September 8, 2006, - 10:58 am

Weekend Box Office: Long, Boring, Dreadful “Hollywoodland”

By Debbie Schlussel
Question: What do a fat Ben Affleck, a slimy and annoying Adrien Brody, and an aging Diane Lane (made to look even more aging) have in common?
Answer: The long and boring “Hollywoodland,” in theaters today.
I have a sleep test for movies: If I’ve had a good night’s sleep and I fall asleep during a movie, anyway, than it was too boring for words. During “Hollywoodland,” I fell asleep not once, but three times. And I still didn’t miss a thing. That’s how slow and unexciting this movie is.

hollywoodlandposter.jpg

It’s the story of George Reeves, TV’s “Superman” in the late ’50s, and his suicide because he is unable to overcome his superhero for kids image and get serious acting gigs. It also follows a sleazy detective overacted by Adrien Brody, investigating his death. The conspiracy theories into whether he was murdered and other scenarios turn out to be just as absurd and uninteresting as this 2-hour, 6-minute disaster. It’s more evidence that a bloated Ben Affleck will never overcome his atrocious “Gigli” gig.
Just goes to show you that great ’50s clothes, cars, hairstyles, and art deco sets don’t make a movie. The plot does. And there really isn’t one here.
This movie is just the latest manifestation of Hollywood’s dwindling creativity and bottom-barrell reaching for movie subjects. It’s just one of a few of these silly conspiracy theory murder movies, based on real-life, but with little connection to it. This week, it’s “Hollywoodland.” Next week, it’s the even more awful, “The Black Dahlia“–which also has the same great ’50s clothes, cars, and style, but not much else.
Why should we care about George Reeves, just because he once played Superman man decades ago? This movie doesn’t give us a reason. And we wonder what other unexciting, waste-of-time suicide of a semi-celeb movie is next for the silver screen. Can we expect, “Freddie Prinze: Suicide or Did Chico Kill the Man”?
Skip this and rent something far more exciting and relevant, like “Sleeper Cell.”

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4 Responses

Here’s some Diane Lane photos- She still looks great!
http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/contributor/1800020036/photos
Diane Lane was very good in “Unfaithful”. The only movie I’ve seen her in. I never watched “Friends” but Lisa Kudrow was great in those stoopid “Analyze This-That” movies. Funny as heck!
So let’s hear it for the older gals!

dennisw on September 8, 2006 at 12:47 pm

Diane Lane was in the Perfect Storm.
Anyway, it’s a waste of a movie because it’s yet another dumb, Hollywood conspiracy case. I’m surprised Oliver Stone didn’t direct it. However, there has been some pretty credible evidence supressed by the CIA that Richard Nixon AND Ronald Reagan were both seen in the vicinity of Reeve’s home just hours before the gunshot was fired. They were seen talking at several phone booths, carrying umbrellas, and wearing false beards.

Thee_Bruno on September 8, 2006 at 1:04 pm

Sounds like Hollywood talking about their favorite subject….Hollywood.
I’m watching football, football, football.
If I had a spare moment and had to see a movie, I’d watch my “House of Flying Daggers” DVD or my new “District B13″ DVD. “District B13″ is flawed, but I love Luc Besson movies.
BTW, as much as I loved Jason Statham in the “Transporter” movies, “Crank” is one of the worst movies of this year. The public sex scene was just totally offensive.

Jeff_W on September 8, 2006 at 3:00 pm

Agreed! I just returned from seeing “Hollywoodla… ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!~~

Freudianslippers on September 8, 2006 at 4:01 pm

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