September 22, 2014, - 4:54 pm

A Woman Did WHAT?! With the Secret Service

By Debbie Schlussel

Should a vagina be running the U.S. Secret Service? The performance of the first chick in charge of the agency indicates, um, no.

Last year, Hollywood put out two movies with the same plot involving terrorists getting into the White House–“Olympus Has Fallen” (read my review) and “White House Down” (read my review). In both of my reviews, I said, “that would never happen in real life.” Well, now, it has with two serious breaches of White House security, last week, one of which involved a man with a serrated knife who made it all the way to the White House doors without a sniper taking him down. What if he had been a homicide bomber and pressed the button or pulled the cord? It would all be over.




Remember, in 2012, when the U.S. Secret Service was caught in a prostitution scandal in Colombia? Remember how feminists and female political hacks said, “this would never happen if a woman was running the Secret Service”? Democrats AND Republicans blamed it on what they said was the Secret Service’s “male culture” (yeah, cuz we need more incompetent women doing the job like Obama is doing with the Marine infantry and Army Rangers!). Well, Barack Obama answered their gynecological-based prayers and put a woman in charge. He ushered out George W. Bush’s Secret Service Director, Mark J. Sullivan, and put someone with a vaginal canal in charge, Julia Pierson.

And look what happened with a chick in charge of the Secret Service. Serious breaches of security and very lackluster performance. The White House doesn’t just have the suited Secret Service agents you traditionally see in the movies wearing sunglasses and earpieces. It also has hundreds of uniformed Secret Service Police (who also guard foreign embassies). None of them reacted quickly to the breach either. The agency is also supposed to do threat assessment. With this guy, Omar Gonzalez, possessing a serrated knife, a machete, and 800 rounds of ammo, they didn’t really do a good job of threat assessing, did they?

Clearly, breasts and the past-tense ability to ovulate (and in this case, a past Billie Jean King coiffure, circa 1982) shouldn’t have been the key considerations when Obama picked his Secret Service chieftess. But, clearly, it was. How else do you account for the incompetence that’s been visited on the Secret Service’s most important and prominent mission, protecting the President (and the White House)? If feminists can practice sexism and blame the Secret Service prostitution scandal on a man in charge, then turnabout is not only fair play, but highly appropriate here.

Which, after all, is a bigger threat to America: some Secret Service agents finagling over the price of a foreign hooker . . . or a guy with a dangerous weapon (who could have been wearing explosives) making it to the White House doors for something other than to declare, “Trick or Treat!”?

Julia Pierson should be fired, and a man should be hired in her place. After all, would this have happened with a male in charge? It’s a fair question . . . as fair as it was when the Secret Service hooker scandal was overblown for headlines back in 2012.

By the way, I note that in both of last year’s movies involving terrorist breaches at the White House, rogue Secret Service agents on the PPD–Presidential Personal Detail–were involved. That wasn’t the case here.

So what was Julia Pierson’s excuse? She doesn’t have one.

You know who’s not in charge of ISIS security? A woman.


One other thing: when I worked for Congressman Philip M. Crane during the summer, back when I was in college in 1989, I accompanied the Congressman and his family to a U.S. Army show at the Capitol Center. We were on a base in the Presidential motorcade and sat in front of then-President George H.W. Bush and his cabinet. I sat in front of a very good-looking Secret Service agent, and we were flirting the entire time. I said to him, “You’re talking to me. Who’s watching and protecting the President?”

Congressman Crane, who ran for President in 1979 and 1980 against Ronald Reagan (and had the Secret Service camping out in his basement at the time), overheard the conversation, and he said to me: “Well, they work for the government. So if the guy they’re protecting dies under their watch, they don’t get fired. They just get reassigned to a new protection detail.”

Or to investigating credit card fraud and counterfeiting in Northern Alaska.

In any event, when Blackwater protected our dignitaries and military officers in Iraq, they never lost one. The Blackwater guys worked for the private sector.

I guarantee you that if Blackwater (later called Xe and now Akademi) were protecting the White House, that guy, Omar Gonzalez, would never have made it past the fence.

Not even close.


During the Jimmy Carter years, the agents who served on Jimmuh’s PPD took a poll, and they were all voting for Ronald Reagan. Their softball team wore controversial yellow t-shirts that bore the Presidential seal with bullet holes in it. The T-shirts said, “You elect them, we protect them.” I’d love to get my hands on one of those shirts (if you have or can get one, please e-mail me).

In any event, the emblem with the bullet holes in it is so apropos today, given what’s happened to the laxity of the agency. As we see from the rotten head at the top of the fish, affirmative action–NOT adequate protection of the Prez–is the order of the day.

In Confessions of an Ex-Secret Service Agent, the late Marty Venker, who served on the PPD (and was one of the few liberal U.S. Secret Service agents), wrote that even though he partied with the then-unknown Madonna at discos at night, he was hyper-vigilant on the job. Doesn’t seem like it’s that way so much anymore.

At least, that’s Omar Gonzalez’s experience.

Get Yours . . .

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31 Responses

I don’t know if there’s a problem with a woman running the secret service.
I think there might be a problem with Beaver Cleaver running the secret service and if you want to chalk that up to incompetence then Obama has some defective health care you might sign on the dotted line for too.

japple on September 22, 2014 at 5:20 pm

Sheesh he must laugh

japple on September 22, 2014 at 5:21 pm

Debbie, thanks for expressing the thoughts of millions of us reasonable thinkers in the world (once again).

PDMac60 on September 22, 2014 at 5:24 pm

    Yeah, What he said!

    Freedom Fries on September 23, 2014 at 11:09 am

That is a really bad hairstyle on that “vagina” in charge of US Secret Service.

Bob on September 22, 2014 at 5:39 pm

    Must go to the same hairdresser as Diane Feinstein……….

    Victoryman on September 23, 2014 at 9:43 am

Probably too many affirmative action hires in the ranks, too.

RT on September 22, 2014 at 5:46 pm

Its not like Oblamer is ever there anyway. He is usually on vacation, golfing or at some Hollywood fund raiser. If bad guys want to get him they should be scoping out all the golf courses.

john on September 22, 2014 at 5:58 pm

My favorite response to feminists, butch dykes and lesbots is PENIS EVIL!

bed bug on September 22, 2014 at 6:00 pm

The Secret Service can be a highly incompetent organization and sometimes extremely unreliable.

In the JFK murder, for example, after the first shots were fired and after Gov. John Connally cried out “My G-d, they’re going to kill us all,” after he’d been shot as well, what did the Secret Service do? Well, the agent in charge, Roy Kellerman, sitting in the front right passenger side did absolutely nothing. And the agent driving the limousine, Will Greer actually turned around and gazed at JFK, seeing him grasping at his throat while Gov. Connally was a bloody mess. Did Greer do anything after that? Well, yes he did, sort off. He decided that the best thing to do would be to step on the BRAKE pedal and quickly bring the limo down to a virtual stop so that he could carefully examine what was going on. He then waited a few seconds, and then–POW–JFK’s head got smashed backward and to the right, and blood and brain tissue shot out the back of his head and onto one of the police motorcycle escorts to the left rear of the limo. Greer then leapt into action, putting his foot on the accelerator and took off.

Neither Greer nor Kellerman nor any secret service agents were even reprimanded, let along fired–and that’s after we learned that many of them were out the night before drinking and womanizing as usual.

In the attempted murder of President Reagan, the response was much better, but still ponderously slow.

When you consider that the Secret Service really has one key job to do, you’d think that the level of professionalism would be at least up to the average government drone. But no.

Now when you add to the mix that Obama is doing the hiring, and you take his level of “competence” into account, the end result is going to be pretty obvious.

Ralph Adamo on September 22, 2014 at 6:30 pm

First are we sure that’s a woman, may have to check the plumbing, she looks like Spanky from the Little Rascals. If you check the track record of the women Obama has hired in the past all of them are involved in Senate hearings and failed leadership roles. Barra…GM Napolitano…HMS the IRS to just mention a few.

THE MANGOG on September 22, 2014 at 7:42 pm

All they have to do is put up a taller fence in front of the White House. How hard is that? By the way, why did the First Lady take a separate jet to Camp David that day. What a waste.

Lars on September 22, 2014 at 8:01 pm

Sorry, Lars, but they’re in business to waste money (our money). They don’t give a crap what things cost.
As for the unqualified dolt now running the Secret Service, have pity on the mere employees — not only does she look like a ’60’s skank (shave your head; you’d look better than you do with whatever that is up there now!), she’s a glaring incompetent (not that that ever mattered to the Incompetent-in-Chief).

jc15 on September 22, 2014 at 9:19 pm

I’d actually be more interested in learning what the political leanings of the head of security are, rather than whether the security honcho has “lady parts” or “man parts”. Yes, majority of the time if given the choice, a man in charge of security makes a hell of a lot more sense than a woman. But I’d take a conservative woman over a liberal man, any day of the week.

Kathleen on September 22, 2014 at 9:32 pm

Debbie that might be a woman in that picture with the dynamic duo of dipstickery. I think however only her gynocological practitioner knows for sure. Yeah I know I joke and with Odimwit in the White House there is just so much material to work with but I have a question. What’s it going to take for the SS to get its act together? Crazy Omar was able to get close enough to the WH and if he had a bomb(chemical, dirty, hey folks take your pick) the place would be glowing in the dark. Debbie is right Mz Pierson should be fired yesterday. I know that this will piss of the buzz cut fembots but so what. The peoples house and the president need to be protected from fence jumping screwballs. Even a worthless dipstick like Obama.

Ken B on September 22, 2014 at 9:39 pm

Also Debbie you’re right about Blackwater. Omar would’ve been sniped before he got over the fence.

Ken B on September 22, 2014 at 9:48 pm

I think the staff are reflecting what lack of seriousness they regard the rest of the hostile world as. Just hug it out. I always thought intruders would be shot by a sniper as well.

samurai on September 22, 2014 at 10:14 pm

On the plus side, Barky and Wookie might get shot.

skzion on September 22, 2014 at 10:36 pm

It is becoming obvious that the SS is on the same downward path to useless as the Famous But Incompetent guys.

I don’t think necessarily he should immediately been shot, but he under no circumstance should have been able to make it to the doors (some reports say inside).

RA2216 on September 22, 2014 at 10:58 pm

O’ doesn’t need any Secret Service. Satan is protecting him.

pitchfork on September 22, 2014 at 11:08 pm

Debbie and Ken B, you both mentioned Blackwater. I think they should be put in charge of eliminating ISIS! The job would probably already be finished.

Tommy Thomas on September 23, 2014 at 2:15 am

Barack Obama is so wedded to his ideology that he cannot fathom fathom what sort of person should be at the head of the Secret Service.

Worry01 on September 23, 2014 at 2:53 am

Clearly the problem is that she’s just a female. What we need is a black muslim lesbian single-mother head of secret service. The diversity of it can magically protect the president from any sort of threat.

Bomb on September 23, 2014 at 5:42 am

Their incompetence has telegraphed a very dangerous message to ISIS, Khorasan and the world. Don’t forget they also allowed the reality TV wannabes, the Salahis, to crash a White House state dinner for India. Why didn’t they at least release the dogs, who were fast enough to have prevented the guy from opening the unlocked door and gaining entry. I never realized that they could not ever be fired. That’s just stupid.

Nancy Brenner on September 23, 2014 at 10:14 am

An affirmative action Secret Service to go along with an affirmative action president. Goes hand-in-glove.

CG on September 23, 2014 at 11:31 am

Aside from being in the private sector, one of the pluses of Blackwater is that when they’re not working, they’re training. It keeps them combat ready.

Betty on September 23, 2014 at 12:56 pm

They’ve also put a vagina in charge at Ft. Hood and it was her job to make sure this lunatic got tested and the treatment he needs. Despite a contract for 50,000 MMPI’s he never made it to the clinic.

Hopewell on September 23, 2014 at 2:54 pm

I say make the SS wear pink articles of clothing for the month of November (election month and all that) in the month that follows the NFL wearing pink.

Panhandle on September 23, 2014 at 3:14 pm

“Clearly, breasts and the past-tense ability to ovulate (and in this case, a past Billie Jean King coiffure, circa 1982) shouldn’t have been the key considerations when Obama picked his Secret Service chieftess”


DS_ROCKS! on September 23, 2014 at 4:33 pm

Debbie made me laugh out loud when she wrote: “Clearly, breasts and the past-tense ability to ovulate (and in this case, a past Billie Jean King coiffure, circa 1982) shouldn’t have been the key considerations when Obama picked his Secret Service chieftess. But, clearly, it was.”


samatha on September 24, 2014 at 12:49 am

    Not to mention the ugly, brown, ill-fitting (probably a man’s)suit with the big shoulder pads that make her look like she played middle linebacker for Wake Forest in 70’s.

    You’re right, Debbie’s quote was “comedy gold”.

    Vuulfie on September 25, 2014 at 3:57 pm

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