July 22, 2008, - 2:45 pm
By Debbie Schlussel
Apparently, loony former “King of Pop” Michael Jackson got tired of being outdone by other celebs, who gave their kids such “beautiful” and “creative” names like Apple (Gwyneth Paltrow’s brat), Pilot Inspektor (Jason Lee’s spawn), and Moxie CrimeFighter (Penn Jillette’s kid).
Either I’m behind the times or he changed the kid’s name, but I’ve just learned the important world news (from the July 28, 2008 issue of People) that Jackson’s youngest kid, age 6, is named “Blanket.” What–Pillow, Mattress, Percale, 3,000-Thread, and Comforter were already taken? Who needs Biblical names like Sarah and Jacob when you can name your kid after linens?
Apparently, the former pop star was in need of attention so he wore his usual weirdo mask and pajamas and took “his” three kids (formerly blond and now brunette or wearing wigs), including Blanket, to a Vegas bookstore. The funny thing is that “People” said that Jackson was:
wrapped up in a blanket.
Given the history of accusations against Jackson for child molestation and given the name of his kid, I got confused about which kind of blanket they were referring to–Blanket Jackson or an inanimate sleep accoutrement.
Good luck when this kid gets teased mercifully as “Wet Blanket.”
Yet another scintillating example of why celebrities should set the social and political agenda for America.