July 17, 2011, - 6:57 pm
It used to be that men and women wore the sports jerseys of male stars in major league sports. Men wanted to be them. And women wanted to date (euphemism) them. Now, sadly, there is apparently a new dynamic in which some men want to wear women’s soccer team jerseys and maybe they want to be chicks, now, too. Here’s a tip: If you’re a guy and want to wear a woman’s soccer jersey, your man card was shredded, revoked. Unless you are married to, dating, sleeping with, or the sperm donor that helped conceive one of the World Cup U.S. women’s soccer chicks, you should not be wearing a jersey with a woman’s name on it, and you need to go find your testicles. And even in one of those cases, it’s questionable. Yes, the USA lost to Japan, but a lot of American men also lost their masculinity before that. It’s unmanly enough that they are into chick sports (which everyone knows are NOT real sports, but now this? The only “men” who should be doing this are gay dudes at a WNBA game. And–let’s be honest–as I’ve noted before, soccer is a girlie-man, limp and impotent version of a man’s sport, American football. It’s a game loved by countries that love Michael Jackson and hate America.
The U.S. women’s soccer team, which plays Japan in Sunday’s World Cup final, has riveted fans of both sexes this year with nail-biting wins over Brazil and France.
But the excitement has some men particularly worked up as they fret over one of the finer points of fandom: What in the world is a beer-drinking, chest-hair-sporting Abby Wambach fan supposed to wear?
Tom Bush, a 29-year-old advertising copywriter and avid soccer fan from Rochester, N.Y., framed the dilemma earlier this week on Twitter: “Is it weird that a woman can buy a men’s U.S. soccer jersey, but they don’t make a male version of women’s jersey?”
Um, no, it’s not weird. You are. And I wouldn’t be too sure that Wambach’s fans are beer-drinking and sport chest hair. In fact, it appears that might describe Wambach more than these, um, “men.” The only really feminine-looking, attractive woman on the team is #13 (Alex Morgan), not Wambach.
Despite the women’s team’s transcendent appeal, Nike Inc., U.S. Soccer’s official jersey and apparel licensee, doesn’t sell a stitch of team-specific clothing to suit the team’s male fans.
So sad, too bad. Thank Heaven for small favors.
Brian Bober, an executive director at Morgan Stanley from Pelham, N.Y., who coaches his eight-year-old daughter’s soccer team, says the situation has left him frustrated. “I’ve been trying to think of a way I could buy a jersey or something without looking like Freddie Mercury,” says Mr. Bober, referring to the late lead singer of British rock band Queen, who wore a lot of tight clothing. “I generally dress with complete disregard of what people will think of me, but based on what’s available I would get ridiculed right out of my town.”
Again, Thank Heaven for small favors. And don’t forget, Freddie Mercury didn’t just look a certain way, he “played for both teams,” neither of which involved playing soccer.
With men wearing women’s sports jerseys are we really the champions, my friend?
Tags: Abby Wambach, Alex Morgan, Brian Bober, Freddie Mercury, girlie men, girlie-man nation, girlieman nation, girliemen, girly men, girly-man nation, girlyman nation, girlymen, men, men wearing women's jerseys, Morgan Stanley, soccer jerseys, Tom Bush, Women's soccer, World Cup