February 20, 2009, - 11:17 am

Violent Criminals Who illegally Carry Guns v. Me: Guess Who Gets Treated Better

By Debbie Schlussel
As readers know, I am seeking a Concealed Pistol License (CPL). I told you about the Obama-supporter-filled course I took this summer, a course you must take in Michigan if you want to apply for and get a CPL.
This morning, I went to get fingerprinted at my county sheriff’s office, a requirement for those who want a CPL. Not that this is news to me, but as I was being fingerprinted, I saw the stark contrast of how I–a person seeking to be able to carry a gun for my own personal protection after tons of death, rape, and torture threats from peaceful, moderate American Muslims–was treated versus criminals.
It took almost a half-hour for them to fingerprint me. Why? Well, they repeatedly roll every finger, every knuckle, every crevice of your hand to get prints from them on a computer screen. It hurt, it was very uncomfortable and ridiculous, and I felt like someone was giving me an unwanted, over-zealous finger Shiatsu massage. I had to do all kinds of contortions for this absurd process. My fingers and entire palm still hurt a lot and are all red and swollen. Take it from me: If you are a hand model, don’t ever seek a Concealed Pistol License in Michigan.


I was also repeatedly told by personnel in the sheriff’s office that my fingers were too small and that my fingerprints were not as readable as most people. I joked to them that that this was because I got kidnapped by the mob, and they erased all my fingerprints.
Meanwhile, right next to me, as I stood getting this ridiculous, uncomfortable hand manipulation–so some hand-porn addict can one day look at the side shot of my naked palm–I watched criminals, job applicants for law enforcement in the sheriff’s office, and those seeking to adopt kids get one-minute fingerprint takings, using ink. While a computer technician took and analyzed almost 5 or six repeated prints of each tiny portion of my hand, each finger and the sides and other angles of my palm, criminals were quickly doing basic, quick fingerprints in ink.
What a contrast. If you are an innocent citizen who wants to protect him/herself, you are given an anal/rectal exam of your hands. But if you are a criminal or someone seeking to be a law enforcement officer, no such treatment. I once represented a woman who allegedly stole $17,000 from the U.S. Air Force (I got everything eventually dropped for her and she now has no criminal record). The woman was fingerprinted in under a minute. Basic, quick fingerprints with ink. But I guess you actually have to (allegedly) steal $17,000 from the taxpayers to get decent treatment. Wanting to carry a gun–now, that’s the real crime.
It’s really sickening. But this is gun control. They can’t outright take away the Second Amendment. So they’ll make it tougher and harder to exercise it. By design, they degrade you in processes like this.
They repeatedly wipe your fingers with this vomit-inducing, malodorous substance–so bad, I thought I was going to dry-heave, several times. After several handwashings, I still smell it and am thinking of soaking my hands in a giant bottle of vanilla, later this afternoon–a trick a fishmonger mentions in the charming movie, “Crossing DeLancey“. Let’s see if it works.
But the stench of this experience–where people who want to exercise their Second Amendment rights in Michigan are treated far worse than hardened, violent criminals–will remain starkly in my olfactory memory bank forever.
We’re from the government. And we’re here to help you.

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20 Responses

I’m assuming you were at the Henry Ruff facility. They can be a little coarse with the public but look at the crustacians they deal with everyday. The computer printing machine is a tricky little form of torture in that you HAVE to leave your hand and fingers limp as a liberal from Ann Arbor so the deputy can get a good print on the lens. If you would’ve gotten the old fashioned ink print it would’ve processed with the rest of the mail sent out that day and eventually made its way to the correct desk. The computer is of course instant. Your fellow conservatives are glad you FINALLY got the cpl. You waited waaaaay too long. What if the massiah had done away with cpl’s already?

samurai on February 20, 2009 at 11:57 am

I have to give those guys a little slack. They are required to do a certain amount of service in the county lock up which is arguably the worst this side of Beijing. It’ll leave some marks on a guy, inside and out.

samurai on February 20, 2009 at 12:00 pm

I suppose, in today’s world, you should be thankful you didn’t get strip-searched and wanded.

Rick on February 20, 2009 at 12:03 pm

Or maybe they were taking their time and parading you around because you were eye candy for the deputies. The next lady they have to fingerprint, probably has no teeth.

californiascreaming on February 20, 2009 at 12:15 pm

Miss Schlussel, Et Alii:
Since you are an officer of the court, do you even need to be licensed before exercising your inalienable right, or are all law students automatically indoctrinated into believing that attorneys and/or anyone else must have government permission to defend themselves?
Why is your county sheriff still using old fashioned ink fingerprinting?
That’s done by computer scanning now.
When I lived in Idaho, I had a concealed weapons license, and getting it was very easy.
Since I was a military veteran and had prior law enforcement experience, I did not have to take a training course or demonstrate my proficiency.
I simply filled out a form, got finger printed, paid a fee, and waited for a few weeks for the F.B.I. to do a background records check.
Then, the sheriff’s office called me in for my photograph, I paid another fee, and was issued my license, which by the way, looks exactly the same as the drivers license, and is for the length of time.
The first fee I paid was for the background investigation, and the second fee I paid was for the license.
After a few years, I paid a lower fee to renew my license.
I worked with my state legislators to successfully have Idaho’s concealed weapons license recognized in other states.
I’m listening to the radio, and it was just announced that the United States Army is training to seize firearms from private citizens.
I don’t know the source or veracity of that radio talk show announcement.
A representative from Montana says their state will resist.
How well do you know your history?
The “shot heard ’round the World” was fired, and the American Revolutionary War, began because the British Army was marching to seize the militia’s firearms at Concord, Massachusetts on 19 April 1775.
Similarly, the Texas War of Independence began when the Mexican Army attempted to seize a cannon at Gonzalez, Texas.
Thank you.
John Robert Mallernee
Official Bard of Clan Henderson
Armed Forces Retirement Home
Washington, D.C. 20011-8400

writesong on February 20, 2009 at 12:34 pm

Move to Arizona. The sun will heal your hands and there is much less bureaucracy. I found it exasperating just trying to renew an expired drivers licence in New York. It took minutes in AZ and hardly cost anything. It’s good for more that 20 years.
All I needed was the money to walk into the local gun store and purchase then tske home my XD 9 and as much ammo as I wanted. It’s nice out here Debbie, you’d like it.

Word-Drum on February 20, 2009 at 12:55 pm

I sure hope this means you are now going to be appearing in G. Gordon Liddy’s Stacked and Packed calendar!!!!!!

Jeff_W on February 20, 2009 at 1:03 pm

Here’s the URL for that breaking news story about the United States Army training to seize firearms from American citizens:
Just so you know, the National Guard is NOT your local state militia.
The National Guard is part of the United States Army.
Just ask the National Guardsmen who were wounded in combat in Afghanistan and Iraq.
I served in the regular United States Army, and later, the Utah National Guard, and subsequently, the Utah State Guard.
Your State Guard, also known as the State Defense Force, is your true state militia.
When I was in the Utah State Guard, we were unpaid volunteers who carried state peace officer identification signed by the governor.
We furnished our own uniforms, weapons, and equipment, drilled at National Guard facilities, and received training from the United States Army and the Federal Emergency Management Agency.
Thank you.
John Robert Mallernee
Official Bard of Clan Henderson
Armed Forces Retirement Home
Washington, D.C. 20011-8400

writesong on February 20, 2009 at 1:06 pm

Mr. M,
I see the article states they are being trained by looking for an “arms dealer”. Hmm. I don’t like the SOUND of that either. Hopefully the true target is an islamic arms dealer (not a legit arms dealer). We’ll be staying tuned to this situation.

samurai on February 20, 2009 at 1:39 pm

Over here in Kent County our fearless twit of a prosecutor Bill Forsyth tries to make it as difficult as possible to get a CPL. I turned in my paperwork in December and am still waiting to hear back from them. When I call the County they say the gun board hasn’t met yet and it may take 2-3 months to hear back. When I tell them it has been 3 months the staff at the county offices get all pissy with you. Ottawa County is even worse than Kent when it comes to issuing a CPL. This may be the only time I wished I lived on the east side, at least they are speedier than over here. Its like Forsyth has taken a page from the democrats anti-second amendment playbook, delay, delay and delay some more so he doesn’t have to issue a CPL.
I have a high school friend who lives in Oakland County and it took 4 days for his CPL to be approved last week.

swede on February 20, 2009 at 1:40 pm

We aren’t allowed to even apply for concealed carry here. It is illegal in IL, as is hansgun ownership by Chicago residents.

dm60462 on February 20, 2009 at 1:51 pm

I live in Washington State and the process for me getting my CPL was pretty painless. I too had to be fingerprinted at the fancy fingerprinting computer. But since I’m 6’6″ and have large hands the fingerprinting process was quick and easy. I then paid my fee and waited several weeks for the CPL to arrive in the mail. And now I carry my .45 Springfield XD all over the place. BTW, no firearms training necessary to get a CPL in Washington.
Washington State (like several others) is an open carry state. Which means I don’t have to be licensed/registered to carry as long as the firearm is not concealed. I think it has to be holstered so that it’s visible from front and back and from the side it’s holstered on – I think there’s a term for that but I can’t remember it. Granted I know people that have exercised their right to open-carry and have gotten concerned looks from people and have even been detained by law enforcement.
Good for you getting licensed to carry.

jmb on February 20, 2009 at 2:50 pm

When I went to the link provided by Mr. Mallernee, this paragraph jumped out at me:
“One of the techniques we use in today’s political environment is cordon and knock,” Kots explained. “We ask for the head of the household, get permission to search, then have them open doors and cupboards. The homeowner maintains control. We peer over their shoulder, and the soldier uses the homeowner’s body language and position to protect him.”
The Iowa National Guard is training to use civilians as human shields, Palestinian-style.

chsw on February 20, 2009 at 5:56 pm

Welcome to the club Debbie.What do you intend to carry? There is a plethora of fine weapons on the market today. May you never be in a situation that requires you to draw your weapon, but if you are, act decisivley and aim true.

bill on February 20, 2009 at 6:47 pm

According to the WORLD NET DAILY web site, the United States Army (i.e, the Iowa National Guard) has CANCELLED their planned training exercise for seizing firearms in an Iowa community.
Here is the URL for that report:
However, in reading the article, it is apparent that the soldiers will continue to be indoctrinated and train to seize firearms from American citizens.
They just won’t be doing it in that town.
So, the problem still exists.
I heard a pundit on a television news talk show opine that, in the event of an armed revolt against our government, that our soldiers in the United States Army would NEVER open fire on their fellow American citizens.
Hmmm – – – , let’s take a look at history.
United States soldiers invaded the Confederate States of America, resulting in more combat deaths than in all other American wars combined, before or since.
United States soldiers (MY unit, the 101st Airborne!!!) were used against American citizens in Little Rock, Arkansas to force racial integration of Little Rock High School, in blatant violation of the Constitution.
United States soldiers provided security and logistical support at the killings by federal agents of the Randy Weaver family at Ruby Ridge, Idaho.
United States Soldiers massacred American citizens at Waco, Texas, while the famed Texas Rangers idly stood by and quietly observed, not lifting a finger to stop it.
Remember, folks, your National Guard is part of the regular United States Army, and is NOT your true local state militia, even though many state constitutions erroneously indicate otherwise.
Your TRUE local state militia is your State Guard, also known as the State Defense Force.
I served in all three organizations, and I may be one of the very few men who possesses an Honorable Discharge from all three organizations, i.e., the regular United States Army, the Utah National Guard, and the Utah State Guard.
Inquire if YOUR state has an active State Defense Force that you can participate in.
Here is a web site where you can seek further information:
Thank you.
John Robert Mallernee
Official Bard of Clan Henderson
Armed Forces Retirement Home
Washington, D.C. 20011-8400

writesong on February 21, 2009 at 11:38 am

Debbie Schussel…WONDERFUL factual tale.
PLEASE keep up the great work/words and never stop fighting for those of us…who long for fairness and the rights of American Citizens.
Take care and God bless.
Jeffrey Schrembs, American Citizen FIRST, NOW, Always

Nostradamus on February 21, 2009 at 11:05 pm

I am going to Henry Ruff this week with my husband to file for our CPL. Yippe can’t wait to be finger molested.

caitlynn on February 22, 2009 at 5:17 pm

I had the same fingers molested with the stupid computer finger printing for over 30 minutes with the stinky solution just because I wanted to help kids with their reading! That was over 10 years ago. And they still haven’t gotten any better! OMG

rudey33 on February 23, 2009 at 10:19 pm

You should have had a CCW a long time ago. I hope you never have to exercise the privilage. I live in Livingston County. They were great. They said they have been busy with requests. You should have your firearm by now along with plenty of ammo. You may soon have the right to bear arms concealed soon, but you may soon not have the right to buy ammunition.

Scott on February 27, 2009 at 12:58 am

Is this a comedy piece? You’re really turning an uncomfortable amount of fingerprinting into another political tirade?

scythemantis on March 28, 2009 at 5:37 am

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