June 16, 2009, - 1:04 pm

What NOT to Buy Dad for Father’s Day

By Debbie Schlussel
As you’ve probably heard, Sunday is Father’s Day. And every retailer is pushing their Dad’s Day wares on you as a possible gift.
But some things the media is pitching–here’s a tip–are not for your dad (unless your Dad is Todd Palin and has quit his job to take care of two babies, so the mother of one can go tanning and the mother of the other can pursue her political ambitions instead of putting her family first).
Despite the mainstream media urging you to do so, if you buy this for your dad, you’re basically saying, “Dad, you’re a chick. You’re the missus in your relationship with mom.” Yes, this gift is for the whipped men of America only. Don’t be fooled by the skulls and the camouflage and the use of the word “dude.” No father wants this “gift” for Dad’s Day.

Know what Dad really wants for Father’s Day?
Same thing he wants every other day of the year: simple quality. That means no silly ties or anything else you both know will end up buried in the closet.

Here are some gift ideas that will give dear old dads timeless enjoyment.
New Dad
. . . [N]ew dads carry their share of anticipations and responsibilities, too. Take those 3 a.m. feedings that take a toll on even the most ardent night owls. . . .
Speaking of handy, the Diaper Dude diaper bag ($54.99 at babiesrus.com) holds diapers and other baby necessities in a most masculine manner. And because a sense of humor does wonders for new dads, Wry Baby (wrybaby.com) has The Wheel for Parents ($11.95), a chore wheel that gives dads (and moms) a 50/50 chance of skipping diaper duty, while Proud Parent Pins for Dad ($9) are five buttons that look perfect on that Diaper Dude bag or anyplace else dads want to declare their parenthood with humorous pride.

Hint: the words “dude,” “diaper,” and “bag” should never appear together. When they do, it’s just a euphemism for Whipped Guy’s Man Purse. As for the description, claiming this thing is in “a most masculine manner,” HA! Ain’t nothin’ masculine about it. Sorry.


A Rose by Any Other Name . . . is Still A Mr. Mom Purse
Yup, if you buy this for your dad, you’re basically saying, “Hey, you surrendered your man card.” You’re not saying, “Man Up.” You’re Saying “Woman Up.”
If you buy this for your husband, it’s been long known that you, not he, wears the pants in the family.
By the way, don’t even start to compare Father’s Day to Mother’s Day. Family members outspend on gifts for Mom by at least two to one what they spend on Dad. It’s sad. We don’t properly appreciate men and father’s and the important roles they play.
Geoff Williams summarizes it well:

One Mother’s Day, I bought my wife what she had wanted for years — a weeping cherry tree — and I threw in a bird bath, so that when the tree matures, our feathered friends can happily splash and drink under its loving protection.
For Father’s Day, my wife gave me some boxer shorts and a tiny reading light, so I can flip through a book in bed without disturbing her.
My wife is the first to admit it: For her, and for many people, Father’s Day is an afterthought, a holiday just a few steps above the one that celebrates the groundhog and that other one that promotes trees.
If Mom’s Day and Dad’s Day were in a prize fight, we all know which holiday would wind up lying in the corner of the ring, knocked-out teeth on the mat, dazed head stuck in a bucket.

But don’t read the rest of his column because he turns into a Diaper Dude.
Donna Porter has an aggregation of links to lists of the worst gifts you can buy for Father’s Day.

9 Responses

“Speaking of handy, the Diaper Dude diaper bag ($54.99 at babiesrus.com) holds diapers and other baby necessities in a most masculine manner.”
Most masculine manner?
guess you could carry it like barney frank?

kaporet on June 16, 2009 at 2:02 pm

C’mon! Any dad worth his salt would want one of these…
Men be men already. Damn it!

West Dearbornistan on June 16, 2009 at 2:14 pm

Along with the Diaper Dude, you can buy dad a manzier.

sonofsheldon on June 16, 2009 at 4:50 pm

America emasculated itself with the election of KING HUSSEIN COBRAMA.
New American shout out: “Cajones? We don’t need no stinking cojones.”
Another example of a whipped man is Glen Beck:
# Stossel to Glenn: ìYou became a Mormon. Why?î
# Glenn: ìI apologize, but guys will understand this. My wife is, like, hot, and she wouldnít have sex with me until we got married, and she wouldnít marry me unless we had a religion.î
# Stossel to Tania: ìHe just told us he became religious only to have sex with you. Was he joking?î
# Tania: ìNo, he was not joking.
I think Glen Beck has Todd Palin beat.

californiascreaming on June 16, 2009 at 6:09 pm

Mom Purse? I prefer FAGBAG.

#1Vato on June 16, 2009 at 8:21 pm

Those daughters on Stern this morning sought to get their dads the perfect gift—a mother/daughter team at the Bunny Ranch:)
But if you wanna be PRACTICAL…a good bottle of scotch [or his favourite liquor] is always a great gift, but if you REALLY wanna knock his socks off: a Sirius/XM subscription is your best bet!!!

EminemsRevenge on June 16, 2009 at 8:34 pm

Feminism has reached its goal, and was it really a worthwhile goal to begin with? Do women really want a “faux” female as the father of their children? Why retrofit a man to be a pseudo-mother anyway? Is being a father to a son or daughter such a worthless role, which is what is really implied by such sexless attitudes? I had no desire as a child for two mothers or two fathers, but simply for a mother and father who cared enough to raise me to be the adult male I am today. Is that a freakish stance to take now?

Worry01 on June 17, 2009 at 3:41 am

So what’s wrong with a plain old backpack to carry diapers and other baby junk? When I was home with my son (studying for new certifications) I carried the backpack…no need to blow dough on some silly Diaper Dude or whatever. And now I carry tools in the backpack… so there…

Doda McCheesle on June 17, 2009 at 10:17 am

And I thought that was a suicide bomber’s explosive pack!

T.Spitzer on June 18, 2009 at 2:04 pm

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