July 25, 2007, - 3:31 pm

“Serpenthead” Chertoff Demands Rock Star Treatment; Partied @ Hamptons Instead of Dealing w/ Brit Doctors Jihad; 14(!) Bodyguards

By Debbie Schlussel
Call it “Weekend at Mr. Burnsies.”
Reports of Michael “Serpenthead” Chertoff’s whereabouts in the aftermath of the British Doctors’ failed terrorist attacks should disturb all Americans.
While most Americans were worried about jihadist doctors coming to America and attempting the same attacks they tried in Britain, Michael Chertoff was busy . . . partying in the Hamptons? Gee, who knew there was a “Situation Room” at swanky Hamptons’ restaurant “Almond.” It was the height of the Fourth of July holiday weekend and mid-week, and most Americans and top government officials were worried that another attack was imminent on or around America’s birthday. But not the Serpenthead.

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“Entourage”: The Michael “Serpenthead” Chertoff Story

Nope. Press clips detail the “hard work” that some Americans–but for Chertoff–won’t do and the lengths to which no-one but the Serpenthead will go to protect the vulnerable island homes of Jerry Seinfeld, Billy Joel, and Howard Stern. Oh, and by the way, Chertoff had FOURTEEN(!) Secret Service agent bodyguards guarding him and his wife while they dined on shank of lamb, $17 “Le Grand Macaroni & Cheese”, or some other overpriced, pretentious cuisine on the Almond menu.
Gee, so this is why the Secret Service keeps having a shortage of agents to guard Presidential candidates and why whole units of Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agents must do long assignments supplementing Secret Service protection details, instead of rounding up illegal aliens. While he certainly doesn’t need 14 agents guarding him at dinner (sorry, but why would any extremist Muslims try to kill their best double agent in the U.S. government, the Serpenthead?), the smaller number he does need could have come from ICE or another part of DHS.
And FYI, Almond is one of the most expensive restaurants on the already expensive Hamptons. Did taxpayers pay the tab? Regardless, it’s very unseemly–while America worries about 20 million illegal aliens “doing the work Americans won’t do” and while America was on high alert following the British Muslim Doctor attacks–for Chertoff to be lounging around at a fancy restaurant on the Hamptons. If crises like that aren’t worthy of his immediate attention, then lets find a new guy who actually cares about America’s national security, instead of haute-cuisine taste-testing and lounging with an excessive coterie of tax-paid bodyguards.
I mean, who does he think he is? Kwame Kilpatrick?:

Over at Almond, guests were blocked from getting a close look at Department of Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff and his wife – the politico had a 14-man Secret Service detail.

More:

Spotted . . .
Department of Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff dining with his wife at Almond Restaurant in Bridgehampton over the July 4th weekend while a team of Secret Service detail stood guard near the table.
Even the best terror fighters need a break.

Uh, “the best terror fighters”? Where are they and why does Chertoff get a break for their hard work?
And why was he taking a break at the height of the foiled British terror attacks?
Hard work? Hilarious. The hard work was the 14 Secret Service agents keeping themselves from sneering at this walking, bloated sense of self-importance.
Writes concerned reader, Mary:

Apparently, our favorite snake needs a ritzy break from “Protecting the Homeland”.
Who the F needs a 14 man Secret Service detail??? And aren’t security guards supposed to “fade into the background”? It’s the “look at me I am so important” That makes me gag. I spent half my life out in the Hamptons (my family is year round residents – not the uberrich summer interlopers. One summer I sat 3 tables away from Margaret Thatcher (when she was Prime Minister) at Gosman’s Dock in Montauk- she had maybe three security guards.
How much did it cost the taxpayers to house 14 Secret Service agents in the Hamptons for one of the most overbooked weekends in the year? A standard room at the South Hampton Inn during the summer runs at the cheapest for $299.00 a night (that is the closest hotel I can picture to Bridgehampton)- there are a number of little B&B’s- but I doubt they give any sort of concessions to the Gov’t. Or did we pay over 10K to rent them all a house?

Thanks, Mary, for the tip!

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6 Responses

I think it’s time the serpenthead discovered such novelties as food. The Cryptkeeper looks more robust than he does. What does this guy live on? – Air and tabouli salad?
Maybe it’s the lack of glucose that’s impairing his brain cell.

Thee_Bruno on July 25, 2007 at 5:11 pm

You could replace this worthless sonofabitch with another worthless sonofabitch!! Does anyone see anybody on the horizon that is worth a shit to run for a government office at any level?
Will a REAL AMERICAN please stand up and run for President?

newinnewark on July 25, 2007 at 5:53 pm

I’m taking bets- How long till Hannity takes credit for breaking this story??

MarySJ on July 25, 2007 at 6:57 pm

Now now, let’s not be too harsh on the serpenthead. After all, according to the “Ever-fellating Lap Dog”, aka: EVS, Chertoff, Myers, and the rest of the cesspool are the greatest thing to come around since ribbed condoms.
Another profound example of your tax dollars at work. If you’re wondering if the taxpayers’ money paid for that fandango, just check the credit card receipt; I’ll bet it’s a government issued MasterCard.

1shot1kill on July 26, 2007 at 8:13 am

LittleSquirt,
You aren’t very smart, or at the very least you can’t read very well I suppose (give you the benefit of the doubt).
Go back and find someplace where I’ve said anything glowing and favorable about the Secretary or Assistant Secretary.
You won’t find it, as I haven’t said it. I’ve purposefully avoided commenting on the “appointed leadership” of ICE.
Get your facts straight smart guy.
EVS

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