July 29, 2009, - 1:42 pm

HILARIOUS!: Dumb Celeb Baby Names – Target’s Suggestions

By Debbie Schlussel

As readers know, I’m no fan of people who go out of the way to “be different” and name their kids after the munchies they had when they were stoned or some other hippie thing like a season, time of day, or city.  I’ve written about this many times.  It’s child abuse.  (Read my rules for avoiding baby-naming child abuse.)

If you’re a pretentious celebrity who names your kid Bronx Mowgli, Moxie Crimefighter, Apple, or Track, it tells me a lot about you–none of it good.  You have no prob marking your kid for life.  And I’m not the only one who thinks this.  Experts in narcissism, like psychologist Dr. Jean Twenge, say that naming your kids this way is evidence of the increasing narcissist problem in America.

And you can’t blame Target for cheekily mocking the trend.  Sadly, though, even though the retailer’s ad, below–which began running in magazines this week–is a joke, I wouldn’t be surprised if these “baby names” become a trend.  Don’t be surprised if there is an Ore-Ida Jillette or Ajax Palin in the future.  Can’t wait ’til someone names their kid, “Paxil,” “Vagisil,” or “Rogaine.”  Just watch.  It’ll happen.



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9 Responses

Deborah, our culture these days is ruining America as a nation. I guess they like to read Saul Alinsky’s rules for radicals and demonize the population with these whackjob sounding names. Now there isn’t a snowflakes chance in h-e-double-hockey sticks i will become a father because my own father was a jackass. But if I were and two kids came out of my wife’s womb, I would name my children…are you sitting down…


Or to take things a little further, Mary Carmella (my mom’s name), and Joseph Rocky (my mom’s dad and one of my uncle’s name).

The Mary and Joseph are of course Jesus’ parents.

But I have other names in mind.

Twin boys…Mario and Joe
Twin girls…Mary and Josephine (or Jo)

Parents who give their kids weird names must have some sort of eugenics undertone in them. I guess their kids will not like the ridiculing their kids will get so they will…well I won’t even go there.

Bob Porrazzo on July 29, 2009 at 2:01 pm

Naming a child after a brand is rather tacky. No good parent should want a living billboard. It exceeds all notions of good taste not to mention propriety.

NormanF on July 29, 2009 at 2:03 pm

And that reminds me of a joke.

Warning: Non-PC alert!

A girl at a part walks up to a fellow and says, “Hi, I’m Carmen. I like cars and I like men so I call myself Carmen. What’s your name?”

The fellow looks at her for a moment and then replies, “Beert-ts.”

Richard on July 29, 2009 at 3:24 pm

People have already named their children Porsha, Mercedes, Beemer and Lexus. When will someone call their child Viagra, or Levitra or Extenze? How about Ipod or Iphone or FreeCreditReport.com?

CaliforniaScreaming on July 29, 2009 at 4:29 pm

I think I went to school with a girl named Latrina. She was from a gentile family.

A1 on July 29, 2009 at 8:36 pm

Isn’t Ajax a classical Greek name? I thought one of Homer’s character is named Ajax.

To the poster above, Mercedes was the daughter of Karl Benz’s partner. When they developed the car, they decided to give it the name of the daughter.

Well…there are lots of funny names in the world. What about Fabio Testi? Benazir Butto? I was told Butto is a really nasty word in the Malay language.

One of the actress in the currently showing “Orphan” is named Aryana Engineer. I used to know a trucker whose last name is Batman. Strange world. There was an Israeli diplomat whose last name is Pinkus. It could be pronounced Pink A….

Rex on July 29, 2009 at 10:26 pm


There is nothing wrong with the name Track. It was an existing (albeit uncommon) name for men long before the Palins chose it. Your including the Palins (who chose that name long before they became celebrities of any kind) was extremely shameful and unfair. Also, Track Palin is serving in Iraq while the children of lots of “authentic conservatives” are sitting at home. It makes me wonder if at least some of your animus against the Palin family is personal.


Porsche and Mercedes were human names long before they were ever names for automobiles. So, were people supposed to stop giving their children these names because some company decided to name cars after them? So what, everyone with the last (or first) name Ford should go change it? Now Lexus, on the other hand, was created by Toyota specifically for the car. However, it is very similar to the (somewhat) common name Lexi.

And yes Rex, Ajax is a classic name

GB: Puh-leeze. Sarah Palin said she named him after a Track b/c she likes to run. She used this absurd style of “reasoning” for every silly, pretentious name she chose for her kids. She’s a lightweight. Wake. Up. DS

Gerald Ball on July 30, 2009 at 10:29 am

I remember a new mother naming her child Chlamydia because it sound Italian. She never had a Latin or a biology class.

49smudge on July 30, 2009 at 11:29 am

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