April 17, 2014, - 2:37 pm

Would Stephen Colbert Get CBS Late Night Gig If He Did This to Muslims?

By Debbie Schlussel

If Stephen Colbert attacked Muslims the way he’s mocked Jews and Christians, do you think he’d have gotten the CBS late night gig? Think again. He’s rarely mocked Muslims, if ever. But he regularly attacks Jews and Christians. And here’s just a sample of something he does that Muslims would never tolerate, nor would CBS if it were about Muslims:

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Every year, Comedy Central’s Stephen Colbert sets up a 1-888-OOPS-JEW hotline to give Jews an opportunity to apologize to him in the 10 days of repentance between Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur. Mr. Colbert mispronounces the Jewish holy days, blows the “dead ram” Shofar and brings out his atonement phone. “Oh children of Israel, once again I look forward to your apologies to me. To quote your Jewish Pope Moses—’revenge is a dish best served kosher,'” he says.







It is the kind of on-the-edge humor that has won Mr. Colbert a strong following among a younger generation of late-night viewers—a following that led CBS Corp. CBS -0.32% to his door in choosing a successor to their late-night star, David Letterman. But in airlifting Mr. Colbert from the almost-anything-goes world of cable to the confines of broadcast television, CBS Corp. is taking a risk.

Is that really “on-the-edge humor”? Or is it bigoted humor? “On-the-edge” humor would be if he dared to mock the religion of hijackers, Fort Hood massacreists, Times Square, Shoe, and Undie Bombers, and other assorted malefactors who want to destroy us and to whom we’ve cowered. That would be daring. Colbert’s tired retread about the holiest Jewish day of the year is not. It’s anti-Semitic–exactly the kind of “funny” that aging, out of touch, self-hating Jews like CBS chief Les Moonves love. It may be funny to some, but in fact, it’s anti-Jewish. And Colbert would never do it to Muslims. He simply doesn’t have the cojones. If he did do it to Muslims, CBS definitely wouldn’t hire him because there would be an outcry from all the usual alphabet soup of Muslim HAMAS supporting whiners, including CAIR, MPAC, and so on–such an outcry that even a moderate ABC Family pilot about Muslims who kidnap their relative to Saudi Arabia was immediately canceled. But bigotry against Jews and Christians by Colbert is acceptable. And it will be acceptable at CBS. I won’t be watching.

Moonves said of Colbert, “He’ll be the guy who does social commentary. This is going to feel very different from the Jimmys [NBC’s Fallon and ABC’s Kimmel].” By “social commentary,” he means liberal crap. But nobody watching late night TV wants to hear social commentary, and if they do, they turn to FOX News or MSNBC. If it feels different, it might be because nobody is watching. David Letterman already blew a big chunk of audience by resorting to bitter liberalism instead of entertaining humor, and I predict that Colbert will have similarly low ratings. He will have a bump initially from gawkers who want to see what he does. But, then, it will be boring. Because that’s what Colbert is without mocking conservatives: boring and unentertaining. He’s boring even with that.

In the week since it was announced that Colbert was getting the soon-to-be-vacated David Letterman gig, a number of conservatives have been up in arms. They say it’s “an attack on America’s heartland,” and other similar stuff. And, given that Colbert is a liberal whose “Colbert Report” is based on mocking conservatives as anachronistic idiots, it is an attack on the roughly 40% of Americans who are conservative. But that’s not what’s stupid about it.

What’s stupid about it is that Colbert is boring. He’s a one trick pony. And he’s not funny. Sarcasm only goes so far. Not very far. And that’s all he’s got. Colbert will not hold his own against the latenight Jimmys, Fallon and Kimmel in the coveted male 18-34 demographic. Colbert is only 49–just a few years the Jimmys’ senior, but he looks like he’s 59 and has the mannerisms of a 69-year-old. He’s not youthful, and he’s not hip. As a straight interviewer, he’ll be snoozeworthy.

And that’s another reason I won’t be watching.

It’s another reason you won’t be watching either.

Unless you ran out of sleeping pills.

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40 Responses

I could never stand Colbert or his crap show and have been boycotting Letterman for decades, now, so having this switch in hosts will just mean continuation of my avoidance of CBS late-night TV.

DS_ROCKS! on April 17, 2014 at 3:05 pm

Even though I don’t agree what Mr. Colbert said on Letterman’s talk show about the Jewish holiday of Passover, irrespectively, I don’t believe in censorship or boycotts. Even though I’m no fan or organized religion (and its a problem, rather the solution), the differences of the adherents of the Abrahamic faiths (Christianity, Judaism and Islam alike) is that, the Jews and Christians alike believe in freedom of expression, can take a joke, understand satire, and ridicule, whilst, the Muslims on the other hand (I’m looking at the fanatics and zealots) are horribly ignorant of satire, humor, ridicule, freedom of expression/freedom of the arts, and so forth, and will take their dogmatic faith WAY too seriously by being a bunch of irrational cultists!

Sean R. on April 17, 2014 at 3:24 pm

    Sean R, Islam is NOT an “Abrahamic faith.” Even accepting this assertion is an error. Islam is a Mohammedan faith, with Mo taking place of Abraham, as Mo was the greatest of the prophets.

    Nor is the problem only the “fanatics and zealots,” as they are NOT alone in being “horribly ignorant of satire, humor, ridicule, freedom of expression/freedom of the arts, and so forth.” Unless of course you mean that the majority are “fanatics and zealots.”

    skzion on April 17, 2014 at 4:39 pm

      Well, it’s debatable whether or not Islam is apart of the other Abrahamic faiths (Judaism, Christianity and Baha’i faith), the terminology “Mohammedan” is a term for a follower of the Islam’s alleged prophet, Muhammad. It’s used as both a noun and an adjective, meaning belonging or relating to, either Muhammad or the religion (Islam), doctrines, institutions and practices that he established.

      Don’t get me wrong Skzion, I’m not disputing a word you said in your comment, you may have a valid point. As for Stephen Colbert, it’s up all of us whether we watch his show or not, me personally, I don’t watch his show, not due to his views, is that I’m very indifferent regards to his program, they’re other shows that’s a little better than Mr. Colbert’s!

      Sean R. on April 17, 2014 at 10:20 pm

    Furthermore, Sean, are we wrong not to watch such garbage or to suggest that others not watch it? (Nobody here is suggesting censorship.)

    skzion on April 17, 2014 at 4:41 pm

To sum it up, Colbert is an asshole. Anyone who finds him funny is an asshole.

Jonathan E. Grant on April 17, 2014 at 3:27 pm

I do believe in boycotts. When Colbert takes over for Dave Litterbox, err, Letterman, call the sponsors and tell them you are boycotting their product until they quit advertising on Colbert’s show.

Jonathan E. Grant on April 17, 2014 at 3:37 pm

I also found out that Colbert had defended his friend, Helen Thomas, on his crap show.

Again, call up the sponsors and tell them you are boycotting their products until they stop sponsoring Colbert.

Jonathan E. Grant on April 17, 2014 at 3:57 pm

I didn’t watch Letterman and I won’t watch Colbert. They will both be in for the shock of their life at the end of theirs.
And yes, I boycott too.

Laura S. on April 17, 2014 at 4:12 pm

Colbert is a smart alek…women might like it but the NORMAL males in the audience will think he is an A-hole…. he is guy who gets mad if somebody mentions he is a sissy!

It's just me again on April 17, 2014 at 4:14 pm

    “he is guy who gets mad if somebody mentions he is a sissy!”

    I didn’t know that (but then I have never seen anything of his). Poor thing is so sensitive.

    skzion on April 17, 2014 at 4:53 pm

He’s not funny, not even like Letterman was when he started out.

David on April 17, 2014 at 4:29 pm

And then there are the execrable plays like Angels in America and Book of Mormon. And liberals have been especially intolerant of Catholics for many years.

And all of that is oh-so-humerous.

Little Al on April 17, 2014 at 4:47 pm

    Little Al, I actually read one of those plays (I think there are three). I expected sinister politics and social commentary, but I did not expect such technical and creative mediocrity. The guy is a phony.

    skzion on April 17, 2014 at 4:55 pm

      (I was referring to Kushner.)

      skzion on April 17, 2014 at 8:10 pm

Colbert is an asshole indeed ;)

Schlüsseldienst in Köln on April 17, 2014 at 5:43 pm

Muslims and Islam are off limits, everyone with a brain knows that. No one likes being threatened with death.

JeffT on April 17, 2014 at 6:15 pm

    But if those like Moonves and colbert who can hire body guards won’t make fun of islam, who will?

    Dave on April 21, 2014 at 11:33 am

Kind of unfair here.

1. Muslims never atone for anything.

2. The only sin in Islam is losing.

luagha on April 17, 2014 at 6:47 pm

I dedicated “Big Apple Corner” (at Broadway & West 54th Street, the location of the Ed Sullivan Theater where the show is filmed) in 1997. David Letterman–unfunny as he’s been all these many years–never invited me on the show and never noticed it, even though he did regular skits with the “Hello Deli” next door. I’ll give Stephen Colbert until 2032 to invite me on the show.

I watch Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart every night to record the slang phrases they frequently coin. Stewart is a hopelessly biased Marxist. The cheerleading of both shows for Obamacare and gun control has been disgusting.

Colbert is a puzzle because he plays the character of the stupid Bill O’Reilly conservative for laughs. Colbert is a Catholic. What does he really believe? The fact is, if Colbert believed anything but the liberal ideology, he wouldn’t stand for the bias that his show has every night.

So, yes, we have another liberal Obama-friendly show at 11:30 p.m. What a groundbreaker. I think Colbert is in for a tougher time than he realizes. He’s never played “himself,” and that stuff has long been played out by everyone else. Why watch?

As for religious attacks, late night will never attack a Muslim-owned business like it has attacked Hobby Lobby just this month. These are the “rules” they all play by.

Perhaps it’s time to turn ‘em all off.

Barry Popik on April 17, 2014 at 7:22 pm

    Colbert is probably a CINO – Catholic in Name Only – you know, like Pelosi, the Cuomo creatures, etc. I watched Colbert do a White House thing a few years back……….after five minutes I turned him off and went back to reading Schopenhauer to get a few laughs before bed.

    Victoryman on April 18, 2014 at 10:26 am

What could’ve been CBS’ calculation here in crowning Colbert Letterman’s successor? Apparently they’re convinced and with good reason that coarseness and stupidity, humor worthy or not, will reign supreme in future late-night ratings— ignorant sputtering tripe aimed at dimwits whose idea of hip and hilarity probably consists of throwing up on one’s shoes; what TV’s target audience has come to be, I guess.

I enjoyed Letterman’s quick-witted humor for years but gave him up a few years ago when his wrongheaded political snark outweighed for me his gift for humor. Still, though, I miss the consistent night after night, year after year, classic interaction of Letterman with his incomparable sidekick/ bandleader Paul Shaffer.

Oops, there I went. But, damn it, I miss the guy; and now with his impending retirement, gone goes late-night’s funniest host of them all. Funny but oh so flawed. And his replacement? No laughing matter.

I’ve stayed away for years and feel not a flicker of temptation to have even a single look at the new guy.

Oh, and “would Colbert get the gig if he did this to Muslims?” –To consider the even less than remote possibility, I fear would have me laughing so hard as to put me in danger of throwing up my entire stomach lining.

lee of the lower case "l" on April 17, 2014 at 7:59 pm

Nah, little Stevie likes his head right where it is (despite being a vacuous brainless twit). He knows better than to mock (so easy to do, too!) muzzies, lest he be placed on the block one day (and soon).

jc15 on April 17, 2014 at 9:36 pm

No one in this house understands how anyone ever found Letterman funny. We never have. When he first got his program I recall saying to my husband, “how the hell did he get his own show?”. I’ve probably seen no more than 20 minutes of his program maybe 5x’s since he’s been on the air and have never, not once, found anything he said funny enough to laugh. And for the past 7 or 8 yrs I’ve found him to be nothing but a disgusting pig.

Laura S. on April 17, 2014 at 9:54 pm

    Oh, come on, Laura! When he jumped into a tank of water in an Alka-Seltzer suit it WAS funny, in a Three Stooges, adolescent boy sort of way.

    Meira on April 18, 2014 at 4:36 am

      haha… Sorry, Meira, didn’t see that. But, I never did find the 3 stooges very funny either. My brother did. I do occasionally watch it tho (3 stooges) simply for nostalgia’s sake.

      Laura S. on April 18, 2014 at 8:51 am

I am actually surprised that CBS picked him up. Stephen Colbert’s routine gets old pretty fast unless you are a hardcore Rachel Maddow fan.

Worry01 on April 18, 2014 at 1:18 am

None of the above could ever match Johnny Carsons humor, talent
in a million years. I don’t watch any late night shows now. I was spoiled by Carson, Bishop and Cavett.

Jesse on April 18, 2014 at 7:56 am

    @Jesse
    Agreed. After Johnny left, I stopped watching. Maybe there was 1 as good as Johnny or the others but I couldn’t watch any long enough to find out.

    Laura S. on April 18, 2014 at 8:54 am

Colbert’s show will fail miserably. However, it will be propped up by all those federal monies that have been spent to various groups, businesses, etc., with no accounting so that this POS and other shows and groups and businesses can be propped up to continue to attack Christianity, Judaism, conservatives and others who don’t parrot the liberal line.

Concerned Citizen on April 18, 2014 at 10:15 am

I agree with Jesse….Carson was the king and nobody has, or will, come close to his success. I don’t watch CBS, NBC, ABC, PMSNBC, Rachel Madc**t, or any bevy of libtard radical crap anyway so it’s no loss to me.

The “Colbert Report”, when it first aired, was relatively funny and entertaining but it gradually took a big turn south like so many other shows today. I stopped watching because it became more and more bizarre. If I was a loyal late night viewer and had to choose, I’d say Jimmy Fallon has the lock right now on who’s the best out of the “big three”. Since I don’t spend time watching late night mind mush I’ll stick to my select movies on DVD, NetFlix, et al….

IceNoMore on April 18, 2014 at 10:34 am

Would he get the job if he did it to muslims?

It’s a Trick and/or Rhetorical question,you know….the answer,naturally, is Hell No.

CharlesMartel on April 18, 2014 at 10:53 am

The answer to your question Debbie is not only no but hell no. Liberal weenies like Col-BERT, Stewart, Kimmel, Fallon and Letterman would never make fun of Muslims and Islam. Just like the limp wristed gays, buzz cut lesbo hags, lofo Black and Hispanics Mulsims are a protected class in our PC infested nation. Liberal stinkweeds can make fun of Jews and Christians(like me) all day long but the savage barbarians, er I mean peaceful Muslims would get their rags in a bunch quicker than you could spell C-A-I-R. Colbert will just be a younger version of Letterman. That is he will be a liberal hack, unfunny, and boring. I predict also that after the beginning fanfare of his take over his ratings will drop faster than the truth meter everytime his hero Obama speaks.

Ken b on April 18, 2014 at 11:40 am

Do not watch Colbert! simple ain’t it. Watch infomercials before Colbert.

sal on April 18, 2014 at 12:23 pm

He does this supposedly as a “right Wing” commentator.

However, it is about as funny as everything else he does.

Now, what would really be funny is him getting accidentally “St. Pancaked,” while on a trip to the West Wank. You know, like Rachel Corrie, the original “St. Pancake.”

Occam's Tool on April 18, 2014 at 7:03 pm

Or having a “Lunch In Tul Karem,” filmed and broadcast. You know, really good slapstick.

Occam's Tool on April 18, 2014 at 7:05 pm

    Or a pancake lunch in Tul Karem in honor of Rachel corrie.

    lee of the lower case "l" on April 18, 2014 at 7:36 pm

As an Israeli Jew I do not find Colbert jokes to be the least offensive. On the contrary, Stewart and Him are doing great Jewish Humor. You see it as offensive because you WANT to see it as offensive because it strengthens your argument.

as a jew on April 27, 2014 at 1:25 pm

    Israeli Jew,

    You should get the wax out of you ears! Maybe you should develop a brain too! Who knows you might just get it!

    I was so totally shocked at the anti-semetic, so called comedy (which it isn’t) during the High Holy days this year, I just sat there and stared at my t.v. in total horror and disgust at Steven Colbert! The anti-semetism he spewed over and over again was so obvious. It may have been funny for the white sheet dwellers and the Nazis, neo or not, well it wasn’t funny to me!

    I’m a 2nd generation Holocaust survivor and, unlike you, I will NEVER FORGET what happened.

    This is the crap that we fought against and we’re still fighting against.

    For the record, this type of disgusting “humor,” whatever the religion, whatever a person’s background, whatever a person’s color, whatever a person’s sexual orientation, has no place in any decent society.

    Steven Colbert can go rot in hell! I will never watch his show or any show he is on ever again! I will boycott the sponsors of whatever program he happens to be on.

    Brooklyn Jew on November 6, 2014 at 4:04 pm

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