November 16, 2010, - 2:33 pm
The new [Homeland Security/TSA] guidelines allow for the touching of the inside of travelers’ thighs and for feeling their buttocks, which some say is an invasion of privacy. I say it’s the start of an awesome letter to Penthouse. I get more action going through security than I got during all of high school.
–comedian Jimmy Kimmel on last night’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live” on ABC.
This Won’t Stop a Single Terrorist Attack
All kidding aside, don’t include me with the sheeple who continue to go along with the ever-more invasive security theater at airports “because it will save our lives and make us safer.” Get a clue, people. Telling the average American traveler that he or she needs to be felt up and still can’t have a tube of toothpaste biggest than 3 ounces in a bag of stuff bigger than a quart WON’T MAKE YOU SAFER. It won’t stop terrorists.
Sit Back & Enjoy Big Brother Feeling You Up
But what it does do is make terrorists laugh at you. The whole Muslim world is laughing. I’m laughing. We’re going through ridiculously invasive body searches because Muslims sent bombs in printer cartridges? Um, how the heck will that make us safer? Do you think even feeling a guys’ inner thighs would have uncovered the underwear bomber, Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab’s bomb? Think again. Do you think that feeling up some granny or three-year-old will discover a bomb implanted deep inside the breasts or buttocks or body cavity of an Islamic terrorist after surgery? Only if you’re a moron. And for all morons, I recommend you see the movie, “Please Remove Your Shoes,” for more on this high-tech security theater facade. The Muslims are laughing that they didn’t even need to bring down two more buildings and murder a single more American to get us all to humiliate ourselves in order to get on a plane. This is the government agency that hires actual convicted felons to grope the rest of us like convicted felons.
We’re not safer because of these things. We’re only more stupid. More ridiculous. How about searching the Mohammeds and Hamidas of this world a little more closely instead of giving a Shiatsu massage to 74-year-old Aunt Tilly? Yes, Muslims will and have recruited dumbass White chicks and idiotic White men, who’ve either converted to Islam or otherwise been brainwashed and paid off. But we know that one thing remains true: almost all would be bombers were Muslims with Muslim names from Muslim countries. Almost all of them were suspicious, whether it was Abdulmutallab whose own father repeatedly warned the U.S. about his son or the Times Square bomber, another Muslim. Very few blondies from Iowa or redheaded surfers are the ones trying this stuff. They are still almost all Muslim.
So when will we stop subjecting innocent, law-abiding, regular Americans to molestation we put men in jail for and start molesting the people who worship Mohammed? They are the ones who blew up 3,000 Americans and who repeatedly try to blow up more via underwear, car bombs, and printer cartridges. So, why to Bob from Missouri and Tina from California have to endure the consequences?
Again, it ain’t makin’ us safer. Just more harassed and molested. Did anyone ever think that the murder–by ARAB. MUSLIMS.–of 3,000 Americans would result in a guy in San Diego having to tell a San Diego TSA inspector not to touch his “junk” (video above)? I don’t blame the lowly TSA employees, who aren’t the ones setting this absurd policy (and I think John Tyner, the guy who made that video, is an insolent jerk–he makes the right points but to the wrong people). I blame Man-et Napolitano, who is a man only in appearance, but in this absurd policy, is quite the ball-less one in her behavior. It’s a sign of cowering and cowardice. And you can bet no one is feeling up her quasi-penis when she flies . . . you know, just to make sure there isn’t a bomb (or a sign of femininity) in there somewhere.
Oh, and by the way: her stupid new TSA policy of banning toner and ink cartridges over 16-ounces on all U.S. bound passenger aircraft won’t do a thing. Because, hey, there are no Muslims on U.S. soil and none brainy enough to send bombs in ink cartridges and toner on domestic flights to blow up over U.S. soil, right? Hellooooo . . . . Maybe we ought to engage in further imbecilic, reactive behavior and forever ban the domestic air transport of all ink cartridges and toner. Then, those who tell us to “buy locally” can set up their own local ink and toner factories. But, wait, then someone might make a bomb to blow up one of the ink and toner trucks in the middle of a busy highway.
Yup, I’m sure people in Yemen and America will also only restrict their bombs to toner and ink. They’d never adjust to Napoli-man-o’s new rules and send a bomb in something else. They’re just not that smart and resourceful, right?
You keep telling yourself that. Meantime, the thigh-groping continues. And America is no safer.
You know where else they are laughing at America: Israel. They know how to stop these attacks. But America would rather molest its citizens than inspect real terrorists. Like Jimmy Kimmel said, more action than during all of high school . . . unless your name is Bristol.
Tags: airports, don't touch my junk, invasive searches, Islam, Janet Napolitano, Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy Kimmel Live, Joke, Man-et Napolitano, Muslims, Napoli-man-o, security theater, terrorism, Terrorist Attack, TSA, TSA groping, video