March 11, 2016, - 6:35 am

Wknd Box Office: 10 Cloverfield Lane, The Perfect Match

By Debbie Schlussel

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One decent new movie in theaters today (stay tuned ’til next week for my review of one of the best thrillers I’ve ever seen!). The Young Messiah and The Brothers Grimsby were not screened for critics (though I might try to see Grimsby and post a review later today or some time this weekend):

* 10 Cloverfield Lane – Rated PG-13: I enjoyed this sci-fi/Twilight Zone-esque movie, even if I’ve seen parts of this before in other movies. It’s entertaining, well-acted, and makes you wonder what you would do in this situation. And although it’s PG-13, I thought it was quite violent (and gross) for young teens. The movie is kind of a hybrid of two or three types of films.

The story: somewhere in Louisiana, a woman named Michelle (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) packed her stuff and starts driving in her car at night. She hears on the radio of a massive power outage and her boyfriend, with whom she’s upset, keeps trying to reach her on her cell phone, which she doesn’t answer. Suddenly, her car is hit very hard, and she gets into a car accident. She wakes up with her leg chained to a wall in a strange room where she is on a mattress on the floor.

Michelle soon learns that she’s being held in an underground bunker below a farmhouse. The man keeping her there is Howard (John Goodman), the owner of the property. And she has a fellow resident in Emmett (John Gallagher Jr.). Howard tells Michelle that she’s been in a car accident and that he rescued her from a chemical attack probably begun by aliens. He tells Michelle that she’s chained because he doesn’t want her to try to leave and breathe or let in the poisonous air. He claims that the power outage was the beginning of the attack and that he saved her just in time, after coming across Michelle just after her accident on the side of the road. Emmett, who is far younger and less creepy than Howard, tries to convince Michelle this is all true.

Eventually, Michelle–who is skeptical of the story about the air and the alien attacks–becomes convinced, after seeing some pretty convincing proof. And Michelle, Howard, and Emmett quickly become sort of like a “family,” playing board games, watching movies, and eating together in the bunker.

Ultimately, Michelle isn’t completely convinced, though. She finds some things that lead her to believe that Howard isn’t exactly telling the complete truth, and even if he is, she thinks there is something wrong with him going on and wants to leave. She wonders, also, why Howard won’t allow her to call family and friends to see if any have survived the alleged attacks.

To tell you more would be to ruin the movie. It is suspenseful and keeps you wondering what is really going on. Is Howard really telling the truth? Is Michelle really there for the reasons he says? Or are there evil, ulterior motives?

In case you were wondering, this movie is “connected” to the 2008 movie Cloverfield (read my review), in that both movies are produced by the movie world’s current Godzilla, J. J. Abrams (Cloverfield is the name of the street on which he grew up). But the stories, while connected in just a tiny way, are independent of each other, so you need not see one to like the other.

Like I said, there are some–a very, very few–grisly, violent, bloody things that happen in the movie. And it’s well-done if on a small budget. Not the greatest sci-fi movie I’ve ever seen. But good enough. Entertaining, creepy, mostly believable, and a good escapist movie.

TWO-AND-A-HALF REAGANS
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Watch the trailer . . .

* The Perfect Match – Rated R: I hated this movie. It’s a fine example of why “Black movies” don’t get nominated for Oscars. Maybe the Twitter hashtag for the protests should have been #OscarsSoClassy instead of #OscarsSoWhite. This stupid, waste-of-time, lowlife movie is very ghetto, despite being dressed up as a film about rich, young Black professionals. I felt like it was almost an extended, slightly churched-up rap video. Make no mistake, most of the people in this movie may have expensive taste and the money to buy it, but their behavior and discussions are just gross. . . unless you think discussions about “squirting” are the stuff of which great movies are made in the Kardashian era. Um, TMI times a thousand. The movie is also racist.

And that’s not to mention that there is some really bad casting here to go along with the awful “acting.” Terrence Jenkins a/k/a Terrence J, who is darker-skinned plays the brother of the much lighter-skinned Paula Patton (who is half White in real life). He also has a slightly pronounced Black accent, whereas she speaks English like a White chick. And, yet, we’re supposed to be convinced they are from the same set of parents. Not that I cared. This movie just isn’t that deep (not even close), so who cares? It’s garbage. You can’t expect better from a movie co-starring Jennifer Lopez’s concubine, Beau Casper Smart, and lowlife Arab Muslim illegal alien rapper French Montana a/k/a Karim Kharbouch.

Jenkins plays an agent and public relations executive who represents companies, athletes, and rappers and puts together deals involving them. He and Smart (who is Hispanic and rides around work on a hoverboard) work for a sleazy White boss, “Marty” (Joe Pantoliano), who appears to be either Italian or Jewish. Regardless, the boss is the only White person in the movie, and, so, of course, is a schmuck. Aren’t all White people?

The “story” (if you can call it that): Jenkins plays Charlie, a serial womanizer who doesn’t want to settle down. His best male friends, one of whom is married and the other of whom is about to be, bet Charlie that he can’t stick with just dating one woman exclusively until the upcoming wedding. He takes the bet and is soon “dating” (actually just having sex with) Eva (Cassie Ventura–previously one of the voices of Grand Theft Auto V), a woman he’s seen at work. The woman, who is incredibly sleazy and a total slut, repeatedly asks him for booty calls, and he soon falls for her. But, then, Charlie discovers something about Eva (essentially that she’s as sleazy as he is) that causes him to start heavily drinking, making dumb moves at work, being rude to his friends, and neglecting every area of his life.

I hated every single person in this horrible B-movie (with apologies to the letter “B”). And there’s nothing fun or relaxing about watching this insufferable, slow, filthy, racist bore. I literally felt brain cells die while sitting through this utter crap. Best for Gitmo torture material. Yuck. Just yuck.

FOUR MARXES PLUS FOUR OBAMAS PLUS FOUR MICHELLE LAVAUGHN ROBINSON HUSSEIN OBAMA IDI AMIN DADAS PLUS TO ISIS BEHEADINGS

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Watch the trailer . . .

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5 Responses

“Terrence Jenkins a/k/a Terrence J, who is darker-skinned plays the brother of the much lighter-skinned Paula Patton (who is half White in real life). He also has a slightly pronounced Black accent, whereas she speaks English like a White chick. And, yet, we’re supposed to be convinced they are from the same set of parents.”

Being a Detroit-area resident, you should know that this is VERY possible and indeed not uncommon. Among two black parents, especially if one or both have Caucasian, Native American or Hispanic (for lack of a better term) ancestors in their lineages, the children can range from being very fair-skinned to very dark. As far as “speaks English like a white chick” … easy to explain. One kid is smart – or is simply the favorite of the parents – and gets sent to private school i.e. those country day schools of which the Detroit suburbs have many while the other goes to the neighborhood public school. (And yes, there is the “phenomenon” of the lightest-skinned child being the favorite, especially if the child is also the youngest and/or is a girl.) The private school kid goes on to Michigan-Ann Arbor or Northwestern, the product of Detroit Public Schools goes to Michigan-Flint or Grand Valley State. (And, of course, the differential parental treatment is the source of not a little familial resentment, drama and acting out.)

Not only is it unbelievable, but it isn’t even too terribly uncommon. Or to put it another way: Esau red and hairy. Jacob fair and smooth. Dad liked Esau. Mom liked Jacob. It only requires a culture that priorities red and hairy (or fair and smooth) for both parents to favor one kid while merely loving the other. Happens all the time … and not just in certain communities.

With respect to “It’s a fine example of why “Black movies” don’t get nominated for Oscars” … you are so correct. Blacks need to make more quality, classy, culturally redeeming films like “The Danish Girl” and “Wolf of Wall Street.”

tom.thumb on March 11, 2016 at 9:26 am

I’m still trying to figure out how “A Perfect Match” got made. If Black Americans really wanna be known as a “community” they REALLY SHOULD devise a group called “Black American Brains Matter”. Filth like the movie DS reviewed would have me very offended if I was a Black American. But then again that group I just described are mostly clueless RE: how the Liberals use them and take them for granted. How can you NOT see you’re getting played by a heap of white, racist Libtards in 2016? I’ll never know…but over 90% do. That’s pathetic!

It reminds me of how I slowly opened my eyes to the issue way back in the 90’s. I wanted to write a letter to BET and ask them to start showcasing intellectual and SMART Black films…glad I didn’t as I would have been wasting my time. The bottom line is $$$…look at all the $$$ the Kardashians get and that is due to the voracious interest of the American Public. Black Americans are not the only ones dumbed down!!

Let’s hear if for the SMART Black Americans who do their own thing, don’t follow the stupid crowd and know the Donks use them and think they are dumber than dirt. Otherwise, I would have to end on a negative note as I have been lately but I do really dig peeps who think on their own and do what is right…and Black Conservatives fit that bill. I celebrate them! The film DS reviewed shows how skanky and crass the culture has gotten and how the Black “Community” doesn’t have an intellectual alternative to the low-brow crap Hollyweird serves ’em up. It’s offensive!!

Skunky on March 11, 2016 at 4:52 pm

Right on Skunky, I was thinking the same thing, it seems they just throw a bunch of crap together and put on the screen for Black films. It sounds horrible.

MrBigBrain on March 11, 2016 at 5:20 pm

I would rather watch my collection of the old Amos and Andy TV Shows of the 1950’s. The funniest show ever made.

Fred on March 11, 2016 at 6:25 pm

I noticed that Fred said that he has the old “Amos and Andy” shows from the 1950’s. I had no idea that that show was out on home video. It’s also not hard to speculate that “Amos and Andy” may have influenced stuff like “The Perfect Match.” What’s even more unfortunate that black filmmakers unconsciously use the same stereotypes in their films much like “Amos and Andy” promoted in the 1950’s.

Ghostwriter on March 12, 2016 at 6:59 pm

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