July 21, 2010, - 3:20 pm

Don’t-Name-Your-Kids-This Name of the Day

By Debbie Schlussel

You know my feelings on people who name their kids dumb or pretentious names.  The dumb names remain dumb throughout their lives.  And the pretentious fancy-sounding names ultimately become common names for strippers and call girls.  Equally dumb.  Ditto for naming your kid after something you like to run on (you know who did that).


So, I was looking at the list of those running for various seats in the Michigan Legislature, as our primary is August 3rd.  And in Detroit, a guy who is running for the Michigan House of Representatives is named . . .

Liscious Williams.

Yes, that’s right.  It’s a guy’s name.  It would be bad enough if it was a girl’s name, since it sounds like a stripper name.  But a guy?  Oy vey.  It’s even worse.  And I can’t say, “What was his mother thinking?” (as I did with a certain moron who named her son, “Track,” because she likes to run and “refudiate”).  That’s because he’s not only Liscious Williams, he’s Liscious Williams III.  Yup, three generations of mothers gave their kids this name.

I don’t fault the guy.  He didn’t pick the name.  But you gotta wonder how someone chooses a name like that for their kid.  It’s a form of child abuse.

Please no e-mails or comments alleging racism.  The person who named her kid, “Track,” is White, and so are plenty of other people whose kids’ names I’ve critiqued.

What are some of the worst first names you’ve heard of?

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76 Responses

From the late Tom Lantos’s Wikipedia bio…

“His daughter Annette was married to Timber Dick, “an independent businessman in Colorado,”[7] until Dick’s death on April 10, 2008 from burns suffered in an automobile accident.[8][9]”

And he wasn’t a porn star, either.

Surprised on July 22, 2010 at 1:15 pm

Don’t forget Female (FEE mah lee) Jones. Her mother thought the doctor named the child at birth.

Unknown poster on July 22, 2010 at 1:38 pm

The dumbest name I’ve heard of to date is Tenderle Summer Dawn (that’s the first name; don’t remember the rest). Why they substituted an “e” for the “y” is beyond me. Also, I knew a women named Velvet Gin. Real name, really. She even admitted she had a stripper name. I also saw a young woman at Wal-Mart whose name tag read Yrneh. I asked what kind of name that was. She said her dad wanted a boy so he could name him Henry. Parents really shouldn’t name their kids when they’re drunk.

Lilida on July 22, 2010 at 5:48 pm

Just heard: “USNAVY”. Pronounced ‘Oose’ (like Moose) & ‘Nobby’ (like the motocross tire). ‘Oosenobby’….the Mexican mother, about to deliver saw a recruiting poster for…US NAVY and now we have Oose-nobby…….

#1 Vato on July 22, 2010 at 5:50 pm

A Sioux named Boy?

#1 Vato on July 22, 2010 at 5:54 pm

OK I got one, Went to school with a Dick Kamode. Sad and funny at the same time.

Alan Greene on July 22, 2010 at 7:26 pm

Don’t recall how I found this, but when I lived in suburban DC in the early 1990’s, there was an OB/GYN in the yellow pages named “Harry Beaver.” No lie. He might still be practicing today.

giamby on July 22, 2010 at 7:36 pm

Up in Marysville MI there is an OB-GYN named Dr. Blake Kutsche (pronounced coo-chee).

IM4Israel on July 22, 2010 at 10:42 pm

Whiskey Kay…female (real person).

A boy name Sue…(OK that was a joke).

Ann Bosch on July 23, 2010 at 9:13 am

My sister-in-law, a nurse in Philly, reported a new mother who named her twins Vaseline and Syphilis Johnson. Pretty names the mother thought????

Jamie Shafer on July 23, 2010 at 10:06 am

How about this one?

Da’lecs. This name will be mis-spelled all his life.
Unique, I guess, but totally arbitrary. Ass hattery.

jack on July 23, 2010 at 11:44 am

I went to high school with Penny Nichols. Really.

iwasframed on July 23, 2010 at 1:19 pm

Orange Peel, yes – for real.

Michelle on July 23, 2010 at 1:30 pm

Dick Rider for Mayor. Yes this is true. He ran for mayor in San Diego.


CaliforniaScreaming on July 23, 2010 at 9:45 pm

And this is his blog. Wish he was the Mayor of San Diego rather than Mr. “I support Prop 8 because my daughter is a lesbian.” Jerry Sanders. Another failed parent demanding us to change our beliefs cause he couldn’t do his job.


CaliforniaScreaming on July 23, 2010 at 9:49 pm

Crow Indian name in Montana, Johny Comes Last.

Drakken on July 24, 2010 at 12:13 am

While there seems to be a plurality of people who bring up Black folks when discussing crappy/embarrassing names, lets not forget the Mormon/Utahn tendency toward odd names as well, as lovingly cataloged and documented here: http://wesclark.com/ubn/

I’m awaiting a mass outcry that the Mormons have been raising generation after generation of girls destined to become strippers because they are named M’Recia or Queenola.

And since no one seems to have informed the skrewel teacher Lord Hagrid, Mercedes was a perfectly ordinary Spanish name that simply ended up being part of a brand name by accident. It is a contraction of sorts of one of many titles for the Virgin Mary, which means “Our Lady of Mercy”. Quite similar to the English Faith, Grace, Charity, etc.

Though if the parents chose the name BECAUSE of the car, then they are owed a whooping, much like the twerps naming their kid Porsche.

Robert on July 24, 2010 at 3:48 am

One guy that really should have insisted people call him Richard was NASCAR racer Dick Trickle. All manner of “They have a cure for that nowadays” jokes come to mind . . .

Marc on July 25, 2010 at 7:27 am

    If Flowmax sponsored a race car, he would be perfect for the job.

    IM4Israel on July 25, 2010 at 11:23 pm

A psychiatrist named Paul Looney.

Occam's Tool on September 16, 2010 at 8:31 pm

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