartments in Arlington (which have been crap for over 30 years) and now have the world’s #1 stadium and just hosted the Stupor Bowl. Sorry, I’d rather have the stadium.

Hopewell on March 2, 2011 at 9:53 am

    You’re wrong. The billionaire owners can walk away from a losing investment and retire. They players can’t.

    Here’s betting there’ll be a contract before a lockout happens because the players need their next paycheck a lot more than the league owners need their teams and the stadiums.

    NormanF on March 2, 2011 at 12:12 pm

Bravo, Miss Debbie! I lost all respect for the NFL when I watched a Broncos game, and the players came back on the field after halftime while the Marines were still going through their outstanding halftime show. I called a local sports radio show, only to be told that it was no big thing. I thought it was unbelievably disrespectful to our military. The unholy union between the NFL and the United Way (which supports many leftist agenda “charities”) also grates against me. Not to mention the really insulting Super Bowl hype stupidity. So, good bye NFL, no big loss there.

Mel on March 2, 2011 at 10:05 am

Actually Debbie, I’m far more interested to see which players hold up financially during the lockout. Some of these guys have qualifications to do real work. Others manage their finances well. Still others have savvy financial advisers who may have prepared them for this. Given the number of goons in the NFL, it’s actually more interesting to see who can take a (financial) lickin’ and keep on tickin’.

Labor strife is rarely good. A lot of people loose there jobs who aren’t football players. Public infrastructure goes unused with projected rate-of-return interrupted. It’s not the worst thing that can happen, but it’s not a good thing.

That being said, it’s all good for NASCAR. Football is way too violent. I prefer NASCAR. :+)

I would also add that professional sports labor strife often times brings parents closer to their kids. When baseball canceled the post season and world series, many parents found sports enjoyment in High School football; not a bad thing IMHO.

There will be no shortage of football this autumn. College Football will be alive and well. Perhaps some of the NCAA players will see what’s going on in the NFL and stop jumping to the pros before they graduate. Especially with football, it helps to have a “day job” you can fall back on.

Many of today’s professional sports athletes are not managing their money properly. I suppose that’s an understatement considering how many of them aren’t managing their personal lives responsibly. Still, this labor strife was looming over everybody for the past year. If the players, coaches and trainers didn’t put some “rainy day money” away, then they have themselves to blame.

So many sports. So little time. Losing Pro Football won’t be the end of the world.

There is NO Santa Claus on March 2, 2011 at 10:19 am

I’d say I would just watch NHL but they have an expiring CBA in 2012. Hopefully they learned their lesson from the last lockout and won’t let it get that far.

DonkeyDonk on March 2, 2011 at 10:21 am

    NHLPA just hired Don Fehr a couple of months back as head of players association. He was MLB players head during the baseball strikes.

    Bill C. on March 2, 2011 at 6:57 pm

Well, they could be security guards as well. No need to pigeonhole them into McD’s.

Infidel Pride on March 2, 2011 at 10:21 am

I have to disagree with Hopewell. I don’t think stadiums bring in money except for the already greedy owners.

I think they suck up taxpayer money who are constantly having to upgrade them.

There have been studies pro and con, but from the reading I have done I don’t think any pro sports brings in any money except for greedy owners.

Pro sports is a vanity thing that makes politicians and people who want to feel cool feel good about themselves at the expense of the common people they usually despise.

Jeff_W on March 2, 2011 at 10:24 am

I actually have a bit more sympathy for the players vs. the owners.

Everything Debbie says about the players is true. Most seem to be degenerates who are pampered and spoiled from youth.

But, I feel the owners are far worse. They rape the local taxpayers and make even more of a killing. Plus, they have already gotten paid from the TV networks.

I think there is too much money, so an agreement will get done right before the season. I think it will be a wash, maybe the owners getting a bit more since they know the players are idiots.

I love love love football. But, I do despise how it’s grown into such a behemoth that consumes everything in it’s path.

Jeff_W on March 2, 2011 at 10:29 am

Who knows what will happen to some of players ending up with no job in the fall: working as bathroom attendants in the strip clubs?

Bobby on March 2, 2011 at 11:03 am

Its like the dispute between Wisconsin and well-heeled government employees. Its not like any one’s really struggling.

This isn’t an old-fashioned labor dispute. Most people don’t relate to either side and they don’t care.

I mean if they play football or not next fall, life will go on. It always does.

That said, its hilarious to watch them fight over who gets their million dollar meal ticket while they can still play in a pro sports league.

NormanF on March 2, 2011 at 12:08 pm

I hope theirs NO lockout in the NFL this coming season, if godforbid something like that occurs, then I’ll be watching NCAA Football all the way, and I’ll watch more the MLB playoffs to. If the league decides to do a lockout, then that clearly means that some of the players may have to look for regular jobs or they can do a home-based business and work for themselves, that’s how capitalism works! I for one am hoping that theirs NO lockout for the 2011-2012 NFL season.

“A nation is defiend by it’s borders, language & culture!”

Sean R. on March 2, 2011 at 12:47 pm

Since most professional sports players are represented by highly paid agents and attorneys, explain to me why they have to have a players UNION as well? Looking at the bankruptcy filing for Mark Brunell, it appears he’s gotten some really bad investment advice from someone, probably his agent or financial manager. In addition to handing over gobs of money to family members, homeboys and babymamas, these guys are also often taken for millions by the very people they hire to protect their assets. Yet another problem with people who have no financial acumen being handed tons of money with absolutely no idea how to handle it for the long term. Just like many lottery winners who are broke in a couple of years, and performers who have short-lived but lucrative careers, tons of cash and no common sense are a recipe for financial disaster.

DG in GA on March 2, 2011 at 12:50 pm

The Bengals is the home team around here. A lockout and no football would be a blessing to this area. It would alleviate a lot of disappointment and misery.

KENT on March 2, 2011 at 1:32 pm

Free agncy for a bunch of them was to start in a few days, now their income will completely stop. Who is greedier the owners or the players. Giants needed NOT a new stadium but for the 2 daddies silver spoon greedball boys John Mara and Steve Tisch they couldnt care less about their fathers loyal season ticket holders who built the team for them for over 60 years of sellouts and these 2 sons tore down the old stadium – which they still now owe money on the new one – owe money on what the sucker taxpayers of NJ also paid for this new one – and immediately charged season tickets holders not only much higher ticket prices but also instituted seat licenses of thousands of dollars just to give them the right to buy tickets each year and already in 2nd year coming up the Jets and another son of money johnson of johnson and johnson is raising his jets ticket prices again. Not only that but the owners now want 18 games – even though each team was devasted by injuries last year in 16 games. They also love to switch late season gametimes for TV in Chicago, NY, Boston, GB to night games in December so fans can freeze to death then get home Monday mornig at 3am.

Billionaire owners need more money!

Bill C. on March 2, 2011 at 2:00 pm

the old giants stadium they tore down was 30 years old and in perfect condition seating 80,000 people. the 2 mara-boy and tisch-boy who is jewish they then tried to sell the naming rights to the stadium to german company “Allianz” who financed building world war 2 concentration camps. until an outcry made them cancel that company’s bid AND the new stadium still is un-named.

Bill C. on March 2, 2011 at 2:09 pm


    howardroark43 on March 2, 2011 at 3:49 pm

I disagree with you Deb that the players will have to resort to McDonald’s servers. Many will go back to their prior professions or hobbies as muggers, robbers, burglars, or rapists. The report issued today about college football players is understating the number of criminals in football.

On another note, many taxpayers voted overwhelmingly against funding professional stadiums, only to see the politicians voting in favor of them anyway. Washington State and Maryland are two examples.

Jonathan Grant on March 2, 2011 at 2:17 pm

the only thing i’ll miss about a player’s lockout is watching my former-hometown lions self-destruct each sunday…

howardroark43 on March 2, 2011 at 3:47 pm

    Maybe they will, maybe they won’t but the Lions did in fact win the last four games of the season. When was the last the hapless lions won four in a row?
    They may surprise us this year since we won 4 in a row with our 2nd and third string QB.
    Murphy’ law will kick in I bet, and just when the Lions are about to have a winning season, the season will be canceled and we will have to wait another century for them to be winners.

    Who cares? on March 3, 2011 at 9:41 am

This is why baseball is my favorite sport.

But if you think the NFL is gonna have problems, wait til the NBA has their next lockout soon.

Squirrel3D on March 2, 2011 at 9:41 pm

Pro football, and the college game, are beginning to resemble something that looks more like “team sumo wrestling” than it does football. I’ve loved football all my life, but I grow more concerned about a sport that could be mistaken for one of those cable shows about the morbidly obese.

CornCoLeo on March 3, 2011 at 7:58 am

The owners get their money this year either way.
They already signed gauranteed money with the TV contracts and get paid even if no games are played all season.
Only the players and networks will lose money.

Philip M on March 3, 2011 at 9:05 am

Nearly all athletes are overpaid in the first place.

BigKahunaFSU on March 3, 2011 at 9:13 am

” there aren’t gas pumping jobs left in America.”

Plenty of them in Oregon, where only attendants may pump gas.

tehag on March 4, 2011 at 5:55 pm

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