April 4, 2014, - 4:11 pm

Ugly LPGA Golfers Upset w/ Hot Wayne Gretzky Daughter Pic on Mag Cover

By Debbie Schlussel

Ugly LPGA golfer chicks (at least I think they’re chicks but only the gynecologist knows for sure) are upset with Golf Digest for putting model Paulina Gretzky on the magazine’s cover, after a series of other models, like Kate Upton. These sensible-shoes-endowed golfer feminists are upset that the magazine hasn’t put a female pro golfer on the cover since 2008. And they’re obviously jealous that good-looking models make it to magazine covers instead of second rate golfers who make a living at it only because they have vaginas for plumbing.


I’ve been quoted in Golf Digest before about the whiny, phony chick golfers. And I’ve long argued, dating back to my appearances on ESPN and FOX Sports back in 2000 and beyond, that pro sports–especially women’s fake “pro sports”–are showbiz. Sexualization of everything isn’t a good thing. But we live in a Kardashian, celeb-obsessed, vain society. Women’s sports is only about who looks good, not who can best do a fourth-rate imitation of a man playing pro sports. Nobody wants to see an LPGA player who looks only slightly better than Janet Napolitano on the cover of a magazine. It doesn’t sell. Scantily-clad models sell, for better or for worse, especially to the target demo of 25-45-year-old males to whom advertisers want to sell golf clubs, resort vacations, and so on. But even women don’t buy magazines with ugly women on the cover. Check out the covers of Glamour, Cosmopolitan, and Allure, the next time you’re at the drugstore. Okay, so Glamour and Vogue had Michelle Obama on the cover, but everybody makes mistakes. In any event, nobody cares about who is the best of the bottom 50% of pro-golfers, which is what the LPGA Tour is.

Anna Kournikova got that in the late ’90s and early 2000s, when she made millions in endorsements and was all over the tabloids, even though she hadn’t cracked women’s tennis’ top ten at the time and hadn’t won a major tournament. The racist, anti-Israel Williams sisters, at the top of the women’s game, couldn’t get arrested because they were–how do you say it?–“looks-challenged” or, um, “differently-visaged.” Plus people thought their milk mustaches in the ad were real Williams facial hair or that it was really the Wayans Brothers in the ad. VenuSerena constantly whined, “raaaaaayyyycism!” But it was really just, you’re very ugly. (Plus the Williams Bros are arrogant and act like the world owes them. It ain’t attractive.)

And, now, it is the same thing all over again. The LPGA hags are upset that they aren’t on the cover but a model is.

With a provocative pose, Paulina Gretzky will be the cover girl in the upcoming issue of Golf Digest. That doesn’t sit well with some LPGA tour stars.

Gretzky isn’t a professional golfer. . . . The last three women to appear on the cover have been Golf Channel anchor and personality Holly Sonders (May 2013), Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue cover girl Kate Upton, who appeared with Arnold Palmer (December 2013), and Gretzky. Lorena Ochoa was the last player to appear on the cover – in 2008.

“That’s just been the way it is for over 20, 30 years,” world No. 1 Inbee Park told reporters on Thursday after her round in the Kraft Nabisco Championship. “We are trying to get closer to the guys (in popularity), but obviously we are never going to get there. That’s for sure. The LPGA is getting better and better.”

Uh-huh. Just like the plague and herpes are getting better and better.

Stacy Lewis, the top-ranked American at No. 3 in the world, was asked by a New York Times reporter what she thought of the choice. “It’s frustrating for female golfers,” Lewis told reporters. “It’s the state of where we’ve always been. We don’t get the respect for being the golfers we are. Obviously, Golf Digest is trying to sell magazines, but at the same time you like to see a little respect for the women’s game.”

Why? They aren’t the best golfers. Not even close. Just the best golfers with estrogen. Men who can’t make it to the PGA Tour or even lesser pro golf leagues can beat these women easily.

Angela Stanford agreed. The veteran from Texas has been playing golf on a professional level since 1990 but wasn’t surprised when told of the Gretzky cover. . . . “The LPGA has some attractive women and very fit women, so why not use them? I’m just baffled by it.”

Waaaah! Waaah! Waaah! Now, go back to trying on your pantsuit and signing up for the Hillary Cankles Clinton Fan Club.

Here’s a tip, Ls of the LPGA, nobody cares. If this LPGA beef was really about skill and if people really cared about the best golfers being on the cover of a golf magazine, the magazine would have the best golfers–all of them, MEN!–on the cover. And it has. If women golfers were really that good and so meritorious of the cover shot, they would disband the LPGA, qualify for the PGA Tour, and beat the men at the game. But they can’t and they won’t. So, all they can do is whine about the model. So sad, too bad. Our world is gonna collapse with this great travesty of lesbian golfers not being on the cover of Golf Digest.

By the way, Paulina Gretzky is the daughter of former NHL phenom Wayne Gretzky and retired actress Janet Jones Gretzky.

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22 Responses

Does the “L” in LPGA stand for lesbian? Just asking here.

I am one of those men who is more likely to pick up a magazine if there is a hot looking woman on the cover, the less clothes the better, and there is nothing wrong with that. It is called biology and it is called marketing. Do you really want to see Hillary in a bikini? Or Barbara Mikulski? Oops, just threw up on my keyboard thinking about that one.

Most of you cannot tell me the name of the last women’s (?) golf tournament or who won, and like me, you don’t care. I do know who Kate Upton is, though.

Jonathan E. Grant on April 4, 2014 at 4:23 pm

The cover girls have better personalities, too.

Little Al on April 4, 2014 at 5:37 pm

I do like women’s skiing. Women’s volleyball is pretty good when there is a wardrobe malfunction.

I enjoy watching the goodlooking women’s players. Sloan Stevens is fun to watch, perhaps because she seems quite pleasant, but I do not like Serena after her toleration of bigotry against Jews and after she verbally attacked the lineswoman, who is a fraction of Serena’s size (I have seen the lineswoman in person, and she is tiny). After Serena’s attack and forfeiture on the court, she got the Female Athlete of the Year Award. Wonder why.

Jonathan E. Grant on April 4, 2014 at 6:24 pm

Williams sisters? Talk about needing a gynecologist. I still don’t believe they are females. Never did. Show me the DNA proof.

Stoffer on April 4, 2014 at 6:34 pm

    I’ve maintained that for years – just look at their upper bodies. I believe they were hermaphrodite babies and had their male genitalia removed and/or are given testosterone.

    DS_ROCKS! on April 5, 2014 at 12:50 pm

    I saw a photo of the oldest Williams sister, and she could easily pass for Mike Tyson’s brother (minus the facial tattoo of course). I have a pro-tennis buddy who said the pair are generally considered an embarrassment to the sport.

    #1 VATO on April 6, 2014 at 8:20 pm

Isn’t Gretzky engaged to a male golf pro? At least that makes her sort of a part of the golf world.

Tommy Thomas on April 5, 2014 at 1:19 am

Yes, she is engaged to Dustin Johnson, who is a top player on the tour. So while DS’s valid points stand regardless, this wasn’t even an entirely random choice by Golf Digest either…

Brian R. on April 5, 2014 at 4:43 am

Beauty can be defined as genes we would like to pass on to our children. A long lean athletic body, long legs. Smooth shiny hair. And large eyes. A curvaceous body that can easily deliver babies. These traits guys find beautiful because subconsciously they want to pass these same traits on to their children.

Karen on April 5, 2014 at 5:14 am

Ice dancing has something for everybody. Dancing is not a sport? And golf is?

Chinggis on April 5, 2014 at 5:49 am

There are some beautiful female pro golfers – especially some of the Asians. Yes, it would make more sense to profile an up-coming attractive female pro-golfer. Or, perhaps a beautiful female college golfer heading for pro status. The latter would definitely sell magazines as well as lure purchasers to delve into the magazine to read about that collegiate young woman. Except for ESPN’s annual Swimsuit edition, it’s covers are predominantly of ……. athletes. It’s not that far-fetched that a Golfing mag would feature golfers on its covers. At least give a golf lesson to the cover model and then write a cute article about it with photos and include it within that issue. Readers would get more exposure to the person that attracted them to the mag cover.

Dina k. on April 5, 2014 at 10:05 am

This is a hateful post! The LPGA is made up of lots of interesting women from all over the world! Professional women golfer are dedicated to their sports, physically and mental strong. I am disgusted by women who attack women.. Why be so hateful?

Deb Ebbesen on April 5, 2014 at 10:13 am

The williams sisters. Where I live there are lots of Africans,real African born Africans .Some of the various different ethnic groups amongst them have very attractive women folk, even to me who prefers the almond eyed beauties of our middle eastern heritage.
he williams have obviously been treated to hormone supplements which would explain the lack of companionship in their lives. Money changes everything and is the worlds greatest aphrodisiac so why are they being snapped by the paparazzi with this months male toy? . Is it because those hormones have altered their libido’s to the point where it no longer exists or is it because they are hermaphrodites ? Only Chicom female swimmers have better upper body muscleculture than these two.

Aron B on April 5, 2014 at 5:03 pm

I believe that some more attractive LPGA members HAVE been approached by Golf Digest, but they perceive the benefits of being on the cover (a few thousand dollars at the most) being less than the COSTS:

Endless harassment by the “uglies” – the BUTCHES.

PS – Golf Digest never improved my golf score, so I dumped it years ago.

Frank Zavisca on April 6, 2014 at 11:56 am

Who gives a f**k anyway…period!

IceNoMore on April 8, 2014 at 2:27 pm

You have berve talking about lesbians and ugly. Your fat bloated pig face looks aliy like the pics you advertise of yourself. Your also a liar and a pig. Oh wait I must be an anti semite because somehow I am saying youre a fat ugly pig because you have Jew blood. OH WAIT… THATS RIGHT I AM JEWISH. Not everytine someone things youre a crackpot or insults you it is tied to some Islamic anti-Israel plot… oh and by the way I do think what we do to the Palestinians is disgraceful and I am ashamed… oh I must be a self loathing Jew now. It can never be just because somebody actually uses their brains and thinks objectively rather than just throw labels like you. You are a vile human. I am sure you will take this down as you dont have the balls (even though you look like you do) to keep this up.

Seth Gertz on April 26, 2014 at 8:30 am

Tennis MORE THAN TOLERATED racism towards the Williams Sisters,and when they fought it,you whining,Tea Bagger b**-
(Besides,Serena’s got a white boy!!!!!!!!)

handsomeblackbray1953 on August 1, 2014 at 10:25 am

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