August 23, 2007, - 10:00 am

Best Reality Show Ever (or So Far): Anchorwoman; “Cannolis . . . They’re Jewish


Like most sane people with a life, I hate reality TV shows. Why should I care about loser nobody wannabes and what eight of them do together in a house or on an island or in an Australian desert?

But, based on my viewing of the first two episodes of “Anchorwoman” on FOX, last night, I think this show is an exception. Anchorwoman is Lauren Jones, a completely ditzy excessively-siliconed, peroxided former model (she was a “Barker Beauty” on “The Price is Right”) and WWE wrestler who wants to become a local news anchor. They’d never hire this idiot, but since FOX owns the small-town Texas TV station and wanted to make this TV series, the network gave the local news operation an offer “they couldn’t refuse.”

News Anchor-Bim Lauren Jones

Jones is so completely annoying and dumb that it’s comical. She has no edit button, coupled with the persona and emotional development of a disobedient 3-year-old. Her less glamorous, real-news colleagues are extremely irked (and jealous) that they work so hard and yet have to put up with this bimbo getting a free ride in without paying dues.

But, hey, that’s what local and national news has become these days. It’s not about brains. It’s about looks and showbiz. Jones would fit right in at FOX News (or MSNBC or CNN Headline News–where a one-time model and NYPD Blues star once got an instant anchor seat–for that matter). It’s hilarious when she comes to work in stripper shoes and a shirt so low-cut you can see almost her entire basketball-sized, incongruous “enhancements.” (She was sent home to change.) Gives newswhore, er . . . newshound, a more definitive meaning.

And Jones seems to have this odd obsession with “the Jews” in her air-headedly funny comments. Here are a couple that made me both wince and laugh at her:

* When she can’t stand walking on a road to gather information for a news story, she remarks:

Holy cannoli. We eat those in New York. They’re Jewish.

Right. Like Knishes and Rugalach are Italian.

* When a superior tells her, “You’re way too WASP to get away with that,” Jones responds:

WASP? I’m not Jewish.

Man, whoever passed this woman on the high school equivalency test is ripe for a malpractice lawsuit.

I’m sure it will get old. Gawking at train wrecks and auto accidents quickly does. But for now, it’s jaw-droppingly entertaining in a jarring way to watch this woman’s breathtaking ignorance.

She says she’s “half-Katie Couric.” That actually might be accurate.

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10 Responses

What has happened to the so called Womans equal rights movement?
It was a fraud and now the chickens are coming home to roost. Women are getting hired in many industries based on their looks alone.
Was that not the bane of the NOW crowd 30 years ago?

ScottyDog on August 23, 2007 at 12:52 pm

I tried watching it.
The thing that got me was the brunette and her approach to what was going on. She was also attractive yet seemed to know what she was doing. And, that is what gave me pause. I asked myself, if the brunette was 75 pounds heavier would she have gotten her job eventhough she may have been well qualified? This fact seemed to be lost on the brunette.
I answered my own question and moved on.

zyzzyg on August 23, 2007 at 1:41 pm

The shallow, easy on the eyes emphasis also operates on male newscasters.
Bring back Irving R. Levine!

chsw on August 23, 2007 at 2:16 pm

Hmmm. Although eye candy is always a draw (human nature and all), the decline of TV news viewership and the rise of the Internet, including text dense blogs, as a source of news signal that eye candy ploy is innefective.
Unfortunately, judging by the advertising on news programs (and why I cannot bear to watch ANY of them ever again), all news viewers are on the verge of death and in need of every drug on the planet – primarily ones to inflate sagging male genitalia.

dm60462 on August 23, 2007 at 3:31 pm

I got sick of hearing the brunette talk about “integrity” and “credibility.” News programs lost the last remnants of those items when Rathergate happened. BTW – I don’t think this was a reality show. I think this was scripted just like any sitcom. They just made it appear to be a reality show by blurring out a few random faces and wall calendars.

salt1907 on August 23, 2007 at 3:49 pm

“Half Katie Couric” eh? It must be the dazzling intellectual half of Comrade Katie she most accurately resembles…

Southernops on August 23, 2007 at 4:15 pm

`Anchorwoman’ Canceled After One Airing
Friday August 24, 8:21 am ET
Bad News for `Anchorwoman’ As Fox Series Is Yanked After One Low-Rated Episode
LOS ANGELES (AP) — Here’s news that Fox’s series “Anchorwoman” wouldn’t want to deliver: It’s been canceled after one low-rated airing.
The debut of the reality show about Lauren Jones’ attempt to turn herself into a news anchor for a Texas TV station drew an estimated 2.7 million viewers Wednesday, according to preliminary figures from Nielsen Media Research.
That number is about a third of the viewership Fox attracted a week earlier with the finale of its popular “So You Think You Can Dance.”
Jones was a Barker Beauty on “The Price Is Right,” Miss New York and featured WWE Diva before the series put her into the newsroom of KYTX Channel 19 in Tyler, Texas.
Unaired episodes of “Anchorwoman” will be available on Fox’s website through Fox on Demand, the network said Thursday.
Fox is owned by News Corp.

eloopd on August 24, 2007 at 9:48 am

O’Reilly? I sure hope she did not give Mister Phone Sex her telephone number!

FingerEleven on August 24, 2007 at 10:52 am

Sorry Debbie, it’s been canceled after the first show. You can still get it on line for a bit.
FLOP: ‘ANCHORWOMAN’ Canceled After One Airing…

BB on August 24, 2007 at 12:20 pm

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