February 18, 2013, - 5:41 pm
On Friday, the gourmet supermarket near where I live (not Whole Foods, in which I haven’t set foot since I discovered that Whole Foods is Whole HAMAS Foods) was giving out free package samples of Ziggy Marley Organics “Ziggy Marley’s Hemp Rules Roasted Hempseeds Organic Caribbean Crunch — 6 oz” (and they also gave out his flavored coconut cooking oil, which is good stuff). It’s kosher and everything, and I want to try the seeds as a snack, but I have visions of having to suddenly take an impromptu drug test, and I wonder: will roasted hemp seeds make me test positive for pot? I’ve never tried marijuana–not even once–in my entire life (or any other illegal drug). And I’m proud of that.
Whenever I hear the word, “hemp,” I think of Sean Penn’s Jeff Spicoli from “Fast Times at Ridgemont High,” or some other similarly greasy-locked loser lecturing the wind on the benefits of hemp in fabric and paper and organic cashmere Q-tips while I’m thinking, “Yeah, vacant one, you keep tellin’ yourself that. I’ll stick with cotton.” We all know that hemp is the term for the illegal cannabis plants from which marijuana grows. And hemp is still illegal, despite Rand Paul and Mitch McConnell wasting precious time and resources to legalize it. So I wonder, even if there is no active illegal drug content, would my tasting of these seeds leave a trace of cannabis stuff in my system? It’s not that I’m worried about taking a drug test tomorrow. It’s that really good places might take a strand of my long hair some months from now and be able to detect that I ate these seeds . . . except that they’ll come up as some illegal toking or meddled-with brownies, not some seeds I was given at the store.
Am I silly to be worried if I try the seeds?
For the record, I’m not a fan of the Marleys (Ziggy or Bob). I’m also not a fan of the bizarro, lazy culture that surrounds them in which White losers think that wearing a knit African-patterned green, red, and black beret and slacking all day while toking pot turns them into some kind of magical African soul men from the islands or something. These are Obama voters, hipsters with longer hair and weirder clothing. But the seeds look interesting.
I’m very leery of people who tell me that “all traces” of illegal drugs (in this case, that would be THC-right?) have been removed. After all, I once made the mistake of forgetting and eating a poppy-seed bagel right before a drug test for a job (yeah, I know–echoes of a “Seinfeld” episode). And the drug-testing people told me to go home and wait a week or risk testing positive. I wonder if the same goes for these hemp seeds. I’m sure a million far lefties (who smoked up a storm and smelled like a Snoop Dogg stink bomb for a good part of their lives) will make fun of me for even asking, claiming I don’t know the difference between actual pot and the seeds from the cannabis plant, but I don’t wanna take a chance. So . . .
Should I try the hemp seeds or throw them away?
Toss it . . . or taste it?
Tags: Bob Marley, cannabis, Hemp, hemp seeds, HempSeeds, illegal drugs, Mitch McConnell, pot, Rand Paul, Ziggy Marley, Ziggy Marley Hemp seeds, Ziggy Marley Organics, Ziggy Marley's Hemp Rules Roasted Hempseeds