November 14, 2014, - 4:07 pm

Wknd Box Office: Dumb And Dumber To, Beyond the Lights, Rosewater

By Debbie Schlussel

The “Black” movie is the only one of the new offerings at theaters today that I can recommend, and even that is with several reservations, but it has a good message at the end. I can’t recommend Jon Leibowitz a/k/a Jon Stewart’s hypocritical and fraudulent directorial debut.

dumbdumbertobeyondthelights

rosewater

* “Dumb And Dumber To“: This “movie” is absolutely disgusting and completely unfunny, unless you find hilarious the idea of a teen Jeff Daniels putting peanut butter on his penis and getting his dog to lick it off. That’s the kind of absolutely depraved grossness that pretends to be “humor” in this movie. And shockingly, it’s only rated PG-13. Yes, parents, you, too, can have your thirteen-year-olds exposed to this vile flick. I did not laugh at all at this movie, and most of the audience full of free/promotional ticket holders with whom I saw it didn’t laugh much either. The movie makes the original 1994 “Dumb & Dumber” look like a great, extremely funny movie (and it’s definitely much funnier than this one). I saw the original with my late dad, and we laughed and laughed, but remarked how stupid it was when we left the theater.

It’s clear that stars Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels–after years of declining to do so–made this sequel for the paycheck. That’s the only reason this ridiculous, unnecessary steaming heap was made. They are both old and haggard, and two decades have not been kind to them appearance-wise or career-wise. Clearly, they wanted–and maybe, needed–the money. The only thing I learned from this movie is that unfunny “comedian” Rob Riggle has guybrows, the sculpted, feminine eyebrows you see on transvestites, and I didn’t need to see this movie to learn that insignificant fact.







The “story”: Daniels has been visiting Carrey at an assisted living facility for 20 years, where Carrey is in a catatonic state, or actually pretended to be for a 20-year-long gag. When he tells Carrey he can no longer visit him, that’s when Carrey finally comes clean and tells him he was faking it and using catheters and colostomy bags for 20 years just for a joke. Daniels tells Carrey that Daniels needs a new kidney and is seeking a donor for a transplant. Daniels learns that he had a kid 20 years ago with a woman played by Kathleen Turner. She put the kid, a daughter, up for adoption, and the kid was adopted by a rich, brilliant scientist. Daniels and Carrey spend the rest of the movie trying to track the kid down at a science and technology conference, so that Daniels can get his kidney. At the same time, they are being sabotaged by the various parties.

Believe me, I’m making it sound far better than it is. Sitting through this was painful, and I cringed almost the entire time. Not that I wasn’t prepared for it. You know what you are getting into with this. So, if you go into it anyway, it says a lot about you.

This movie is a national IQ and classiness test. If you liked it, you failed.

FOUR MARXES PLUS FOUR OBAMAS PLUS FOUR ISIS BEHEADINGS
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Watch the trailer . . .

* “Beyond the Lights“: I had mixed feelings about this movie, but overall liked the message, which is that of a pop singer rebelling against her mom-ager’s morally bereft, sexifying of her image. And it’s also a love story that resembles that of the much cheesier and far inferior 1992 movie, “The Bodyguard.” What I didn’t like is that every villain in the movie is White–a White rapper (well, I agree they’re bad), the mom-ager (and, yes, I agree mom-agers a la Kris Kardashian and Teri Shields are bad, too), and a record company exec. I also could have done without the camera showing me an Obama book on the shelf of the good guy in this movie, a cop. Also irritating is that the male cop is basically the chick in the movie’s romance, and the woman calls the shots (though I suppose it’s that way for any famous female celeb who dates a working class guy). But the movie was much better than I expected and much better than the usual “Black movie” genre offers up.

The story: Noni (the beautiful Gugu Mbatha-Raw), the bi-racial kid of Minnie Driver (who really pushes her fake cockney accent) and an anonymous Black guy, has just become a giant pop star. Her album is about to come out, now that she’s scored a hit with a White rap star. But on the night of the Billboard Music Awards, after winning, she drinks champagne, and sits on the balcony of her hotel room crying. She’s about to commit suicide by jumping off and is saved mid-suicide by an off-duty cop (Nate Parker) who is subbing for her bodyguard. Soon, she’s in a romance with the cop, while struggling to maintain her sexy image. Her mother sexes her up and keeps pushing her to pose topless, etc. But we soon learn that Noni tried to commit suicide because she was tired of having a pimp as a “parent,” a mother who pushed her daughter to do anything that would make her a hit pop star, no matter how immoral. The movie ends with Noni rebelling, dressing more modestly, seeing less sexy songs, and getting in touch with her authentic self. So, I liked it. You rarely see this kind of thing glamorized in Hollywood. In fact, usually, it’s the exact opposite. So that was refreshing, and for that alone, it’s worth seeing.

I also found the movie entertaining and enjoyable. And it’s got its funny moments and lines. (The cop is named “Kaz,” which is short for “Kazam,” a name his parents gave him because, he says, they “thought it sounded African.”) But I’m troubled that this PG-13 movie features “Mile High Club” sex on a plane and the movie’s star barely dressed (her “shirts” are often just a few strategically placed chains). Even with the worthwhile message at the end, I don’t think many teens will get that. On the other hand, kids have no childhood today, and they’ve seen much worse, what with the Kim Kardashian full frontal nudity shots all over the internet, and so on. (The outfits Noni wears in this movie aren’t worse than what Miley Virus wears in public, sadly.)

For adults, though, it’s fine. A warning to guys: this is definitely a chick flick. But as chick flicks go, this one isn’t bad.

ONE-AND-A-HALF REAGANS (with reservations)
reagancowboyhalfreagan

Watch the trailer . . .

* “Rosewater“: This is the directorial debut of the king of pompous conceit, the arrogant Jon Stewart, who also wrote this long, slow, boring film. And, with this, he also marks his entree into mammoth fraud and hypocrisy. Though the movie is an attack on Iran, Stewart vocally sided with Iran-backed-and-funded HAMAS, this past summer, in its war against Israel. And he also supports Obama’s lackadaisical do-nothing policies on Iran and its race to obtain nukes, mocking all of us who are worried about a nuclear Iran. Stewart clearly has trouble connecting the dots and knows better, so he’s a complete fraud for making this movie. Add to that the fact that the words, “Islam” and “Muslim,” are never mentioned, which is strange for a movie that is supposed to be an attack on the ISLAMIC Republic of Iran, which claims to do everything in the name of allah, another word that isn’t mentioned.

Also extremely annoying is that this movie pimps upon us the continued claimed falsehood that the Iranian elections between Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Mir Hossain Mousavi were any kind of contest between evil and freedom ,and the false claim that Moussavi–the founder of Hezbollah and the mastermind of the bombings of the Jewish Community Center and Israeli Embassy in Argentina–was some sort of human rights proponent of any kind. Ditto for his supporters, who were just as extreme, but are here, as elsewhere, falsely portrayed as liberal democrats.

The story: Maziar Bahari, an Iranian freelance journalist who writes for Newsweek and other publications, has returned to his native Iran to cover the elections betweeen Ahmadinejad and Mousavi. He is arrested by Iranian police for appearing on “The Daily Show.” And he’s accused of being a spy for the CIA and the “Zionist-controlled media.” If ever there was proof that the media ain’t controlled by Zionists, it’s definitely self-hating, anti-Israel, Jew In Name Only (JINO) Jon Stewart.

Most of the movie shows Bahari in jail being tormented and beaten by Iranians who try to get him to admit he’s a Western spy. And he talks to ghosts of his dead Communist father, who was jailed under the Shah, and his Communist sister, who also was put in jail for her left-wing activities. Like I said, the movie is boring and slow and there isn’t much there. It’s great that a movie shows us the obvious–that Iran is a bad place and that it’s full of human rights abuses. But, again, it’s not news, and Jon Stewart is the last person who should be telling us about it, anyway.

That Stewart wrote and directed this hack-ish production is obvious. It’s full of weak plot devices, such as the ghosts of dead relatives with whom the lead character has conversations, herky-jerky flashbacks and flashforwards, and dumb graphics and Twitter hashtags drawn onto buildings and scenes. Very amateurish. And none of this does anything to relieve the boredom that is a constant in viewing this movie.

At the end of the movie, Stewart has a stark postscript about how bloggers, writers, and journalists are jailed and silenced in human rights abuses all over the world, a conveniently broad moral equivalency statement when you consider that the only places where journalists are muzzled, silenced, and imprisoned are Muslim and Communist countries. Jon Stewart knows this and knows better. And, so, given that and his defense of HAMAS and his mocking of those opposed to Iranian nukes, this movie is simply a giant, steaming heap of intellectual dishonesty. Plus there are several lines in the movie seeking to make the current Iranian regime of ayatollahs morally equivalent to the Shah, as if there is any similarity (the Shah was much better, of course).

I would recommend this movie much more if it weren’t written and directed by the hypocrite Jon Stewart, because it depicts the Iranians very accurately (and though it refuses to say so, it depicts much of the Muslim world as it is). But movies aren’t made in a vacuum. And I wouldn’t give a penny to this creep. If Stewart rotted in an Iranian jail, I’d say he deserves his captors and they deserve him, and let allah sort it out.

You can’t make a movie that purports to say one thing while 365 nights of the year on your Comedy Central show, you say the exact opposite to easily-fooled millions of American minds of mush . . . and expect us not to notice.

TWO MARXES PLUS TWO OBAMAS PLUS TWO ISIS BEHEADINGS
karlmarxmovies.jpgkarlmarxmovies.jpgplus.jpgobamasmilingsmallerobamasmilingsmallerplus.jpgisisbeheadingisisbeheading

Watch the trailer . . .

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22 Responses

Re. Jon “Stewart”: He must be that execrable for fellow fraud and huckster Sean “Vannity” to call him out on his Obama toadyism. But then, given “Vannity’s” own gushing over the so-shallow-as-to-be-concave Kim Kardashian the other night on his Fox show, I was thinking, who is he to make such judgments? It would make sense, his points, if they were brought up by someone other than “Vannity.”

ConcernedPatriot on November 14, 2014 at 5:00 pm

Although I haven’t seen Rosewater (and do not want to break my string of avoiding current movies) it looks like the soft-pedaling of Iran extends to attacks on the Shah.

Of course the Shah had shortcomings, and there was somewhat of a police state under his rule. Nevertheless, he was trying to modernize the country, and was somewhat of a friend to Israel and the West — on a totally different level from the post-1979 horrors. It sounds like the movie is bending over backwards, gratuitously, to imply that the present Government of Iran isn’t much different from that of the pre-1979 era.

Little Al on November 14, 2014 at 5:03 pm

    Hi Little Al,
    The Shah didn’t just have “somewhat of a police state”. It was a full blown police state and dictatorship BUT what else would work in such countries? Certainly not a so called Democracy, as Egypt proved a few years ago, prior to the military, thankfully, taking over. But, yeah, give me the Shah everyday of the week compared to what replaced him.

    NancyB on November 14, 2014 at 7:51 pm

Something tells me viz Dumb And Dumber To that it’s more a case of Jim Carrey needing the money, and Jeff Daniels being part of the package. Mr. Daniels seems to be doing rather well, given his starring in HBO’s (needless to say) leftist fantasy series The Newsroom. Of course, none of this excuses the filth that passes for this installment, and I wouldn’t see it even if someone paid me to do so.

ConcernedPatriot on November 14, 2014 at 8:23 pm

I have caught the vibes from these reviews.

My verdict for this weekend: better to power-watch “Bojack Horseman” and “Trailer Park Boys” on Netflix.

The Reverend Jacques on November 14, 2014 at 9:43 pm

Did you know that “bi-racial” people who need an organ transplant are as good as dead? They can’t take an organ from a white nor an African. Their bodies will reject it. Only another hybrid, er, uh, “bi-racial” can donate. RE the movie, not buying the black male romantic. Ferguson, Mo. would be more realistic.

Evelyn on November 14, 2014 at 11:30 pm

    How is it that no one calls out Evelyn on this nonsense and racism?

    Smitty on November 16, 2014 at 1:39 pm

    Bone marrow transplants, yes, those are almost impossible for mixed children, however even a 100% white person has a less than 30% chance of finding a bone marrow doner EVEN IN THEIR OWN FAMILY. Bone marrow is a very tricky transplant under the best circumstances. However other organ donations are not impossible to find. Also, WHAT IS YOUR POINT in saying this??? Why does it matter to you?

    Lastly, my black, godly, hardworking husband could play the romantic lead in ANY movie – it’s insane to believe that all black men are like the rioters in MO.

    People like you who comment on conservative sites make me sick – you further the “conservatives are all racists” crap that the left spews.

    A. Seltzer on November 17, 2014 at 8:37 pm

Hmmm… I rather liked Rosewater.

Jon Stewart on November 15, 2014 at 5:39 am

I remember the security guard in our office used to have the VHS cassette queued-up to the Jeff Daniels explosive diarrhea scene. He would wait until the most serious looking Islamic women would sit down in the waiting room, wearing the full-Ninja costume. 100% would laugh uncontrollably. He said he did it to see of they were human. Very true story……

#1 Vato on November 15, 2014 at 4:43 pm

Great post! I love this movie and I can’t wait this dumb and dumber to movie. I had fun watching the trailer. Thanks for sharing this post.

Jeremy on November 15, 2014 at 7:12 pm

Thans for throwing yourself on these grenades, as well.

Occam's Tool on November 15, 2014 at 7:54 pm

Sorry, “thanks.”

Occam's Tool on November 15, 2014 at 7:54 pm

See a movie by Jon Stewart?

As the great Hollywood producer, Samuel Goldwyn (originally Szmul Gelbfisz or Samuel Gooldfish) use to say when confronted with such invitations:

“Please include me out.”

Ralph Adamo on November 16, 2014 at 12:12 am

As for “Dumb and Dumber,” Americans really have no right to laugh at Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels in a script in which the writers obviously had to rely on scatology for inspiration.

Should Americans really be seeing a lame “comedy” involving “idiots” so that they can feel better about themselves. In the past, yes, may be they earned that right.

But we’re living in a different world today, where stupidity has reached dangerously high levels throughout society. So many Americans should be laughing at themselves, rather than seeking to find some “idiots” in a ultra-lowbrow “comedy” doing “dumber” things than they would do.

Unfortunately, MIT Professor Jonathan Gruber–one of the architects of the Affordable Care Act or “Obamacare”–was correct when he referred to the advantages of non-transparency and the “stupidity of the American voter.” Americans are, sadly, becoming stupider and stupider with each passing generation when it comes to making important choices that will affect future generations as well as their own:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_XSUFyNA-I

And as PT Barnum famously said: “Never underestimate the stupidity of the American public.” However, I think that even Barnum would be shocked if he could see what Americans have become today.

Ralph Adamo on November 16, 2014 at 12:33 am

    The problem with America is not that it’s dumb. The problem with America is that it wants to be liked. The price for that failing is going to be very high.

    japple on November 16, 2014 at 12:40 pm

Jon Stewart thinks a bit of comedy covers up him being a rather dull, uneducated fellow. It doesn’t. Like Colbert, you watch twice then go back to analyzing The Economist’s economic and international preachings and compare them to the apposite editorial and political scribes. The left is so predictable. Everyone’s ox but there own. “Aren’t I smart, Mommy?”
Stewart is useless.

Pat on November 16, 2014 at 1:23 am

I though the trailer for “Dumb” was funny, so I guess I failed the IQ/classy test. Good to see Jim is back off his meds, much funnier.

DSR: The trailers are always the best parts of any movie and are entirely misleading. You didn’t read my words correctly. The IQ/classy test is the movie. And Jim is NOT much funnier. As I noted in my review–did you actually read it?–he’s not only less funny, but in fact not funny at all. DS

DS_ROCKS on November 16, 2014 at 2:17 am

OT:

“PORTLAND, Ore. (AP) – The outcome of a little-noticed ballot measure in strongly Democratic Oregon may serve as a warning to President Barack Obama and his party about the tricky politics of immigration.

By a wide margin, voters in liberal Oregon repealed a state law that would have provided driver’s licenses to people who are in the United States illegally.

At the same time, voters legalized recreational marijuana and re-elected a Democratic senator and governor.”

YOU SEE, there is a huge opportunity for Republicans to get white crossover votes from getting tough with illegals.

skzion on November 16, 2014 at 12:42 pm

Doesn’t surprise me that Jon Stewart got a journalist arrested.

Anyway I believe the real reason this movie is getting pimped has nothing to do with some journalist Jon cares about about as much as the guy Obama got imprisoned in Cuba for providing internet that you never hear about(Alan Phillip Gross).

Jon made this movie because Obama is going big in Iran and that needs to be in the public consciousness or at least in the minds of whatever passes for the chattering classes.
So when Obama makes his big play for the Iranian thaw which is really just a replay of the Arab Spring disaster in reverse (instead of toppling governments that maintain stability of a kind he’ll be empowering one that undermines stability) liberal bozos will think they’re gaining a toe hold for people they can relate to.

japple on November 16, 2014 at 1:04 pm

Debbie I love your reviews !

Greetings from Germany

martin.schönborn on November 21, 2014 at 5:58 am

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