March 28, 2006, - 2:39 pm

Why We Hate Cats: Bird Flu Spreader & Masculinity Test

By Debbie Schlussel
Yet another reason to hate cats: It now appears that felines may spread bird flu. In Germany, Austria, and even France, cats are being ditched left and right for that very reason.
And we don’t mind one bit. We’re not fans of cats. At all. Not even the annoying over-rated Andrew Lloyd Webber kind. They’re as annoying as the real thing.
Dogs may be man’s best friend. But cats are a complete waste of space and money. A dog will bark when an intruder approaches your home or, worse, breaks in. On the other hand, cats, instead of being loyal, are the prima donna chicks of pets. They like attention. They crave it. It’s all about them. If a burglar breaks in, the cat makes nary a peep . . . and probably shows him where the jewelry and valuables are.
Now there’s the bird flu. Not to mention, the fact that in parts of Asia they are: “Cats. The Other White Meat.”
And then there’s our theory (proven umpteen times over the years):

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Men who own cats, well . . . they’re a bit wimpy if not effeminate (just like cats). That doesn’t mean you who have a cat because your wife or girlfriend or daughter wanted one, and you got suckered or nagged into getting one. It means you who went out on your own and thought, “Gee, I need a pet on which to spend money, time, and attention. I think I’ll get a kitty.” That’s like a man with a poodle . . . if you know what we mean.
That doesn’t mean there aren’t exceptions to the rule. But there are very few (if you are male and like what you read on this site, but own a cat of your own initial volition, you are probably one of those exceptions). And now, there’s the bird flu to boot.
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22 Responses

Debbie,
I am most definitely the exception to the rule. Sure, dogs are great but, you can leave on vacation without having someone walk your dog. Cats, to me, are more efficient.
Long time reader, first time commentor,
Brandon

brbankston on March 28, 2006 at 3:15 pm

You read me like a book. Dogs show a genuine affection for their owners, are easily trained, loyal, and are useful for guarding the home. Cats, er… well they’re cats. The psychology differences between people who prefer dogs over those who prefer cats is very interesting. I’m a dog guy all the way. My dog, Maggie May, a Border Collie, recently passed away and I swear to you it felt like I had lost a child!
I haven’t gotten another one yet and don’t know if I will. It would be very hard to replace Maggie. I miss her.
I have nothing against cat people, really, I don’t. They just seem a little strange to me.

DeBodine on March 28, 2006 at 3:50 pm

A very few cats have a useful purpose: killing mice and rats. The best we ever had for that hated being around people, but she never left the farm and kept our 4 acres minimized of rats and mice. With no exceptions, the friendlier the cat, the less useful it was to us.

Shannon on March 28, 2006 at 4:21 pm

I’ve never heard of “cat sleds”. I wonder what the good people of Nome, Alaska would have done without the wonderful sled dogs who delivered the diptheria serum needed to stop an epidemic of the disease there.
I have nothing against cats, really, but what would we do without those wonderful dogs…guard dogs, search and rescue dogs, seeing eye dogs, shepherding dogs…yup, man’s best friend indeed!

Gregorio on March 28, 2006 at 5:16 pm

Well I am one of those exceptions. I own 4 cats. all rescued from the cat haters of the world and they are excellent guard cats. They are alert if someone enters the property and are wonderful companions.
I also have 4 dogs including my 120 lb chessie who also love my cats.
So although I read your column daily and respect your views please do not disrespect cats :))

RuffnReady on March 28, 2006 at 5:56 pm

It’s like my grandmother says, “I hate cats, there’s no loyalty in them.” You know what Debbie, you really remind me of her now that I think about it. That’s probably why I like this blog so much. Besides the fact that I like to see a good-looking woman voicing many of my views, I like a woman who’s of the modern age but still old school in many ways. Reminds me of me. Anyway, I think between Debbie and my dear old grandma, we’ve pretty much said all there is to be said about cats and dogs. Except wild cats such as lions, that’s not the same thing.

KnightoftheImpaler on March 28, 2006 at 6:28 pm

We had an amazing cat who died a few years ago. My son named him Meowie, but that cat was as brave as any dog. He was gentle with kids, but fiercely protective toward our family. One time my neighbor’s dog Jack got into our yard and Meowie went after him. The neighbor came after his dog, and Meowie went up his leg after Jack we had to pull him off our neighbor.
Meowie used to sit on the front porch, tied with a leash so he wouldn’t wander off. One time a neighbor girl was walking her dog who ran into our yard. This dog had to be well over two feet tall, and Meowie, all 15 pounds of him, is straining away at the end of his leash trying to get at this 75 pound dog. It had to be seen to be believed. Dogs are good, but don’t put all cats down.

MarkD on March 28, 2006 at 10:08 pm

Grandma Debbie???? LOL!!!!!!!!!!!
The last thing Debbie reminds me of is my or anyone’s grandmother. Maybe a foxy kissing cousin or a cool aunt but not granny.
This is another great reason why Debbie should be on TV instead of that goof Oprah. This is the kind of great advice America needs to hear instead of all this girly mannish metrosexual baloney from the likes of The View, Oprah, Queer Eye for the Straight(?) Guy, and these other ninnies.
I’ve never owned a cat, but had a Saint Bernard, named Bernard, who loved them a lot.
Don’t forget, Bill Clinton was a cat “man”, owning that stupid cat “Socks.” Case closed.

The_Man on March 28, 2006 at 10:29 pm

Cats eat rats, snakes and roaches.
‘Nuff said.

timjansing on March 28, 2006 at 11:15 pm

OK, I’m a little surprised this subject came up, but what the hell. I do own a dog, but I’m not so insecure that I need it to show loyalty to me to make my life complete. Even if it behaved like a cat, the fact that it’s a life that would probably have suffered had I not adopted it is enough for me.

hqsbud on March 29, 2006 at 2:53 am

I do hate my cat, but I was considering a poodle. Whatsupwithat?

Paul on March 29, 2006 at 5:06 am

Dear Debbie:
As a veterinarian, I am VERY disturbed by your words
“In Germany, Austria, and even France, cats are being ditched left and right for that very reason. And we don’t mind one bit. We’re not fans of cats.”
Someone said that the level of civilization of one culture can be measured by the way that culture treats its prisoners. Or its elders. Or its children. Or its women. Or even its animals.
Either you were high on drugs when you wrote this, or you are a certified barbarian.
Muslims kill dogs left and right. You don’t mind that Germans or Frenchmen (or whatever) are ditching cats. Take a hint. And grow up, while you are at it.

cruzado on March 29, 2006 at 8:04 am

Iím not sure whether I should take this one seriously. As a joke, itís kind of funny. Iíve heard many comedy routines about the virtues of (or lack of) cats, dogs and their owners. As a serious commentary, itís a bit disturbing. Although there are many stereotypes, there are no clear patterns of behavior with cats and dogs other than their most primitive or basic instincts. We find that in domestication they display a wide range of behaviors. The same can be said for their owners. While stereotypes abound, pet owners come in every type of personality. As far as the health risk, the World Health Organization says there is no evidence that cats can be involved in the spread of the disease. This statement can be found in one of the sources Debbie noted. Whatís happening is unfounded panic amongst some people, but according many conservative, Europeans, especially the French, are prone to this. If youíre interested in a twist on stereotypes, hereís one. Dogs are well known sycophants while cats are the opposite. It can be said that men who own dogs like being worshiped by an inferior because in their hearts they find themselves to be impotent in the world around them and need to prop up their egos; and women who own dogs need to have the ëdumb beastí under their thumb because they lack the real strength to stand up to the men in their world.

MikeR on March 29, 2006 at 8:56 am

Puhleeeeeeeeze. Don’t talk about my surrogate grandma like that.
I am VERY disturbed you take a simple premise and stretch it to be about the fate of civilization and torture of animals. Don’t forget, not liking cats causes global warming, too.
Fine, all you show tune listening cat owners try to convince yourselves it’s fine to have a cat, listen to Barry Manilow, watch Lifetime Channel, worship Jerry Lewis like zee French, etc. If you want to impress “babes” like Rosie, Oprah, and Ellen DeGenerate, go ahead.
Me, I’ll be at the Nashville Predators vs. Detroit Red Wings hockey game tomorrow night…that is, after I feed my dog Poochie.

Jeff_W on March 29, 2006 at 9:20 am

It’s funny how people come out of the woodwork just to stick up for some stupid cats.

Concerned Conservative on March 29, 2006 at 12:39 pm

To Jeff_W
I never had a cat in my entire life, I always had dogs. To be honest I don’t even like cats as pets as they are too independent, and as patients they suck (I – as well as most vets – have several scars in the hands as a testimony of that). That goes a long way from wishing ill to any creature just because I don’t like them.
You must have a reading disability because I didn’t write anything about the fate of civilization, I mentioned that the way a culture treats animals is a measure of the level of civilization that culture has reached. And just for the record, in my country I am as conservative as it gets, so please take your stereotypes somewhere else.
I actually used to agree with a lot of what Debbie writes (namely about immigration and Islamic imperialism). Considering the underlying radicalism of this post of hers, and of the other one that forced me to intervene, maybe I should start to question her positions. A pity, because I had become used to agree with her.

cruzado on March 29, 2006 at 4:02 pm

Deborah, i agree with most of your rants but you’re an idiot when it comes to this.
cats are not in need of constant attention. there is no other animal in the world who needs more attention than a dog.
any cat could kick the ass of a dog of equal or slightly larger size. a cats’ ass-kicking prowess is only limited by their small size.
do you know why they kill cougars out west? because cougars come into peoples yards to kill and eat their so-called ‘big, tough’ watch-dogs.
dogs are happy and fun but pathetically way too willing to be your friend. how do you respect someone or something who kisses your ass like that?

shuffles on March 30, 2006 at 8:55 am

Any animal that kills rodents (rats and mice) whether it is a cat or a snake is ok by me.

Ripper on March 30, 2006 at 11:23 am

The vast majority of dogs in the US have been selectively bred to be on the wimpy side(in the sense of being reluctant to attack) because of the fears of owners for themselves, their children and personal injury lawyers. But foreign breeds are regularly used in the US West to protect livestock from cougars:
http://home.att.net/~masallahanatolians/shook.html
(…)
Only an unusual canine could fend off the ?American lion,? but Anatolian shepherds are formidable beasts themselves. Some weigh more than 140 pounds and stand six feet on their hind logs. The dogs are known for a complex and paradoxical nature. For one thing, despite their hulking size, they can sprint 45 miles an hour, faster than a cougar or grizzly bear
(…)
University and government agricultural researchers discovered primitive Eurasian dogs like the Anatolian guarding flocks of sheep and goats in remnants of some of the world?s oldest pastoral societies. They saw that 99 percent of the time the dogs? mere presence was enough to keep carnivores away. Rarely is actual battle required, because predators prefer hassle-free dining; even minor injuries can prove fatal in the wild.
(…)

perroazul del norte on March 30, 2006 at 2:23 pm

Get a real Dog Deb, I have a Rott/pit bull mix. I never snipped his balls and he is one wild motherfu@ker. A friend in Ohio has a lion and tiger, now that is two pussies I would never call a pussy. But this illegal alien broke in my house to burglarize, my dog, Bugs Bunny woke up after hearing glass shattered…there was blood everywhere. The asshole tried to sue me, so I called an LAPD friend who called an ICE buddy and was deported almost immediately.

KOAJaps on March 31, 2006 at 2:41 am

Debbie,
I really admire you and I agree with most of what you say, especially about Islamofascism and how we need to take a stand against it.
However,being an animal lover I just had to put my 2 cents here.I LOVE dogs, I mean I am crazy about them.I am planning to get an english bulldog real soon.But I also like cats.What’s the animal’s usefullness got to do with anything? I never had any doubts in my masculinity so liking cats makes me less of a man? So it’s ok to ditch poor innocent animals like they do in Europe? I just got back from Madrid and I saw this one homeless cat trying to get food on the street.My heart was breaking!So you know what..if that makes me less than a man, fine.So be it.
Also, there’s NOTHING wrong with owning a poodle.I knew a couple of poodles and they were the sweetest and smartest things.I guess if you’re a man, you’re supposed to own a Pitbull or a Doberman.
Debbie, I think you went way too far this time.You don’t have to like cats, but advocate ditching poor defenseless animals is cruel and unnesessary.I still have tons of respect for you but I hope you rethink what you wrote in that blog.

jdemon519 on January 4, 2007 at 1:26 pm

You believe that cats are a complete waste of space and money.
I believe human-beings like you are a complete waste of space and money. What makes you think you are any better than cats? Human-garbages are far worse than cats.

YouAreAPsycopath on January 24, 2014 at 11:53 pm

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