March 3, 2014, - 8:58 am
*** SCROLL DOWN FOR UPDATE ***
A number of readers are asking me what I thought of last night’s Oscars. Actually, I don’t think about it much–a national celebration of mostly garbage and unimportant stuff. I was only half-watching the Oscars, but here’s my reaction, mostly a summary of my few tweets on the yawnfest (follow me on Twitter).
The Oscars were predictable. The winners fit the usual fave Hollywood victimology narratives. Up front, there was the slavery from over a century ago (“Twelve Years a Slave”–read my review) and the never-ending cries of racism that justify Obamaphones, Obamacare, welfare, minority set-asides, affirmative action, and every other form of reparations now plaguing America. Race merchantry lives on at Oscar. So predictable the odds in Vegas need to be adjusted.
Then, there are the new perceived “victims” of sexual racism and forced wedding cake-bakery in Colorado, the Northwest, and now Arizona: transvestites, gays, and AIDS–thus the Matthew McConaughey win for a movie (“Dallas Buyers Club,” or as I call it, “Brokeback Mountain 2.0″–read my review), in which he plays the typical hated bete noire of the left, a right-wing Texas cowboy who hates gays and Muslims, but is forced to partner with a transvestite after being stricken with AIDS. And what was up with McConaughey’s conceited, rambling speech? “Who is my hero? Me in two years.” Huh?
Ellen wore more tacky tuxes than a cheap Vegas lounge act. She looked like she emerged from “My Cousin Vinnie’s” mariachi band (yes, I know there was no mariachi band in “My Cousin Vinnie,” but if there were . . . ). And while she tries her darnedest to look and dress like a man, she has a lot more in common with every other chick comedienne: she ain’t funny. You’d think a woman who tries too hard to look male wouldn’t dare call a manly looking woman who tries her best to look feminine (Liza Minnelli), “a female impersonator.” But you’d be wrong. Ellen called her that, and it didn’t go over well. Chutzpah is what doubles for “funny” with Ellen. Here’s a tip: it ain’t. So, whaddya do when you don’t have the funny? You rely on dumb Twitterbomb photo stunts.
Better Midler’s strained singing of “Wind Beneath My Wings” belongs in the Gitmo torture repertoire. Painful. I thought that song was long ago banished to elevator muzak. Oscars got stuck in the elevator. The 1990s called. They want their bad Vegas cabaret act back. Um, why is the song from the torturous “Beaches” in the 2014 Oscars? Just askin’.
The garish Islamic terrorism supporter Angelina Jolie was wearing a mostly see-through dress, a top down shot of which (on both ABC’s red carpet show and its Oscars telecast) was basically a nude shot of nearly all of her giant, newly reconstructed, post-mastectomy breasts. She was trying to send a message to women, and I guess the message is: if you’re on Obamacare, you won’t get these after you are diagnosed with the BRCA gene. Your Obama-induced policy with large co-pays and high deductibles, won’t cover it. Good luck with that.
Other than that, most women’s dresses were ho-hum, despite the faux-multi-orgasms people are having about overrated PC it-girl, the anti-American Lupita Nyong’o’s (Vanna, can I buy an apostrophe?) dress. The dress was reminiscent of Borat’s mankini. (Hint, if your chest is flatter than Pee Wee Herman’s, probably not a good idea to wear a dress that’s barely there at the top, even if you call the color, a fictional “Kenyan blue.”) The “Kenyan” Yale grad has made very anti-American comments to TMZ, and, yet, America has sent her on the road to fame and riches beyond her wildest dreams. So typical. Yawn. By the way, Nyong’o wasn’t really born in Kenya. She was born in Mexico City. Wow, it’s the Obama vice-versa-ette (or something)–she’s actually trying to claim she’s from Kenya. Her tacky lookalike hanger-on bro, Peter Nyong’o, invaded the Ellen celebrity photo for Twitter. He’s this year’s version of Angelina Jolie’s bro, James Haven. Remember Jolie’s effusive, “I’m so in love with my brother right now“?
I guess I should be grateful that yet another crappy Palestinian propaganda film (“Omar”–read my review), nominated by the politically correct Oscar people, didn’t win, so we didn’t have to hear speeches about how some Arab filmmaker with an Israeli passport will get his revenge and “retake Palestine” or some other such crap.
On the other hand, the Oscars took several hipster “youth” who look like they just walked out of a lesbian amputee poetry reading in Brooklyn, and anointed them, “Team Oscar.” Why and what they actually did on the Oscar stage, it’s hard to tell. But they were carefully affirmative-action-quota culled to make up the minority colors of the PC narrative rainbow (yes, I know gays now own the rainbow, but I think I’m still allowed to use it in the Jesse Jackson-Clintonista sense). It figures that a Muslim chick from Ann Arbor was front and center in her sequined Muslim head scarf and bad pregnant-chick-looking tent of sequins dress, all paid for by the Academy. allahu movie crap.
Well, the long, self-absorbed Hollywood circle jerk fest is over. Until next year.
*** UPDATE: A couple of other things I meant to mention earlier:
* Cate Blanchett: I’m glad she won for Best Actress (for “Blue Jasmine”–read my review), but only because it is a huge slam on the whining, anti-Israel, HAMASnik Farrows–Mia and son Ronan–who won’t shut up about Woody Allen, when it seems that the allegations made by the Farrow daughter are wholly coached by a scorned Mia. You know what they say, hell hath no fury like an aged Mia skank scorned. I don’t believe the Farrows’ lies on Gaza and Israel, and I don’t believe ’em on the alleged molestation of Dylan Farrow. I do, however, believe Moses Farrow, who says it’s all made up by a vengeful Mia. He’s been disowned by the other Farrows for daring to say so.
* Barkhad Abdi v. Jared Leto: I gotta admit that Somalian Muslim immigrant, Abdi, plucked from Minneapolistan limo driving, did a fabulous job as the Islamic terrorist, er . . . “poor pirate forced to do it by his unfortunate circumstances in “Captain Phillips” (read my review). I even voted for the guy for Best Supporting Actor, as a member of the Detroit Film Critics Society. However, I doubt this guy will ever work again in anything (other than some junky, foreign-financed, D-list movie sold mostly overseas). He was good for this one role–essentially playing his culture–and that role only.
But why didn’t Hollywood vote for the Somalian Muslim? Well, there’s only one thing Hollywood loves better than championing the “legitimate rights, resistance, and aspirations” of Somalian Muslims wielding guns and threats against infidels, and that’s a transvestite with AIDS, which Leto played in “Dallas Buyers Club.” Thus, the Abdi snub. So sad, too bad. allah willed it. Plus Hollywood doesn’t want to give an award to a Muslim for actually playing a Muslim terrorist. Too real. Too un-PC.
Tags: 2014 Academy Awards, 2014 Oscars, Academy Awards, Angelina Jolie, Bette Midler, Ellen DeGeneris, Lupita Nyong'o, Oscars, Oscars 2014, Peter Nyong'o