June 28, 2007, - 10:35 pm

Insert Bitch Joke Here: WNBA’s Brainy Marketing Move

By Debbie Schlussel
Every season in its miserable, money-hemorrhaging history, I’ve written an attack piece on that Weird Nuisance Brought on America, that Waste of National Broadcast Airtime, that fake basketball played by 7’2″ she-males who still can’t slam-dunk, otherwise known as the WNBA.
This year, however, Season Eleven of the NBA’s Political Correctness offering to the Butch Cassidys of the Women’s Sports Foundation, didn’t get a special posting or column from me. That’s because, like most of America, I barely noticed that the season existed, just like I don’t notice an ant urinating on the sidewalk or someone getting a paper-cut, three towns away. Plus, I got tired of beating a dead horse. Or is that a dead dog?

wnbaad2.jpg

Hard to tell, given the boneheaded but enlightening advertising campaign that WNBA teams–desperate for an audience–are now enlisting. Since they couldn’t attract mainstream American sports fans, then they couldn’t attract enough families to watch females with brushcuts caressing each other on the sidelines, and now they can’t make it on lesbian and gay fans, the WNBA is trying a new tack. The league is now targeting your dogs. Who was the marketing genius that thought up an ad about dogs in conjunction with a league known for the underwhelming appearance of its female performers? Just askin’.
And since it would be mean for me to comment on the unlimited amount of female dog and bitch jokes and double entendres, I won’t do that. Instead, I’ve posted, above, the ad that WNBA teams ran Sunday around the country, inviting dogs to attend the games as VIPs (PETA will be proud). I’ll let you think up and insert your own lines. . . .
Weird Basketball, Season 11.
***
Hilights of my past anti-WNBA produce: here, here, here, here, and here. All of them still apply today, and I think you’ll appreciate the humor.
And I’d be remiss to forget the F-U e-mail from a WNBA Coach (real b-ball coach Lute Olson’s Granddaughter) and the op-ed piece against me by a WNBA player.

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9 Responses

“And since it would be mean for me to comment on the unlimited amount of female dog and bitch jokes and double entendres, I won’t do that.”
That’s some fine praeteritio you got going there.
A few years ago, there was a $500 question on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. Usually that dollar amount is reserved for questions like, “What color is the sky?” They decided to ask something about the WNBA like, “Who was the forward of the WNBA championship team, the Detroit Shock, last year?”
It was a combination of wishful thinking and bludgeoning us over the head with their wishes. “We could ask about Michael Jordan at this dollar amount. This is our chance to show the world that we expect them consider the WNBA stars to be as common knowledge as NBA stars!”

LibertarianBulbasaur on June 29, 2007 at 3:24 am

She looks like a nice girl, so I will let her be. Women’s sport doesn’t attract many men because the bodies of athletic women don’t meet the sexy standard. An exception (but not for me) is: volley ball. I admit to having enjoyed watching women’s Soft Ball but, as for Basketball, the sight of bottom heavy ladies doing a lay up, ain’t pleasant.

supercargo on June 29, 2007 at 5:30 am

I can’t believe it. Another issue that Debbie and a “liberal” like me agree on. In my humble opinion, if women b-ball players would stop wearing those mannish long shorts that the guys wear, that would go a long way in getting them away from their butch image. For example, if they’d dress like volleyball players (or at least wear real shorts) and stop having their biggest stars coming “out of the closet” every week, I actually may watch a game or two! Forgive me for my sexism, but I’m a man and I know what I like. And like a lot of men, I enjoy watching attractive, strong athletic women in action…but the key word here is WOMEN….not mannish looking she-men. The combination of femininity and strength can be attractive, but you wouldn’t know that from watching the WNBA.
Sorry to ramble, but this is a sore spot with me. I do a lot of volunteer work with kids, and I’m starting to see this mannish trend filter down to pre-teen female athletes. It used to be that a young lady could be competitive and athletic, yet maintain her femininity. For example, back in my high school days, some of our most drop-dead gorgeous cheerleaders also ran track and played on the basketball, volleyball, and softball teams. Now I’m starting to see young ladies coming to the gym trying to look as hard as the guys. And unfortunately, the WNBA perpetuates this image. “Weird” basketball is right…..

JibberJabber on June 29, 2007 at 11:10 am

Women’s sport doesn’t attract many men because the bodies of athletic women don’t meet the sexy standard
i guess you mean WHITE “men”???

EminemsRevenge on June 29, 2007 at 11:27 am

I love the little blub “Space is limited so get your in registration early” I would bet you could show up 2 minutes before the game and not have to fight for a spot.

NOTAFIB on June 29, 2007 at 11:38 am

Does anyone actually watch WNBA?

musiccgirl on June 29, 2007 at 2:38 pm

I dont watch the WNBA. Sadly enough i will admit if the women were hot then the league would be a smash hit but since 3/4 of the league are carpet munchers and look like dudes it will continue to be a laughing stock…Jibberjabber……… I agree totally with you…Hey Debbie your comments in this article gave me a good laugh here at work so thank you for making my day….

freethinker on June 29, 2007 at 2:54 pm

EminemsRevenge,
The “Sexiness” factor really depends on the sport and how it’s presented. Here in my town, women’s collegiate volleyball and women’s collegiate track events are standing room only and I’m sure it has a lot to with the outfits and sexiness of the women involved. Men (especially me and the fellaz) come out in droves for those events. Our collegiate women’s tennis and swimming events are also always packed (but mainly with young White dudes….different strokes for different folks!). However, with collegiate women’s basketball, seats are always available, and the one time I did go, it was like a “Lesbian’s Night Out”. And this was in the stands! After my experience of having to sit in the midst of a group of “bulls”, I swore I’d never attend again.
When it comes to women’s basketball, how can we tell if their bodies meet the “sexy standard”?? I’m sure some of the women b-ballers may be fine as a Georgia pine under those uniforms, but you sure can’t tell from those long mannish baggy shorts and the way many of them come out looking so rough! I know it ain’t a fashion show, but Da-Yumm! Isn’t it possible to have a wicked jump shot and still look like a lady?
Look at Serena Williams. She’s not the prettiest woman around, but I give her much credit for being a very powerful (and fine as hell!) athlete who still makes an effort to maintain her femininity. And remember Dorothy Hamill? That woman was so strong back during her heyday she could probably bend steel with her big ol’ fine legs, but she came across as a very sweet person and very much a lady. They both knew that for a woman, their success in the marketplace is just as much a product of their personal appeal (sexiness!) as was their athletic prowess. The WNBA crew (both the marketers and the players) need to learn this. No amount of “Bring your dog to the game” marketing will work until they do.

JibberJabber on June 29, 2007 at 4:39 pm

The WNBA needs to follow NFL EUROPE. The ratings for WNBA don’t even register on the meter. There are just not enough lesbians to support that many teams. Women’s tennis, soccer, volleyball get higher ratings. Female MUD WRESTLING would be GREAT for the ratings as it would attract dykes and dicks. An Amanda Beard channel would be nice too.

J Leyn on June 30, 2007 at 4:59 pm

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