October 10, 2005, - 11:08 am

Famous But Incompetent: FBI To Allow Stoner Agents

Last week, we wrote about how ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement)–the agency that is SUPPOSED to be enforcing immigration laws– to serve food to ICE agents in New Orleans.
Now comes word that the FBI–which still is quite involved in fighting the war on drugs–is considering relaxing its rules for illegal drug users who wish to work for the FeeBs.
Don’t be surprised if, one day, there’s a knock at your door from Special Agent Jeff Spicoli. All he needs are some tasty waves, a cool buzz . . . and a badge and gun.

Federal Bureau of Inhalers?

The current rules need no relaxing. They prohibit hiring anyone who’s used marijuana in the previous 3 years, or coke or heroin in the last 10.
Is there such a dearth of good FBI applicants that diluting the pool with druggies would make it so much more improved? I don’t think so.
The proposed new rules would judge applicants on their “whole person.” Now, why does this sound like the absurdly imbalanced affirmative action hiring and admissions policies we see elsewhere?
So, if you are a cokehead, but an excellent Arabic linguist and devout Muslim, I hear there’s someone at the J. Edgar Hoover Building eagerly awaiting your application.
While they’re at it, why don’t they relax the rules for other crimes like rape and murder? Oops! I almost forgot. According to a study the FBI did on itself–and Senator Grassley had to drag out of them–the agency has already dropped those as impediments to hiring.
Read about some of the other outrageous crimes FBI agents have committed (with some being allowed to stay ON THE JOB) here. This agency gets way more respect than it merits.

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One Response

the Federal Bureau of Idiots are hiring? Uh, no thanks. Good agents, lousy pogues.

KOAJaps on October 10, 2005 at 3:22 pm

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