October 3, 2007, - 12:55 pm
No Class: Guardian UK Attacks “Right-Wing Critic Debbie Schlussel”, Calls Me Gay; UPDATE: Guardian Columnist Says He Didn’t Call Me Gay
By Debbie Schlussel
**** UPDATE: Guardian columnist Steven Wells writes to tell me that he didn’t call me gay. Instead, he compared me to Hitler. Well, that makes it so much better. See update below. ****
The Guardian Unlimited (which I still remember as the less conceited “The Guardian of London”) has reached a new nadir. Guardian music and pop culture columnist Steven Wells is upset that I apparently have made it “in vogue” to attack far-left superhero movies.
I’m glad he recognizes me (in a very backhanded way) for the very positive (he hates it) trend I started. But he does so with a not-so-veiled, low-class lesbian reference to Ann Coulter and those who’ve followed my lead:
Carpet-chewing Ann Coulter wannabes have attacked the superhero community en masse ever since right-wing critic Debbie Schlussel suckerpunched Superman for the hideous liberal crime of not flying to Fallujah and kicking islamofascist ass in the movie Superman Returns (in her essay entitled “So, Lois Lane is a Single Mom and a Slut“).
Yup, attack Superman and Islamic fundamentalism, and . . . you is a butch ho’ lesbian. Very obvious logic. Oh, and by the way, Mr. Wells, the correct term is carpet-munching, NOT carpet-chewing. If you’re going to make a baseless insult against me, you should at least get it right.
Because everyone knows that if you criticize others for not attacking Islamic fascism and fighting terrorism, you’re a female gay. Not brushcuts, WNBA season tickets, lunch dates with Hillary, and a thing for the Dinah Shore Golf Classic. Those aren’t cues. But being upset that Superman is a girlie-man–that’s what indicates you are a female fruity pebble.
I can assure you, Steven, I’m very straight. Though, you for certain will never get the chance to find that out, and I promise I will never try to determine whether you’ve had backseat travails with Elton John and George Michaels (a strong likelihood given your whimpering over Superman–hello . . .?).
For the record, Steven. I don’t like English men because they are, well, very like you . . . wimpy and effeminate. I like red-blooded, macho American men who own guns and punch people like you out for sport. And I don’t make apologies for it. Yes, there are some American men left who haven’t become girlie-men–your Islamo-pandering country’s new national icon.
But I can see why you like the new, girlie, burgundy-caped Supe and are very bothered that I’d insult your new boyfriend.
“Truth, Justice, and All That Other Stuff.”
**** UPDATE: Guardian columnist Steven Wells writes, saying that he didn’t say I was gay. Instead, I’m like Hitler for attacking Superman:
Steven Wells here.
Thanks for the mention. I have to admit the lesbian angle never occurred to me (isn’t that carpet munching?)
Carpet chewing is a reference to that other right wing demagogue, Adolf Hitler, whom, it was rumoured, used to chew the carpet (an actual carpet, one assumes) when ever he got too right wing.
I think the carpet chewing was invented by British propagandists. I don’t think they were saying Hitler was gay. But it’s great to see that your own standards are so high when it comes to detecting homophobia.
Keep it up!
A quick look on Google will set you right.
Touche. You didn’t call me gay. You called me Hitler. So much more comforting.
Tags: Adolf Hitler, Ann Coulter, Debbie Schlussel, Elton John, Gay By Debbie Schlussel, George Michaels, Google, Guardian, Guardian Columnist, Lois Lane, London, music and pop culture columnist, Steven Wells, Steven Wells Touche, Superman Returns, The Guardian Unlimited, United Kingdom