August 21, 2009, - 2:13 pm

Weekend Box Office: Schlocky August Movies Dominated by Masterful “Basterds”

By Debbie Schlussel

The movies are mostly average to horrid, this weekend, but for the exceptional “Inglourious Basterds,” my review of which was posted yesterday.  But that’s usually the box office scoop for August, the cemetery where bad movies are sent to die (like I said, “Basterds” is the exception).

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*  “Inglourious Basterds“:  Best movie I’ve seen all year.  Jewish American soldiers and a French Jew, whose family was killed by the Nazis, take revenge on the Nazis.  Read my full review.

FOUR REAGANS
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*  “Adam“:  This movie was strange.  And it had a little too much melodrama for me.  I didn’t like the ending either, which was very cold.  Still, it was interesting.  A woman dates her neighbor, who has Asperger’s syndrome.  She falls in love with him, but doesn’t know if she should spend her life with a man who can never feel or express emotions like those without the condition.  Has its funny moments, but was, ultimately, very sad.

ONE REAGAN
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*  “Ponyo“:  A Japanese animated film for kids, this was dubbed in with the English-speaking voices of mostly American celebrities.  Many critics (and parents) raved over it, but while it was very cute and relaxing, for me it was just okay.  Nothing wrong with it.  But, after far better animated movies like “Up” (read my review), this was lackluster in comparison.  Still, it’s great for family entertainment if you have young kids.  But, at almost two hours, it’s kind of long for restless kids.

It’s the story of a young boy, Sosuke, whose father is a ship’s captain, and his mother works at a nursing home.  They live in a house on a cliff, next to the sea.  The boyfinds a cute goldfish (Ponyo) who wants to become a human girl.  Her evil wizard father, who lives underwater, holds Ponyo and her sister fish captive and plots to keep her.  Soon he sends waves of ocean to flood the land.  And the story continues with the Sosuke and Ponyo on the flooded land trying to find Sosuke’s mother and and Ponyo trying to and partially becoming human.

ONE-AND-A-HALF REAGANS
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*  “Shorts“:  A giant booger chases kids in this movie.  Yup, a giant booger.  Need I say more about this movie and how awful it was?

A boy who is bullied at school finds a multi-colored rock that grants wishes.  But the wishes always backfire and have unintended consequences.  And, soon, everyone–even bad kids and ill-motivated parents–knows about the rock and its powers.

While the messages of this movie were good ones–be careful what you wish for; greed is bad; appreciate your life, rather than  workging so hard you don’t have time for family– the movie was simply awful.  It was so bright, so fast-paced, so much going on, so many flashbacks, flash-forwards, and other things thrown in, it was a mess.  And it gave me a headache.

Best to stay away.

ONE MARX
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*  “Post Grad“:  Another late August cinema dud.  A recent college graduate, Alexis Bledel, struggles to find a job and lives at home with her wacky family (dad is Michael Keaton).  Meanwhile, her platonic male friend pines for her.

Completely pointless and a waste of time.  Bad jokes, cheesy, and just plain stupid.  Not to mention, predictable.  Looks like some actors really needed a paycheck.

Skipworthiness extraordinaire.

ONE MARX
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*  “The Goods:  Live Hard, Sell Hard“:  Possibly the worst movie of the year and definitely in the running for the title.  Jeremy Piven plays a sleazy salesman who is brought in to move cars at a dealership owned by Mr. Barbra Streisand, James Brolin.  It’s not just that every other word in this movie is a four-letter one or some vulgar expression.  It’s that the movie stank and was so stupid, so bad, so groanworthy, so unfunny, it’s a wonder that this piece of trash got made, even from major trash producer Hollywood.

Skip at all cost.

FOUR MARXES
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7 Responses

Just caught the matinee of Inglourious today. I enjoyed it a lot. I would like to have seen a bit more action and a little less talk in it but the comedic moments were brilliant.

tempus fugit on August 21, 2009 at 2:28 pm

I just came across your site through Michelle Malkin’s. I like the professionalism and your writing style. I have to say, rating movies based on the number of Reagans was just great.

I will now definitely see Inglourious Basterds.

Keep on keeping on!

Andrew

Andrew Liao on August 21, 2009 at 4:43 pm

I saw “Ponyo” about a week ago and I enjoyed it. I’m glad you did too. It wasn’t political. It was just a fun movie and that’s what we need these days.

Tony Marino on August 21, 2009 at 6:20 pm

Debbie,

I just saw Inglourious Basterds and definitely agree with your four Reagan rating. I actually took the day off from work to see this. Yeah, I was playing hookie. If you hadn’t given it such a great review, I might have put off seeing it for a little while. Thanks for the recommendation.

Jarhead on August 21, 2009 at 6:40 pm

I have not seen this movie,but I was wondering.Was Brad Pitt’s character wearing an American army uniform during this movie?If so then he is dishonoring every American who served in the European campaign during the second world war.I have read comments on the internet from some of the soldiers whom this movie might be loosely based upon,and they were appalled at how their service in the war was portrayed in the movie.The kind of conduct you are so willing to applaud is disguesting to those of us who have served.I guess killing a jewish enemy that has been dead for over sixty years is worthy of seeing.For me,I will never forget nor forgive all of those jews who not only voted for obama,but also supported him with there money.I have lost everything because of him and those who supported him.Debbie Schlussel you and all pf the rest of the jews can go to hell.

D: Ah, the anti-Semites come out in droves. The Nazis and the Axis forces were not “the Jewish enemy.” They were the West’s enemy. Was Pearl Harbor a Jewish haven that I don’t know about? We didn’t enter WWII to save the Jews. Had we done so, we’d have entered a lot earlier than we did, and we’d have bombed the railroad tracks to Auschwitz and the other camps. Even if every Jew had voted for Obama, and one out of four did, Obama would still have been elected. I voted for John McCain. Have fun at your next SS/Gestapo ODESSA reunion. DS

denny on August 23, 2009 at 10:09 pm

    Hey denny, Waaaaa freckin’ Waaaaa. So how did the evil Jews destroy your life? Sounds like you are looking for a scapegoat for your troubles in life. Go pick on another group of people more deserving of your despicable drivel, like liberals in general.

    Hey, I served in the Corps (not in WW II), and I tell you what. If all that happened to these degenerate Naaaa-tsi scum was what happened in this movie, then they got off pretty easy.

    Jarhead on August 23, 2009 at 11:05 pm

Debbie

You wrote in your review of “Inglourious Basterds”

“It’s fun to see the SS and Gestapo members get well-merited permanent reminders of their days wearing the swastika.”

Wouldn’t it be great to do the same with the star and crescent?

Jarhead on August 23, 2009 at 11:16 pm

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