December 5, 2006, - 4:37 pm
By Debbie Schlussel
Who would make you feel less safe on a flight?:
a) a farting lady with body odor due to a medical condition beyond her control; or
b) six extremist Muslim imams who imitate the 9/11 hijackers, ask for seatbelt extenders that could be used to strangle passengers, take unauthorized seating patterns suitable for hijacking, verbally attack America, and have ties to HAMAS, Al-Qaeda, and other groups whose raison d’etre is “Death to America.”
I’d pick the smelly chick. Personally, I’ve been on planes with flatulent passengers, and it smells putridly bad. I’ve had to put my nose under my crewneck collar and smell mint balm (before terrorists kept us from taking that on the plane, outside of a quart-sized bag).
But, still, I’d pick the smelly chick. Why? Well, for one thing, I like a couple of hours or more of malodor far more than I like death.
But that’s not what American Airlines and the FBI think. Nope. US Airways hasn’t banned the flying imams. Nor has any airline (though we’d bet they never set foot on El-Al). Yet, a woman who lit a match on American Flight 1053 from Reagan National to Dallas/Fort Worth is banned forever from American.
The woman farted and had body odor. She lit the match to conceal the smell. Then, there are the lying, flying, scheming, whining, disruptive, disobeying, belligerent imams. They did all the things outlined above and in this letter by US Airways Flight 300 passenger Pauline Klemmer. They were testing the system, conducting a dry run, or who knows what else. Either way, they were deliberately jeopardizing our safety.
And the anonymous woman from American 1053 wasn’t trying to do any of those things. She has a foul-smelling medical condition and was just trying to save other passengers’ olfactory senses and sensibilities.
Who’s more dangerous? We know the answer. And it isn’t the woman banned by American, questioned by the FBI and TSA, and very embarrassed even though we don’t know her name.
Nope, the dangerous are the brazen Islamic men who don’t care about our noses or any other organ. They cheer on those who would murder us. And unlike them, we don’t see the farting lady with the medical condition holding a smell-in at Reagan National to show us how the malodorous are wrongly profiled when they are “Flying While Smelly.”
Yet, the FBI is questioning the farting lady. And American’s banning her. And the Flying Imams live to fly another day, another day when they make sure we don’t live to fly another day.
I’ll take a stinkbomb over their real bomb on my flight, any day.
Tags: airline, al-Qaeda, America, American Airlines, Dallas, Federal Bureau of Investigation, Fort Worth, Hamas, Pauline Klemmer, US Airways