April 12, 2010, - 2:27 pm

Attention, Terrorists: Buy an IPad

By Debbie Schlussel

The TSA may think that it’s impossible to sneak explosives into an IPad, but Islamic terrorists will quickly find a way.  They always find a way and exploit every hole.  That’s why this new policy is boneheaded:

binladensmiling2.jpgipad

In a break that gadget-loving road warriors will welcome, the Transportation Security Administration clarified in its blog last week that the new, slim computer wouldn’t have to be removed from carry-on baggage by travelers at security checkpoints.

Ordinarily, travelers are required to remove laptops from their bags at checkpoints. But the iPad is a half-inch thick and is free of internal parts and accessories that can block images when laptops go through the screening machines.

If I were a terrorist, I’d find a way to make my IPad disguise explosive wires stored therein and get through security. I’m sure that at ABLE (Allah’s Bomb Lab Experts, Inc.), they’re already trying to figure it out.

Other electronic items smaller than the standard-size laptop — Kindle, Sony Reader and small netbook computers — also can stay in the bag, the TSA says. Screeners can use their discretion, though, and still may ask travelers to remove devices.

“It’s important to remember, however, that our officers are trained to look for anomalies to help keep air travel safe, and if something needs a closer look, it will receive secondary screening,” the agency says. “The key to avoiding bag searches is keeping the clutter down.”

“Trained to look for anomalies”? Hilarious, since the TSA repeatedly fails tests conducted by federal agents sneaking bomb components through airport checkpoints.

Uh, here’s how you “avoid bag searches” and “keep the clutter down”: P-R-O-F-I-L-E.

For now, Bin Laden has a large order of Steve Jobs product coming to a cave near him. And so do my friends in Dearbornistan.

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16 Responses

The casing can be made of CS4 and the workings can be replaced inside. That is enough to decompress a plane in flight.

Atlee Yarrow on April 12, 2010 at 2:55 pm

Since the Jihadists have been working on surgically implanting explosives which would then be undetectable, the big stumbling block would be how to detonate them.
The I-Pad would be a great place to hide the detonating mechanisms.
I wonder how much PETN a human colon would hold ???
A lot more than a shoe or some underwear !!

Shootist on April 12, 2010 at 3:29 pm

Probably the idea of one of TSA’s new employees Nawar Shora…

Anonymous Twit on April 12, 2010 at 3:32 pm

Muzzies are disgusting pigs, everyone of them.

goldenmike4393 on April 12, 2010 at 4:21 pm

The entire airport process is a big joke.
Women from India and in some in Islamic garb were not
made to go through the security line. We, including
kids-were. Shoes off shoes back on.
Nothing was really checked though. I could have
hidden anything.
Sad to say – its a waste of eveyone’s time and a
laugh out loud joke – except its not funny.

Cat K on April 12, 2010 at 4:56 pm

WELL DEBBIE I DEFINATELY AGREE WITH YOU, I AM LITTERALLY URANATING IN MY PANT’S TOO THINKING ABOTU THE AL-QUEADA TERRORITS USING A IPAD TO DETANATE A BOMBING

JUST A NORMAL GUY (THE ORIGINAL) on April 12, 2010 at 4:57 pm

How many lives will be lost because governmental decision makers can be so obtuse?

Rocky on April 12, 2010 at 5:32 pm

There is one problem in all of this….If the Muslims get smart enough to hide explosives in an Ipad, what difference will take it out of the bag make? The only reasonable way to make sure is to x-ray it, which it seems is the policy.

You need to make sure the screeners are up to par.

Pete Bone on April 12, 2010 at 7:39 pm

I recently read part of a report that was taken from a captured al Quida computer that detailed very specifically how to DEFEAT our airport screening. The report instructed it’s operatives, for example, that while traveling not to wear any Muslim or Pakistani appearing apparel, to shave off beards, to speak only in English or some language other than Arabic, to not carry Korans, prayer rugs or other religious artifacts and other explicit instructions. So what then would be the anomaly for the TSA to look for? Any attempt to single out an Arab looking individual based on nothing more then he or she looks middle eastern would result in charges of racial profiling and discrimination and would open the door for even more concessions to the terrorists. And in case you haven’t noticed the number of attacks or attempted attacks on airline travel seems to be picking up, or at least the terrorists appear to be testing the system. We need to improve the quality of our screeners so that they are not just low paid, poorly trained and un-motivated bottom level employees of some huge government agency that is more interested in keeping it’s federal funds flowing then actually stopping terrorists.

kenny komodo on April 13, 2010 at 12:55 am

Would it not be easier just to remove all muslims from airplanes?

Or have separate muslim planes they can fly on. So that if they blow themselves up, all the better.

Instead of searching old white women for bombs and not letting you carry things on planes. How much freedom must we lose at the cost of the enemy? Because that is what they want, us to be scared and lose our American lifestyle.

Like the old, whoring, drunk, immoral slob Benjamin Franklin said “Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety.”

And all that from a freemason devil worshipper, how wonderful he was. Are we allowed to talk bad about our founding father’s? Where is Kitty Kelley?

Christopher Nelson on April 13, 2010 at 2:04 am

look u guys … do really think that blowing up a plane has not been thought of 24/7 365…this has been going on since 9/12/2001…they are not finished yet…our security sucks everywhere…an ipad/laptop/blackberry or blueburry (hey hey) have been in the enemies hands since day one…do you really think the incident last week over Denver was a prank, or someone trying to blow up their underwear (wow..what if the bomb went off and it only injured the man in the groin area….hoot hoot)now that would be speedy justice…..they are trying us everyday…profiling is good…..no profiling is the only way to fight back….they will sneak thru security, watch where ever you go/subway/airport i mean be paranoid…get the jump on them first….every pun in the world intended….jmc

pink bunny on April 13, 2010 at 2:39 am

Actually coming back to think about this one. The iPad is perfect for the new shape charge using undetectable water forced by basic detonator cord around the base which was patented by a Brit in the UK. This type of shape charge is used to open holes the size of doorways in walls to let in SWAT Teams for surprise raids. This can get scary real fast.

Atlee Yarrow on April 13, 2010 at 9:00 am

Debbie: If terrorists don’t blow up a plane using an iPad within the next 5 years, will you admit that this blog post is piece a piece of sensationalist garbage?

Libertarian Bulbasaur on April 14, 2010 at 12:14 am

“They always find a way and exploit every hole.”

Speaking from experience, are we?

Darq on April 14, 2010 at 1:51 am

Israel bans import of the iPad because it could disrupt other wifi signals. They probably had other undisclosed (and very sensible) reasons too.

Anonymous Twit on April 15, 2010 at 2:50 pm

I just want to also let you know that Steve Jobs is also Muslim. His real name is Jandali. This is clearly an inside job.

Tom on July 20, 2011 at 4:06 pm

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