May 25, 2011, - 6:51 pm

Hilarious HOprah Watch VIDEO: “Oprah Taught Us How to Be”

By Debbie Schlussel

Thankfully, HRHSBotU [Her Royal Highness Supreme Being of the Universe] Oprah aired her last original daytime talk show episode today.  And it ended on the same note as her entire 25 years of vapidity and crap spread across America and the world.  Oprah told the world that she is the world’s teacher (who the heck hired her?) and gave us psycho-babble lessons we never asked for and which sound hilarious coming from this over-rated, spoiled embodiment of New Age nothingness and gobbledygook.  But in the three day good-bye Oprah held for herself, this is probably the most pretentious, BS moment among a lot of strong competition. Jada Pinkett Smith really has that human fertilizer factory of hers workin’ overtime. BAAAAAARF:

queenoprah.jpg
Buh-bye, Fake High Priestess

Just a reminder of what I told USA Today about HRHSBotU Oprah back in 2006, which I think is still spot-on:

“No one person should have that kind of power to affect markets, politics or anything else,” says Debbie Schlussel, a lawyer, conservative columnist and blogger. . . .

Schlussel says Winfrey followers “are incredibly gullible, bandwagon-jumping trend-slaves.” Winfrey, she says, “acts as if her show has ‘evolved,’ but in fact, she still has the salacious sex and deviance stories, with a psychologist in the audience to make it seem highbrow and give it the kosher seal of approval. If this is the person whose morals we are putting on a pedestal, then America’s moral compass is in much need of retuning.”

The fact that Winfrey has never been married, never had children and is a billionaire distances her from her audience, Schlussel says. “How could anyone like this be in touch with the average American woman?”

Yes, I’m not married and don’t have kids, but I’m a regular, average American woman and far more in touch with them than this over-hyped, worshiped fraud with a Gulfstream, several mansions, and a Hawaiian island.

In case you were wondering–and, of course, you were not–at the end of her last show, HRHSBotU Oprah kissed and hugged her dog and told her, “We made it! We made it!” Huh? A billionaire finishing a pampered TV show that lasts 40 minutes (minus commercials) is something that earns the “We made it!” exclamation. Wow. Someone is really out of touch. Well past time for her exit. Well past time.

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32 Responses

i was convinced
many moons ago
when she declared

no one has the right to
have raise sell or
consume beef and

that only the police
and military should have
guns

prestigio on May 25, 2011 at 7:19 pm

More like, “HOprah Told Us What to Think.” What’s really scary (with all due apologies to “SCTV’s” Count Floyd) is that she is not the only one in the media and elsewhere with that mindset. As they say, there are plenty others of that ilk to take her place.

ConcernedPatriot on May 25, 2011 at 8:35 pm

Who is this “Opera” person you talk about?

lee on May 25, 2011 at 8:41 pm

GOODBYE OPRAH YOU ILLUMINATI SCUM AND DIE A SLOW DEATH!

Bob Porrazzo on May 25, 2011 at 9:57 pm

    Bob come on dude, I’m not a fan of Oprah Winfrey, but I wouldn’t go far by wishing Winfrey a slow death! Bob, I agree with you most of the time, but those few words in the last sentence of your post is no different the islamist who email Debbie with hateful and violent threat emails she recieves on some occasions. As I said, I’m very apathetic of Oprah Winfrey, and I’m not calling for her death, I’m not an irrational person.

    “A nation is defined by it’s borders, language & culture!”

    Sean R. on May 25, 2011 at 10:27 pm

      I too wish dOprah a slow painfull death Sean R, not literally, but in her career. I just want her to fade away AND lose everything she gained in the process of helping turn this country into a compost heap.
      Plus a kick in her egomanical ass for helping Obama get elected, the icing on her self-baked cake, the taste of which will take generations to rinse out.
      With all the crap she spoon fed America for all these years a better farewell for her might be best summed up by an old friend of mine: “Eat Shit and live”.

      theShadow on May 25, 2011 at 11:34 pm

        Yeah Shadow, between Dirty Bitch Winfrey and Madonna…I have no idea who was the worse offender in turning USA into a cultural cesspool. And now we have Lady Gaga (Ruth Buzzi look-a-like) who Charo very succinctly called “Madonna…with diarrhea”.

        Skunky on May 26, 2011 at 1:09 am

          Skunky,
          We’re on the same page with respect to opinions of the aforementioned “ladies”. They’re indeed disgraceful and pathetic examples of American icons. However, Madonna, Oprah and comparable ilk don’t force us to over-eat, over-drink, use drugs, drop out of school, lie, over-spend, screw around on our mates, watch porn…Need I go on? As a famous one-time NBA player stated when asked in an interview how the opposition was able to hold the team’s center to only four points, “I really don’t know. Nobody holds you to four points if you don’t want to be held.”

          shegundala on May 26, 2011 at 10:32 am

Could I be laughing any harder at Debbie’s choice of phrasing for this post? I’m almost thankful that Oprah suffocated the brainwaves of millions upon millions for twenty plus years just so I could read, “25 years of vapidity and crap spread across America….”.
Oprah never did have the ability to sum things up. And doing it with simple humor, maybe in her next 25.
Let’s hope not.

Lanette on May 25, 2011 at 10:17 pm

    Your point is valid, Shegundala. My further point is that with the advent of Madonna and DB Winfrey, the culture corroding became more mainstream and one didn’t have to search the underground for such horrible stuff anymore. I wish their influenece wasn’t so mainstream, infecting people who are above the underground. No one remembers GG Allin (‘cept old punk rockers like me) because he was under the underground.

    Now we have “Madonna….with diarrhea” and her sad influence is EVERYWHERE. Parents can’t have their children watch “American Idol” live last evo because highlighted on the show was Lady Gaga and Beyonce. In my day, we could watch “Donny & Marie” (and even Alice Cooper on “The Muppets”…Yeah!) and my parents didn’t have to worry.

    As for DB Winfrey…I can’t say it better than DS. Spot on!

    Skunky on May 26, 2011 at 11:51 am

I never got into Oprah and thus I have no opinion about this self=perpetuating, self-aggrandising self-promoter.

She did her job, made her money and now is riding out into the sunset to be reborn as a TV mogul(-ette?), so all the power to her.

I wish her all the best, but not on my worst enemies!

The Reverand Jacques on May 25, 2011 at 10:41 pm

Sorry Debbie, but I couldn’t resist (really …)

[Debbie – Yes, I’m not married]

How do you plan on changing that?

(Before anyone asks, I am married so this is not about me)

I_AM_ME on May 25, 2011 at 10:46 pm

One Oprah fan writes, “Oprah taught me to lower my already low IQ by 25 points, just by watching her show.”

Another Oprah fan writes, “I loved all of the bon bons I ate while watching Oprah. My only complaint is that none of Oprahs’ diets ever worked for me.”

Another Oprah fan comments, “I learned everything I needed to learn about relationships from Oprah. Since watching her show, I have gone through three husbands, until I finally learned, from Oprah herself, that men are no good. I became a Lesbian.”

Finally, another Oprah fan states, “I never needed college. I learned all that I ever needed to know from watching Oprah everyday.”

Jonathan Grant on May 25, 2011 at 11:31 pm

Jon…. that’s quite funny!

No one is going to miss her show.

NormanF on May 26, 2011 at 12:02 am

Debbie, now tell us what you really think about Ms. Winfrey : )

Filala on May 26, 2011 at 12:04 am

Right back @ Jonathan Grant…

“I learned everything I needed to learn about relationships from Oprah. Since watching her show, I have gone through three husbands, until I finally learned, from Oprah herself, that men are no good. I became a Lesbian.”

Don’t tell me you did NOT make this up.

Did you?

Because if you did, then you are genius.

If not, maybe the rapture did happen and I missed the trip to God.

Well, there’s always 2012.

The Reverand Jacques on May 26, 2011 at 12:25 am

LOL
What’s Going On.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tnFy1luxL0A
Such arrogance. No grace.
But she has tried to do good. So she gets a pass from me.

pat on May 26, 2011 at 1:49 am

A long time ago, I wrote to Oprah and asked for her help.

I had solved the origin of New York City’s nickname, “the Big Apple,” tracing it to a black stablehand in New Orleans in the 1920s. I had also solved the origin of Chicago’s nickname, “the Windy City,” deflating the then-popular 1893 World’s Fair myth. It wasn’t help for me, personally–I just needed her help to tell the truth. I thought she would be interested in these stories.

There was no reply, but a year later I received email spam telling me to purchase Oprah products!

Barry Popik on May 26, 2011 at 3:18 am

I can honestly say that in the 25 years she was on TV, I watched a total of five minutes. That was enough for me – bleh!

Road Warrior on May 26, 2011 at 6:30 am

Fortunately, I spared myself of the toxic atmosphere of an Oprah Winfrey show. I chose not to “tune in.”

I saw clips of Winfrey and her fellow brain robbers, such as Dr. Phil. How could so many men submit themselves to the humiliation and excoriation visited upon them by Dr. Phil, while the man’s wife was on stage, before hundreds of live studio audience seat warmers, and millions of television viewers world wide, as the man was brought to tears, made to be a villain of some sort, and as if he wets the bed still at his age, crying like a sissy school girl, all for the entertainment of the masses, and all to make Winfrey even richer.

Is she among the “Evil Rich” that the vile, vindictive, malicious leftists-Socialists-Communists, not-as-smart-or-well-informed-as-they-think cretins of the left, who are predominently led-by-the-nose Democrat voters vilify?

No. Oprah is wealthier than many of them, but she loves the right people, and sides with the right people, leftists, liberals, homosexuals, Muslims, Islam lovers, Jew Haters, men emasculators and men haters, Christian haters, Republican haters, female conservative haters, Pro-life haters, and so on.

Oprah Winfrey, wealthy almost beyond measure in financial matters, worshiped as a female Empress of the Spiritual Realm, and empty in substance.

William on May 26, 2011 at 8:34 am

Jonathan Grant: LOL!

As I like to call her, “Your Heinious” (with credit going to Wayne’s World).

Pats on May 26, 2011 at 8:58 am

Let’s not celebrate too loud, folks. She can always come back and do a “special”.

Tanstaafl on May 26, 2011 at 9:27 am

William: “Winfrey and her fellow brain robbers…” I love it. But “men emasculators” ARE “men haters”.

As I ponder all of this, I believe Oprah ought to be considered (reviled as) the Prime Mover in this entire Culture-of-Emasculation we are in the grip of; she grew up in it from its birth in the late 60’s, its infancy in the late 70’s, and on her ‘watch’ (TV-pun intended) took it through its 80’s+ adolescence into its current sorry-yet-oh-so-destructively-successful Adulthood.

Men, young and old, you have you protect yourselves from such women: http://www.avoiceformen.com/ [I am only a reader of that site and a concerned woman.]

Patrice Stanton on May 26, 2011 at 10:11 am

Jerry Springer in a dress. Nothing more, nothing less. She also swayed the votes of millions of mindless women watchers to vote in a Jew hating marxist pretender. Any contribution to society that she may have made or will make is completely nullified by her campaigning for the Kenyan Kommie.

DJH on May 26, 2011 at 11:04 am

You know what’s so funny about the Oprah Phenomenon?

The world won’t miss a thing without her show. Reminds me of the line about Seinfeld’s show, “It’s a show about nothing.”

Think of it. The world doesn’t change a bit without her vapid show.

Look at the vast void left when Reagan left the presidency. Even though it won’t stop terrorism, think of the heroic bravery of those SEAL team guys who killed bin Laden and how it’s made an impact at least in gathering intelligence. And on and on….

But, a day later and the world is not affected one iota with that goofy Oprah show not on air.

We live in one super goofy world.

Jeff_W on May 26, 2011 at 11:24 am

Though I am no Oprah fan, I do admire her for invoking the key to her success in life – just like mine – Jesus Christ – the one and only true God. When she invoked the passage “To God be the Glory” as her key to success in life and in closing of her monologue, nothing else need be spoken. It reveals who she is deep down inside.

Like it or not Debbie, she is one of the single most influential people on the face of the planet. She got there through her faith in God, her hard work, the love she espouses to others as dictated by Jesus in The Bible.

It is really not too hard to accept what she is saying: Give thanks to God for Grace and for our lives; to love others; and embrace our individuality that God gifted us with.

Realistnotidealist on May 26, 2011 at 12:09 pm

Realistnotidealist,

Puhleeeeeeeeze, I am a Christian and unless you have never read or heard Oprah’s views, you are totally ignorant about Oprah’s stand on this issue.

Oprah is not a Christian. She’s a New Ager who believes in many different paths to God, which is totally against what Christianity believes, which is Jesus is The Only Way.

Mormons talk about Jesus, the Jehovah Witnesses talk about God and Jesus. Neither are Christians.

Even the devil believes in God.

Oprah is the worst type. Instead of coming right out and saying Christianity she doesn’t believe, she promotes the new agey nonsense that lulls people into a false religion while thinking every way is fine.

(I’m not preaching here or trying to “convert” anyone, just saying what Christians believe for educational purposes, only.)

Jeff_W on May 26, 2011 at 12:40 pm

One other thing about Oprah being “one of the single most influential people on the face of the planet.”

Again, the show (hopefully!!!) is over. The world goes on just like before. Not a bit changes, except their is a tad less pollution on TV.

Her only influence was her personality and fake image. She kept most of her money for herself. She could have built a modest house for everyone who lost homes in Katrina that she used for her phony savior image. All she did was mainly use them for a photo/TV show opportunity.

The world happily is not hurt one single iota with her gone. What influence?

Jeff_W on May 26, 2011 at 12:45 pm

Jeff_W,

While I respect your opinion, why use such denigrating language by calling me (or anyone else for that matter) ignorant? What purpose does this serve? Why such vitriolic language directed at me when I did not use such profane language directed at you or anyone else on this forum?

I stand by what I heard (and agree with) and witness Oprah gave thanks to – Thanks to Jesus Christ – The Alpha and The Omega!

Realistnotidealist on May 26, 2011 at 12:49 pm

I never watched the “Oprah Winfrey Show” anyway so her going off the air is no big deal for me.

Ghostwriter on May 26, 2011 at 4:48 pm

I normally hate Kimmel – never thought he was funny or charismatic – but that Oprah booth/eat-the-crappy-brownie bit had me busting out laughing. Awesome bit.

DS_ROCKS! on May 26, 2011 at 8:31 pm

I’d probably, probably, watch the Oscars if it were hosted by Jimmy Kimmel. (With cousin Sal and Jake Bird, too.)

T.Y. on May 28, 2011 at 1:43 pm

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