April 24, 2007, - 2:43 pm

It’s Official: Spidey is a Girlie-Man (& an Egomaniac)

By Debbie Schlussel
Just got back from screening “Spiderman 3.” And while I’m not allowed to post my complete review now, I will say this:
Spidey is a Girlie-Man. It’s a good thing I brought my Spidey-Cry-O-Meter with me to the theater. Because I counted at least FOUR–FOUR!–scenes in which Peter Parker/Spiderman cries. Might have even been five, if you count the scenes in which a tear wells up in his eye, but doesn’t stream down on his face.
Must all American superheroes be wimpified and transformed into sensitive girlie-men? I can see the Arab Muslim internships at Marvel Studios are already a smashing success.
For the record, even aside from that, I didn’t like Spidey 3. Parker/Spiderman becomes a huge egomaniac–a lot like this latest generation of kids: me! me! me! Ditto for his dull girlfriend, Mary Jane. She’s also all about her! her! her!

spiderman3poster.jpg

Spiderman 3: The Battle Within

It will remind you of the worst of the Christopher Reeve Superman incarnations, “Superman III” a/k/a “Superman v. Superman,” in which Supe becomes a drunk and a dark, depressing guy. Spidey Cubed is the webbed version.
As a fellow movie critic, Corey Hall, remarked, “So where is Dr. Phil, urging Spidey to get in touch with his inner child?”
Stay tuned for my complete review, as we get closer to the May 4th opening date for “Spiderman 3.”

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14 Responses

RE: Crying. Spiderman has always been an emotionally complex character. The spiderman books are more akin to a soap opera than action movie.
RE: “egotism”. That’s part of the Venom story line, but I’ll save anything else on it until I see the movie and how they ran with it.

ConservativesLovePuns(descent) on April 24, 2007 at 3:08 pm

I agree with the prior poster in that Spider-Man was created to be an EXTREMELY insecure character. Stan Lee and Steve Ditko wanted Spidey to be unsure about everything he did. Otherwise, he would have been like every other cookie-cut character from the late 1950′s and early 1960′s.

Hourman on April 24, 2007 at 3:51 pm

Avi Arad and the rest of the new generation Marvel destroyed their own comics. The only time Peter Parker nearly cried was when his Uncle Ben was killed. And as for Venom, that was Peter Parker After the Secret Wars
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Secretwar8.jpg
Yes the uniform came from outer space but Parker was there with:
* Captain America
* Captain Marvel II
* Hawkeye
* The Hulk
* Human Torch (Johnny Storm)
* Iron Man II (Jim Rhodes)
* Mister Fantastic
* She-Hulk
* Spider-Man
* Spider-Woman II (Julia Carpenter)
* The Thing
* Thor
* The Wasp
The X-Men
(Though they were allied with Captain America’s faction, the mutants chose to act as a “third force” in the conflict.)
* Colossus
* Cyclops
* Lockheed the Dragon
* Magneto
* Nightcrawler
* Professor X
* Rogue
* Storm
* Wolverine
Super-Villains
* Absorbing Man
* Doctor Doom
* Doctor Octopus
* Enchantress
* Kang the Conqueror
* Klaw
* The Lizard
* Molecule Man
* Titania
* Ultron
* Volcana
* Wrecking Crew (Bulldozer, Piledriver, Thunderball & Wrecker)
Non-aligned
* Galactus
* Beyonder (“Battleworld”, a planet created by the Beyonder in a distant galaxy and stocked with alien weapons and technology. There, the Beyonder issued the following message:
“I am from beyond! Slay your enemies and all that you desire shall be yours! Nothing you dream of is impossible for me to accomplish!” )
Yeah, you’re right Deb, S-3 SUCKS! Like X-Men 3

KOAJaps on April 24, 2007 at 4:11 pm

Well usually I agree with you DS….but this time I gotta cut the brakes here. I could only think of why Spidey acts like a girlie man as you claim, becuase of the symbiote suit.
I’ll have to see it myself and form my own opinion on the flick. Sorry.

Squirrel3D on April 24, 2007 at 4:58 pm

OK people this is just a movie. Granted the crying part is a bit over the top girlie-manish but so are most of the men in Hollywood. Anyway, as a kid I liked comics as much as the next person, but I moved on to grown up books. Let’s all take a moment to remember the Bard aka William Shakespeare who born 4/23/1564 443 yrs ago and died 4/23/1616 391 yrs. ago at age 52. Sorry I know this was a movie post about comic book characters but no one mentioned the Anniv. of William Shakespeare so I felt compelled to. He was arguably the greatest writer of all time. Next to Mark Twain and Charles M. Schulz :D

OneIrishJew on April 24, 2007 at 11:22 pm

OK people this is just a movie. Granted the crying part is a bit over the top girlie-manish but so are most of the men in Hollywood. Anyway, as a kid I liked comics as much as the next person, but I moved on to grown up books. Let’s all take a moment to remember the Bard aka William Shakespeare who born 4/23/1564 443 yrs ago and died 4/23/1616 391 yrs. ago at age 52. Sorry I know this was a movie post about comic book characters but no one mentioned the Anniv. of William Shakespeare so I felt compelled to. He was arguably the greatest writer of all time. Next to Mark Twain and Charles M. Schulz :D
Posted by: OneIrishJew [TypeKey Profile Page] at April 24, 2007 11:22 PM
Hold thy tongue, not a classic or sufficient for literature? How many comicbooks do you know that speaks about:
* Friedrich Nietzsche
* Holocaust
* Apocalypse
* Prejudice
* Judaism
And other important historical events that kids back in the 70s and 80s found out about as oppose to who Sanjaya is. HA? Ha? And the move takes away from the spirit or root from the comic books, which is sickening…or maybe I’m just taking it too deep. Oh well, just shoot me and put me out of my misery.

KOAJaps on April 25, 2007 at 3:35 am

To KOAJaps, I happen to agree with you. I just wanted to mention the point about how nobody even remembered Shakespeare’s anniversary, or that in general seem to have a lack of appreciation for the written word. But good point true believer! Excelsior! Stan(The Man)Lee ref.

OneIrishJew on April 25, 2007 at 8:25 am

Spider-Man was always an emotional character, but he never cried. He always found a way to suck it up and beat the badguys. This is an embarrassment to the character, all in the name of pandering to those “emo” kids who listen to bad music and cut their wrists.

Jose on April 25, 2007 at 10:53 am

I’d cry too if I had a dog faced girlfriend that looked like Kirsten Dunce (yes, I spelled it right).
Sounds like Spderman has jumped the shark.
I’d rather see Chuck NorrisMan.
“Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.”

Jeff_W on April 25, 2007 at 12:44 pm

Hey Debs -
Have you ever read Spiderman?
His vulnerability was the entire point.
After creating Superman, they thought he was simply too invincible to make for an interesting superhero. If it is nearly impossible to kill you, and if you are so remote from humanity, it makes for uninteresting reading.
By making Spiderman both physically and emotionally vulnerable, Stan Lee and Steve Ditko made a realistic and approachable character for their readers.
If you can’t be bothered to pick up some of the old issues, conveniently collected in book form, just rent Kevin Smith’s “Mallrats” and listen to Stan Lee say it himself.

truthlover on April 25, 2007 at 1:07 pm

Wow, a girly man “superhero.”
Now I know why only sissies read comic books and live in mommy’s basement.

Jeff_W on April 25, 2007 at 1:43 pm

Dear Ms. Schlussel,
I cried when mother died.
I cried when my fater died.
I cried when my child was born.
I cried when my knee rotated 90 degrees more than a knee is supposed to rotate.
I cried when America beat the Russians in 1980 Olympic Winter Games “Miracle on Ice”.
So Debbie, does that make this man a “Girlie-Man”?

donsmith7777 on April 25, 2007 at 5:29 pm

“father”

donsmith7777 on April 25, 2007 at 5:31 pm

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