October 12, 2006, - 10:50 am

Is This How They Recruit New ICE Agents? Good Luck

By Debbie Schlussel
Several ICE (Immigration & Customs Enforcement) agents have sent the link to the “new” ICE agent recruitment video. And we had a good laugh.
We say “new” in quotation marks because the voice-overs sound like a sex-ed video announcer from the ’50s, as in 1950s, not 2050s, which is where the agency is supposed to be aiming. And the video footage looks pretty dated, too. Ditto for the ’70s muzak playing in the background.
We couldn’t help but notice the video was overwhelmingly of female ICE employees. And we say overwhelmingly because we were overwhelmed by their weight. Mostly fat chicks. Is this the way ICE recruits male agents–with gratuitous fat chick shots? (Hi, our agents are fat and out of shape women, sitting at desks, talking on the phone.)


The Real Video About ICE vs. the Fake, Expensive One

(Clueless Julie Myers by David Lunde)

We’re asking because it doesn’t really look like, from the video, that ICE is interested in recruiting male agents. ICE paid a graphics artist to draft an ICE “leaders” emblem for the beginning of the video. And four out of five of the human figures in the silhouette are women. Why?
Well, we’ve been told that incompetent ICE chieftess Julie L. Myers a/k/a “The ICE Princess” has made affirmative action for women in recruiting and promotions the key goal of ICE, NOT law enforcement. That is evident in the fact that most of her top hires are women–women, like Traci Lembke (who heads the Office of Professional Responsibility and is supposed to be routing out impropriety and corruption among agents)–for whom the conditions, hours, and other job requirements have been severely relaxed.
Longtime, high-ranking ICE agents informed us that this was the same goal (with all minorities–not just women–as the target) of the old U.S. Customs Service (which has now largely morphed into ICE) under Ray Kelly, Hillary Clinton’s friend who headed Customs under Bill Clinton. Now Bush’s unqualified ICE Princess is giving us more of the same. Only worse.
Is this any way to fight the hemmorhaging illegal alien infestation of America?
Other problems: Just how much did this waste-of-taxes video cost to produce? It’s largely a promotional vehicle for the ICE Princess, with several stupid shots of her pretending to read documents. We noticed how empty her desk looks. It matches the amount of work we’ve been told she does at the agency. As in, not much.
We can’t help but notice the staring eyes that readers say remind them of the “Runaway Bride,” who is concidentally also back in the news.
And we noticed that ICE Director of Investigations Marcy Forman-Friedman a/k/a “Peppermint Patty” has a cameo in the video. Isn’t she supposed to be coordinating investigations into illegal alien smuggling, rather than co-starring in stupid ICE sex-ed videos?
And since she’s in the movie, doesn’t she object to the lie put forth in the video that ICE’s

Mission is to protect national security and uphold public safety by targeting the people, money and materials of terrorist . . . organizations that threaten national security.

As Forman and The ICE Princess well know, ICE does not have any jurisdiction over terrorist-related cases. Forman lost that with the creation of the Department of Homeland Security. As we lamented on this site, then-DHS Secretary Tom Ridge signed a Memorandum of Understanding with then-Attorney General John Ashcroft taking all terrorism cases away and giving them to the FBI.
So why are they lying to those they’re trying to recruit to ICE that they’ll actually be involved in those cases? And the few cases ICE could manage to look into, despite the agreement? We know of so many terror-funding cases to which ICE “leadership,” like ICE Special Agent in Charge Brian Moskowitz a/k/a “Abu Moskowitz”, have looked the other way.
We had to shake our heads at the statement about the Federal Protective Service protecting our nation’s buildings, since we know that FPS, a division of ICE, just laid off many of its threat assessment specialists who analyze threats to federal buildings. We guess all terrorist threats have ended forever and there will be no-one who endangers those officers guarding federal buildings.
ICE is an organization with several separate missions that have nothing to do with each other. Its creation was a mistake that needs to be fixed. The agency cannot effectively fight illegal immigration and peform its old Customs tasks.
Phony recruitment videos and completely false slogans–like “ICE, Where Leaders Go to Work”–won’t change that.

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7 Responses

This is rich!!! Another waste of valuable budget money for the exploitation of the fellatio fairies in their latest episode of “I Squeezed My Douchebag Too Hard and Brainwashed Myself!” Don’t misunderstand me…I have nothing against women in upper management who actually KNOW what they’re doing. I have met and worked for a few who aren’t afraid of rolling up their sleeves and jumping into the foray. I’d work with and for them anyday. They made it through their intelligence and hard work; not on their knees.
I don’t have to watch this to tell you how it is; I’ve seen enough of them in my 25 years of service to safely say it’s tantamount to a “live” episode of SouthPark on LSD. Julie, Tracy, Marcy, and the rest of “Chertoff’s Cherubs” don’t have the first idea of how to handle their respective areas but, when it all goes to shit, they are in the perfect place to let somebody else take the fall.
No sense going on…we’ve been down this road already.

Gunny on October 12, 2006 at 2:04 pm

I left law enforcement in disgust in 1997 and one of the reasons was because of the hostile work environment created by affirmative action for female hires.
When the affirmative action female hires came into the agency I worked for in the early 90′s, all hell broke loose.
They have a sense of entitlement, they cause an adversarial environment with men, and they file sexual harassment complaints by the bucket loads because that is the way they get ahead instead of being good at their jobs. Most of the hires were not qualified for the jobs but were given preference points for being just “being” female.
The reason the agents are over weight is because of affirmative action, they do not have to pass the same physical standards the men have to pass to keep their jobs that has been the standard for over 75 years.
ICE will suffer immensely from this stupid policy and I predict that many men will simply resign rather than having to put up the coming shit storm that surely will be created with bringing in females demanding their “rights” rather than trying to be the best at their jobs.
You can bank on it.

ScottyDog on October 12, 2006 at 2:23 pm

I can’t believe I clicked that link and watched that. We’re doomed.

Southernops on October 12, 2006 at 7:55 pm

I cringe as I post a reply to this blog because, as a Federal agent who carries a badge and a gun, and who often tangles with some pretty rough and tumble people, I would like to think that ANYONE, male or female, would be competent enough to Ôø?have my backÔø? on the street in an enforcement situation. Sadly, given what I have seen, particularly in the last year or so since Julie Myers took over the reigns at ICE, I know, in my heart, this is not the case.
At the risk of sounding sexist, I must confess that I absorb a lot of what many of my female counterparts tell me in my SAC office, and itÔø?s not very flattering of either themselves or of their Ôø?sisterhoodÔø? in general. Often, I have to bite my tongue to remain silent, knowing that if I were to reply, EVEN IF THE REPLY WERE TRUE, it could cost me an EEO complaint and associated sanctions (e.g. assignment to a less than desirable billet, reprimand, suspension, loss of any potential promotional opportunities, etc.).
Many of my female counterparts, physical attributes aside (some are actually quite fit and physically stunning people), often complain about the job, and the personal hardships that accompany it: Their hours are too long; their hours are too irregular; their weekends get interrupted; their kids are left in daycare too long. Then they complain about safety issues: TheyÔø?re scared; theyÔø?re tired; theyÔø?re irritable from their monthly cycle; they canÔø?t believe that they may have to use their gun some day. YES, YES !!! ALL OF THESE THINGS HAVE ACTUALLY BEEN TOLD TO ME, IN THE PRESENCE OF OTHERS, IN ONE FORM OR ANOTHER.
Well, guess what??? MY HOURS ARE TOO LONG AND IRREGULAR, AND WEEKENDS, TOO MANY TO COUNT, HAVE BEEN INTERRUPTED. MY WIFE HAS BEEN STUCK FOR DAYS AT A TIME WITH THE KIDS WHILE IÔø?VE JUMP-TEAMED TO PLACES LIKE NEW YORK AND TEXAS FROM MY HOME SAC OFFICE. IÔø?M TIRED, I GET SICK AND I REALIZE THAT, ONE DAY, I MIGHT ACTUALLY HAVE TO SHOOT AND KILL SOMEONE IN THE COURSE OF MY DUTY. What is the difference here is that I, and many of my male (and some dedicated, willing female) colleagues, realized that these inconveniences and discomforts were PART OF THE JOB BEFORE WE TOOK IT. Therefore, many of us wallow silently through the years with unresolved personal issues, which often lead to personal health crises, divorce, estranged children and G-d knows what else.
As for the rest of the women who take the job for the title of Ôø?Special AgentÔø? on their terms, life can often be very comfortable for them: Cush assignments off the street (often next to senior administrators in the office); assignments that permit a lot of flexibility regarding their hours; assignments that permit liberal use of annual and sick leave (where not too many other people will be affected). You would think that the trade-off would be a leveling of their career at the Senior Agent level.
But, it gets better: Because those cush assignments often dove-tail with senior managers, they often get the exposure that their male counterparts donÔø?t. Because you see, in the Ôø?smoke and mirrorÔø? world of ICE (and in many LE agencies at all levels), it is often the administrative CYA work that managers appreciate more than the gritty, teeth to the asphalt work that one sees on Ôø?COPSÔø? or Ôø?AmericaÔø?s Most WantedÔø?; the agents doing that work are often an afterthought, with success getting a bullcrap Ôø?AttaboyÔø?, and good-intentioned failures often getting an IA investigation with concurrent disciplinary action. Is it any wonder that LEOs (and a disproportionate number of males at that) are either alcoholic, severely depressed or end up Ôø?eating their gunÔø?? Now comes the kick in the ass: the thanks that the street agent (again, often disproportionately male) often gets when they get passed over for promotion is Ôø?Sorry, but, you know, weÔø?ve got to reflect workplace diversityÔø?.
I, and many of my colleagues, are aware of at least three female Assistant Special Agents in Charge (ASAC) that were promoted within the last year in three different SAC offices; all are under 40 years of age. ASACs are often promoted to the GS-15 level, one step below the Senior Executive Service (SES), who are either SACs in major cities or executive managers in Washington. These women are widely reported to have little experience, and there are rampant rumors of less than honorable activity involved in their climbing the agency ladder (in addition, one of these promotions is rumored to be under IA investigation, with Ôø?fact findersÔø? hauling in people for interviews). So much has the credibility of the hiring and promotion process suffered, that some of my female colleagues (whom I have great respect for) roll their eyes and put their tongue in their cheek (simulating fellatio) in disdain for these women; they follow up by saying that they guess theyÔø?ll never get promoted, either (like their male counterparts), because they wonÔø?t degrade themselves by dropping to their knees or dropping their drawers to advance Ôø? they want to be known for their attributes as AGENTS: For their ability to INVESTIGATE CRIMES, ARREST PERPETRATORS AND CONVICT THE GUILTY.
Where does this leave me and other 40-something males who are too young to retire, but too old to bail out of this mess? ANGRY AND FRUSTRATED, THATÔø?S WHAT. And then people wonder why, after a number of years of this nonsense and managementÔø?s declining credibility in hiring and promotion practices, that, one morning, a person who was once a bright, vibrant and productive agent wakes up one morning and decides to eat their gun (I, thank G-d, have too much love for my family to make ANY job worth that) , shut down entirely and do nothing or seek diversions outside of the job (e.g. a second career or a time-intensive hobby) that conflicts with the agentÔø?s ability to give his full attention to the task at hand. This is what itÔø?s become, and Americans should be afraid, VERY AFRAID that 5,000 ICE Special Agents (and declining in numbers DAILY) are beginning to become irrelevant and meaningless in the fight against illegal aliens, illegal contraband, and whatever little contribution ICE makes in the Ôø?war On TerrorÔø?.

4EVERCUSTOMS on October 12, 2006 at 8:30 pm

You should come over to the dark side of Contracting. However, you won’t be called SA and can’t carry a gun but it’s cush hours and more money. Although I work for a different agency than ICE, I feel your pain or at least I can empathize. I have had the displeasure of experiencing affirmative action in the Army and in my current job. Their is a govie female whose Daddy is a three star so she was just promoted to GS-15 with three years in the Army, got out as a CPT, and only a BA. She is way underqualified and it shows. Fortunately she will be quitting, she is pregnant with twins, darn.
As a female who came from humble beginnings in the mid-west, I had to bust my ass to get where I am today. I’ve had a job since I was 14, took forever to get my BA because I had to work and then I joined the Army to get my foot into the intelligence field. I didn’t have a cushy job in the Pentagon either, tactical all the way with lovely tour of the Balkans and that shit-hole Iraq. So now I live in DC where I have to listen to spoiled children who don’t know their head from their ass when it comes to terrorism but they have a Harvard degree. Luckily the majority of my office is retired military so we can relate and everyone is used to foul language and toilet humor.
I guess I went off on a tangent but women who have worked their way to their positions hate affirmative action. It cheapens the rest of us and makes it that much harder for us to be taken seriously.
I work with ICE frequently and it’s so frustrating because their hands are tied in so many ways. I hope things get better but I’m afraid they will have to get much worse first before the spoiled, pampered bureaucrats pull their head out of their asses. I guess we can say we fight the good fight and keep trying.

Minnie Mouse on October 12, 2006 at 9:13 pm

What I thought was the hidden gem of the video was hearing the voice-over tout “Ms. Myers leading ICE into the 21st century” all while she is sitting at her desk signing a 6″ fat stack of papers. Real advanced in our work are we, may try pulling yourself out of the 50′s, embrace technology, and maybe w/ a few more $5B grants we can pull up to 1980′s business speed in this bureaucracy. The liberal incompetence reeks from here.

toasty on October 12, 2006 at 11:46 pm

I reluctantly clicked on the link and it was even more painful that I could imagine. My kids in grade-school make more creative videos and, I suspect, their work-ethic is stronger. What a joke!

Paul on October 14, 2006 at 3:36 pm

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