June 26, 2014, - 3:54 pm

Schlussel FLASHBACK: “Soccer & Michael Jackson Unite Our Enemies” & Why Soccer Sucks

By Debbie Schlussel

Is it just me, or are you, too, sick of the hype over the FIFA World Cup and the official sport of America-haters and Islamic terrorists a/k/a soccer?

Over the years, I’ve written many posts against the game of soccer, including my post about how “Michael Jackson & Soccer Unite Our Enemies.” Usually the countries who love either–but especially both–hate us, I noted back in 2005 and in tweets last week (follow me on Twitter).

keepcalm@hatesoccerhatesoccer

soccertweet

As I noted back in 2005:

It’s part of a secret international IQ test. Post 9/11, if you love freedom and decency, you have no interest in either the silly game of low scoring and the bizarre has-been-pop-star-come-plastic-surgery-victim. If you hate America and love terror, soccer and Michael Jackson are the best things since sliced bread (if you’re from those countries who hate us and haven’t yet emerged into the advanced era of sliced bread, then they are the best things since whole pita with hummus).

















The growing interest in soccer in America, especially in the current World Cup competition is a sign of a few things: more foreigners–especially illegal aliens–in America, more liberals, and more self-hating Americans (but then I repeat myself).

Yes, yes, I know–the Israelis love soccer. Well, they are in the Middle East and near Europe. And there are exceptions to every rule. But most other countries that love soccer hate Israel as much as the United States . . . or more.

And five of eleven players on the U.S. Soccer Team players weren’t even born here. They are full-blooded Americans, because their fathers were serving in the U.S. Armed Forces when they were born. But still, they were clearly influenced by their somewhat foreign upbringing. The U.S. coach? He’s German.

It’s ironic that yesterday was the fifth anniversary of the death of the King of Pop and it’s at the same time as the World Cup competition. It’s the intersection of two events that unite America-haters. Toward the end of his life when Michael Jackson could not get arrested in America (unless he was suspected of child molesting), he was still popular in Europe and the Middle East, the places that ain’t too fond of the rest of us Americans. Just sayin’.

Soccer’s a kind of cultural IQ test. If you’re American and you claim to like soccer, you are either very liberal (and an Obama voter) or lying or both. Soccer lovers in America try to pretend that this is a “higher” sport than American football and safer. In fact, soccer players get plenty of concussions, and yet no one is singing a soccer-esque version of the new anti-football country song, “Mama, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Quarterbacks.”

Oh, and don’t forget that HAMAS has soccer leagues and names its teams after terrorists. Yeah, GUH-REAT sport! Alhamdulilah [praise allah].

Don’t let the mindless World Cup hype get in the way. This World Cup stuff ain’t like the U.S. Hockey Team in 1980 at the Lake Placid Olympics. Not even close.

And the Al-Qaeda or ISIS soccer team–if there was one–would probably cream us. That’s because it’s not a game worth winning or even excelling at.

And, so, I maintain that soccer still sucks as it always has.

Football and hockey are where it’s at.

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56 Responses

You lost your mind with this one. It’s a sport don’t get so upset over it. Sit back and relax.

Harbinger on June 26, 2014 at 4:00 pm

What a ridiculous blogpost.

Seriously. SO DUMB.

You are an educated lawyer and you write this BS.

Stick to Muslim terrorism and stuff you know about.

PS: Cuba likes baseball. They hate America. Do you hate baseball?
PPS: Israel LOVES soccer. They must hate America. Do you hate Israel?

E: Um, I addressed the Israel part. RIF – Reading Is Fundamental. Read the whole post. DS

Edward on June 26, 2014 at 4:04 pm

    To Edward:

    “Yes, yes, I know–the Israelis love soccer. Well, they are in the Middle East and near Europe. And there are exceptions to every rule.”

    skzion on June 26, 2014 at 8:04 pm

    Eddie, why is your first post here negative?

    skzion on June 26, 2014 at 8:05 pm

Soccer is a ridiculous sport the way it’s played. Today’s game (US vs Germany) had FOURTEEN shots on goal in TOTAL! The US had 3 vs 11 for Germany. Can you say boring and pointless?

David on June 26, 2014 at 4:11 pm

It is VERY boring. But don’t give me this nonsense that if you like soccer you hate America. I am very disappointed in Debbie for this. It is a sport. That’s all.

Edward on June 26, 2014 at 4:14 pm

You’ve jumped the shark with this post. Seriously lame.

FriscoKid on June 26, 2014 at 4:18 pm

    Soccer sucks. So does Rugby. I like America Football, Baseball, and Basketball, plus Hockey. Thinking of checking out Curling, too.

    But I don’t CARE what furriners do. There’s a reason I buy Phillip Morris stock, and more each year. Love the dividends.

    Occam's Razor on June 27, 2014 at 11:32 am

I can’t roll with you on this one Debbie, I like the World Cup, its awesome and enjoyable. Hey guess what, America advances even though they lost. Right O

BigD on June 26, 2014 at 4:23 pm

    Advance even though you LOSE. Exactly another reason why soccer sucks. I am surprised they even keep score. Every one gets a gold star!! No wonder libs love that stupid boring game.

    john on June 26, 2014 at 5:36 pm

Your last sentence sums it up nicely, Go Red Wings, and Lions…..if you can get your heads out of your ass. Soccer sucks Balls.

Steve Epps on June 26, 2014 at 4:29 pm

Absolutely correct, Debbie.

Soccer is insipid and Americans who follow it and get “enthusiastic” about the World Urine Cup )or whatever the stupid championship is now called) are feeble-minded morons and Obama supporters (redundant, I know.)

I stopped watching MLB decades ago (and it’s pointless since they lifted salary-caps) but Football is a true litmus test for being proud and American.

DS_ROCKS! on June 26, 2014 at 4:55 pm

Must disagree on this one.

After watching my kids for years playing soccer, they excelled at it, it kept them fit and athletically competitive and I, begrudgingly, have come to enjoy the game very much. Even more than watching football. And I consider myself a proud, flag-waving American. I AM excited about this World Cup and our team and the skills displayed by many of the players in the game, on our team or not.

I was not much of a fan of Michael Jackson the person, but I must even admit that a few of his older songs really rocked. And his leaning dance move in “Smooth Criminal” was awesome.

Judge me if you will, but I believe you’re off base here.

Suz on June 26, 2014 at 5:21 pm

    Oh no, it’s the libtard suz.

    skzion on June 26, 2014 at 8:02 pm

Soccer sucks!! The fact that it is getting ratings here is more an indication of the immigration policy this country has. Soccer is for little girls, third world socialists and European girly men and american liberals who want to be like everyone else. I would rather watch the WNBA than that crap they call soccer.

john on June 26, 2014 at 5:26 pm

    “Soccer is for little girls, third world socialists and European girly men and american liberals who want to be like everyone else.”

    That sums it up.

    DS_ROCKS! on June 26, 2014 at 8:32 pm

And boring as hell to boot.

john on June 26, 2014 at 5:33 pm

Who in the world makes a sport Political, lol only D.S Rocks and Im sure there are a few others about to climb from under a rock and state something asinine. lol. Its a sport, good god damn grief.

@ John-lol you’re funny and I respect your opinion but disagree

I’m no avid watcher of the Sport, so let me clarify, the World Cup is enjoyable, the excitement of the fans, the energy, I like it. Its a 4 yr event, so what is the big beef. lol.

BigD on June 26, 2014 at 5:35 pm

    Big Dumb Dinky attacks DRS. LOL!

    skzion on June 26, 2014 at 8:07 pm

      Errr.. DSR

      skzion on June 26, 2014 at 8:08 pm

I like the “beautiful game.”

We have a good team in Brazil and it takes nothing away from them or our football fans knowing the Muslim World hates us.

And Islamic clerics forbid women from watching men on TV in short clothing play the game because its sexually arousing.

They’re hypocrites about everything and quite frankly, I don’t give a damn about whether or not we’re on the same page about sports.

Football is an infidel invention and I’m just chomping at the waiting for them to finally ban it.

Remember, Islam is NOT about having fun!

NormanF on June 26, 2014 at 5:40 pm

Maybe if it was played by midgets and on motorcycles and they set the ball on fire it would be exciting. 3 hours later and the game ends 0-0. Yeah, real freakin exciting! Also the flopping is a disgrace, they carry a guy of on a stretcher and 30 seconds later he is back in the game. I bet Obama loves it too, its phony like he is.

john on June 26, 2014 at 5:46 pm

    “Maybe if it was played by midgets and on motorcycles and they set the ball on fire it would be exciting.”

    LOL!

    DS_ROCKS! on June 26, 2014 at 8:48 pm

I’m on summer vacation and as such I was able to watch Fox and Friends this morning. Apparently the doofus Brian Kilmeade was all butt hurt over the fact that Ann Coulter wrote a column saying that she hated soccer. In order to make him feel better the other brain child Liz Hasselbeck said that she thought soccer was cool and that she hoped that we would win against Germany today. No wonder they have those two clowns on in the morning. I’m with you Debbie in the fact that soccer just a’int my cup of tea. This sport ranks up there with me like golf and polo. Both rate a 10 on the suck meter. The only reason why soccer gets so much play is because countries that would get creamed by us in more popular sports like football, basketball and hockey don’t even have teams. What do you think would happen if we played the Taliban Terrorist vs the Washington (soon not to be)Redskins in football. We would kill them(not literally-maybe). Also what if Hamas had a basketball league and they played the Spurs. We would beat the rocks out of their pockets. I know some people in this country care about this soccer but I just think that it’s boring. All that running and the score winds up a 2 to 1 or a no score. No thanks.

Ken b on June 26, 2014 at 8:18 pm

Fairly stupid article, occasionally you write some interesting stuff on soccer. When Brooks scored for USA did he do an islam submission type goal celebration? Am I missing it or does the media not point this out. Landon Donovan use to cross himself before the penalty kick he was taking, also a little strange.

jayS on June 27, 2014 at 12:07 am

My question to the folks who Hate soccer, were you athletic growing up? My guess is that you weren’t and that is why you all do not appreciate athleticism.

Rinaldo’s footwork is ridiculous. Have you seen the dribbling skills he possesses? You tube it. It can be long with little scoring but I think that’s what adds to the excitement when someone scores, its a big deal.

Btw I played all sports growing up and was decent at all of them but the hardest sport I ever tried playing was tennis for the first time a few yrs ago. That sport is no punk. Respect to tennis players.

BigD on June 27, 2014 at 12:34 am

    Big D, I played two sports. It was usually the guys who could not make the real sports teams that went out for soccer. The reason USA soccer blows is because all our best athletes play real sports. Soccer is made up of our 3rd and 4th tier athletes and below.

    john on June 27, 2014 at 10:50 am

Soccer sucks! It’s boring as hell and being rammed down our throats for some reason I can’t fathom. I’ll bet the REAL television ratings are terrible, but the networks would never admit that in a million years. Don’t we have enough real sports in this country to watch? All you clowns dissing Debbie for this article should shut the f#@k up! She’s entitled to her opinion which I agree with.

Tommy Thomas on June 27, 2014 at 1:00 am

Sleestak shat out:
“Eddie, why is your first post here negative?”
“Oh no, it’s the libtard suz.”
“Big Dumb Dinky attacks DRS. LOL!”

That’s Sleestak for ya…
Advancing intelligent discourse one post at a time…

I played soccer, as a child, through our local Boys & Girls Club…
Had a blast…

Don’t agree with Debbie’s conclusions/assertions though…
I believe soccer, like baseball/softball is a great way for kids & teens to stay in shape and learn how to work with each other…

Haven’t followed the World Cup at all…

I’d rather play soccer than watch soccer.

Lee on June 27, 2014 at 3:07 am

    Lee, are you still here? Libtards who visit do not deserve more that a sentence or two. I save my time for more worthy participants.

    Surely it is instructive that another Lee here, “lee of the lower-case l,” changed his handle to avoid being mistaken for your annoying self.

    skzion on June 29, 2014 at 12:16 pm

The only thing I disagree with is maybe the implication that soccer is as tough as football.
Anybody who’s been subjected to enough fake injury soccer tears probably wouldn’t compare the two.
I’m sure Boehner’s a big fan.

Dakuan on June 27, 2014 at 5:30 am

And then there are the endless soccer riots and the endless anti-semitism directed against Israel.

But political correctness trumps everything else. This reminds me of the endless sports shows on the major networks where they show sporting events time after time that no one is interested in. Just like commercials — they hope that by endless repetition, interest will be built up.

Some of the people rooting for the U.S. now, demean and attack the U.S. in everything else. But most people in the U.S. who follow soccer are rooting for Mexico.

Little Al on June 27, 2014 at 8:05 am

@ Lee. This guy (skizion) really has some deep unresolved issues. He has announced himself as ” The Blog Police.” It arouses empathy because when I visualize this person, I see a someone who is suffering from insignificance and anointing themselves as Blog Police gives them a sense of self worth.

This is the reason why when a person has a dissenting opinion that differs from the author’s, he will handcuff the conversation, he will taze it, bring out his club and begin to beat it and if that doesn’t work, he’ll bring out his gun. All the while everyone is watching from afar, filming with their cell phones, thinking “this guy is completely unhinged.”

He has reduced himself to stalking a persons comment, mixing issues and foolish bickering. His neurosis has become malignant.
His mind has become broken and we broke it. In fact a tear just fell onto my keyboard, knowing that this behavior is the only thing that gives him salvation and a sense of purpose in life. A very very sad way to live

BigD on June 27, 2014 at 10:26 am

    Big D, why don’t you use your library card to check out books on basic grammar, syntax, and style?

    skzion on June 29, 2014 at 12:19 pm

Don’t forget Rugby. American football if you are a puss-puss.

Occam's Razor on June 27, 2014 at 11:19 am

    Yeah I don’t get why all these countries are so into lame-o soccer when they all also have rugby. Its way more badass

    Hopewell on June 27, 2014 at 12:42 pm

I was once asked a question:

A). Watch a video of my parents having sex.
B). Watch my parents watch a video of me and my wife having sex.
C). Watch a soccer match. Or game, or whatever it is called.

All three choices made me nauseous honestly. Soccer was designed for people too phucking stupid to understand baseball.

#1 Vato on June 27, 2014 at 12:47 pm

Lol @ all the soccer haters. You all are too funny.

BigD on June 27, 2014 at 1:01 pm

    Big D, there is more testosterone in the WNBA than in men’s soccer.

    john on June 27, 2014 at 2:17 pm

Most of the soccer haters on here could not run up and down the field more than once without losing a lung. Fat “jabba the hut” bunch of couch potatoes the bunch of ya!

Harbinger on June 27, 2014 at 3:04 pm

Also there is a great deal of antisemitism being expressed among the crowds at international soccer matches.

Laura on June 27, 2014 at 4:00 pm

Soccer would be a lot more interesting if it were played on ice and the players wore skates and they used sticks and a puck instead of a ball and if they beat the crap out of each other.

TJ Jackson on June 27, 2014 at 5:08 pm

hahahahhahahahha oh wait hahahahah

this is silliest post I have ever read. You can do better Debbie!!!

according to your analogy, England hates USA because they love soccer? O.o

YT on June 27, 2014 at 7:22 pm

this is the stupidest article I’ever read.

this shows how much ignorant some Americans are.

not everything is about you.

maria on June 28, 2014 at 6:48 am

Durr, soccer bad. Football good. Benghazi, 9/11, immigrants. There, summed it up for you people.

Robert Burns on June 28, 2014 at 8:00 am

It seems most matches are sponsored by Emirates … you see fly Emirates all over the field and on their shirts. Imagine them sponsoring a game involving an Israeli team!

Marc on June 28, 2014 at 12:22 pm

@ John. You are being too hard on those soccer athletes. Well you may be right about the testosterone angle, those women in the wnba can be pretty knarly (i.e. dude like) and the flopping in soccer is pretty um sissyfied but the World Cup is fun, go catch a game today. Brazil and Chile I think today lol

BigD on June 28, 2014 at 12:26 pm

OK let’s be truthful about soccer and my experience. First sport I played was baseball, didn’t care for it. Next I wanted to play football pop warner but Moms wouldn’t let me, she was scared I’d get hurt, so I played soccer for 2 yrs. Had fun, but the next year I played football and played basketball and football on and off throughout my teenage years. I do hear young mothers today that say ” I don’t want my kid playing football, maybe he can play soccer” lol. So yeah Soccer has a stigma of being less studly but I like my World Cup. Lol

BigD on June 28, 2014 at 12:45 pm

“Libtard”?
Never voted Democrat in my life and I’m politically 95% in agreement with Schlussel.
But soccer rocks. Can’t agree with her there.
Offending people who politely disagree with you doesn’t help your argument. Sorry.

Suz on June 29, 2014 at 5:52 pm

    Suz, I think I mistook you for someone else. Sorr’

    skzion on June 30, 2014 at 10:15 am

    Suz, I think I mistook you for someone else. Sorry.

    skzion on June 30, 2014 at 10:15 am

Hahahahahaha lmao thank you. I was having such a dull day until I read this. At first I honestly thought it was a hoax like those articles on The Onion. Somehow knowing that a real living human being believes this nonsense to be true makes it even funnier. Thanks for making me laugh, you psychotic bitch.

Tara on June 29, 2014 at 9:32 pm

I didn’t expect to quote William S. Burroughs here but, “…art is that it makes people aware of what they know and what they don’t know that they know…”

This post is ART!

LG on July 1, 2014 at 12:33 am

You have to read between the lines to realize this post is not as dumb as some see it. I loathe soccer for those very reasons.

NortheastPA on July 2, 2014 at 3:30 pm

Amusing like a lot of usian conservative bleating. Soccer is a boring game, so is baseball which is even more boring than cricket and as for American football – bring on the drying paint. And of course its true that soccer playing nations hate freedom. Look at the UK and Australia both play soccer (the UK invented it) and both noted terrorist states
Keep up the good work Barbie . . .I mean Debbie you are very talented for a usian conservative

ceejay on July 11, 2014 at 5:43 am

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