November 5, 2010, - 4:07 pm

Weekend Box Office: “For Colored Girls,” “Due Date,” “Megamind”

By Debbie Schlussel

This is yet another rental weekend, with nothing new I can recommend at the movies.

*  “For Colored Girls“:  Slit-My-Wrists Cinema.  Yup, I wanted to commit suicide, rather than continue to sit through the nearly 2.5 hours of this absolutely awwwwwwful Black chick minstrel show.  Why do Black filmmakers like Tyler Perry make–and Black celebs like Oprah promote–such crap that, if it were the 1930s, could have been made by the Klan?  Sooooo bad I can’t really describe how truly horrid this is in words.  But I’ll try.

Two words:  Whoopi Goldberg.  Yup, she’s one of the many uber-uber-uber-annoying dolts in this movie, in which nearly every Black man is scum–from the AIDS-infected “down-low” gay husband of Janet Jackson (Ms. Jackson, if you’re nasty), who gives her the disease, to the crazy, unemployed Iraq War veteran (Michael Ealy) who throws his two kids out the window, killing them.  Um, has any Iraq War vet ever done that?  I doubt it.  Oh, and every Black woman has a horrible life, whether it’s the woman who can’t have kids because she got an STD in college, or the young woman who is pregnant out of wedlock and nearly dies from a back alley abortion.  But, hey, the movie will serve as more confirmation for the Black chick audience at whom it’s aimed of their alleged victimhood.  Yes, you guessed it:  no one in this movie gets affirmative action or minority set asides.

Goldberg’s character, by the way, is an attack on Christianity and those who are devout, have some moral values.  Figures.  But, as we know, she’d never mock Muslims.  Nope, that’s where she walks out.  Walk out on her and DON’T. SEE. THIS.  I hate, hate, hated this movie.

The flick couldn’t have ended soon enough.  Sadly, it never did.  The tripe kept on coming.  It went on and on and on and on and . . . .  The over-abundance of stupid, pretentious, overwrought-to-the-max lecturing speeches the women in this movie gave–I mean, shut up, already.  So obtrusively dumb and put upon, I laughed out loud repeatedly. I just couldn’t take it.  If you’re a guy, and you go to see this movie, you’re either too whipped to have a penis.  Or you’re gay.  Same difference.

If you value your life and wanna pass on the 2.5 hours of Gitmo-quality torture (far worse than waterboarding) you’ll endure sitting through this, you’ll skip it at all cost. This flick is based on the play, “For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf.” If only they hadn’t just considered suicide, but actually committed it.

Oh, and did I mention?: I. HATE. THIS. MOVIE.

FOUR MARXES PLUS AN OBAMA PLUS A BIN LADEN PLUS A WHOOPI GOLDBERG
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Watch the trailer . . .

*  “Due Date“: I liked this much better the first time I saw it . . . when it was called “Planes, Trains & Automobiles.” In that movie, you liked the characters played by John Candy and even the rude, snobby Steve Martin. This movie is just vile, disgusting, and mean-spirited. I didn’t like the creep played by Robert Downey, Jr. or the goofy guy who helps him get cross country (Zach Galifianakis). I wanted them to crash and die. Sadly, they survived the crash and the movie–and my suffering–kept going.

And the movie isn’t funny. I barely laughed. Mostly it’s disgusting. We’re treated to scenes of a dog masturbating–up close and in-your-face. Uh, no thanks. And we’re treated to such sparkling dialogue as

I’m sorry we drank your father.

That’s when the ashes of Galifianakis’ father are made into coffee, which they accidentally drink. Funny? No. Just gross. Kinda like most of the movie.

Downey and Galifianakis get kicked off a plane and put on the no-fly list and must get cross country from Atlanta to Los Angeles, where Downey’s wife is about to give birth and Galifianakis wants to become an actor and fulfill his dream of guest-starring on “Two and a Half Men.”

The only good part of this movie was when the Federal Air Marshals shot these guys with rubber bullets. How sad for us all that the bullets weren’t real.

FOUR MARXES PLUS AN OBAMA PLUS A BIN LADEN
karlmarxmovies.jpgkarlmarxmovies.jpgkarlmarxmovies.jpgkarlmarxmovies.jpgplus.jpgobamasmilingsmallerplus.jpgbinladensmaller

Watch the trailer . . .

* “Megamind“: Megaboring, regardless of whether it’s in 3D. While this movie had excellent animation, it was duller than heck. The story was so stupid and silly, I struggled to stay awake and repeatedly lost that battle, missing nothing during the naps. Will Ferrell voices an oddball who becomes a villain (Megamind), and Brad Pitt voices his rival, the conceited superhero, (Metro Man). Megamind finally achieves his goal of destroying Metro Man and becomes lonely having nobody to fight and nothing to fight for, since he rules Metro City. So, he must invent a hero and give him powers. Who cares? I sure didn’t.  At only 1.5 hours, it seemed like five hours.

Booooring.

ZERO REAGANS OR MARXES – A WASH
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Watch the trailer . . .

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32 Responses

I’ve noticed you often don’t review Tyler Perry’s films. Knowing your taste, I understand why. I actually liked the movie because I thought the acting was great.

Matthew on November 5, 2010 at 10:37 pm

Debbie, you did them a favor by giving them a review. I wouldn’t give those scumbags the time of day.

Patrick on November 6, 2010 at 1:50 am

Debbie, I totally agree with your review of For Colored Girls. You detailed its flaws perfectly. If any male in the story showed even a spark of decency, it was simply for the purpose of sneakily passing on AIDS, or in order to be a conniving rapist, or to commit incest, or to cheat, or to hurl babies out windows. Was there good acting in the film as Matthew above claims? Certainly. All for an end result of proving that males are slimy reptiles that women should never, ever trust. The larger point that you make is valid, too: The impact of movies like this (as well as Precious and The Color Purple) is to produce either cynicism or a philosophy of victimhood among blacks. Those qualities offered alone are poisonously dysfunctional, it seems to me.

As for your review of Due Date, I couldn’t agree more with all of your points, every one of them. Like you, I compared this movie to Planes, Trains and Automobiles, and like you I decided that I didn’t like this version because the characters were so repellent. Was it supposed to be amusing that when the Downey character babysat, he punched the kid in the stomach to get him to behave? The movie was tasteless, unfunny, and darkly unlikable, just like the characters–a disappointment after the sunnier, more appealing trailers.

As for Megamind, I liked it lots. It was funny and even charming, at least to me. It made up for the unsatisfying experiences of For Colored Girls and Due Date (and also Saw 3D which I watched as well). A lot of critics–you included–are deriding it as empty, but I prefer “empty” comedies based on character types and character foibles to “substantive” films packed with social homilies. Also,it didn’t drip with sentiment, cuteness and small children like Despicable Me. I guess it was more a guy movie, because, unlike Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Pocahontas, The Incredibles, Monsters vs. Aliens and many others I could name, men were shown as something more than simply foolish burdens the women are forced to endure.

Burke on November 6, 2010 at 8:17 am

I wouldn’t walk across the street to see any of that crap. Thanks for the heads up D.

Mike on November 6, 2010 at 9:10 am

I like reading Burke’s counterpoint (or opinions) on the films too.

Bravo for the great review of the Tyler Perry tragedy…it will be fun to read all the PC reviews of Libs who WANTED to like it, but knew it smelled ratty. So far, the most I have read them say is that he pushed it too hard and too far. Far be it for them to just state the truth. They’ll be called a raaaaaaaacist.

Wake up Yanks. Men have been protrayed as inferior, stupid and/or abusive in commercials and TV shows for years now The same whinging creeps who hated when men ruled the roost seem to think it is ok to be a female and treat males in the same way they thought was unfair when they treated woman less than.

All these movies sound like garbage. I am so glad to have a true common-sense reviewer to read!

Skunky on November 6, 2010 at 10:22 am

After reading the movie reviews, it looks like I have another productive weekend working around the house. Thank you. Looking forward to seeing Skyline. Hope it’s not going to end up like Spielberg’s War of the Worlds or Independence Day. But then, Hollywood has proved me wrong before.

Pats on November 6, 2010 at 11:02 am

I couldn’t even force myself to watch the Wayans bros stupid knock offs. Every time I see another blackspoytation movie like these I think about the brief time I spent working at the Dearbornistan Fairlane movie theater. The good people that worked there should get combat pay and enlistment bonuses. It was sad and funny to hear the accounts of when the movies with a dancing or gangster theme came out. The troops would be called in for them. It was seriously predictable! The young black criminals come out in droves for them and the black directors spew them out and know the theaters will be in the news for shootings over lost seats or disrespect to girlfriends.lol As an usher I watched drunken and drugged ghetto superstars sagging their pants with the stupid faux bling on. We had to constantly tell these scum bags to cease having sex in the seats as well. Such depths have they sunk to. Babies slung over shoulders being taken to the midnight show of some inappropriate horror movie. Ah memories.

samurai on November 6, 2010 at 11:57 am

Oh my gosh, Samurai…your story is intreguing and repelling at the same time, LOL.

I can just imagine how it had to be handled seriously (with a well thought out strategy) and yet at the same time the staff having to be SO careful as not to be seen as raaaaaacist.

Truth is stranger than fiction, indeed. The truth is no one wants to admit that the riff-raff ruin EVERYTHING. It’s a shame because all the losers ruined it for EVERYONE.

I bet you have tales to tell. I’d either really want to read it or avoid it as I am cynical to the core as it is!

Skunky on November 6, 2010 at 8:57 pm

    Skunky, my stories would all pretty much be non p.c. and would better be placed in a book with some of the misadventures a life spent dealing with scum bags delivers.lol Mine would probably be like a Tucker Maxx of on and off duty violence and pranks. Many would be offended and many would have a lot of laughs. All of the situations have served to make me the 40 something cynic I am today. In my opinion, cynics are the only people in this world that live with their eyes open.

    samurai on November 6, 2010 at 9:37 pm

As bad as the movie “For Colored Girls” is, the “award-winning feminist classic” play that it was based on was far worse. “For Colored Girls” came out in the era where black women were recruited to write feminist/Marxist tomes like “Sula”, “Beloved”, “The Color Purple”, “The Women Of Brewster Place”, and “Push” (the book that was adapted into “Precious”) whose primary purpose was to support the expansion of the welfare state. The original play was far more vicious against men and against Christianity. Perry is actually being attacked by fans of the play for making the women appear somewhat accountable for their misfortune because of bad choices instead of their being total complete victims because of their race/class/sex as the original play depicted. Of course, the people who recruited, trained and promoted these women were white Marxists. It was a cowardly, racist turn on their part. Had these women attacked the white mainstream, big business etc. like James Baldwin and similar did a generation prior, it would have been too controversial. The black feminist writers would have been accused of being reverse racists and rejected. So, instead, Alice Walker, Toni Morrison, Maya Angelou and similar were trained/encouraged to fight the power and attack the system by creating stark pictures of victimization of black women and children by black males. A little while later, these same types recruited, funded and promoted black homosexual “authors” to write books to attack black heterosexual men. So, Tyler Perry (the guy wears a dress, ok? his Madea “character” leers at men. got it?) is just continuing the feminist/homosexual black male bashing party, getting very rich while venting his frustrations at heterosexual black males in the process.

It is amazing that more people haven’t caught onto what is going on. The sad thing is that only a few high profile heterosexual black male writers and intellectuals have challenged it. (Ralph Wiley and Stanley Crouch are about the only ones.) The reason is that they themselves are sold out to Marxism, so they have bought into the twisted logic that if junk like “For Colored Girls” brings about Marxism, then black males will benefit.

Gerald on November 6, 2010 at 11:15 pm

“MegaMind is the greatest movie ever made. It all comes together because of the people who work facilities at DreamWorks. Thank you.

gmartinz on November 7, 2010 at 1:32 am

Fascinating analysis, Gerald, with lots of interesting background information. I liked reading what you had to say.

Burke on November 7, 2010 at 7:32 am

i thought it was verboten to call blacks “colored”? i don’t really care if it is or not… just an observation.

ya know, if obama has done anything for race relations, he’s completely desensitized whites’ from giving a rats’ ass about blacks phobic insensitivites. we’ve had it with the whining, poor-me-victim BS>

howardroark43 on November 7, 2010 at 3:50 pm

Maybe you didn’t get for “colored girls” cause you’re not a colored girl. The book/play was written at a time when lots of subjects were taboo in the African American community. Unfortunately those same subjects are still hard for us to address. I think Tyler Perry adapted a very difficult piece and did an excellent job.
And to Gerald, if you are a secure heterosexual black male then you realize that the movie wasn’t about you, but these men do exist in our community.

gsaunders on November 7, 2010 at 5:37 pm

gsaunders, it would behoove you to perhaps NOT to see people by way or race or colour, but as humans beings.

If anyone I knew (or didn’t know) went through any hardship or tragedy, the last thing I would care about is race and/or colour.

You have to be HUMAN to care about human interests…and you segregating peeps by their race is racist. Check yourself.

Peeps who agree with DS on this matter do NOT care about race or being victims. We’re about victory and empowerment.

Skunky on November 7, 2010 at 8:57 pm

It’s funny when libtards stick up for other libtards. I think about the Boondocks comic creator coming under fire for his episode showing MLK going off on todays black culture. It was so dead on as to be offensive to most who live in it. Even with all his faults he was some what discreet with his whoring. Not like the Jerry Springer crowd that has become a contaminant to this country.

samurai on November 7, 2010 at 11:42 pm

I am going to watch “Planes, Trains and Automobiles” again to try and wash out the memory of JUST THE TRAILER for Due Date. “Planes, Trains and Automobiles” is a great movie, and despite a scene where the F bomb is dropped about 12 times, it is a wonderful movie.

The ending is heartfelt and shows compassion.

Ken Blazek on November 8, 2010 at 9:15 am

Why would you write a review from such a biased standpoint? This movie obviously was not created for your demographic. Which means your opinion should have less to do with the content of the movie and more with the execution of the plot. The artistic set-up of the scenery. The cohesion of the different stories. You seriously call yourself a critic, but as far as I see you need to go back to school and actually pay attention in class. Understandably this is your opinion but you toe line of disrespectful and racist. As a black women I don’t like those movies that exploit the African American culture, but this movie was meant to UPLIFT the black woman. You are not a black woman, so many of the devices used and experiences portrayed you would not understand. Please, if you seriously want to be a critic of every kind of movie leave your ethnocentric ideologies at the door. If your find yourself unable to do so, then maybe your should stick to movies more suited for “you”.

*FinerWoman1920

FinerWoman1920 on November 8, 2010 at 5:23 pm

Irony.

All the black women who commented negatively on DS’s review can’t see that their umbrage at DS’s OPINION (still free to have one in America as I type this) is intolerant and racist.

They want her not to comment because it’s not about “her”. They want to to only comment on films aimed at “her” demographic.

If someone said that to them, they would scream “raaaaaaaacist” like bloody murder. Check yourselves sistas…your’re pointing an accusatory finger at others when you should really think about what you are saying. Your crap won’t fly here.

Skunky on November 8, 2010 at 8:08 pm

Thank you SO much for your reviews of kid films. It helps to pick movies I take my G-d son. Your take is always on point. Keep up the great work.

ceannrua on November 8, 2010 at 10:03 pm

FinerWoman:

How does destroying the black male image uplift the black female? (Go read the News flash: heart-touching stories like “The Blind Side” notwithstanding, on a macro-sociocultural scale it takes black males and black females to raise black children, whether those children are males or females. If black males are not present, both the black males and the black females will be messed up. That is the reality of the situation. However, black Marxists and homosexuals have been able to exploit this sad reality by bashing heterosexual males ONLY and calling it “feminism” and “gay rights.”

I have a couple of links for you.

http://bmia.wordpress.com/2010/11/08/the-bridge-for-colored-men-who-are-blamed-for-genocide-the-male-bashing-is-enuf/

http://www.amazon.com/Assassination-Black-Male-Image/dp/0684836572

If you think that these black Marxists recruited and trained by Planned Parenthood, ACT-UP and other types have the best interests of the black community at heart, you are out of your mind. Remember Alice Walker? The woman abandoned her own daughter and has never even seen her own grandchildren. Why? At least partially because she is jealous over her daughter’s getting into the Ivy League school that SHE couldn’t get into. People like this are your black heroes? This is what we get for letting white communists choose our leaders for us.

Gerald on November 9, 2010 at 12:33 pm

It is amazing how degrading your comments are in your so called analysis of the movie it is obvious you have no clue there were messages in the movie it was a movie that was made out of a book of poems, and why would you be so stupid as to believe that when someone comes back from war there minds are not were they were when they left, matter of fact have you ever been to war to do you know anything about depression, OOPS I guess not this movie tells a story it does not define all black people but it is something that really can happen in any race of people, it is obvious that all the negative comments shows your ignorance its like looking at a piece of art you don’t understand so you down it, get a life and some sense about yourself, there are men who lie to there women about them not being gay because of what there perception is, if the characters in the movie has a reflection it shows how those women survived and kept it together inspite of, all of you are stupid individuals with racist comments take a look at the women and man in the mirror and see if it is you or do you know of anyone who has dealt with these things. GET A LIFE AND YOU NEED TO STOP BEING A CRITIC TO SOMETHING YOU HAVE NO KNOWLEDGE OF.

Mz Chocolate on November 9, 2010 at 4:30 pm

“GET A LIFE”

whenever you see someone post these three words, you automatically know they’re an idiot.

howardroark43 on November 9, 2010 at 7:55 pm

You have a problem with being gay? Wow, Debbie. Sucks for you – you hate more than ten percent of population. Sorta decreases your pool there. Have fun with that.

Steph on November 9, 2010 at 8:18 pm

Sorry, the gay population is considerably less than one in ten.

Occam's Tool on November 9, 2010 at 11:56 pm

Black women have been pulling this crap and calling it entertainment since well before their own sons, who fathers they threw out for Marxism/Feminism 20 yrs earlier, ended up being the first group to curse black womens names to a beat. How fitting that Gerald said precisely and historically what I’m too mad to state. Black women of that era sold black women/nuclear family down the river four decades ago. Which is why most black men don’t respond to their taunts anymore. They made our relationships-Political! for government bribes. Well, you made your bed and the money to bribes you is tapping out. Who else would bring such a hateful marxist screed to the screen. I mean really, let us know again why your men don’t take you seriously and avoid you. Enjoy your matriarchy. Misandry is just sooooo sexy.

DeathbyFilm on November 10, 2010 at 7:27 am

First let me say that you have a right to your opinion. It WAS a lot to take in, however, the performances were stellar & the movie left me extremely emotional for several hours & wanting to discuss it with others. But here are my concerns with your review:
How is this movie now a generalization off ALL black women & men? It s a MOVIE based on a book of poems. It is art. Not a survey off the black race in America.
Also did you realize that the “lectures” were taken from the original book of poems?
I’m just curious, what movies in the past that starred all black cast & directed by a black person, have you found entertaining?

Your review read as a bunch of generalized, racist remarks to me.

Pinky on November 11, 2010 at 2:38 am

More or less agreed with you on Megamind- too darned long for such a crappy story. After the excellent “How To Train Your Dragon”, this is a tremendous fumble for Dreamworks.

As for “For Colored Girls”…even without reading the poems before seeing the movie, it is kind of obvious the movie will be a man-hating party. The playwright, Ntozake Shange (born Paulette Williams), came of age during the rise of Black Separatism, 2nd wave feminism, and turned to writing AFTER suffering some sort of breakdown, and this was her first (and best known) work.

Throw in the fact that the women are the starpower and all of the men are no-names, and it’s clear that we’re in for 2 hours of Black Women Suffering At The Hands Of Black Men.

Robert on November 16, 2010 at 3:12 pm

Spoken like a true white woman. I’m sorry to be so blunt but in all honesty, your review shows exactly the one minded view that your race has. First, do you know anything about culture of anyone else but your own? This movie was suppose to be as you so eloquently put it, “ranting” it’s based off of a play that was done entirely through the works of poetry.

When movies are based off of Shakespeare and done completely in poetry, you flock to the movies to see that and call it art. Also, how did Whoopi Goldberg make Christianity look bad again? That point was unclear. She represented the “cult” type regardless the religion and so many actors and actresses have played roles that poked fun at Muslims.

What this movie did an a very artistic way was address issues that are very prominent in minority communities and whether you’re from the U.S. or abroad most can relate to this culture that feels sealed off from the rest of society and in turn has to deal with the negative connotations that come from that. By the way, I’m sooo sick of the cliche statement that “Black Men are misrepresented” when it’s a movie that has to deal with Black Women. I don’t remember sex and the city taking so much flack for the depiction of White Men for years on TV and film, nope, that was applaud as groundbreaking. I give “For Colored Girls” two thumbs up and if you have a bias mindset then you shouldn’t write reviews but then again, you can’t help it. You were raised in a world where you never had to educate yourself on any other race but your own. Just look at the History Books. Thanks!

Interesting on April 9, 2011 at 1:53 pm

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