July 3, 2005, - 11:13 pm

Sick of Supreme Sandy O’Connor Hype… & Other Not So Great Female Firsts

By Debbie Schlussel
Is it just me? Or are you, too, just a tad tired of the hype over Sandra Day O’Connor? What was so great about her? So she was the first woman on the U.S. Supreme Court? Big deal. She may have been the first with different plumbing, but that was the only thing unique about her–and even that is not unique on the Court, anymore. Her decisions weren’t remarkable. And neither was she. She insisted on being known by three names, and so her even less remarkable second chick in waiting, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, had to do the same. Great contribution to the Court. If she weren’t a she, she’d never have been on the Court. Ditto for Ginsburg (though she dazzled Slick Willie with her shameless liberal activism). O’Connor was an affirmative action appointment to the court (who voted, uncourageously to continue to mandate government affirmative action and preferences). And now, because Reagan did that, every Republican President that gets the chance will try to outdo themselves in the minority selection category. Watch for Bush to do the same (Gonzalez, anyone?).
But in honor of O’Connor’s retirement, here are some other equally not-so-great female firsts, that were nothing to celebrate–but which were conspicuously celebrated nonetheless:
* Madeleine Albright (or Dim-Wit, if you prefer, as I do), First Female (we think) Sec. of State: Her famous brooches, pins, and other garage-sale chic, garish jewelry matched her looks, views, and obnoxiousness in fugliness. Didn’t know she was Jewish (yeah, right), but everyone else did. Spent her whole life bending over backward to pretend she wasn’t. Loved spending time on her rustic Virginia farm with male-mirror-image soul mate, Yasser Arafat.
* Mary Sue Coleman, First Female President of the University of Michigan (my alma mater, or as my Dad calls it “Moscow on the Huron”–our apologies to Moscow): Insisted on indicted Islamic Jihad Terrorist leader Sami Al-Arian (who murdered and American college student) being allowed to speak on campus. Taxpayers picked up the tab for his extra security. Led fight for anti-Semitic, pro-terrorism Palestinian Divestment conference to be held on campus in the name of free speech (taxpayers picked up the tab for the tons of police, here, too), but won’t let far more respectable strip clubs exercise their free speech by advertising at U-M football games; ditto on restricting free speech of military and federal law enforcement recruiters. Led the fight to preserve racial, ethnic, and gender preferences in admissions at U-M, but she can’t help it–Coleman got her job under an affirmative action program for incompetents–must’ve been that quota for real blondes. Or for hicks with two first names. Or both.
* Geraldine Ferraro, First Female Vice Presidential Nominee (for a major party): Was very pro family (Gambino Family, Genovese Family, etc.). Mr. Geraldine Ferraro was rumored to literally be a member of the “family.” Partnered with Walter Mon-dull to win a record one state (People’s Republic of Minnesota) plus the Banana Republic District of Columbia–in landslide loss to a truly great American, Ronald Reagan.
* Jennifer Granholm a/k/a Governatrix Gran-HO, Canadian-born (Thank G-d she can’t be Prez) first governatrix of Michigan: Has dubious distinction for being the only governor in the country who: a) was a contestant on “The Dating Game”; b) has effeminate, girlie-man husband and kids who took her last name; and c) spouse openly bragged of their unexciting sex-life (Too Much Information!) at a “First Man’s Forum” featuring other stay-at-home dads, during her Inauguration weekend. While most of U.S. is in economic upturn, she presides over the highest unemployment rate in the country. Good job, Jenny from the Block. Bad, shrieking oratorical style reminds you of Hillary Clinton with Tinkerbell visage. Sent high-ranking lesbian members of staff to accept award as Michigan’s gay-friendliest governor from transvestite named “Penney.” Hates wearing skirts. Hmmm . . . .
* Lynette Woodard, first female member of Harlem Globetrotters: Unwittingly provided inspiration for butch-girlie sideshow WNBA (which is Globetrotters minus the basketball, tricks, fans, and women)–right down to the clownish, multi-colored basketball.
* Jeannette Rankin, First Congresswoman: Only Member of Congress to vote against both World Wars I & II. Way to be on the losing side. Cynthia McKinney, a/k/a Jihad Cindy, must be jealous. Rankin (a Republican from Montana–we are non-partisan when it comes to idiots, here) also said, “We women are half the people. We should be half the Congress.” Judging from her example, thankfully her prayer remains unanswered.

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3 Responses

i agree. madeline albright not knowing she was jewish is a major hoot.

shleppy on July 4, 2005 at 8:37 am

I went to college with Lynette Woodard at the University of Kansas.You have to remember that this was in the days before the WNBA…I think she graduated in 82…anyways she was one hell of a basketball player.

MichaelRoland on July 9, 2005 at 12:07 pm

Maybe what Mr. Williams said was stupid as a women of colour I don’t like it when people play the “RACE CARD” myself. But the comment YOU made about if his daughters looked like Beyonce or Tyra Banks maybe THEN they would be considered exciting. What the ONLY way a black woman is deemed beautiful is that she has to look as close as white as possible for anyone to take notice THAT in itself is a racists statment so you are saying that only light-skinned black women are considered beautiful and everyone else falls short. Please Clarify. Black women are beautiful in all different shapes colours and sizes and JUST BECAUSE we age better and we are not running to get fuller lips we already have that and more womanly figures we already have that for the most part and the lovely skin which whites damn near kill themselves to acheive. What do you look like under all the makeup. Probably just a plain tired washed out looking white woman that in a few years will develop a personal relationship with ones Plastic Surgery Doctor and the Botox pusher. If you haven’t already now. Other than that I am a quite a fan of yours

Almaz on July 9, 2005 at 12:28 pm

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