October 2, 2009, - 12:01 pm

Worldwide (Get In Your) Pants, Inc.

By Debbie Schlussel

I used to wonder why David Letterman called his longtime production company, “Worldwide Pants, Inc.”  Now, I know why. It’s just an abbreviation for the real name:  Worldwide Get In Your Pants, Inc.



Yes, the whole David Letterman saga of admitting he used his personal staff like his own personal concubinage on the set of “The Bachelor” isn’t just sordid.  I could do a great comedy monologue on it.  So could you. I don’t condone extortion and blackmail (plus they’re illegal)–in this case that of a CBS “48 Hours” producer.  But here it’s ironic that it’s literally a case of he made his bed (or didn’t make it), and he “slept” in it. Yup, this aging, formerly funny (like two decades ago) late night host isn’t just a creep. He’s creepy. Yuck.

And while I thought conservative feigned outrage over his jokes about Sarah Palin’s daughter and her allegedly looking like a “slutty flight attendant” were a little over the top (especially about the daughter–hello . . . we knew which daughter she was referring to, and she is in fact a proud babymama and the Palins should have been embarrassed, not outraged), I guess we now know why Letterman thinks he’s such an expert on slutty flight attendants and slutty everything else, since he used his staff as her personal set of multiple sperm depositories. (I guess he never heard the adage about not “bleeping” where you eat.)  Now, the Palin family (classy in not publicly saying anything) is privately having the last laugh, not only because he’s turned out to be the real slut after all, but because at the same time, Sarah Palin’s ghostwriter’s book is number one on many retailer’s bestseller list and it isn’t even out yet.

Letterman’s monologue on the matter was a comedy routine, like he wasn’t embarrassed in the least that he was sleeping with women (yes, not just one womAn) on his staff.  And he isn’t embarrassed.

One of the women in question is reportedly Letterman’s personal assistant at Worldwide (Get In Your) Pants.  So much for people talking about the casting couch in Hollywood.  At CBS latenight (Letterman and WW Get In Your Pants also produce the “Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson”), there isn’t just a casting couch.  It’s a casting furniture store–yup, Worldwide Get In Your Pants IKEA.

But, hey, Letterman’s assistant reportedly got a lot of perks and career advancement opportunities in exchange for being on of his concubines.  In the real world when you get compensation for sex, we usually call that prostutition.

But at Worldwide Get In Your Pants, that’s just business as usual.  Just check out the top john’s monologue from last night.

Insert your best David Letterman joke in the comments section.  (But remember, don’t use graphic or obscene language, which I know isn’t easy given this case.)

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40 Responses

The joke’s on Letterman. And how can he square his behavior with his responsibility to his wife and children? He should be embarrassed. But we have no shame in our society today, least of all in respect to adultery. “If it feels good, just do it.”

No wonder he thought he could get away with it until he was blackmailed into revealing his secret.

Its shown us another side of Letterman and it isn’t a very funny one. I feel sorry for his wife and children whom he let down by living a depraved life on the set of his show.

NormanF on October 2, 2009 at 12:15 pm

to normanf you said leeterman showed another side of himsef and it isn’t a funny one. can you please tell me when he showed his funny side to us?

slickwilliejihad on October 2, 2009 at 12:32 pm

He used to tell jokes about people and current events. Some deserved some not. Once he was a late night comedian. He should be a has-been but America is too forgiving of such behavior. “Everyone does it.”

Yeah, sure.

NormanF on October 2, 2009 at 12:53 pm


Bob Porrazzo on October 2, 2009 at 1:05 pm

Interesting that there was silence when he put out what the “creepy” thing was and then upon his admission loud applause, he even appears shocked at that reaction. Unbelieveable how many times he used the word creepy (wonder what kind of fetish proof is in there…) as I would never describe adultery or sex as creepy unless it involved bizarre fetishes or molestation. Also, interesting that he never once apologized to his wife but repeatedly felt bad for the other relationships. I hope she takes him for all he’s worth and I hope this teaches him what goes around comes around. Let’s see how many comics do routines about him like he did about Sara Palin looking “slutty.”

CJ on October 2, 2009 at 1:14 pm

I haven’t watched his vapid show. If he needs a sex scandal to bring in an audience, it doesn’t say much for Letterman’s ability to keep people entertained, does it?

NormanF on October 2, 2009 at 1:15 pm

CJ, what happens between a man and his wife is their business and that of G-d. But as we all know adultery is hardly a private matter and it changes people’s views of one’s character. People will never look at Letterman in the same light ever again after his confession.

NormanF on October 2, 2009 at 1:21 pm

    What are you guys talking about? Are you holding David Letterman, an entertainer, comedian, late night show host, to the same standard you expect from you rabbi?

    He was single and she was too. They had sex as adults. Her job was not threatened in anyway if she oped out.

    In Stephanie Birkitt’s multiple interviews, she said:”We developed some sort of a phone rapport, just like we get along in real life,” ….. “He teases me and gives me a hard time and I’ll give it back, but overall, he’s super nice.”
    “Aside from being incredibly funny and personable he is generous, kind, and is great fun to play catch with. I really couldn’t ask for a more fun work environment. Dave is truly the greatest boss I could ever have.”

    Do you see any sign of sexually harassed woman?

    Censored on October 5, 2009 at 10:30 am

I pay Letterman the highest compliment I can: I don’t watch his stupid lame-ass show.

P. Aaron on October 2, 2009 at 1:37 pm

Why should ANYONE be surprised by this? He is, after all, a big time liberal and Slick Willey was his idol.

One question I have is, what did he make his MALE employees do to stay in his good graces? (I kept it clean Debbie, but I am sure I got many minds going down into the gutter)

Jarhead on October 2, 2009 at 1:48 pm

Now we know why Letterman is obsessed with Governor Palin: she is probably way better looking than the women who fool around with him in the office. In fact, I wonder if he makes them put on Palin wigs and says to them, “Let me call you Sarah”. I also think there is something else going on: the guy blackmailing him is an executive for the show 48 Hours. Why would we care what Letterman does? Was Letterman fooling around with his wife? Who were these other women? Were they interns? CBS could get sued for having a “hostile work environment”. Maybe the guy blackmailing Letterman can bunk with Roman Polanski.

JulieJ on October 2, 2009 at 1:51 pm

Get real people. The show that books the President doesn’t have to resort to sex scandals for ratings.

ABTOP on October 2, 2009 at 1:51 pm

    “that books the president” – oh, you mean the Letterman/Zero infomercials? This really did happen and I think another shoe is going to drop – and it is not one that will make Letterman or CBS look good. Glad those “sensitivity” training sessions were not wasted!

    JulieJ on October 2, 2009 at 1:58 pm

Hollywood defends Roman Polanski – and now we have the Dave Letterman show!

JulieJ on October 2, 2009 at 2:34 pm


    Punishment should fit crime. Everyone is entitled to that justice. What punishment do you think Roman Polanski should receive in this case for having sex with a minor under consent? The victim of the case now 45, has publicly stated this is behind her and she does not want to see Polanski in jail.

    Censored on October 5, 2009 at 10:12 am

I guess Letterman used his personal stiff on his personal staff.

Well, I wonder what this will do to his pathetic moralizing type jokes on Sarah Palin’s teen age daughter, etc. Who watches this buck-toothed boob, anyway? I have tried to “give it a try” and I can never understand…so, who the he__ watches this crap?

BB on October 2, 2009 at 2:41 pm

Attention: “Staff meeting in David’s office, come Mary, come Sue, you do need to do your job, hurry,run David is waiting, make David smile, make David happy. you do need your job..”

Jim on October 2, 2009 at 2:46 pm

I bet Bill O’Reilly is having a big laugh and a little deja vu over this:

Remember a few years back when O’Reilly made some embarrassing statements about massages and other sexual related matters to one of his female staffers who apparently taped the phone conversations. That staffer was smart: She did not resort to illegal extortion, but what amounted to legal extortion by threatening to file a sexual harassment suit against O’Reilly in which she would divulge all his comments to her.

Many of O’Reilly’s embarrassing comments had been made public, and even though O’Reilly never even had sex with the gal, he ended up paying her millions of dollars to make the whole thing go away.

As he did with Palin, Letterman at the time got a week’s worth of jokes at O’Reilly’s expense. O’Reilly probably thinks it is karma.

However, Letterman has ended up in a much better position than O’Reilly. Even though Letterman has apparently had sex with multiple female employees, he has not had to shell out any money and has seemingly suffered little embarassment, turning the whole sordid affair into a crowd pleasing vignette for his audience, which had lapped it up.

jayeeegee on October 2, 2009 at 3:17 pm

    Another shoe will drop – he could get sued for sexual harrassment.

    JulieJ on October 2, 2009 at 3:57 pm

    His “rented” audience was giggling – not the rest of us – we are disgusted. They probably saw the “applause” signs.

    JulieJ on October 5, 2009 at 3:34 pm

That was perhaps one of the most offensive displays of “I’m the victim” I’ve ever seen. This man — and I use the term loosely — is a disgrace. And so are the fans that ate up his performance.

BillFromVA on October 2, 2009 at 3:30 pm

A man who regards women as little more than sexual playthings doesn’t really know how to be a man. It may be true men’s sexual nature makes them want to fulfill their desire for a woman but it doesn’t mean they can’t control it. Men can do that and those who can’t are little better than animals. Writing as a man, I can say we’re capable of being so much more – when we stop thinking below our belts and start using the minds G-d gave us.

Letterman is not a model for men to emulate.

NormanF on October 2, 2009 at 4:34 pm

David Zipperman,

As slick as Congress…..just as willing to use the people that keep him in business…no loose canon there….just another old fart….there’s no difference whatsoever….

Rebecca on October 2, 2009 at 5:47 pm

The criminal class is not just in Congress – its in the entertainment business.

NormanF on October 2, 2009 at 6:31 pm

I always knew that that creep, with his obsession with Sarah Palin and her daughters, was a pervert. A predatory pervert.

lexi on October 2, 2009 at 7:30 pm

It is so hypocritical of liberals to defend this douchebag. The liberals for the last 50 years having banging feminism into our heads how bosses, managers and higher ups should never have sex with their subordinates. They claim the power of authority makes women submissive to sexual overtures and women then become complicit to keep their jobs. That women are victims of “evil male chauvinist bosses”. Because if she aint gonna “go down” on David Peckerman will she have her job in the morning? Forget if he loves her or respects her. That is just the untold job requirement. Cause if Diana aint going Down for Peckerman, I bet Staci will and Diana is out the door. Those are the sexual harassment laws in America. We all get our required brow beating before working on the evil of sex in workplace if you have subordinates. These are the laws the feminists got on the books. Now where are the feminist liberals screaming about Peckerman using his authority to have all the sex he wants from his subordinates?

CaliforniaScreaming on October 2, 2009 at 8:03 pm

    Both you and NormanF sound like real gentlemen that protect women fiercely.

    The only problem is your premises: you don’t think that women can protect themselves and make decisions for themselves.

    If you contrast Letterman’s case with O’Reilly’s or Katzav’s case, you will see that women do speak out and stand up for themselves. We need to support them, but not treating them as weak and helpless.

    Censored on October 6, 2009 at 12:06 am

    In fact, California, I seem to remember a well-publicized case of a woman claiming “alleged” sexual harassment that became a cornerstone of the feminist movement. The libs insisted that the complainant had to be believed simply because she was a woman; the defendant was guilty simply because he was a man; and that sexual harassment of a subordinate was the worst crime and sin possible against another person in the workplace. The woman’s name? Anita Hill. The man? Clarence Thomas. And by the way, she was LYING!!!!! But the libs tried to DESTROY this man.

    As for Letterman, I’m sure they are already taking the Clinton approach: consenting adults; no story here; move along…

    DG in GA on October 6, 2009 at 12:51 pm

CS, except liberal men. They can mistreat their women all they want and the feminists keep silent. The misogynists on the planet are on the Left and our friends in the Religion Of Peace. No complaints from the NOW Crowd about the latter either. So if they want to talk about inequality and sexism, they ought to go look in the mirror.

NormanF on October 2, 2009 at 8:39 pm

Debbie Can we get a Top 10 Reasons Why David Letterman Had Sex with His Subordinates?

CaliforniaScreaming on October 3, 2009 at 12:30 pm

There is a big difference between what the O’Reilly did and Letterman. O’Reilly, in his usual style, was a bully in the sexual overture. Of course he did not get laid. Instead, he had to write a check for multi-million dollars. Letterman on the other hand, had consensual adult relationships with single female staffers. There was no complaint about sexual harassment.

I don’t think that O’Reilly is getting a good laugh. He should be thinking that why he had to pay millions of dollars without getting laid, and Letterman got in bed with many without having to pay a dime, there was no complaint. If you think about it, this is actually a bigger embarrassment.

Censored on October 4, 2009 at 1:19 pm

    On the contrary, I would not be surprised if his station was hit with sexual harassment lawsuits. It also appears that Letterman has jealousy issues.

    JulieJ on October 5, 2009 at 3:32 pm

Palin Was Right About Letterman.
Posted By Centrist on October 2, 2009

Reading this report from the Kansas City.com and I as well as millions of Americans are sad to see that Palin was right about Letterman.
With video:


Keith Gerard on October 4, 2009 at 2:13 pm

[Debbie Can we get a Top 10 Reasons Why David Letterman Had Sex with His Subordinates?}

Great idea, California Screaming! What say you, Debbie?

BB on October 4, 2009 at 10:58 pm

Why post a p icture of his innocent child? Surely you could have found other pics.

But if... on October 5, 2009 at 8:33 am

“And while I thought conservative feigned outrage over his jokes about Sarah Palin’s daughter”

Feigned outrage? I was genuinely outraged, and EVERY conservative I heard who said anything about it was, I believe, genuinely outraged.

Jim on October 5, 2009 at 11:28 pm

By the way, Debbie, you’re right. Letterman was funny early in his career – like 35 YEARS ago. Once he landed the Tonight Show gig he got so full of himself that he ceased to be funny. I haven’t watched the guy in a very long time.

DG in GA on October 6, 2009 at 12:54 pm

I remember when the “Late Show” was a local late-night TV series airing old movies. But (to ‘DG in GA’) Letterman in fact had been passed over for the “Tonight Show” gig in favor of Jay Leno. Other than that, I have to concur with Letterman’s increasingly being pompous/condescending-type full of himself as the years have gone by.

It’s funny (peculiar, not ha-ha) that Letterman has been among those preferred by the stuck-up leftist elites – kind of like “Monty Python,” which had some funny moments but whose ethos has long meshed with the elitists’ own worldview. (Funny someone mentioned ‘Slick Willie’, he was at the alma mater of two of the Pythons – Oxford, for the purpose of avoiding ROTC service – at the time that show debuted in 1969.)

ConcernedPatriot on October 6, 2009 at 1:41 pm

you know f

leesa on October 7, 2009 at 12:34 am

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Chaim Paddaman on March 31, 2010 at 8:46 am

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