May 26, 2011, - 4:38 pm

Mid-Week Box Office: The Hangover Part II, Kung Fu Panda 2

By Debbie Schlussel

I will have two more movie reviews tomorrow, but here are the two the studios allowed me to post today.  Per usual, the kids movie is the better one by far, but both are sequels and neither shines.  Not even close.

*  “The Hangover Part II“:  I hated the original “The Hangover” (read my review), which I thought was disgusting, vulgar, vile, juvenile, and not all that funny . . . unless you’re part of the vast segment of America that is the great unwashed dummies–frat boys, sorority sisters, and all the morons who are obsessed with the Kardashians. But this second installment–which is more of the same, only far worse–makes the first one look like Shakespearian masterpiece stuff. BTW, Bill Clinton was supposed to have a cameo in this flick. Maybe he changed his mind, ‘cuz I didn’t see him anywhere onscreen. Smart move.

Yes, I laughed a few times–very few–but I’m embarrassed to say so. If you love nauseating movies complete with naked transsexuals who have female breasts and penises right in your face, stories about a groom-to-be having anal sex with them, cut-off fingers, jokes about Asian women being flat-chested, and monkeys who smoke cigarettes, well this movie is for you, and please leave America. Sadly, this movie already did $10 million in business at midnight screenings, last night, and will probably make hundreds of millions. As I always note, there’s no accounting for good taste in America. ‘Cuz there’s very little of it. This movie was garbage, and garbage sells.

Oh, and the writers of this crap made sure it’s pointed out that the character, Stu the dentist, is a Jew–yup, the guy who has sex with the male transsexual and gets a Mike Tyson tattoo on his face. Thanks, Ed Helms (who plays Stu), for maligning my people. And memo to Ed: come up with a new act. Your “nerdy, innocent guy gets corrupted” routine gets old . . . especially after I’ve seen you play it in every movie and TV show in which you star. On the other hand, we Jews are always the ones who get screwed, including by this piece of dung movie.

Like I said, shots of cut-off fingers, Mike Tyson tattoos tattooed on main characters’ faces, a monkey who smokes, a shaved head, licking a sleeping/drugged out Asian guy’s penis and saying it tastes like mushrooms, and a monk in a wheel chair–haha funny. . . if you’re a moron And American ain’t got no shortage of movie-going morons, as last night showed. No surprise.

The story: the original scumbags–Justin Bartha, Zach Galifianakis, Bradley Cooper, and Ed Helms–and their four-letter filled comments are back. They go to Thailand, where Stu is set to marry the Thai daughter of a wealthy, classy man, who is, of course, a bad guy for having class, dignity, and wanting his kids to do well in school and play classical music. The nerve of him!  Gee, and we wonder why Asians are beating us in so many academic and business arenas.  Yeah, let’s keep attacking their focus on achievement in our movies, while they laugh all the way to the bank and at us in real life.

The night before the wedding, they go to the beach for a beer and wake up the next morning in Bangkok with a missing finger, their drugged-out Chinese drug dealer friend from the first movie (Ken Jeong, who gave up his real-life career as a doctor to act in crap like this and defame his own Asian people), Galifianakis’ head shaved, and Ed Helms’ face tattooed, and Teddy–the groom’s brother-in-law-to-be–is missing, except for his dismembered finger. The rest of the movie is spent searching for Teddy, finding out what happened the night before, and trying to get to the wedding.

Who cares? I sure didn’t. Garbage isn’t interesting. Neither is excrement. They just smell. And this movie stunk. And it’s basically a rehash of the first one, with the exact same “jokes” plus more crap. Refried absolute crap . . . the kind that makes great recruitment material and propaganda against America and the West, beyond what the ghost of Osama Bin Laden could ever hope for.

Western values are to be celebrated. Western decadence is to be restrained. So sad, that Hollywood doesn’t know the difference. Nor does America’s movie-going public.

FOUR MARXES PLUS AN OBAMA PLUS A BIN LADEN
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Watch the trailer . . .

* “Kung Fu Panda 2“: While this wasn’t the greatest kids movie ever and it was kinda dull at times, it was also cute at times and is fine for your kids.  All the originals from the first incarnation of this animated movie are back, including the voice of Palestina Jolie.  Jack Black’s Po unites with them to use his kung fu against evil wolves and, then, a bigger villain, in the form of an evil peacock who wants to destroy kung fu forever.  Plus Po finally discovers where he came from and what happened to his parents.

As I noted, it’s perfectly okay for kids and has some touching, cute, cuddly moments among other dull ones.  It is wholesome, unlike most of the crap served up at the movies, these days.  Not sure why this needed to be 3-D, but it was.  Mildly entertaining for adults, though they are not the target audience, obviously.

ONE AND A HALF REAGANS
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Watch the trailer . . .

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21 Responses

Well,I’m not going to see those movies,so there. Not interesting in those anyway.

Ghostwriter on May 26, 2011 at 4:44 pm

schlussel, i love you… but please get out of the movie review bidness, woman.

howard roark on May 26, 2011 at 5:31 pm

“Palestina Jolie”… Debbie, that literally made me LOL. Thanks!

DS_ROCKS! on May 26, 2011 at 6:15 pm

I don’t have anything to do with Mr. Black, and would encourage others to do the same.

sturgis on May 26, 2011 at 7:38 pm

Hangover Part II–just another Hollywood movie that makes Asians look like idiots. Too bad Thailand didn’t ban the filming of this movie there like they did with the derogatory ‘Anna and the King’.

Lee in IL on May 26, 2011 at 9:21 pm

    It makes Americans look like slack-jawed dummies who are vulgar, rude, nasty and lacking in dignity and classy behavior. It gives the term, “Ugly American,” a whole new meaning. They don’t need a reason to hate us in the Muslim World but they’d be right there that’s who we are. Say what you like about them, they don’t make that kind of trash there to show their people in a bad light.

    Why do we do it to ourselves? Trust me, I’m not laughing. I have used to four letter words myself in extreme situations but I don’t think any decent people should behave like someone who has no intelligence and no class. Its no excuse. And the fact cultural garbage sells in America tells you all need to know about what Americans consider to be in good taste today. Its sad.

    NormanF on May 26, 2011 at 10:41 pm

I have only one thing to observe. Reading Debbie’s first review reminded me of the old true and trite saying about judging a book by its cover or something to that effect. People could follow that with movie posters, too. If Debbie hadn’t been required to review the movie, she coulda taken a hint from the title and skipped it.

Who wants to watch a movie about a hangover? Not yours truly!

NormanF on May 26, 2011 at 10:18 pm

Just the pretext is so sophomoric. Who would even be drawn to a film entitled “The Hangover” in the first place? It’s disturbing.

spiffo on May 26, 2011 at 10:23 pm

Debbie I’m booked to see Hangover 2 this weekend. Can you come with?

A1 on May 26, 2011 at 11:22 pm

    You really are a slacker. I wouldn’t take my woman to such a movie!

    Still, your post reveals there’s no accounting for good taste in America!

    NormanF on May 27, 2011 at 12:45 am

Seeing the trailers on TV for Hangover 2 made me think whoever made this film, kindly do one thing…

BURN IN HELL ILLUMINATI SCUM!

Bob Porrazzo on May 27, 2011 at 7:04 am

This could be a sneaky way that Obama and his gay activist buddies are pushing their homosexual agenda on American society.

Andre on May 27, 2011 at 10:52 am

If the thumbs-down guardians of public morality actually saw “The Hangover Part II” (I did last night), they would see a very funny film, a witty deconstruction of “Sherlock Holmes” disguised as male-bonding. So there are a few gross sight gags, as in the original “Hangover.” Big deal. Gross can be funny, not just profitable.

Todd Phillips, like Judd Apatow, deep down is a traditionalist in search of laughs. His films (e.g., “Old School”) always are good-natured, if raunchy. Go make your own movie if you think you know what Americans really want.

Maybe aggressive moralizers like Norman F. can move to a country where they ban such “trash” — an Islamic country perhaps.

Seek on May 27, 2011 at 11:15 am

I don’t defend Islamic barbarism – yet the Muslim World does have a point about our decadence.

One doesn’t excuse the other – they’re both contemptible.

And I don’t want to live in a society in which people don’t aspire to be their best – decent behavior isn’t too high a bar to meet.

Its essential – as I’ve mentioned, I’ve used four letter words myself under duress but I’m not proud of it and I think we all should be strive to reflect the better angels of our nature.

The movie you defend shows the worst of America when it should be showing it at its best.

In short, Western values, yes; Western decadence, no!

NormanF on May 27, 2011 at 1:16 pm

You wonder why the radical muslims wanna get rid of us? Movies like The Hangover Part II, that’s why.

Squirrel3D on May 27, 2011 at 4:03 pm

Amazing that a bunch of White guys would be in a movie that makes a hero out of Mike Tyson, after whatever sick stuff he said about raping a “white boy”, or whatever. They even show him knocking out a white guy and being admired for it. You have to be pretty sad to treat him with respect, I’d love to see a White guy say that stuff and be treated with respect, ha!

David Lanham on May 27, 2011 at 5:10 pm

Norman F, i just saw Despicable Me, the first 5 minutes is just over-the-top hatred of a “typical” American family. It’s amazing how they can slander us. Just like that show on CNBC “American Greed”. I’d love to see one called Chinese Greed or Mexican Greed.

David Lanham on May 27, 2011 at 5:15 pm

Last week I commented about how someone can tell the state of a civilization by experiencing its artistic output.

Judging by DS’s description of “The Hangover Part II”, the United States was a civilization of white, inbred cretins.

I know better – I talk to Americans for a living.

So, this week – Blockbuster Canada is having its liquidation sale (it went into receivership this month). Everything must go. Up to 30% off EVERYTHING. So if any of the readers live anywhere on my side of the border, it’s time to support your local business.

It’s either that or… TORRENT. Your call.

The Reverand Jacques on May 28, 2011 at 9:55 am

It’s a movie! “Not Real” Don’t like it? Tough. Crying about it won’t make things any better

jake on May 31, 2011 at 1:19 am

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