February 18, 2009, - 12:10 pm

Pets, the New People, Alert: PETA Won–Introducing “Pet-ernity” Leave

By Debbie Schlussel
As I often say on this site, despite how much we ridicule the behavior of the animal rights crowd and PETA (a/k/a PUTAh–People for the Unethical Treatment of Animals and humans), they have won.
They’ve won because Americans–and others in Western cultures–now treat their pets to superhuman status and treat them better than their kids and consider them to be kids. They’ve won because Americans spend gazillions on country clubs, aromatherapy, pet surfing, pet massage, pet yoga, and other absurdities for pets I’ve detailed ad nauseam on this site.
And now they’ve won because a single jewelry store produced and–was robbed of $300,000 in pet jewelry. PET JEWELRY?!!!! Hilarious. What the heck do dogs need $300,000 in jewelry for?
Oh, but wait, there’s something even more ridiculous. Because, you see, they’ve won because there is now bereavement leave from work to mourn over pets and “maternity” leave for newborn pets. It’s not here in America yet. But–since we seem to adopt the worst aspects of European and other socialist democracies–I predict it’s coming, real soon. The same countries that open their borders to limitless numbers of Muslim immigrants, also elevate animals to work-related human status. Yes, there is a connection. It’s called, “lack of a brain.”


Laugh your rear off:

Some pet owners can actually get company-blessed time off for pet-related matters, in what are dubbed “peternity” leaves, according to the Sloan Work and Family Research Network blog.
Virgin Mobile in Australia recently announced that it now offers peternity leaves for employees with new puppies or kittens under 10 weeks old. Such employees, who must have worked for the company for more than two years, can get five unpaid days off. (Owners of other animals, such as birds, fish or hamsters, can’t take advantage of the policy, alas. [DS: HUH? I think we have a case here for a species discrimination lawsuit.]) Several U.K. and Canadian companies, including the Bank of Scotland, also offer time off to care for new or sick pets or for pet bereavement.


DUMB to the Nth: Richard Branson Gives Virgin Mobile Employees Pet-ernity Leave

The trend doesn’t seem to have caught on yet among U.S. businesses, although some companies, such as Google, do allow workers to bring pets to work. . . . (In this week’s episode of “The Office,” there was a subplot about taking time off for cat-care.)

New DebbieSchlussel.com word of the day:
Peternity (noun): Imbecile western executives with lots of money, even more free time on their hands, and zero common sense or connection with reality, find new ways to simultaneously ruin their companies, their societies, and further degrade the value of human life.
$300,000 jewelry for dogs, leave for animal bereavement. Like I said, PETA a/k/a PUTAh has won. For us, animals are, indeed, people.


: Reader J has already experienced executives who take “Pet-ernity Leave”:

I just wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed your story about pets’ elevated status.
I used to work for a major American investment bank here in the UK. One day my boss (the European head of Client Service and Administration) got up from her desk in a panic – was crying and headed for the elevator after telling us she had to leave because “something terrible had happened at home.” Naturally, we all assumed there had been a serious accident or death in the family. Well, there was a death – two of her kids’ guinea pigs had died. She was gone for the rest of the day. Of course, after everyone found out what happened no one could take her seriously. At a department meeting shortly after, a colleague of mine actually had the nerve to ask her if she thought her pets had made some sort of suicide pact (I can’t deny it was hilarious).
I understand that people do care about their pets, and I’m not making fun of that but seriously. . . .

Yeah, seriously. If only some sense of seriousness entered into it. Sadly, Pet-ernity is the comedy that is very real.
Question: When will they be giving Pet-ernity leave for pet rock collections?

9 Responses

There is a difference between a human being and a pet. A human being can never be replaced. A pet can be. What’s absurd is treating one’s cat or a dog as as a little person!

NormanF on February 18, 2009 at 1:37 pm

This is one of the most absurd things I have heared of. I remeber reading last year in my local paper about how the kennel club dogs were getting luxury spa treatment, and at the same time had read another article about how a homeless veteran had died of exposure-that is so wrong.

mindy1 on February 18, 2009 at 3:21 pm

Wait a min how you can deny a friend a little bling Look at this hero.
Also shows the economy aint that bad after all starbucks looks like still has business.
Yep dogs just doing their jobs.
Police dog nabs motorcyclist in creek after Jeffco pursuit
By Bill Scanlon,
February 17, 2009
A motorcyclist trying to elude state troopers Monday night was free for less than a half hour before a police dog caught up with him lying face down in a stream in Arvada.
“We think he just picked the stream to try to hide his scent from the dog,” Colorado State Patrol spokesman David Hall said this morning.
David S. Riedel, 44, was riding a 1978 Honda motorcycle on Wadsworth Boulevard in Arvada about 10:20 Monday night, when a state trooper signaled him to pull over for a traffic violation, Hall said.
“He never stopped,” Hall said.
The state trooper went after him, but canceled the pursuit after about seven minutes for the sake of safety.
Jefferson County Sheriff’s deputies and the State Patrol stayed in the area, though, and found the motorcycle abandoned, Hall said.
A police dog helped the officers find Riedel in a small stream near Dudley Street and Dudley Way just west of Wadsworth.
Riedel has a long history of arrests for drugs, drinking while driving and other driving offenses. In 2002, he was charged with being a habitual traffic offender.
Riedel is in Jefferson County Jail, with formal charges pending.
“Alcohol is suspected” as a contributing factor to the incident, Hall said

Catherine on February 18, 2009 at 3:34 pm

Maybe if women stopped slaughtering their children in utero they would have real live human beings to care for and about and not have to substitute the affection for and of pets.

dm60462 on February 18, 2009 at 5:10 pm

    Some people can’t have children. There are medical conditions out there that make it impossible or insanely expensive to conceive.

    Christina on October 16, 2013 at 7:55 am

Love that cartoon. Our society has gone past repair.

californiascreaming on February 19, 2009 at 1:27 am

I happen to have two Red Dobermans. I love all animals, especially dogs. I’m partial to the Dobermans and German Shepards for many reasons. I love my dogs dearly. Also, I’m a realist and pragmatic too. Animals should be treated with respect and never tortured. They are G-ds creation too. But, humans are the most intelligent and the stewards of this planet. Soicety and organizations like PETA need to know the limits between humans and animals. In my town we actually have a doggie daycare. I would never believe there was a need for a service like this. Whatever happened to leaving your dog at home. As much as I love my dogs. I would never bring them to a doggie daycare or other types of stupid services available. I don’t even bring my dogs to a groomer. I simply take them in the back yard once a month. And put a water hose on and bathe them myself. My point being is Debbie is correct. People are going way to far with how pets are being regarded. One of my close friends refuse to call his dog a pet. He call his dog a family member or family companion. WTF is up with that is beyond me. I firmly believe all animals shouldn’t be just discard. And proper responsibiliy is the pet owners obligation. The two opposite extremes are just crazy. Some people discard and physically abuse their pets. And the other side elevates their pet to be like their children…it’s just ridiculous how some people are today. Most dogs are workers of some type. And many people who utilize their dogs for work. Usually care for the animal well. But they don’t make the animal out to be considered like a human being.
If Europe is really allowing leave from work to care for a pet. Like Debbie said, only a matter of time till America adopts this kind of policy. The pet industry is a multi billion dollar entity. Where will this craziness stop, I don’t know.

Tenn Scholar on February 19, 2009 at 3:28 pm

I loooooove my pets. Iím a dog nut. They are my kids. I play with them I take them for a walk and they love to ride in the car with me. At this point we only have one who is a pug and his name is Teddybear. We also have a cat and her name is Stormy. BUT, unlike my children, I will get over the death of my pet even so it may take a few days. And I gladly embrace another one. And being dogs, Iím certain they donít care about all this nonsense that people do for their pets. They just love to roll in the dirt and, eek, sometimes poop, and they have a hay day if they can find and old bone to chew on or go down to the barn end gourmet on horse crap. I think pets are great because they only want to be loved and they give you all the love back and more but they wonít make up for my children. Nope, never! It is truly amazing how wacked out people get. And even so I wouldnít want to hunt, Iím not a hypocrite. I love venison and I the meat at the store still needs to get slaughtered by someone. Main thing, treat them humanely if you have to kill them for food. Do not be cruel. And the method of killing animals based on the Torah (even so does it really talk about it how to kill them?) is in itself very humane with the least amount of suffering.

German Cowboy on February 19, 2009 at 5:08 pm

Of course, after everyone found out what happened no one could take her seriously

jersey on May 26, 2010 at 3:31 am

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