November 1, 2006, - 3:55 pm

Quick Immigration Enforcement Quiz

By Debbie Schlussel
Here’s a quick quiz on Immigration Enforcement. If you pass, you, too, could be the Assistant Secretary of Homeland Security for Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE). Or, actually, you’d be qualified, so you couldn’t possibly get the job.
Question: What is the most dangerous problem in illegal immigration to America?
Your Answer: Various causes–lax immigration enforcement; an immigration chieftess who has no law enforcement, immigration, or customs experience; lack of a wall on the border; immigration resources used for Tommy Lasorda and embroidered beach chairs with coolers; a President who doesn’t care about enforcing immigration laws; businesses who are willing to sell out American workers for a buck, etc.
Julie L. Myers’ a/k/a “The ICE Princess” (head of ICE) Answer: Cuban Pro Baseball Players and their sports agents.


The New Immigration “Enforcement”

Question: How many 9/11 hijackers played baseball in Cuba? (Or, How many Cuban baseball players hijacked planes on 9/11?)
Your Answer: None. They were all Muslim Arabs, 15 of whom were Saudi Arabian nationals.
The ICE Princess’ Answer: Who cares? The most serious post-9/11 threats to America right now are some Cuban pro baseball players and their sports agent in Beverly Hills.
Well, I was wrong to criticize The ICE Princess and her top people, yesterday. I thought they didn’t really care about enforcing immigration laws. But I was SOOOOOOOOOO WRONG. My apologies. Why, they are finally getting tough on those millions of Cuban baseball players bleeding into our borders on makeshift boats. And those sports agents? Can you believe that they take 20% of endorsement deals, and like 4-6% of Major League Baseball contracts? Incredible.
Yup, Julie L. Myers is finally getting tough on the biggest immigration problem in our country.
Yesterday, she and the Justice Department announced indictments of Gustavo “Gus” Dominguez, a sports agent and his minions. Dominguez has represented several Cuban defectors who have played pro baseball in America. He tried to get Cubans to the States, twice. The first time, the Coast Guard intercepted him. But the second time, he succeeded, getting 19 Cubans, including 5 baseball players onto our shores.
For that, he’s been indicted? Whatever happened to the dry land policy? I thought it was a good thing to get Cubans to America to freedom. But, apparently, if they have a ready, money-making skill that will help them live here without going on public assistance, that’s not a good thing? If they have a sports agent who’s willing to put them up and take care of them, that’s bad, too?
According to the indictment:

The Defendants transported the athletes to Los Angeles by van, rented an apartment for them, provided them with food and clothing and began training them.

Horror of horrors. The nerve of them.
Listen to The ICE Princess’ justification of this absurd investigation and prosecution, when there are smuggling cartels that aren’t getting her attention, Muslim smuggling and marriage fraud rings that she and her boy, Abu Moskowitz in Detroitistan, are ignoring:

Though this case involves a Beverly Hills sports agent and talented baseball players, it is remarkably similar to the human smuggling operations that ICE encounters every day. The ringleaders put the lives of illegal immigrants at risk and sought to profit from their labor.

A-ha! So that’s why ICE needed to pay Tommy Lasorda $30-50K. He was a “consultant” on this important national security matter, right?
Gimme a break! This sports agent is hardly akin to smugglers who bring in female slaves to serve as prostitutes or Muslims who bring in Indonesian maids to act as sex slaves and free nannies to be beaten and tortured.
Has our government truly lost its mind in setting immigration enforcement priorities? Afraid so.
And this sure doesn’t help her friend Georgie B. and party, come Tuesday’s election. Please, Julie, do yourself a favor and stop invading our Sports Page. It doesn’t make your phony lines–like the ones, this morning on FOX News–any more believable.
Everyone knows you aren’t doing the job. Let’s see: 19 hijackers and people of their religion and hate smuggled in every day vs. 19 Cuban baseball players. Which group should we pay attention to?
Not a question for which Einstein is needed. But very apparently, someone other than Myers is.
Full disclosure: I was a sports agent and represented minor league baseball players among my clients. But I got smart and got out of the biz. For the record, I never smuggled anyone from Cuba or anywhere else.

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6 Responses

Just being around all those billions and billions of dollars might have caused them to swoon with power for a moment. Lost focus. Or, maybe it was that foul ball conked someone in the head. “OWW! Cubans, Baseball, must stop them!” Help them refocus on enforcement by threatening to slash their budget. Or let loose the rumor of millions of illegal outfielders with NO AGENTS crossing our southern border.

jeebie on November 1, 2006 at 7:10 pm

What are we to do with these numbskulls. You are good at documenting this stuff–is there no one we can go to for any accountability?
I hope you will offer some advice that way on fixing ICE. Bush trumpets the WOT but his people do this–what’s up with that?
I will give you one thing you don’t let anyone back you down. Most of us are not attorney’s like you though–so what is your counsel?

BB on November 1, 2006 at 7:36 pm

So, according to this story, those Rednecks from the hills of Tennessee should start worrying about getting arresting by Homeland Security if they smuggle Moonshine across the borders to Dawsonville, GA for the Moonshine festival!!

Independent Conservative on November 1, 2006 at 11:35 pm

WHEEE!!! Third World here we come!
Does it do any good for us to call, write, or email uor elected officials? They appear to be the foxes guarding the henhouse. Do we run the risk of vocally protesting to anyone who will listen? No matter how cogent or right you are, you WILL be branded a racist, homophobic, nazi bastard for having the audacity to suggest that JUST MAYBE SOMETHING IS FRICKING WRONG WITH OUR IMMIGRATION POLICY.
Please forgive my screaming. Cuban ballplayers?
I’m no conspiracy nut, but doesn’t it seem that there are forces at work here with the expressed goal of systematically undoing America?

Southernops on November 2, 2006 at 8:33 am

I’ve read nobody in government or politics will take this whole thing seriously — the GWOT, islamic extremism growing in the US, illegal immigrants moving in and taking over– until we sustain 100,000 dead civilians. In the US.
God help us.

ConnectTheDots2006 on November 2, 2006 at 8:48 am

Could it be that our illustrious Guvmint officials are still sucking up to Castro? We returned little Elian Gonzalez to Cuba for no good reason than appeasement. Now let’s throw another bone to the Tyrant of the Caribbean – wouldn’t want to impair his recovery in the hospital worrying about losing more great baseball players 🙁

Sioux on November 2, 2006 at 10:41 am

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