December 19, 2008, - 3:52 pm

Weekend Box Office: Skipworthy, Maudlin “Seven Pounds,” Say No to Moronic, Repetitive “Yes Man”

By Debbie Schlussel
This weekend’s weak new box office offerings send a message: Save your movie money until Christmas Day. Hollywood saved some great flicks for then. So many good ones on one day–that’s a rarity for decades. My reviews for Christmas Day movies will either appear on Christmas Eve or by Midnight that night–but there’s a lot I liked. Stay tuned. Until then, here’s the substandard leftovers keeping some seats warm at your local cineplex:
* “Seven Pounds“: Will Smith stars in what is, at best, suitable for a Hallmark Channel movie of the week–and even then it’s shallow and silly by comparison. In this manipulative, maudlin, cloying movie–so long, it made me fall asleep–he plays IRS agent Ben, who mysteriously has the time to drive around all day in an unmarked cop car Crown Vic playing G-d and granting people in need extensions on their IRS taxes. Gee, and I thought you just had to fill in the form, and they gave you ’til October.

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And that’s not the only inconsistency and truth-challenging aspect of this preposterous, boring plot. Smith checks into every aspect of the late filers’ lives. And he acts like a creep, calling a blind steak company telemarketer (Woody Harrelson) and harassing him for being blind, telling him he bets he’s still a virgin. This is supposed to be a touching, do-good movie? Whatever.
Oh, and there was so much loud, emotional background music (um, it’s supposed to be in the background) telling me I’m supposed to cry or say “awww,” I wanted to vomit.
One of the people he stalks–in this movie, it’s not stalking, it’s do-goodery Obama-style–is Rosario Dawson, in need of a new heart. Suddenly, she’s his love interest in possibly one of the most annoying, sappy relationships I’ve seen in all chick flicks and Lifetime Network programming combined. Just couldn’t take it, or the rest of this slow, boring movie.
Not Will Smith’s best work. Maybe he should go back to praising Hitler and whining about how White America hasn’t accepted him (yet makes him the highest-paid, most successful movie star on the planet by paying ten bucks to see schlock like this). Absolute dreck.
ONE MARX
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* “Yes Man“: Gee, I saw this Jim Carrey movie before, and it was called, “Liar, Liar”–and the first time around it was funny and entertaining. This time, it’s just a complete waste of your ten dollars and time. Jim Carrey’s act is old, and that’s why he gives us a substandard repeat of his shtick. Been there, seen that, laughed more.
Carrey plays a boring bank loan officer and misanthrope with no girlfriend, who is stuck in the same job forever, bitter about his ex-girlfriend, and just plain negative and going through the motions. He runs into an old friend who is in on one of these self-help cults, like Tim Robbins followers. The guru tells everyone to say yes to everything. Soon, Carrey finds that saying yes has found him a new, beautiful love interest, a promotion at work, and friendship and love all around. But it also gets him into hot water.
Yes, there are plenty of funny moments in this movie, but plenty are just plain dumb. And I’m sorry, but he and this movie lost me after the absolutely tasteless scene, in which Carrey accepts oral sex from his elderly neighbor as a thank you for fixing her shelves. We’re shown her taking out her dentures and Carrey noisily going through this disgusting scene. Um, no thanks.
The funniest thing going in this movie is Rhys Darby, the English actor who plays Carrey’s nerdy, Harry Potter-obsessed boss. Possibly worth it just to see him. But not really.
ONE MARX
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7 Responses

Will Smith is a racist, anti-Semitic a-hole. He was cute in the series for the first season until the writers started getting “message-y.” His movies are horrendous and unwatchable and the reception by white audiences for drivel like the “MIB” series is unfathomable. The scene where he shoots the cut-out o fthe little blond girl and then goes into a treacly schpiel about not “profiling” was monstrous and offensive. Watching white people laughing uproariously over the image of a little Caucasian being shot in the face by a black man made me physically ill.

ObamaSlammaJamma on December 19, 2008 at 6:45 pm

Join the Church of Scientology and you too can be a movie star!

Burt on December 20, 2008 at 9:38 am

every movie ever made from now on is all a conspiracy in he liberal media to make sure obama stays in power by showing blacks as decent people. also, fire cant melt steel and 9/11 was an inside job

debbiedoesstupid on December 20, 2008 at 1:56 pm

You got it backwards, Burt. It’s: “Become a movie star and you too can join the Church of Scientology!”

ObamaSlammaJamma on December 20, 2008 at 2:48 pm

“Seven Pounds” is about suicide. What a Holiday topic! I saw it on a pre release screener. Avoid this like the plague. I would give it: 5 marxes.
[SC: YOU’RE RIGHT. I WAS FAR TOO GENEROUS. DS]

supercargo on December 20, 2008 at 8:06 pm

Just *discovered* Primo Levi and can’t for the life of me figure out WHY Hollywood hasn’t done at least ten movies based on his works…the dude has a gold mine of inspiring stories!

EminemsRevenge on December 21, 2008 at 11:44 am

We need to boycott them all – reason being they backed swore , (especially Wil Smith ) Obama.
They only way they understand it when you hit them in the ” POCKET BOOK”, no money no life style of the rich & famous.
Disney & Ford learned the hard way, BOYCOTT WORKS, Wil Smith, Oprah , and the rest will learn when it hit’s them in the Pocket BOOK! OUCH !
Unless Obama is going to bail out Hollywood. Maybe he take Wil Smith & Oprah’s money and spread it around!

Johnny V on December 21, 2008 at 12:16 pm

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