July 11, 2014, - 8:59 am
Nothing worth paying to see among the new offerings at the movies, this weekend:
* “Dawn of the Planet of the Apes“: With a human male and an ape male nearly kissing toward the end of this movie, methinks the only thing the next sequel can do to top the absurdity of this one is interspecies erotica followed by an interspecies baby who faces extreme prejudice from humans. You know that’s coming soon.
The message of this PETA-esque movie is: apes are people, too. Humans and apes are morally equivalent in this movie, and, actually, the apes are maybe better, since the humans interrupt and partially destroy the apes’ peaceful way of life. The late Charlton Heston can rest easy: his original “Planet of the Apes” movie still reigns supreme. Not that this is a surprise.
The movie was incredibly long, boring, and repetitive. And it couldn’t have been more uninteresting. Despite the fact that this movie is heavily marketed to kids, it’s also extremely bloody and violent, with the apes throwing another ape off a balcony, and you are treated to a loud splat!. Then, there are the apes machine-gunning humans to death. But, still, we are told that the apes are the good guys who are just responding after the humans invaded and killed an innocent ape boy. I felt like I was watching CNN coverage of the “innocent” HAMAS Palestinians weeping over their dead boys while nobody gave a crap or remembered the three Israeli Jewish teens who were kidnapped and murdered for no reason.
The movie takes place ten years or so after the first “reboot” of the “Planet of the Apes” movies, “Rise of the Planet of the Apes” (read my review), which I didn’t think was all that great, but is a masterpiece compared to this. A virus has wiped out most of the human race, and there is no electric power. Humans live in one area (and most of civilization is overgrown and abandoned), and apes live in the woods. The apes are a super race of apes because of the experimentation that’s been done on them by the evil humans ten years earlier.
Soon, humans decide to invade ape territory because they want to fix a dam in order to restore electricity. But an evil human murders an ape son, and it breeds hatred of humans within the ape population. Only the peaceful head of the apes, Caesar, holds the apes back. But his rival, Koba, hates humans after the killing, and he tries to murder Caesar and frame the humans for it. This starts a war, with the apes invading the human area and killing and imprisoning them.
Sounds like an anti-ape movie, right? Nope. Even with all this, it is “all the humans’ fault.” Like I said: CNN HAMAS coverage or Trayvon Martin coverage. And I’ve had enough of that in real life news. I don’t need to pay to see it in a dark movie theater in a long, boring silver screen diatribe.
And neither do you (but if you must, do not pay extra to see it in 3D – the 3D stinks). Thanks, Rupert Murdoch.
I had to laugh as the audience at the screening I attended applauded this tripe at the end. Americans are suckers easily sated with bread-and-circuses cinema despite its disturbing content and messages, just as they are with bread-and-circuses presidents. After all, they gave us eight years of Barack Obama and George W. Bush.
Watch the trailer . . .
* “Hellion“: This is supposed to be another “breakout” movie for “Breaking Bad” star Aaron Paul. And it fails miserably. It’s low-budget and it shows. And the story and movie were pointless and a complete and total waste of time.
Paul plays yet another in the long string of irresponsible, careless dads brought to us by anti-male Hollywood. He’s a working-class father whose wife died, and he is left to raise two sons. But he leaves them alone for weeks while he gets drunk and works on a vacation home that the family is about to lose to foreclosure. The older son, a young teen, is a vandal and criminal, who gets caught. But he is let out and he influences the younger son to get involved in the life of crime, too. Soon, Paul loses custody of the younger son to his sister-in-law. And the life of crime of the older son continues. It all ends in worse violence involving a gun. The end.
Like I said, a pointless waste of time.
FOUR MARXES PLUS FOUR OBAMAS
Watch the trailer . . .