November 17, 2006, - 3:45 pm
Weekend Box Office: Politically Correct Animation, Anti-McDonald’s & RFK Films; A Dull, Girlie-Man Bond
Three politically correct movies and a dull James Bond come to the movies, this weekend. Incredibly, I’m rooting for the dull, girlie-man Bond to defeat the others, the lesser of several silver screen evils:
* “Casino Royale“–Read my complete assessment of the new James Bond actor, Daniel Craig, because that’s really half of my review, with which this half is a companion.
When did James Bond become such a girlie-man? At the beginning of his career, according to this one. Remember all of those hot, buxom women he had? Forget them because they ain’t in this film. In this movie, he has but one woman, and she’s a boring, homely, flat-chested accountant played by French actress Eva Green.
Bond giving up his whole career to sail around the islands with this French actress? Not believable or exciting. Ditto for the boring poker game scenes. That’s not Bond action adventure. Sure, there is quite a bit of action in this one, but it just isn’t exciting. It’s dull like the new Bond actor, Daniel Craig, a dead-ringer for Vladimir Putin mixed with Alfred E. Neuman.
And the villain? A guy named Le Chiffre who cries tears of blood? Yawn. Blofeld and Goldfinger beat him by a mile, several miles. The plot isn’t exciting either. Someone short-selling bonds and a poker game to win the money back. Ho hum.
The humanized, sensitive man, biker-shorts and jeans-wearing, tiny Bond? Yawner. Put some testosterone back in Bond. He needs it. A double O serving of it. Again, read my full critique of Daniel Craig, the newest, dullest Bond. Ever. In this case, Blonde equals Blah. Double-O-Blah.
Daniel Craig: Bond . . . James Bond, or Putin . . . Vlad Putin
* “Fast Food Nation“–OY! Sick propaganda. AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE. Long and boring, but so sick and offensive that people walked out throughout the film. By the end, over half the audience was gone. And they were the smart ones. Did Morgan Spurlock write a fiction film? That’s what this movie is like only WAY worse. The feel bad movie of the year.
Centers around a fast food burger chain, “Mickey’s,” which is supposed to be McDonald’s. Mickey’s employees pitting into someone’s burger and that someone eating it; Illegal aliens taking drugs and working at a meat plant, losing their limbs in the meat grinder; Scenes of animals being mutilated and torn apart for the meat; Illegal aliens having sex in trucks with meat plant supervisors to keep their jobs–If these are the kinds of scenes you want to see, then this movie is for you. For the rest of us, skip this 2-hour horror show.
The thesis of this movie is that fast-food chains have fecal material in their burgers, that human parts get in them, too, that illegal aliens pack the meat and torture animals to kill them, then dismember them in a disgusting way, etc., etc., etc. The idea is to gross you out and disgust you so much that you’ll never eat another burger. Don’t see the film and give in to that wish. It’s pure propaganda not based on any facts about McDonald’s.
Oh, and by the way, Avril Lavigne, you’re pretty, but you can’t act. Stay outta the movie biz. Others in this crappy, disgusting piece of celluloid dung include Greg Kinnear, a dusted off Kris Kristofferson, Patricia Arquette, and punk Ethan Hawke. Don’t forget that this horrid, left-wing, PETA-inspired film is brought to you by Rupert Murdoch’s FOX Searchlight Pictures.
* “Bobby“–Emilio Estevez wrote, directed, and co-stars in this dumb over-rated version of “The Love Boat,” involving fictional characters at a hotel who work there or on the Robert F. Kennedy campaign. Falsely named, since the movie is not about RFK and is pure fiction.
The movie ends with his assassination at the hotel. Hmmm . . . wasn’t Sirhan Sirhan an Arab who was doing the bidding of Palestinian Muslims? You’d hardly know because they don’t mention that or focus on it, and strangely, he wasn’t a character in the movie. Instead a woman (Lindsay Lohan) who marries a classmate to keep him from being sent to Vietnam is the focus. That’s glorified, and that’s why the left loves it. Ditto for more lefty cause celebres– hotel employees who sleep around or are members of various minority groups and are treated bad by Whitey and the Man.
Dumb scenes of hippie Ashton Kutcher tripping out on acid and mushrooms with preppy RFK campaign workers. Lots of ugly Sixties hairdos and clothes on trashy (how appropriate) Sharon Stone and Demi Moore. Dumb, very dumb, but left-wing baby boomers will love reminiscing back on their time which is well past.
It was hilarious to watch multiple real-life scenes of pudgy Emilio Estevez, a grown man (we thought), on Oprah, crying about writing and making this movie. Get over yourself, Emilio, your movie ain’t a masterpiece or even good. It sucks. And stop being a girlie man. Estevez told the Oprah audience that America became bad and uncivil after RFK died and that we need to relearn how to be good people. Speak for yourself, dude.
Guys, you will hate this film. Avoid being forced to take your girlfriend or wife to this film at all costs. Extreme skipworthiness.
* “Happy Feet“–A tap-dancing emperor penguin may be cute, but this movie is very frightening for kids. If you want your children indoctrinated with politically correct messages about the environment, alleged over-fishing, and pollution, take your kids to see this politically correct, animated penguin movie. And scare them half to death. Otherwise, skip it. The Sierra Club loves this movie. That’s a hint.
Tags: accountant, actor, actress, Alfred E. Neuman, America, Anti-McDonald's & RFK Films, Ashton Kutcher, Avril Lavigne, Bobby, Casino Royale, Daniel Craig, Debbie Schlussel Three, Demi Moore, Emilio Estevez, emperor, Ethan Hawke, Eva Green, Fast Food Nation, food, food burger chain, Greg Kinnear, Happy Feet, James Bond, Kris Kristofferson, Le Chiffre, Lindsay Lohan, McDonald's, Mickey, Morgan Spurlock, Patricia Arquette, Rupert Murdoch, Sharon Stone, Sierra Club, The Love Boat, Vietnam, Vladimir Putin