January 16, 2015, - 8:57 am

Wknd Box Office: American Sniper, Blackhat, The Wedding Ringer, Glen Campbell: I’ll Be Me

By Debbie Schlussel

The only thing I recommend, new at theaters today, is a documentary. The rest are a waste of time and money. I did not see “Paddington,” as the screening was held on the Jewish Sabbath.

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* “American Sniper“: There is no way the liberals who dominate “the Academy” would have just nominated this movie for Best Picture and Bradley Cooper for a Best Actor Academy Award for his role as a sniper if this were a patriotic, pro-American movie. It is no such thing. In fact, this is a whiny, melodramatic, anti-war movie. Nothing else. But I’m sure that the lumpenconservatariat who uncritically digest whatever FOX News serves them up will go see this in droves and mistakenly believe they saw some “rah-rah America!”, conservative, patriotic movie, even though this is anything but that. Those fools should ask themselves why Rosie O’Donnell is raving in approval over this movie.







I found this movie to be long, boring, and an annoying waste of time. Cooper’s Texas accent is unintendedly hilarious. Hilariously awful. The movie is full of endless scenes of Cooper as Kyle questioning his role as a sniper because he sometimes must kill women and children (Muslim women and children who are terrorists and killed and still kill Americans). It’s also filled with endless scenes of Siena Miller as Kyle’s wife, whining, shrieking, screaming, nagging, and cajoling Kyle that he needs to be in America with her and their kids and not serving America at war. Waaah, waaah, waaah! Um, yaaaaaaawn. She married a man she knew was a career military guy who went to war and shot people to protect our troops. I cannot believe the real-life Mrs. Kyle was that much of a crybaby naghag, though she told People mag that, in 2009, she told Kyle that if he did not stop going to war zones, she would leave him and take the kids away. Um, why did she marry this guy, knowing he was a Navy SEAL Sniper? Oh, and the rest of the movie is Kyle being mentally afflicted after serving America in war.

You might protest to me that this was directed by Clint Eastwood who mocked Barack Obama via an empty chair at the Republican National Convention. Well, that brief return to sanity by Clint Eastwood is NOT on display here. Instead, very much on display is the Clint Eastwood who has pandered to Hollywood liberals for years in repentance for ever having dared play “Dirty Harry.” Very much on display is the director of two previous anti-war, anti-American movies, “Flags of Our Fathers” (read my review) and “Letters from Iwo Jima” (read my review), and the director of liberal propaganda movies, “Million Dollar Baby” (read my review) and “J. Edgar” (read my review).

This movie is supposed to tell the story of Chris Kyle, how and why he became a Navy SEAL and sniper, his war experiences as America’s supposed most successful sniper with at least 160 kills, and the circumstances of his death at the hands of a mentally afflicted war veteran with PTSD. I liked the scene at the beginning of the movie, in which his father tells a young Kyle that if someone starts a fight with him, he should finish it. I liked the scene in which the little boy Kyle beats an instigator to a pulp. But after that, the movie goes downhill and becomes the maudlin mess I’ve described here.

Although this movie was initially released in a scant few theaters at the end of last year in order to qualify for Oscar nomination voting, it’s debuting in most of the country in January, the second pet cemetery where Hollywood sends the crappy movies to die. In this case, that’s fitting.

It’s just not a good movie. Not even close.

TWO MARXES PLUS TWO OBAMAS
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Watch the trailer . . .

* Blackhat: This movie is preposterous. But the most preposterous–and objectionable part of it is that, for most of the movie, the main terrorist is a Christian Arab Lebanese Phalangist. For those unfamiliar, the Phalange were the Lebanese Maronite Christians who fought with the Israelis to get rid of the PLO, who raped and tortured the Lebanese and took over Lebanon in the 1970s and early ’80s. The Phalange wanted to make peace with Israel and Phalange Party co-founder Bachir Gemayel was elected leader of Lebanon, but he never got to assume the Presidency. After his election in 1982, he was assassinated by Muslims because he wanted to rid Lebanon of Syrian and PLO control and make peace with the Jews. It’s ironic that, while just a week ago Muslim Arabs were shooting up a French magazine and a Kosher supermarket in the name of allah, Hollywood tells us the villains and terrorists are Christian Arabs (generally the Middle East’s most persecuted and extinct species next to Jews). Yeah, that’s the ticket!

And then there is the ludicrous, hard-to-believe “plot.” Terrorists (the Arab Christian fellow!) are targeting and hacking into the world’s mainframes. First, they hacked into China’s computer world and caused a Chinese nuclear reactor to melt down. Then, they hacked into the U.S. futures market and drove up the cost of soy to ridiculously high levels, and cashed in on it to the tune of $74 million. And here’s the absurd part: the U.S. government recruits two Chinese who are the kids of a Chi-Com government minister or general to stop the hackers . . . because, even with Silicon Valley, we have no one in America to do the job?! Huh? And, then, they get the U.S. government to release their hacker, criminal friend (who has robbed several banks via hacking), Chris Hemsworth, from jail to help them. Uh-huh, like that would really ever happen.

Soon, the two Chinese and Hemsworth are in China to find the hacker, the Christian Arab terrorist, who of course lives in China, speaks Spanish to his henchmen, and engages in warfare against a legion of Communist police and fighters, as well as an FBI agent and Federal Marshal, defeating them all and escaping in a ship. The FBI agent and Federal Marshal are shooting up all of China and allowed to do so, because isn’t that the Chi-Com way? And they know China like the back of their hands. But, of course, they are murdered by the terrorists and only Chris Hemsworth is the expert marksman and warrior able to defeat the terrorists, while engaging in a romance with the Chi-Com girl, even though there’s no chemistry whatsoever. There’s more ridiculous stuff in this movie, but you get the gist.

Bachir Gemayel, who gave his life trying to restore order and peace to his country in the face of savage jihadists, is turning over in his grave over this crappy, nonsensical propaganda garbage.

TWO MARXES PLUS TWO OBAMAS
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Watch the trailer . . .

* “The Wedding Ringer“: Absolutely awful. I loathe Josh Gad, the stereotypical, zhlubby, fat, liberal Jew In Name Only (JINO, or in his case, Va-JINO, my term for female Jews in Name only). He became a star mocking Mormons on Broadway in “The Book of Mormon” (um, when is “The Book of Muslim” coming out?). He stars in this horrible, disgusting, incredibly stupid waste of time, as a stereotypical, zhlubby, fat, liberal Jew In Name Only, so there ain’t much acting here. By the way, he’s a tax attorney. Can you think of a more stereotypical Jewish profession? He’s engaged to Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting, a semi-beautiful blonde, who insists on the perfect wedding. Except that Gad has no friends, and so he rents a “best man service” in Kevin Hart, who pretends to be his lifelong best friend (for a fee) and rounds up a group of ragtag rented fake “lifelong friend” groomsmen for his wedding party.

Lots of lies and ragtag activities and gags ensue, all of which are dumb, dopey, and pointless, and not that funny for what is supposed to be a comedy. Unless you think depraved scenes–like the one in which peanut butter on Gad’s genitals with a dog licking it off while he’s blindfolded–is funny. It’s not only sick, but unoriginal. I reviewed another disgusting, stupid movie on this site with the same, um, “procedure” going on.

And then there is Joe Willie Namath, who makes a cameo here. I was a big fan of Namath and even remained loyal through his drunken Suzy Kolber “I want to kiss you” episode. But no longer. Namath’s lines in this movie are, “[You’re gonna] blow me” and “Up the a–” (finishing the line of another character who begins with, “We’re gonna do your girlfriend”). He also physically mimics having sex. Wow, Broadway Joe must be quite desperate for a paycheck . . . or attention.

I hate, hate-hate-hated this movie. High quality Gitmo torture material (as long as Gitmo is still open).

FOUR MARXES PLUS FOUR ISIS BEHEADINGS
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Watch the trailer . . .

* “Glen Campbell: I’ll Be Me“: I was really touched by this documentary about Glen Campbell’s affliction with Alzheimer’s Disease and his struggle through his farewell tour along with his children (who play in his band) and his current wife. Campbell is/was an incredible talent, playing guitar, acting in movies and TV, and writing/singing some great ’70s hits, like “Rhinestone Cowboy,” and my favorite, “Southern Nights.” Hearing him croon those songs is sad because it reminded me of another time, growing up in the ’70s, when America was in a better place and stronger and tougher on the world stage. And it is sad to see Campbell struggle, to the point at which he does not know where the bathroom is in his own home. But, on stage, for the most part, he is in his element.

The movie, executive produced by Jane Seymour, begins with Campbell watching video of his various kids and wives and not knowing who they are. But Campbell’s inability to identify his wives is understandable even for someone without age-related dementia. After all, he’s had four of them. His current wife, a devout Christian, is an incredible soul, helping him through it all as they tour the country to say good-bye to Campbell’s many fans. Campbell’s beautiful young daughter and his sons are in his band. And his daughter tells us of her deep Christian moral beliefs and how those guide her in life. Although I am not a Christian, I appreciated that positive depiction of Christianity, long under attack by Hollywood and the entertainment industry.

I could have done without the snippets of pontificating egomaniac Bono, but otherwise this was a decent documentary. Now, Campbell is in a nursing home living his last years (he is almost 80), and this is a nice, fitting, but bittersweet good-bye to an American talent.

THREE REAGANS
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Watch the trailer . . .

Glen Campbell Performs “Southern Nights” on TV’s “Burt Sugarman’s The Midnight Special” in 1977 . . .

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