July 8, 2009, - 4:23 pm

Dying Major City’s Brilliant Leadership Pinpoints Cause of its Doom: Lando Calrissian

By Debbie Schlussel
Poor Billy Dee Williams. The aging actor, struggling to get work in his autumn years, is being targeted by Detroit’s incompetent “leadership” as the cause of the city’s problems. And ya know what? He’s a RACIST!!!!!
So what did Williams–best known as the Star Wars movies’ Lando Calrissian–do wrong?
Well, he didn’t kill anybody. Instead, he did something far worse, outrageous: he is on billboard ads for Colt 45, the alcoholic drink he’s been fronting for decades. That nails it–he must face the electric chair. And then Detroit will arise anew from the ashes.


Put off by a recent spate of billboards around the city that feature actor Billy Dee Williams touting malt liquor with the phrase “works every time,” the City Council on Tuesday began looking at ways to regulate billboard advertising.
“This is killing our community,” Councilwoman JoAnn Watson said after a local minister, Mayowa Lisa Reynolds, appeared before council asking for help.

Uh, no, Billy Dee Williams’ ads are not what’s killing your community, woman. Take a look at your city. It’s a cocktail of crime, drugs, school dropouts, corruption, public assistance, single motherhood, and hip-hop that is killing Detroit. Lando Calrissian and his cheap and easy way to get drunk isn’t what’s pulling the trigger on the late, once-great City of Detroit.

Reynolds said she conducted a survey and found the billboards, which feature a cartoon representation of Williams trying to sell Colt 45, located in every square mile of the city.

Try doing a survey of rap CDs, single mother households, and crack dens. I bet you find one of those in every square acre of the city.

“This is just wrong for our city,” said Reynolds, who then questioned what the slogan, “works every time,” means.

Hmmm . . . funny they don’t protest the ads that tell you condoms work every time (oh, wait, those don’t “work every time”). Or the ads for Detroit’s casinos that create more and more destitution. Or the campaign ads for all of the numerous frauds who serve on the Detroit City Council (who don’t “work every time” or even most of the time).

“That if women drink it, ladies will lose their virginity?” she asked. “Or a man will do things out of character?”

Yeah, that’s the ticket. Blame the over 75% out-of-wedlock birth rate in Detroit and ten-year-olds having sex in the city on Lando Calrissian pimping alcohol. I see the connection. Don’t you? I guess the irony is lost on her that at least one of the billboards is on top of a 24-hour “adult video” store, you know one of those filth vendors she has no problem with the operation of within her city’s limits.

She added that she did not find the billboards in nearby communities such as Royal Oak and Plymouth.
“It’s an issue of racism and perversity,” Watson said.

Racism and perversity? Has this woman listened to a hip hop song lately? Has she watched BET? You can find both of those–consumed in vast quantities in Detroit–in both of those. And again, all those adult video stores and strip clubs in her city? Hello . . . ?
Ah, so now Billy Dee Williams is a self-hating racist. And the target demographic that makes up the vast majority of consumers of Colt 45 had a gun put to their head, were kidnapped, and forced to enter the beer and wine shack to buy the drink.

Council directed its Research and Analysis Division to see what action council could take and whether council could halt the erection of new billboards.

More Detroit tax money wasted on stupidity, as the city continues its rot.

Council President Kenneth Cockrel Jr. said he too had problems with the billboards but tempered his criticism by suggesting that the ads wouldn’t go up if people didn’t buy the products.
“We also have to check ourselves,” he said. “I see a lot of people buying 40 ounces.”

He gets it. But he’s a lone voice among the “leadership” of the People’s Republic of No You Di’int a/k/a Detroit.
Hey, maybe Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson can fly on over, shakedown Colt 45, and get distributorships of this racist beverage for their friends.
Forget Lando Calrissian saving the galaxy. He has his hands full with the fools running Detroit.

Never Forget Rule #1.

12 Responses

I don’t see too many Colt 45s anymore on the west coast. Malt liquor beer is not my choice. But after you have a couple of beers in you it all taste the same. LOL!
Is there any place worse than Detroit?

californiascreaming on July 8, 2009 at 8:48 pm

Yes, Billy Dee Williams is a threat to humanity, if dandruff is comparable to the Bubonic Plague.
The City of Detroit has problems with prostitution, rampant drug dealing and use, violent and non-violent crime, massive unemployment, and imploding school system, and so many others conerns. But, we must get our priorities straight and keep our eyes on the prize. Malt liquor is behind all of it. This must be the new Politics of Meaninglessness. Detroit is looking more and more like Kabul, but this is what it’s political leaders think is important.

Worry01 on July 8, 2009 at 8:52 pm

As bad as california is, Detriot (and this is a city compared to a state) is that damn worse!!
Debbie…please tell me how you can still live there and take this. How can anyone stay sane in a city like that? No wonder the pistons never play IN detriot.
No wonder the Tigers haven’t won a world series lately.
No wonder everyone thinks ‘hockeytown’ is a oxymoron.
No wonder the Lions couldn’t win a game in 2008.
No wonder an ex-girlfriend of mine went from a nice decent girl to became a proud slut (yes I visited detriot 3 times to see her).
No wonder it went from Motown to NOtown.
And yet this city thinks Bill Dee Williams (yes, a black man) is an Adolf Hitler for promoting a freaking beer, but not a “goooood” dude like Eminem or the entire city concil of detriot.
I swear for the crap I deal with here in Baltimore, Detriot makes Baltimore look like Disneyland. And again I ask, how does the conservative goddess stay sane in a wrarped city?
It’s Sailor Moon in a city full of Death Busters. (you knew the anime references were coming!)

Squirrel3D on July 8, 2009 at 9:19 pm

I’m a teetotaler. I have no problems with people who drink responsibly. Those who don’t, an ad is not going to get them to kick their habit. ‘Nuff said.

NormanF on July 8, 2009 at 10:11 pm

“The Force can have a strong influence on the weak-minded.”…..

Nick Fury on July 9, 2009 at 1:49 am

“The Force can have a strong influence on the weak-minded.”…..

Nick Fury on July 9, 2009 at 1:51 am

In all fairness I think an appropriate ad for Detroit may be a burqa clad woman promoting “the wearing of condoms’.

al Kidya on July 9, 2009 at 8:03 am

Irony alert:
For all their fuss about Michael Jackson, they seem to have forgotten about the “Man in the Mirror.”

Red Ryder on July 9, 2009 at 9:29 am

I am glad Debbie pointed out the adult video store sign right below the offending billboard, it’s hard to believe the selective outrage! I think this is a serious case of deflection, as the city council and local politicians try to shift blame for the city’s plight from themselves to … Lando the next most likely culprit!

DontTreadOnMe on July 9, 2009 at 9:30 am

I’m outraged!
Fitting punishment: send the 60+ Creative Steps Day Camp chil’ren to Lando Calrissian’s pool.
Waiving the $1900 fee of course because they’re victims too.

West Dearbornistan on July 9, 2009 at 11:24 am

This is great. I have been wondering about why Whites are racists, and no other race is…..
Proud to be White
Michael Richards makes his point……………
Michael Richards better known as Kramer from TV’s Seinfeld does make a good point.
This was his defense speech in court after making racial comments in his comedy act. He makes some very interesting points…
Someone finally said it. How many are actually paying attention to this? There are African Americans, Mexican Americans, Asian Americans, Arab Americans, etc.
And then there are just Americans. You pass me on the street and sneer in my direction. You call me ‘White boy,’ ‘Cracker,’ ‘Honkey,’ ‘Whitey,’ ‘Caveman’… and that’s OK..
But when I call you, Nigger, Kike, Towel head, Sand-nigger, Camel Jockey, Beaner, Gook, or Chink…You call me a racist.
You say that whites commit a lot of violence against you… so why are the ghettos the most dangerous places to live?
You have the United Negro College Fund. You have Martin Luther King Day.
You have Black History Month.. You have Cesar Chavez Day.
You have Yom Hashoah. You have Ma’uled Al-Nabi.
You have the NAACP. You have BET…. If we had WET (White Entertainment Television), we’d be racists. If we had a White Pride Day, you would call us racists..
If we had White History Month, we’d be racists.
If we had any organization for only whites to ‘advance’ OUR lives, we’d be racists.
We have a Hispanic Chamber of Commerce, a Black Chamber of Commerce, and then we just have the plain Chamber of Commerce. Wonder who pays for that??
A white woman could not be in the Miss Black American pageant, but any color can be in the Miss America pageant.
If we had a college fund that only gave white students scholarships… You know we’d be racists.
There are over 60 openly proclaimed Black Colleges in the US.. Yet if there were ‘White colleges’, that would be a racist college.
In the Million Man March, you believed that you were marching for your race and rights. If we marched for our race and rights, you would call us racists.
You are proud to be black, brown, yellow and orange, and you’re not afraid to announce it. But when we announce our white pride, you call us racists.
You rob us, carjack us, and shoot at us. But, when a white police officer shoots a black gang member or beats up a black drug dealer running from the law and posing a threat to society, you call him a racist.
I am proud….. But you call me a racist.
Why is it that only whites can be racists??
There is nothing improper about this e-mail.. Let’s see which of you are proud enough to send it on. I sadly don’t think many will.. That’s why we have LOST most of OUR RIGHTS in this country. We won’t stand up for ourselves!
It’s not a crime YET… but getting very close!
I’m proud to be white and sick the biggest rasist there are black and Muslims, kiss my A****

ohboyohboy on July 9, 2009 at 4:30 pm

Folks, it always gets weirder in Detroit (and Michigan in general).
Try these stories just in today’s news:
The union bosses get a 911 dispatcher her job back today, from which she was found criminally negligent for bawling out a 5 year old boy as a prankster for calling 911 to report his mother needed help (she died without the help BTW).
The Detroit City Council bawls out new Detroit Mayor Dave Bing (who replaced purgerer pimp Kwame)for bringing in law and order man Warren Evans to be police chief (folks–this HAD to happen and it is amazing that something this “right” actually happened in this hell-hole–we undercount murders and crimes–but the sideshow, bribery-taking City Council is on its horse). May G-d Bless Dave Bing and Evans for taking on this challenge in this pit.
And for one more choice example–we have the Detroit Public Schools (the ones with numerous shootings of students going to summer school so far this summer, 80% dropout rate, pitiful test scores, etc), announcing they ran a half billion deficit over the recent past, so they are likely to declare bankruptcy. No doubt we’ll be forced to throw more money at it for more of the same!
Welcome to Detroit Michigan

BB on July 9, 2009 at 7:13 pm

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