August 6, 2008, - 12:19 pm

Schlussel Prediction Proven: Shocker! Zero Volunteers for ICE’s Self-Deportation Program

By Debbie Schlussel
Well, you didn’t exactly need to be Einstein or a rocket scientist to predict that no illegal aliens would take up the clueless Julie L. Myers a/k/a The ICE Princess on her silly program to voluntarily leave the country.
As I predicted, no-one took the incompetent chieftess of Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) up on her “offer.” Shocker: Zero illegal aliens signed up to leave. Who’d-a-guessed?
I told you, last week, that aliens with final deportation orders have only a 1 in 20 chance of being caught and detained–that doesn’t even mean certain deportation.

illegalaliens.jpgjuliemyersdietcoke.jpg

(Julie Myers Diet Coke by David Lunde/Lundesigns)

If ICE can only locate and detain 31,000 of the 550,000, that means if you are an illegal alien on the loose with a final deportation order, you only have an 5.6% chance of being detained. And that’s being liberal. Illegal aliens probably have an even lesser chance of being picked up by one of ICE’s 84 fugitive teams.
With the 5.6% chance, that means ICE will only round up only 1 of every twenty illegal aliens with a final deportation order. If I’m an illegal alien in America with a final deportation order, I like my odds–A LOT!–and I’m not going to voluntarily leave . . . even if an airhead Blackface expert Valley Girl, who will be out of a job before I lose my meatpacking job, tells me I should.

Here’s some of the comical coverage of “The ICE Princess Had a Party & No-one Showed (Not Even a Blackfaced Costume)”:

No one showed up Tuesday as a new federal program encouraging illegal immigrants to leave the country began a two-week trial, and several illegal immigrants said there’s no reason to expect anyone will.
“I know people who have been caught and deported. But most are never caught,” said Robert Hernandez, a 28-year-old construction worker from Honduras who has lived in the United States illegally for four years.
“To turn yourself in so you can go home and live in a village with no work? If I wanted to do that, I would have stayed in my village. I wouldn’t have risked my life to come here in the first place.”
U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement launched Operation Scheduled Departure in five cities, and none found any takers by the day’s end. . . .
Angel Martinez, a 45-year-old construction worker from Mexico City who has lived in the U.S. illegally for 15 years, said most illegal immigrants will ignore the offer, especially as they “remember what life was like, how hard it was” before they moved to the U.S.
Martinez was waiting outside the ICE office while his 19-year-old son [DS: probably also illegal] visited a friend inside who had been detained by authorities after he was stopped for speeding and found to be an illegal immigrant.
“It’s stupid. You would have to be crazy,” he said. “Who would want to turn themselves in?”

Yup, things are so bad that illegal aliens have no prob waiting outside the ICE office in full view. They know nothing will happen to them.
BTW, I hear the FBI is giving up on investigating Cosa Nostra and is offering an “Operation Tony Soprano Turn Yourself In” program to emulate The ICE Princess’ great idea. Zero takers.

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5 Responses

Every time ICE picks up a fugitive, the usual suspects complain; see BobMenendez. Because of this program, ICE can now point out that the person who was picked up could have turned themselves in, undercutting the argument from the usual suspects. That’s the way I read it, and it’s actually one of their few good ideas.
[NMBDC: UNDERCUTTING AN ARGUMENT WITH ZERO PARTICIPANTS IS A WASTE OF TIME AND MONEY AND A BAD IDEA. A “GOOD IDEA” WHICH OBVIOUSLY WON’T WORK AT ALL IN PRACTICE IS A BAD IDEA. DS]

NoMoreBlatherDotCom on August 6, 2008 at 1:10 pm

It didn’t work because the Kool Aid wasn’t spiked with tequila (sarcasm). I would like to see the government step back, and out, and contract this illegal alien gathering nonsense out. Then and only then, will we be seeing progress.

Jackson Pearson on August 6, 2008 at 1:17 pm

Debbie,
Come on now don’t you remember what your favorite singer Phil Collins sang? “Life isn’t any fun being an illegal alien”….It sure comes with a lot of free benefits though…
[CS24: WHO SAID HE WAS MY FAVE SINGER? I ASSURE YOU HE ISN’T. BUT I DID SAY THAT GENESIS WAS ONE OF MY FAVORITE BANDS AND THAT I LIKED COLLINS AS LEAD SINGER OF GENESIS BETTER THAN PETER GABRIEL. DS]

Chiefscotty24 on August 6, 2008 at 2:23 pm

Not that Julie Myers’ executive or intellectual abilities are anything to write home about, but I think she is capably carrying out her mission. Her mission is shared with the rest of the Bush administration (same with Democrats) — i.e. to not bother illegal aliens but to make it seem to a casual observer like they are trying to do something, and to give the mainstream media something to hang their hat on when they mis-report that Homeland Security is really trying to do something. In other words, to pull a con. She is doing that well.

c f on August 6, 2008 at 3:24 pm

What a shock!
Nonetheless, it helps explain why the unofficial Treasury Department program to have people voluntarily send in money to cut the national debt hasn’t worked.

Mike on August 7, 2008 at 6:51 am

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