February 26, 2008, - 4:05 pm

World to End: Starbucks Closes Nationwide

By Debbie Schlussel
**** UPDATE: Many readers asked me why they shouldn’t patronize Caribou Coffee. I accidentally forgot the link. But it’s now posted below. You’ll see why Caribou is haram [forbidden] for anti-jihadists. ****
No, I’m not making it up. Those of you who live at Starbucks are going to be homeless for three hours, today.
Starbucks is closing its 7,100 stores across America, at 5:30 p.m., in an apparent attempt to stem the decline in its profits. In a statement, Starbucks said it was doing the “retraining” of all 135,000 employees to

provide a renewed focus on espresso standards that will help ensure the exceptional quality of every beverage.

For those of you who must spend $5-plus on a flavored coffee during the shutdown, remember, DON’T go to jihadist-owned Caribou Coffee instead . . . unless the idea of giving money to jihadists from the Gulf appeals to you.


Muslims in Lebanon Boycott Starbucks:

For Three Hours Muslim Boycott Will Have No Effect

For those of you reading this in Saudi Arabia, your Starbucks will still be open. And you will be free NOT to drink coffee with a person of the opposite sex to whom you are not married and/or related. And free to drink from a cup from which the Starbucks emblem of a female has been removed, so as not to turn you on sexually.

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8 Responses

Whose that wearing Mcains daughters kefyeh, ugly chick 2nd from the right? OOps, it’s the guy from the liquor store down the street.

samurai on February 26, 2008 at 6:37 pm

What I saved by no longer buying store brewed coffee easily paid for a top of the line Senseo and then some. Mmmmm…frothy!

dm60462 on February 26, 2008 at 8:23 pm

Those protesters look like they just left Camelballs the arab coffee shop where all the coffee is refined from camel urine and freeze-dried camel testicles.

TheOmegaMan on February 26, 2008 at 9:28 pm

How’s Peet’s wrt Islam? I happen to like theirs.

Infidel Pride on February 26, 2008 at 11:15 pm

Re-training? They’ll tell staff to hard-sell additional items. Have you tasted their shortbread? Yech!
I seem to remember drinking coffee at the first Seattle’s Best outlet during the 1972 elections. Then a clone called Starbuck’s went up shortly after.

supercargo on February 27, 2008 at 1:02 am

Want a good cup of joe every time? Buy your favorite ground coffee, get a coffee press from Bodum, boil water, brew, add milk and sugar as desired and enjoy. No major investments in espresso machines, pennies for a cupfull and the taste you like.
Buy a larger coffee press and invite a friend or 2 to join you.
Other than occassional convenience, I have never understood the hysteria for Starbucks. And I, too, liked Seattle’s Best better than SB’s when I tried it in NY.

Shy Guy on February 27, 2008 at 3:19 am

More on Caribou’s Shariah compliance

Infidel Pride on February 27, 2008 at 4:38 am

I’m the kind of infidel that uses caribou coffee for it’s bathrooms. For some reason it just feels good urinating on the toilet paper in that place:)

samurai on February 27, 2008 at 12:56 pm

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