August 10, 2006, - 2:49 pm

“Snakes on a Plane”: Federal Agent Airport Security Experts Say it Could Happen

By Debbie Schlussel
As the French might say, “Quelle coincidence.” Just in time for the Islamic terror plot on British planes, the movie “Snakes on a Plane” comes out, next week.
The movie is about mobsters who manage to get poisonous snakes on a plane and release them to kill a witness in a trial.
When the video of the “Snakes on a Plane” theme song (by Cobra Starship) came out, I linked to it and said the video images of how the snakes were snuck on the plane seemed very implausible. Still, I asked airline security experts and federal agents to tell me if it has ever happened that snakes were snuck on planes, and whether it is possible. A couple of left-wing websites made fun of me over this.
But now federal security experts say it is in fact plausible that poisonous snakes could be snuck on planes and, in fact, have been in some cases.

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Said one veteran federal agent involved in airport security and counter-terrorism:

Easy to do. You could hide it in a lead bag. Hell, you could probably stick it in a bag. I doubt if screeners are trained to find these things. When the bag is X-rayed, they’d see the bones and probably wonder what the heck. If the snake was “sedated” you could just carry it on as a “trouser snake” since it won’t set off the X-ray.

Said another federal agent whose job was testing airport security for the TSA:

Easy. Just hide them in an opaque container like a film shield bag.

Another federal agent in the know:

I think it would be easy to get a snake on board an aircraft. Just roll it up in one of those Holiday Inn towels.

We’ll post our review of the movie, early next Friday Morning.

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(Thanks to David Lunde for screenshots of snake-filled guitar and brief cases)

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More “Snakes on a Plane” stuff here, here, and here.

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10 Responses

I can’t believe you Debbie Schlussel are actually helping the terrorists. With these “insider tips” from “federal agents” you are aiding and abbetting future terrorists getting those Motherf*****g Snakes on the Motherf*****g planes.
Actually since I am a terrorist (Debbie labeled me as such) the best way to sneak snakes on a plane is to hide their eggs in the cargo hold where they will hatch, feed off of shipped pets, grow and eventually terrorize all America-loving passengers.
I still prefer friggin sharks with friggin laser beams attatched to their friggin heads as my weapon of choice, though.

Jaime R on August 10, 2006 at 3:51 pm

There is no such m************ movie and m************ Samuel Jackson wouldn’t m************* be it if there m************ was. He has more m************* class!!

dennisw on August 10, 2006 at 4:14 pm

If you have HBO see “Kingdom of Heaven” for free. Lots of great battle scenes and sword play. Lots of cool catapults hurling fiery bolts. It’s been rightfully slammed for being historically inaccurate and easy on the Muhammadans. But the action is good.
Plus there are no m************ snakes on no m************ planes in this movie
HATED “KINGDOM OF HEAVEN,” WHICH WAS LONG, BORING, AND ISLAMOFASCIST PROPAGANDA. HERE’S MY REVIEW:
http://www.debbieschlussel.com/columns/column050505.shtml
DEBBIE SCHLUSSEL

dennisw on August 10, 2006 at 4:23 pm

It’s ok Jamie R, apparently I’m a terroristic Muslim too, even though I don’t have any religion at all.

Descent on August 10, 2006 at 4:26 pm

Well, I guess I’m a terrorist too, I like snakes and have no religion. And if there were snakes, I would keep one as a pet. IT’S A FUCKING MOVIE

KOAJaps on August 10, 2006 at 5:04 pm

Snuck? No such word. It’s sneaked.

Craig C on August 10, 2006 at 5:46 pm

Ha! Carry it on as a “trouser snake”!

Manatoch on August 10, 2006 at 6:49 pm

Snakehandling? That’s not a Muslim thing is it?
Anyway, how would you like to be the airport TSA screener who opens one of those cases for a look?

Mike on August 10, 2006 at 11:34 pm

“Anyway, how would you like to be the airport TSA screener who opens one of those cases for a look?”
Yes. Because Snakes on A Plane is likely to happen them sand negros are capable of anything. Watch out for “dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you”
Add another one to the Future Travis Bickles of America Club.

Jaime R on August 11, 2006 at 1:55 am

Jamie, you make it seem like this has never happened! Haven’t you heard of the new wave of suicide attacks influenced by this movie! People are wearing large snakes and walking with them wraped around them into populated areas and letting them lose!
I already heard Sam Jackson signed on to make the sequel to Snakes on a plane. It’s called get those motherfucking bees out of my mother fucking dog’s mouth!!11!lolz

Descent on August 11, 2006 at 9:55 am

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