By Debbie Schlussel
The Pentagon sent out a memo warning American contractors about spy coins, according to AP:

The government said the mysterious coins were found planted on U.S. contractors with classified security clearances on at least three separate occasions between October 2005 and January 2006 as the contractors traveled through Canada.

The coins can be used to track movements and possibly as listening devices with very limited range.

CIA Rendition of a Spy Coin (using American coin)
No-one knows who is “issuing” the coins and placing them on Americans, but China, Russia, and France are among the suspects. Most of the details of the coins remain classified.
So, apparently, it’s time to do something those of us in Detroit (wary of the, until recently, bad exchange rates) have done life-long: Beware of Canadian coins.

By Debbie Schlussel
My inbox was filled with “Julie L. Myers” Google Alerts, this morning. Why? Not to announce her graceful exit. No, that would be too classy, too wise, too logical.
Nope. It was to announce that our ill-advised President RENOMINATED Julie L. Myers a/k/a “The ICE Princess” to continue heading up Immigration and Customs Enforcement.
Incredible. The Veruca Salt Mollification treatment continues at the White House (except, in this case, unfortunately, the spoiled girl doesn’t fall into the bin of nut-eating squirrels at the Wonka factory).

Myers: Bush Jumps the Shark Twice, Renominating Real-Life Veruca Salt
It’ll be great for me if Myers stays. She provides plenty of material–mostly comedy, a lot of tragedy, and–of course–parody . . . parody far from what a real immigration enforcement chief would be like.
But it will be terrible for AMERICA! Who knew you could “Jump the Shark” TWICE! on immigration enforcement . . . with the same actress?
Says one ICE agent:

President admits one mistake on national tv…won’t admit to Myers Mistake

Amen. Trust me–he speaks for the whole agency (minus Myers’ cronies at the top who got their $45,000 bonuses).
I’ve already said it all on Ms. Myers-Wood-Cronyette’s 1-year tenure, marked on Tuesday. This is the absurdity for which I shall remember the Bush Administration: cronyism and incompetence that keeps repeating like bad bean dip.
Our only hope is that the now Democrat-dominated U.S. Senate finally finds its testicles (which were nowhere to be seen under the Republicans) and skewers this woman, first in hearings, and then by voting her down.
But don’t hold your breath. They are as serious as Bush in enforcing our nation’s immigration laws, as in . . . not very.

Erik “Ponch” Estrada & LaToya “Bizarro” Jackson More Qualified to Run ICE
Of note, along with Myers’ absurd renomination, yesterday, CBS premiered the show, “Armed and Famous.” Erik Estrada, LaToya Jackson, and other D-List celebs got deputized as police. They went through the police academy and a lot of the training cops go through. And they made arrests.
Sad to say, America can now say that Erik Estrada (real name: Henry Enrique Estrada) and LaToya Jackson are more qualified to run ICE than Julie Myers.
At least, they have law enforcement experience. Unfortunately, they just don’t have her connections.
I nominate “Ponch” for ICE honcho. A joke? Not any more so than the Myers nomination and renomination.

By Debbie Schlussel
Since I liked watching “The Munsters” re-runs as a kid (one of my friends even lived on Mockingbird Lane in Scottsdale, Arizona), I gotta recognize the passing of Mrs. Lily Munster, actress Yvonne DeCarlo. In addition to playing Herman Munster’s wife, she also played Moses’ wife, Sephora, in “The Ten Commandments” (the Cecil B. DeMille original, not last year’s horrid remake), and died today at age 84.
Yvonne DeCarlo, Rest In Peace.

By Debbie Schlussel
I’ve long written (on this site) and commented (on the radio)–long before he was dead–that the late Islamic-terrorist-in-chief Yasser Arafat was likely gay and also likely died of AIDS. Now, there’s more confirmation.
This was in the New York Times and AP over the weekend (as noted by my friend, Tammy Bruce, who is gay). It’s about the memoir of former Democratic National Committee Chairman Terry McAuliffe, “What a Party! My Life Among Democrats: Presidents, Candidates, Donors, Activists, Alligators and Other Wild Animals“.
From the NYTimes:

There are any number of humorous anecdotes sprinkled among the chest-deep pile of dropped names in the 406-page volume, including Yasir Arafat’s repeatedly rubbing Mr. McAuliffe’s leg under the table at a dinner in Washington in 2000.

From AP:

The book is full of revelations from McAuliffe’s years among the power elite – getting a startling leg rub from Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat at a dinner.

Why is it relevant that Arafat was gay? Well, maybe it might have something to do with his endorsement of Islamist thought and government and his alliances with equally fundamentalist Muslims, all of whom support death for gays (and not slowly through AIDS, either). He derived his power, support, and authority from them.
He was a hypocrite. No surprise, but nice to see it confirmed yet again. “Not that there’s anything wrong with that.”

By Debbie Schlussel
A sagging athletic company can hardly afford to upset Americans by picking an actress who blamed 9/11 on America and said we deserved it. But leave it to Reebok. They picked her. Yup, I came across this ad, featuring Maggie Gyllenhaal, who, as I’ve noted on this site several times, said:

Because I think America has done reprehensible things and is responsible in some way.

First, a 9/11 movie about the victims, then American Airlines and its in-flight magazine, now Reebok. Is there anyone who won’t ignore Maggie Gyllenhaal’s outrageous comments and take her to task for them? The ad says, “I Am What I Am,” which in this case is an America hater. That’s exactly what she is.

Because I think Reebok has done reprehensible things by hiring this wretched woman as a spokeswoman and is irresponsible in many ways.

Looks like they’ve airbrushed out her absurd statement along with the massive airbrushing out of her homeliness in this silly ad.
Since Reebok chose this woman, we can only assume the company agrees with her statement about America and 9/11. If it does not, it wouldn’t have–and shouldn’t have–hired her.

By Debbie Schlussel
Oy! Reading today’s USA Today article about Brad Pitt & Angie Voight (that’s her real name) and Nicole Kidman pondering whether or not to give their kids toy guns was really exhausting. I laughed so hard, I’m tired. My G-d, how pretentious these glorified high school grads are.
Guns for kids. This is what they lectured about at yesterday’s premiere of a Pitt documentary–more on that later. Don’t their warped politics ever take a break? Nope.

No Question Who Wears the Pants in this Relationship
First, there’s Nicole Kidman:

She said her son with ex-husband Tom Cruise, Connor, who turns 12 next week, intentionally was steered away from war games.
“I’m not a counselor,” she said, “but with my son, I never let him have a (toy) gun or weapon. But he desperately wanted one.”

No toy guns for that kid. Look for him to grow up to become a wimp–and probably more bizarre than his adopted dad, too.
Then, there’s the Skankelina Jolie Household. They let their kids have toy guns. But that’s okay because they’ve been vaccinated by watching CNN (the Coran News Network). And their toddlers are far more enlightened about the world than you:

Pitt said their homes’ televisions are often tuned to CNN’s war coverage. . . . Jolie: “My daughter (Zahara, who turned 2 on Monday) watches things about Darfur. My kids know what’s happening, because they’ve seen those parts of the world.”

Yeah, right. A 2-year-old knows what’s going on in the world. Give me a fricking break. No 2-year-old–no matter how celebrated, elitist, and flaky her adopted mother is, no matter how much she’s been shlepped by the mother around the world–knows what’s going on in current events. When my little brother was 2, we trained him to say his favorite President was Ronald Reagan and that he votes Republican. Do you think he knew what he was talking about? We did, but it’s doubtful he had a clue at age two.
And it’s probably a good thing her kids don’t really have a clue, unlike what their pretentious, dilletante mother claims. We’d hate to see young kids indoctrinated with their mother, Angie Voight’s, support for Palestinian terrorism.
By the way, all three of these barren-minded celebs were interviewed at the premiere of Pitt’s “God Grew Tired of Us: The Story of Lost Boys of Sudan” documentary on the “lost boys” of Sudan–Black Christians who were forced to flee from Muslim Arabs mass murders, rapes, and tortures of their people. Now, there are few Christians left in Sudan (the reason why suddenly George Clooney has discovered it–the current victims are a PC group, Black Muslims).
Would love to see whether or not Pitt notes the Islam vs. Black Christianity theme which was central to the Lost Boys’ struggle. I bet he does not.

By Debbie Schlussel
I found this website, Baby Toupee, which is apparently for the baby who has everything (except hair). I noted that they have a toupee called, “The Donald.” But they didn’t have one called “The Fat Slob From Hell” (that’s Rosie O’Donnell, to those of you who’ve lived in Tibet for the last month). Can you blame them? Any parent that would put a Rosie O’D wig on his/her kid might be accused of child abuse.
So, I enlisted DebbieSchlussel.com‘s PhotoShop Artist Extraordinaire, the masterful and talented David Lunde. I asked Dave to use Rosie’s pre-“The View”-makeover hairstyle and stick with what she really likes to wear–the assymetrical butch “Flock of Seagulls” look, and voila . . .
Donald vs. Rosie, Baby Toupee Style

Rosie Baby Toupee Artwork by David Lunde/Lundesigns

By Debbie Schlussel
I’ll be on the nationally syndicated “Michael Reagan Show,” at approximately 6:20/6:30 p.m. Eastern, today, discussing the Dearbornistan-Miami Port Three. (For those where the show is run tape-delayed, I’ll be on during the first hour of the show.)

By Debbie Schlussel
. . . Emilio T. Gonzalez, Director of U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS).
Gonzalez created a new award: the “Outstanding American by Choice Award,” meant to show us that immigrants are great people.
Apparently, though, he must not really think there are so many great immigrants. Because, guess who won the inaugural “Outstanding American by Choice Award”? You guessed it–Mr. Gonzalez, himself.
Nice cronyist scam: I’ll think up an award, then choose myself for it, then get my crony, Michael Chertoff, to award it to me. Like way totally cool.

Homeland Security Cronyists in Chief Michael Jackson (left) & Michael Chertoff (right) Give Self-Chosen Award to Emilio Gonzalez(center)
And, guess what else? The very existence of this award violates federal civil rights laws, which bar discrimination based on immigration status and national origin. That means that Gonzalez–and his boss, Homeland Security chief Michael Chertoff a/k/a “Mr. Burns”–violated the law by having an award that bars eligibility of native-born, non-naturalized U.S. citizens. Too bad the army of DHS lawyers you pay for didn’t seem to notice. And Chertoff, himself a lawyer, was a federal judge and Assistant Attorney General. He knows–or should know–that this is against the law.
But, hey, as long as we’re discriminating against born Americans, it’s okay, right?
Writes one federal agent involved in the immigration biz:

The director of Citizenship and Immigration Services (CIS) Emilio Gonzalez (a naturalized citizen) created an award called the Outstanding American By Choice Award. Homeland Security Secretary Chertoff (Gonzalez’s boss) awarded Gonzalez with the award Gonzalez created. To be eligible for the award you have to be a naturalized citizen. Is this ethical since Gonzalez created the award and it discriminates against native born Americans?

Not only is it not ethical, IT’S ILLEGAL!
Here’s the text from the front page of the USCIS website:

Secretary of Homeland Security Michael Chertoff and Deputy Secretary Michael Jackson [DS: Not that Michael Jackson, though it’s sometimes hard to tell which one is running DHS] presented USCIS Director Emilio Gonzalez with the Outstanding American by Choice certificate to commemorate his 40 years as a naturalized U.S. Citizen and his nearly 30 years of public service.

We find it hard to believe Mr. Gonzalez is deserving of any award, except a prison term, since he’s single-handedly jeopardizing our national security from within. As I noted earlier this year, Sultan Farakhan and other CIS contractors and employees exposed the outrageous behavior, which continues, under Gonzalez’s leadership:
He’s giving hundreds of dollars in bonuses to employees who rush through citizenship applications and paperwork based on the number they get processed, which leads to a lot of rubber stamping of dangerous citizen-wannabes and a lot of waste of taxpayer money. Also under Gonzalez’s “leadership” and exposed by Farakhan and others, the applications were not checked against terrorist databases.
That’s an “Outstanding American By Choice”?! Hardly.

By Debbie Schlussel
Four people outside the Hart Senate office building at the time (but who never entered) got exposed to anthrax.
USA Today reports on a scary study in the January 15th issue of the Journal of Infectious Diseases. Even the scientists who did the study were surprised by this development, which shows that anthrax is more threatening than we thought, in terms of scope.
The study’s authors found that the anthrax spores were specifically engineered to float long distances in the air–apparently to reach and harm as many Americans as possible.

Anthrax Spores, Up Close & Personal

They apparently fought off infection without getting sick, but they turned up in a group of 20 people who were “outside the building and presumed to be unexposed,” says the study in the Jan. 15 Journal of Infectious Diseases.
“We couldn’t believe it,” says Navy Cmdr. Daniel Freilich, one of the study’s authors.

Although, fortunately, none of those exposed to it on the outside of the building ended up getting sick, they were young and healthy. Had they not been, who knows? They probably would have died.
It’s scary what these terrorists dream up when they want to. Which is why it’s dumb to say we’re safer under Prez Bush since we’ve not been attacked since 9/11. That’s just ‘cuz they’re waiting to attack on their timetable, NOT ours.
And they’re very clever. While we’re just focusing on the last plot we discovered and making someone throw out their tube of toothpaste.