April 7, 2010, - 6:42 pm

“You Stay Classy, Tiger Woods” Moment of the Day

By Debbie Schlussel

In 2003, I was the guest of Augusta National for an all-expenses paid week at the Masters.  Even though it’s one of the most sought after sporting event tickets in the world–and I had an all access pass–it was one of the most boring weeks of my life.  And it wasn’t just because the weather was cold, snowy, and rainy.  It was slow, staid, boring.  The only fun part was meeting Fred Couples, who is definitely very cool, extremely nice, and probably my favorite golfer.


It wasn’t fun watching golfers try to pick me up and pro athletes and celebs like Tiki and Ronde Barber try to pick up other women on the clubhouse lawn.  Yawn. I was there because I’d spent the previous year in many appearances on TV defending Augusta National’s lack of female members against hags like Martha Burk (scroll down) and Gloria Allred (scroll down), and the club invited me as a thank you.  The people who run the club were all very nice and very professional. It’s a dignified place.

So, I can’t imagine what it must be like, this week, with the disgraceful, sleazy Tiger Woods and his army of bodyguards looking out for strippers and prostitutes.  It was a classy event. And the class is gone, replaced by Woods’ posse of protectors and butt-kissers all over the course. I also can’t imagine how this female golfing fan must have felt about her “classy” encounter with Woods’ thugs:

Minders guarding love cheat Tiger Woods confronted a golf fan and accused her of being his porn star mistress . . . .

Bodyguards shielding Woods on his comeback at the US Masters were given photos of at least a dozen girls with links to the shamed star.

One mistook the attractive fan for porn actress and striptease dancer Joslyn James yesterday and approached her asking, “Excuse me, ma’am – are you the stripper?”

The fan was left speechless until the minder realised his gaffe and apologised.

The boob [DS: Is this a “no pun intended”?] came as Woods, 34, did a practice round in Augusta, Georgia., where the tournament will tee off on Friday.

Six armed state troopers flanked him as he was watched by massive crowds, and Woods’ management team also hired their own bodyguards over concerns that one of his conquests would gatecrash the event.

Ah, the never-ending class act that is Tiger Woods. So much money, so little dignity.

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13 Responses

Hi, my name is Tiger and I’d like a piece of apple pie, if you know what I mean, and yeah a little cream in the middle would be nice(wink/wink). Maybe when you get off we could go to the nearest rest stop and have some dirty sex, since I’m a billionaire.

Feral Skunk on April 7, 2010 at 7:25 pm

Golf might be fun to play, but it is dull to watch. It’s too bad that so many think golf needs Tiger Woods, or anyone one person to be relevant.

Let the sport live or die by its own merits rather than thinking…hoping to be saved by people of lesser character.

The voting public has returned people of lesser character to congress and look what we’ve got.

P. Aaron on April 7, 2010 at 8:03 pm

Debbie, Tiger should thank Buddha or whomever he worships that he’s not a baseball player. Just ask Wade Boggs. About 22 years ago when it was revealed he had a mistress named Margo Adams, the chant “MARRRRGO! MARRRRGO!” was all he heard at opponents’ ballparks (and at Fenway Park when Boggs returned as a New York Yankee). One report says the organist at Anaheim Stadium even played “The Addams Family” when Boggs was at bat. If Woods were a baseball player and on the road, he’d have to tolerate organ music that sounds eerily similar to the cheesy synthesizers that play during porn films along with fans shouting the names of his conquests and the phrases on his text messages.

Tiger strikes me as sorry he got caught, nothing more. I’d rather read Rick Reilly’s columns about golf and baseball than watch Woods golf.

As for Martha Burk and Gloria Allred, they can’t reasonably expect Augusta to include female members when there are private women-only colleges and high schools.

Richard on April 7, 2010 at 8:06 pm

One of his hoes on the Howard Stern show said he never tips at restaurants. A sure sign of class.

DS_ROCKS! on April 7, 2010 at 8:12 pm

    And to think that Gene Simmons of KISS is a generous tipper. Simmons, unlike Woods, lives his life like an open book

    Richard on April 7, 2010 at 10:28 pm

He has more women than most men will get in a lifetime and the thing is it has brought him no happiness. I guess that sleeping your way through life with scores of women is its own punishment!

NormanF on April 7, 2010 at 9:37 pm

I’ll bet the staid old Masters crowd running the event hate the Woods distraction. He chose this event for his return knowing any hecklers could be banned for life at the club so felt this was the strategic protected return move. Big media will whine about Woods overcoming his “addiction” and such nonsense. He is just another athlete sleazeoid. I wondered what golfers did on Monday through Wednesday. Now we know the rest of the story.

MM from Georgia on April 7, 2010 at 11:57 pm

Gene Simmons is great on his show. Always liked him as a kid. To see him humbled by his family and being a good guy is refreshing. Big thumbs up.

Joe on April 8, 2010 at 12:25 am

The NIKE commercial featuring Tiger’s deceased dad’s voice is an all time new LOW. I have never been a fan of Nike. Their shoes don’t fit me. I will NEVER wear anything NIKE again, including shorts & T’s that I threw out today. Tiger and Nike are disgusting and they are playing the general population for fools. I want no part of it.

Bonzer Wolf on April 8, 2010 at 12:27 am

Tiger woods looks like a black Jimmy Carter anyway. Same fish face. The only reason he can get a woman is because of his fame and money.

He does loves him some white ass tho, doesn’t he? Yessum he does. Sho nuff.

I wonder if his bodyguards are on the look out for any roaming STD’s that might be coming his way. The man is a male whore, and he might need a checkup. Talk about hole in one.

Hey, atleast he didn’t rape them, like most black men do.

Christopher Nelson on April 8, 2010 at 12:48 am

Whoever in the chain-of-command ordered state troopers to guard the little prince should be demoted to one stripe and foot patrol. The rent-a-cops, not subject to government authority, should have shown dignity and refused the job.

Mack Hall on April 8, 2010 at 11:09 am

Tiger Woods…borring…Tiki Barber…borring…I’m sick and tired of the whole “athletes are hero’s” mantra so much so that I’m going to gag if I read much more. Golf never interested me but I used to watch when Woods was playing since he was such a phenomenal player. Those days are over for me. I can’t stand what he did to his wife, not just that he cheated with a couple of dozen white women but that he insulted her, as a woman, the mother of his children and his wife, to the very core of who she is. Maybe I’m just old fashioned. I’ve been married to the same Korean woman for 30 years (well in November it’ll be 30), and we have twin sons. It’s been a great time having twins and that idiot Tiki has no idea what he’s going to be missing out on. My wife and sons and I have managed to travel around a bit, we even went back to Korea for a tour of duty for four years, when the boys were 4. We went to Japan for a mini vacation and Hawaii for another mini vacation. Now my son’s are 22 and I could only wish that I could have twin baby boys again. I hope that Tiki’s gf takes him to the bank!!! As for Mrs. Woods if she doesn’t kick him to the curb, get every dime from him that she can as well as the houses, the 19 million dollar yacht, the house in florida and everything else she’s crazy. The Tiger won’t change his stripes.

kenny komodo on April 8, 2010 at 12:29 pm

“It wasn’t fun watching golfers try to pick me up….”

And I even tried my patented “If you were a laser you would be set on stunning” line on you and it didn’t work!

I’ve been tired of Tiger Woods for 10 years.

The only thing more lower than Tiger Woods is the stupid people who call into radio shows saying “Leave the poor guy alone!!” nonsense.

Jeff_W on April 8, 2010 at 1:37 pm

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