April 26, 2007, - 5:00 pm

Girlie-Man Nation: Crying @ Work Gains Acceptance, Even for MEN

By Debbie Schlussel
Uh-oh. More evidence of our nation’s decline and weakening. Today’s Wall Street Journal reports that crying at work gains acceptance, and not just for women. It’s men, too.
The Journal reports that 9/11 and an increase of self-absorbed Gen-Yers in the workplace have contributed to the problem:

Crying at work has long been seen as verboten. But there’s evidence that a growing number of workers, especially those in their 20s and 30s, see it differently. Some think it’s old-fashioned to hide your emotions. Others are quick to cry over negative feedback. And many find themselves at odds with managers who grew up with a more repressive definition of professional conduct.

“Repressive”? Uh, not crying at work is not “repressive.”

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Jihad Darrell: Pro-Hezbollah Congressman Darrell Issa Cries a River

Today’s young adults are more comfortable venting all kinds of emotions, says Jean Twenge, an author and associate professor of psychology at San Diego State University, based on generational studies of personality-test results for a total of 1.3 million people. They were “raised with the phrase ‘express yourself,'” she says.
Gen-Yers — who, it is often noted, are accustomed to lavish praise from their parents (See related article.) — are often ill-schooled in taking criticism and burst into tears at negative feedback, Dr. Twenge says. Kathy Lyle, 55, owner of a Chagrin Falls, Ohio, accounting firm, was dismayed when an employee in her early 30s cried in response to a request to install software on a computer. “When I asked her why, she said, ‘You scare me,'” Ms. Lyle says. Startled, Ms. Lyle told her to pull herself together.
Although women still report crying more often than men, it has become more socially acceptable since the 2001 terrorist attacks for both men and women to cry in certain situations, says Stephanie Shields, a psychology professor at Pennsylvania State University and author of a book on emotional expression. Bonnie Sashin, 56, a communications specialist in Boston, says a male co-worker in his 20s fought back tears while telling her about a chewing-out he’d gotten from a colleague. “A guy less in touch with his feelings … might have expressed anger, outrage or pounded the table,” she says.
In a more public case, no one accused 6-foot-3, 253-pound Vernon Davis of being a wimp when he cried last year over being chosen as a first-round NFL draft pick by the San Francisco 49ers. Onlookers took the burly 22-year-old at his word — that he was moved at achieving a dream.

And this guy is still in the NFL?!

Some say crying gets issues out in the open. Lynne Segall, 38, an Atlanta strategy consultant, has cried over feedback from her manager, often when she’s stressed or frustrated. This sparks “healthy dialogue” with her boss, “a very sensitive guy,” she says.

Oy. Where have all the real men gone?

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8 Responses

As a cop, I can assure you that crying won’t get you out of a ticket, ESPECIALLY if you’re a guy.
When women start bawling on a traffic stop, I generally figure that it’s an act and any chance of them getting a warning evaporates. But when a GUY does it–and I’ve actually seen it–I want to write him a second ticket for DWOT–Driving Without Testosterone. It’s pathetic. There was a time when you’d lose your man card for crying, but I guess those days are gone.

Lagniappe'sGuy on April 26, 2007 at 5:17 pm

They certainly ain’t on Fox “news” OR running DefJam!!!

EminemsRevenge on April 26, 2007 at 6:23 pm

Well well well Debbie,
I understand very well what you are getting at–that so many people are emotional basket cases–OK men are turning “girlie.” Some of the kinds of things you cite here are examples.
However, I’d like to offer you a balancing thought —namely that any man who can NEVER cry is not a real man.
I’ve seen this–men who were taught that it is “not masculine” to ever feel empathetic emotions for the hurts of others and even to bury/repress their own sorrow emotions as if to live up to the false idea that “a real man” never cries. This leads to other problems as it causes men to be unfeeling and in some cases to have emotional implosions–(go postal, etc).
Men of G-d, in the scriptures did have the full range of emotions. If you read the Psalms, you will see that tears are not looked at from G-d with disdain–no it says that He even stores our tears in bottles–and ultimatley he promises to wipe away all tears from our eyes!! What a precious and tender promise.
I am not a girlie man–but I don’t fear that men who cry are a big crisis.
The real crisis is the lack of men who are real men–in every sense of the word–and yes sometimes this means that they can even shed tears.

BB on April 26, 2007 at 6:23 pm

” … In a more public case, no one accused 6-foot-3, 253-pound Vernon Davis of being a wimp when he cried last year over being chosen as a first-round NFL draft pick by the San Francisco 49ers. Onlookers took the burly 22-year-old at his word — that he was moved at achieving a dream.
And this guy is still in the NFL?!
Where have all the real men gone? …”
why is there this focus on externalities, and labelling of ‘Girlie-men’ ?
there should be some balance between the ‘macho’
‘Terminator’ model of male impassivity,
and the total spineless wimp
standing up for what one believes in,
fighting to uphold it,
courage in battle,
strength, endurance and perseverance —
all these can go together with being moved to tears over significant life changes …
‘not’ crying over the death of a loved one,
only because it isn’t ‘manly’
is a cruel denial of emotion,
and the ability to control one’s self from crying
is hardly the most important urge for men to discipline
rapes are probably not committed by ‘crying’ men,
but this hardly makes them manly,
while men who cry over the injury of a loved one,
and then go determined into battle to avenge the injustice,
probably accomplish more of what you might think real ‘men’ are supposed to do
it is not easy for each man to find the proper balance,
what you mean to criticize as ‘crying’ might perhaps more accurately be applicable to ‘whining/manipulating’
but if there is no absence of courage, valor,
and actual results,
it is unfair to focus on ‘crying’ as a defining factor of masculinity
may we all find our proper balances …

exdemexlib on April 26, 2007 at 6:31 pm

This is not surprising. We’re seeing a nation of pansies blossoming and we’re just in the process of handing them over the keys. No wonder we’re a nation that’s terrified to actually confront the enemies of our nation from within and those that dare attack us from beyond. Any man that cries at work for whatever work-related reason is GAY! THAT’S RIGHT!! GAAAAAAAYYYY!

Yiddish Steel on April 26, 2007 at 9:47 pm

I prefer men who are more emotionally constraint but unfortunately there is a scarcity of them. Maybe with an acception under certain circumstances, I find it rather disgraceful for men(and women to a certain extent) to break down in public, exspecially political figures. I am also wondering where have all the real men gone. It seems like homosexuality and radical feminism have subverted and deterred the landmark of masculinity. Not to mention our little boys are constantly being overdosed with ritalin for exhibiting what might be the milestone of boyhood. It may be a swap of hormonal glands as well.Who can tell Jane in a tux from John in a gown these days?

Jew Chick on April 26, 2007 at 10:31 pm

“During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, he (Jesus) offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. Hebrews 5:7″
Jesus cried while praying… boohoo- what a WUSS!

Voltaire on April 27, 2007 at 8:58 am

JESUS is of course the perfection of Humanity. Jesus is the way we should be.
As He said, ìI am the Way, the Truth and the Life. And no one comes to the Father except by Meî
No figure stands out in all of history quite like Jesus of Nazareth. And no one has influenced mankind more.
And Jesus was fully human, fully alive, and fully divine.
JESUS is our compass.
Weeping has its place then, especially before God, as noted by Voltaire.
Although, it probably doesnít belong in the workplace.
My Aunt Jen, used to say, ìThose damn EnglishÖthey are so cold. Like, cold fish. They donít love their kidsÖthey never hug their kidsÖwhat is wrong with that? They are so aloof. And the kids never receive any affection.î
ìYour (French-Canadian) cousins are as tough as nailsÖbut those boys were not afraid to cry at their fatherís funeral.î
ìBut the damn English bury their OWN parents without a tear!Öíday hold their chin up like this, to keep that stiff upper lipÖMy GodÖwhat is wrong with them?!î
ìItís unbelievable!!î
Nobody wants to see EXAGGERATED crying like the Muslims do best when the cameras are rollingÖbut if you canít weep in tragedy or lossÖyou REALLY are in danger of becoming a robot~

The Canadien on April 27, 2007 at 6:12 pm

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