March 28, 2006, - 2:39 pm
By Debbie Schlussel
Yet another reason to hate cats: It now appears that felines may spread bird flu. In Germany, Austria, and even France, cats are being ditched left and right for that very reason.
And we don’t mind one bit. We’re not fans of cats. At all. Not even the annoying over-rated Andrew Lloyd Webber kind. They’re as annoying as the real thing.
Dogs may be man’s best friend. But cats are a complete waste of space and money. A dog will bark when an intruder approaches your home or, worse, breaks in. On the other hand, cats, instead of being loyal, are the prima donna chicks of pets. They like attention. They crave it. It’s all about them. If a burglar breaks in, the cat makes nary a peep . . . and probably shows him where the jewelry and valuables are.
Now there’s the bird flu. Not to mention, the fact that in parts of Asia they are: “Cats. The Other White Meat.”
And then there’s our theory (proven umpteen times over the years):
Men who own cats, well . . . they’re a bit wimpy if not effeminate (just like cats). That doesn’t mean you who have a cat because your wife or girlfriend or daughter wanted one, and you got suckered or nagged into getting one. It means you who went out on your own and thought, “Gee, I need a pet on which to spend money, time, and attention. I think I’ll get a kitty.” That’s like a man with a poodle . . . if you know what we mean.
That doesn’t mean there aren’t exceptions to the rule. But there are very few (if you are male and like what you read on this site, but own a cat of your own initial volition, you are probably one of those exceptions). And now, there’s the bird flu to boot.
Tags: Andrew Lloyd Webber, Asia, Austria, Debbie Schlussel Yet, France, Germany