July 17, 2011, - 6:57 pm

GirlieMan USA: You Might Not Be a Dude if You Wear Women’s Sports Jerseys

By Debbie Schlussel

It used to be that men and women wore the sports jerseys of male stars in major league sports.  Men wanted to be them.  And women wanted to date (euphemism) them.  Now, sadly, there is apparently a new dynamic in which some men want to wear women’s soccer team jerseys and maybe they want to be chicks, now, too.  Here’s a tip:  If you’re a guy and want to wear a woman’s soccer jersey, your man card was shredded, revoked. Unless you are married to, dating, sleeping with, or the sperm donor that helped conceive one of the World Cup U.S. women’s soccer chicks, you should not be wearing a jersey with a woman’s name on it, and you need to go find your testicles.  And even in one of those cases, it’s questionable.  Yes, the USA lost to Japan, but a lot of American men also lost their masculinity before that.  It’s unmanly enough that they are into chick sports (which everyone knows are NOT real sports, but now this? The only “men” who should be doing this are gay dudes at a WNBA game. And–let’s be honest–as I’ve noted before, soccer is a girlie-man, limp and impotent version of a man’s sport, American football. It’s a game loved by countries that love Michael Jackson and hate America.

The U.S. women’s soccer team, which plays Japan in Sunday’s World Cup final, has riveted fans of both sexes this year with nail-biting wins over Brazil and France.

But the excitement has some men particularly worked up as they fret over one of the finer points of fandom: What in the world is a beer-drinking, chest-hair-sporting Abby Wambach fan supposed to wear?

Tom Bush, a 29-year-old advertising copywriter and avid soccer fan from Rochester, N.Y., framed the dilemma earlier this week on Twitter: “Is it weird that a woman can buy a men’s U.S. soccer jersey, but they don’t make a male version of women’s jersey?”

Um, no, it’s not weird. You are. And I wouldn’t be too sure that Wambach’s fans are beer-drinking and sport chest hair. In fact, it appears that might describe Wambach more than these, um, “men.” The only really feminine-looking, attractive woman on the team is #13 (Alex Morgan), not Wambach.

Despite the women’s team’s transcendent appeal, Nike Inc., U.S. Soccer’s official jersey and apparel licensee, doesn’t sell a stitch of team-specific clothing to suit the team’s male fans.

So sad, too bad. Thank Heaven for small favors.

Brian Bober, an executive director at Morgan Stanley from Pelham, N.Y., who coaches his eight-year-old daughter’s soccer team, says the situation has left him frustrated. “I’ve been trying to think of a way I could buy a jersey or something without looking like Freddie Mercury,” says Mr. Bober, referring to the late lead singer of British rock band Queen, who wore a lot of tight clothing. “I generally dress with complete disregard of what people will think of me, but based on what’s available I would get ridiculed right out of my town.”

Again, Thank Heaven for small favors. And don’t forget, Freddie Mercury didn’t just look a certain way, he “played for both teams,” neither of which involved playing soccer.

With men wearing women’s sports jerseys are we really the champions, my friend?

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47 Responses

Plus, it’s soccer. Like watching paint dry, but with commercials.

Tanstaafl on July 17, 2011 at 7:10 pm

Debbie you’re a riot, the “GirlieMan” uniform is priceless comedic treasure. Oh, the mind that conceived that one.

Mark Hammond on July 17, 2011 at 7:24 pm

Some libs will shop in a thrift store so no one knows they buy girlie stuff. Hi Anthony.

Thrift-Store Pervs on July 17, 2011 at 7:36 pm

So basically women’s sports are screwed when it comes to spreading their fan base because they’re cutting men out of the loop.If guys can’t follow women’s sports without being called gay or having their masculinity challanged then the fan base growth will be severely limited. How is it weird to want to wear the jersey of an athlete you like or admire?

S: I don’t think men should be into women’s sports. That’s part of the feminization of America’s men. And it ain’t cool. Men should have male athletes–if any athletes at all (and that’s another issue)–as heroes, not chicks. DS

Sam on July 17, 2011 at 7:57 pm

    “I don’t think men should be into womens sports.”

    Debbie are you saying that men like me and others on this blog and across country shouldn’t watch women play sports? I watch womens college basketball and those young ladies can play the game and very atheletic. I watch womens college basketball and I don’t feel threatend by them or inferior to them, I respect the fact that they take the game very seriously and love playing the game. So I just wanted to know what exactly your reasoning was on that one sentence DS!

    “A nation is defined by its borders, language, & culture!”

    Sean R. on July 17, 2011 at 9:23 pm

    Dear Sam:

    Hey, I cheer on the USA Curling team, both men and women, when I think about it.

    And Gerald, Women’s football should exist, with definite physical attributes for the women involved (36 C or better), and definite jersey types (tear away). ;) And the field should be covered with mud or jello.

    Occam's Tool on July 17, 2011 at 10:37 pm

Deb, you always find new stories to make me vomit in my mouth. This story was one of them. You are right, of course. Real men look at a field of women and see which one they would like to shtup.

I do like to watch mens & women’s tennis, but I would never wear a tea shirt with the name of a female player on it. In fact, I would not wear any athletic jersey with a professional player’s name on it.

A little intellectual property law for your readers. Everytime a jersey is sold with a professional player’s name on it, that player makes money. No small amount of money, as sales of these shirts go into the millions. You are paying $60 for a $10 shirt so some pro-athlete can make more money. Oh, and please do not tell me he cares about you and the city you live in, so it’s okay. It is never okay to pay five times the worth of an item because some athlete has his name on it.

Now, getting back to female athletes, I saw Chris Evert in person the other night. She still looks good. In fact, she looks better now than when she played years ago.

Jonathan Grant on July 17, 2011 at 8:40 pm

OOPS. That should have been “tee shirt.”

Jonathan Grant on July 17, 2011 at 8:41 pm

The only thing worse then watching things like soccer or basketball, is watching girls play it. We have real sports. It is like passing up watching a professional baseball game to watch some kids play tee ball. It is great to see the “girl power” sentiment for a couple weeks afterwards. That never gets annoying.

Forsberg on July 17, 2011 at 8:56 pm

    “The only thing worst than watching things like soccer or basketball, is watching girls play it.”

    Come on bro, are you saying that women are forbidden to play basketball or soccer? If females want to play basketball, soccer or any sport for that matter, they have to be physically atheletic (like men BTW, not all men are atheletic, that’s a fact), simple as that. And yes women who play sports workout alot to be in shape in order to play the game.

    “A nation is defined by its borders, language & culture!”

    Sean R. on July 17, 2011 at 9:30 pm

      Seriously Sean? Point to the place where I said “Women shouldn’t play sports”. I didn’t. Sure they should be able to play. The point I was very clearly making is that I have high expectations for sports. Female sports are inferior. Sure it isn’t politically correct to say, but it is true. I can watch the elite athletes play, or I can watch girls play. Which is why I made the case of watching Tee Ball over professional baseball. I think I was pretty clear on that, and correct.
      Besides, I hate the fact that they get to cry like babies after they lose.

      Forsberg on July 18, 2011 at 6:39 pm

Bravo, Debbie. Somebody had to say it!

Bob on July 17, 2011 at 8:57 pm

Maybe we deserve to lose.

Nahhh. Me, I’m a Bears fan. Monsters of the Midway. I don’t watch Soccer, Rugby, or Netball. Poofter games for Commonwealth assholes.

Occam's Tool on July 17, 2011 at 9:06 pm

    On the other hand, Sean, do whatever you want. You’re a good guy. One of the things that is so cool about Debbie is that she’s a Jewish Valkyrie. She’s sui generis. It’s cool, but most of us are lesser mortals. I know I am.

    Occam's Tool on July 17, 2011 at 10:34 pm

“…date (euphemism)” – That one always cracks me up

“…are we really the champions my friend?” – Answer: No! More like “Killer Queens”.

CornCoLeo on July 17, 2011 at 9:14 pm

I dont mind womens sports providing an outlet for our daughters to enhance their athleticism, lord knows we need to keep somewhat active to fight back against digusting muffintops popping up in a mall near you. However I cant follow womens sports too closely because they just arent professional level and it tends to be boring unless they played in bikinis.

Koeteus on July 17, 2011 at 9:32 pm

We make heros out of athletes, when the real heros are in different uniforms- the camo ones. Like the Los Angeles city counselman said after the OJ disgrace, “this is what happens when you make a hero out of a guy who- if he couldn’t throw or catch a ball- would be on a street corner selling dope”.

Smitty on July 17, 2011 at 9:57 pm

Men should not wear jerseys of women’s sports teams. I agree with that one. But some other stuff was, well, problematic.

“And–let’s be honest–as I’ve noted before, soccer is a girlie-man, limp and impotent version of a man’s sport, American football.”

Aw, come on! Soccer is not a “version” of football because the two sports have nothing to do with each other. (Soccer being called football outside the states – or more accurately American football being so called inside the states – is nothing but a language quirk. Also, at least in soccer, THE FOOT OFTEN TOUCHES THE BALL! In American football, the ball is RARELY kicked, but instead is most often carried. HANDBALL is a more accurate name for American football.) If anything, American football is a version of rugby. Also, soccer is FAR FROM the most girly sport. Tennis, golf, baseball, gymnastics and volleyball are more manly than soccer HOW exactly? Greco-Roman wrestling is just creepy (and “professional wrestling” even more so). And basketball was invented in CANADA by a PACIFIST!

“It’s a game loved by countries that … hate America.” Well, if you are going with that canard, so is basketball, boxing and plenty of other sports. Also, soccer is embraced by countries that love America, including – gasp! – ISRAEL!

“It’s unmanly enough that they are into chick sports (which everyone knows are NOT real sports, but now this?”

Can’t agree with that. One does not have to be a feminist who argues for equality when there is none, but when competing against other women for their own purposes, what’s the harm? I despise Title IX either, but Title IX isn’t the fault of the athletes, but the politicians. By the way, most female athletes ARE NOT FEMINISTS. Instead, thanks to the media, the feminists among the female athletes are the only ones that you ever hear from. Separate feminism from the issue, and there isn’t a thing wrong with female athletics. (And yes, it is feminism that would make a man want to wear a women’s sports jersey.)

I gotta say that Gabriela Sabatini is a great WOMEN’S tennis player. (And not too hard to look at either.) Wilma Rudolph was a great FEMALE sprinter (and also rather easy on the eyes). And though she wasn’t as easy on the eyes, the fans of Babe Didrikson, a great FEMALE athlete, WERE NOT “girly men.” (Neither was the WRESTLER who married Didrikson.)

For the record, I don’t watch women’s basketball, because its quality suffers so badly when compared to the far superior male game. (Or at least the male game USED to be far superior; now it is unwatchable.) The same is true of women’s golf, and I imagine that women’s soccer has the same problem. But women’s tennis? Fine. (Although I admit that I was outraged when they started paying women the same as the men despite the women not earning the same revenue or even so much as playing the same number of sets.) Women’s Olympic sports? Ditto.

Yes, there are some male sports that should not have a female equivalent. Women’s football should not exist. Women’s hockey is absurd. Women’s boxing should be legally banned. Again, I am most certainly no feminist. But a female track and field athlete, gymnast, basketball or tennis player is no more objectionable than, say, a female lawyer ;-)

Gerald on July 17, 2011 at 10:25 pm

    Yes, the Israelis play soccer. But they do their best work in Judo and Windsurfing.

    Occam's Tool on November 9, 2011 at 11:05 pm

The problem with soccer is the field is too big.
It should be played on a field no bigger than a tennis court and the players can wear boxing gloves to ‘check’ each other.
That would be fun to watch.

T.Y. on July 17, 2011 at 10:51 pm

Women’s softball is way more exciting than MLB to watch. I stopped watching baseball 35 years ago when I was 9 years old. I don’t think that’s girlie-man behavior because it’s a different skill set at which they’re more adept and it’s faster. I also love tennis as both a life-long player and fan. I also enjoy watching both men’s and women’s tennis (except the Williams sisters who I believe were born males and who ruin the civility of game with their boorish on-court behavior.) I have been know to wear a “I heart Sharapova” t-shirt but I’m more embarrassed that it makes me seem like a perv rather than a sissy.

I do agree however that soccer is just one more nail in the coffin of American values and strength, same with T-ball.

DS_ROCKS! on July 17, 2011 at 10:53 pm

American Football. Ha.

American Football had come to define the USA, and not in good ways.

Trashiness, arrogance, violence, commercialism, endorsement whoring, valuing entertainment over everything, people paid absurd amounts of money for contributing little to civilization…

The USA may sink to the lows of the third world, but even if our literacy rate plummets I bet Americans will still be playing with the old pigskin on dilapidated fields.

Not that soccer is much better. The sport that invented the “hooligan”.

The Quarterback is Toast on July 17, 2011 at 11:22 pm

First and most important rule for all men, single and married: never, ever, ever surrender your man card for any reason. It is as important as keeping your own manhood attached to your body.

You can fake it to your woman as long as you can please her, but, for G-d’s sake, keep your man card INTACT!

But if you do or did, sorry, man, but you deserved to lose it.

Women’s sports is just getting more ridiculous with women acting like men. Ugh.

Rob on July 17, 2011 at 11:51 pm

I don’t watch Men’s or Women’s soccer. Nor do I watch Women’s basketball or golf. I do however, enjoy watching women’s figure skating, diving, and beach volleyball. Strangely, I don’t fully understand the rules of any of those sports, but I sure do enjoy watching them anyway. In short, you definitely cannot call me a “Girly Man.” A “Salivating Licentious Voyeuristic Lout” certainly, but a “Girl Man,” absolutely not.

Irving on July 18, 2011 at 5:07 am

    I do however, enjoy watching women’s figure skating, diving, and beach volleyball.

    Dear Irving: What about women’s gymnastics?

    Tomorrow is the 17th of Tammuz. For rhose of you who are fasting, I wish you an easy one.

    Miranda Rose Smith on July 18, 2011 at 8:37 am

And it ain’t cool. Men should have male athletes–if any athletes at all (and that’s another issue)–as heroes, not chicks. DS

I don’t agree. If you think it was admirable of Althea Gibson to be the first African American woman to win the Grand Slam (tennis), you should admire her. An accomplishment is an accomplishment.

Miranda Rose Smith on July 18, 2011 at 8:18 am

And–let’s be honest–as I’ve noted before, soccer is a girlie-man, limp and impotent version of a man’s sport, American football. It’s a game loved by countries that love Michael Jackson and hate America.

Plenty of very macho Israelis love soccer.

Miranda Rose Smith on July 18, 2011 at 8:34 am

But soccer does have a connotation of being associated with third-world handout countries that by and large are hostile to both the US and Israel. (e.g. the Latins in LA cheering the Mexican team instead of the US, and the anti-semitic hostility the Israeli soccer team has faced — why bother?)

And it is fine to admire Althea Gibson, but I wouldn’t expect or at least until recently I wouldn’t have expectes young white males to see her as a role model instead of a masculine role model.

And Althea Gibson is way above the women admired today.

Little Al on July 18, 2011 at 11:02 am

Soccer?!? Way to separate the men from the….uh, “boys.”

I have a time with these wannabes coming up to me asking if I watched it like it’s some requirement. I always ask them to name the starting lineup and love their response. People are such sheep to the media.

Debbie, you are correct as always when it comes to these girly man issues and most others.

But!!!!, my honey, there are a FEW exceptions. It WAS OK to watch women’s tennis when Anna Kournikova played. WOOO!!!!! Women’s pro beach volleyball is not bad for a few glances. And, that lingerie football….now, that’s a TRUE SPORT and yes, I would even buy a T shirt given the chace.

Any parent that gives a kid a soccer ball should be charged with child abuse.

Jeff_W on July 18, 2011 at 11:17 am

    Any parent that gives a kid a soccer ball should be charged with child abuse.

    Jeff_W on July 18, 2011 at 11:17 am

    Dear Mr. W.: That’s a bit much.

    Miranda Rose Smith on July 18, 2011 at 11:28 am

      Dear Miranda: I agree with you 99.99 percent of the time, but…Soccer is a great way to accumulate head injuries.

      Occam's Tool on November 9, 2011 at 11:02 pm

Deb–my dear…Correction: Men never–ever want to be another man. At least, I’ve never met one that did. While we may admire other men, we don’t want to be him/them. I was a diehard Mickey Mantle fan. He died in August ’95, and I think that may have been the last time I got emotionally chocked up. Mickey Mantle was idolized by countless numbers for his athleticizm as well as an indefinable confidence and quality that many of us emulated (particularly when we came to bat in little league). But nowhere and no time did anyone want to BE Mickey Mantle–not in another dimension, not in another life. Men may use other admired men as having qualities that they aspire to; but to be another man just is just never the case. Now, let me qualify something here. Perhaps you’re speaking of ‘males’ –some males, aka weenies, may want to be other males. Ya know–I’d have to guess that the psyche that drives the pony-tailed tattooed, earringed douchebag who doesn’t know which way a ballcap is supposed to be worn and needs to work out three hours a day to hide behind a silly looking pre-fab body in lieu of having a genuine personality (See. Ya got me started), and then tops it off by wearing the douchebag pants that end somewhere between the knee and the ankle–Now I’d have to guess that those lost souls might spend some time wishing they were someone else (And if they don’t they should), but real men—never. Again, while admiring other accomplished men, we’re quite content with who we are.

shegundala on July 18, 2011 at 11:38 am

    I dunno, sir. I wish I could have been Jonas Salk or Maimonides. It’s the medical genius I admire (and sleeping with one of Pablo Picasso’s mistresses who preferred you to Picasso ain’t so bad, either).

    But I don’t have a mancrush on Jonas; I just admire the work and dedication and genius.

    Occam's Tool on November 9, 2011 at 11:08 pm

What Shequndala said.

Personally, I don’t own any jerseys. I coul see wearing a jersey of someone whose style I like, say a Lidstrom jersey to a Wings game. But really just not my style.

GC on July 18, 2011 at 12:12 pm

Debbie, I’m a sports guy, so I will respectfully disagree with you on this. I’m in my 40’s, so I don’t wear jerseys anymore, but would have done it in my 20’s to support a team. I like attractive women as much as the next guy, but when it comes to sports, it is about the drama. If you are up 5-4 in the 3rd set-can you hold on? If you team is down by 2 with 12 seconds left-who will take the big shot? And so on. Male or female, it is about the clutch. And I will root for my team.

colt13 on July 18, 2011 at 12:41 pm

Dearest Debbie,

Your are 100% WRONG with your take on soccer. It’s hardly a “girlie” sport. Soccer is a sport of endurance, precision, strength, and mental toughness. It’s a sport that’s played around the world in poor places where they don’t have the spoils taken for granted in the United States. All you need is a ball and an open space. I’d love to see some of the overweight professional baseball and football players run up and down a soccer field for 90 minutes. It’s not a “girlie” sport simply because you don’t like it. Also, what’s with your attack on the gays? A guy wearing a women’s jersey makes him odd but it doesn’t make him homosexual. This particular blog of yours is wrong in so many ways.

HC on July 18, 2011 at 2:47 pm

Love the comment about limp and impotent. Debbie really knows how to call it!

Bri on July 18, 2011 at 5:04 pm

That being said, I actually cringe when I see grown men with other *men’s* sports-star jerseys on. To me that is very homoerotic. It’s tantamount to a guy wearing another man’s class ring or like a school girl wearing her boyfriend’s letterman sweater.

DS_ROCKS! on July 18, 2011 at 6:17 pm

Dunno. Women look hot in Red Wings shirts.

John P on July 18, 2011 at 10:17 pm

The blame goes on the Illuminati who takes the culture and twist it around for their evil NWO purpose.

And HC…SOCCER IS AS MUCH A SPORT AS PRO RASSLIN IS…IT AIN’T! To me Soccer has globalist undertones in it.

Bob Porrazzo on July 19, 2011 at 6:30 am

The sports Americans love are sports that involve teamwork and the more violent or physical contact, the better. Football teaches battle tactics and hand to hand combat. Hockey teaches the same, but how to do it on ice with blades on your feet. Baseball at least teaches you how to swing a bat and pinpoint throwing accuracy(comes in handy for throwing grenades). Basically Americans love sports that translate somehow into useful fighting abilities and skill in using weapons. These are sports loved by people who have enjoyed freedom and understand the importance of being prepared to fight if necessary. Soccer is a game of the oppressed. These idiots that love soccer have lived in countries that have restricted them so much that they love a game that is the epitome of living in a dictatorial hell. I mean come on nothing that could be used as a weapon, no hands allowed except for the goalie, no fighting, no tripping. All soccer teaches anyone is how to run around with your hands tied behind your back, kick a ball and be bound by a myriad of restrictive rules. Also these twits living in socialist holes either can’t afford the equipment to play real sports like football or their government doesn’t want them to accidentally learn how to fight effectively. Most living in socialist countries can basically either only afford a ball or are able to find something to use as a soccer ball and strive to be soccer players because they see it as their only chance to rise up out of the squalid poverty they live in. I played Little League Baseball as a kid and four years as a lineman in football as a teen. It taught me how to take a hit and work through pain. It also taught me that I could fight 2 to 3 guys at once. My old friends that played on the soccer team used to say, when I said soccer sucks and is pointless, “well, let’s see you run as much as we do on the field” which I would generally reply with “big deal I can still snap you like a twig”. All they could do was run away. Real nice skill set they acquired there. That is why Americans really don’t care for soccer. If it ever does become big here it will mean too many have been brainwashed into accepting socialism and we have officially become an oppressed nation.
On a side note Debbie, I happened to see a picture of the US goalie Hope Solo and she is hot and surprisingly not a lesbian. That is refreshing, seeing as so many female athletes tend to be butch and raging bull dykes. In summation soccer blows!!!

Mark on July 20, 2011 at 3:00 am

Wow. Just wow. I’ve never seen such an accumulation of whorish fratboys in one internet comment section. Bye-bye! I will never make the mistake of coming here again!

Wow on September 9, 2011 at 6:56 am

Debbie Schlussel, professional cunt.

TeddyKGB on January 27, 2012 at 10:21 pm

YES!

And…
1. women should be able to wear men’s jeans, but men should NEVER wear women’s jeans.
2. women should be able to write blogs about politics but men should never write about raising children.
3. women should be able to be pilots, but only girly-men (ick ooh!) would ever consider being a flight attendant.

Why?

Because female things are inferior to male things, and thus for a woman to reach “higher” isn’t disgusting — but a man reaching ‘lower’ to embrace feminine things IS disgusting.

This is the pubescent gender-cooties theory of morality, and we should all embrace it because Debbie Schlussel (an obviously principled moral authority) says so — and she’ll taunt you and call you ‘gay’ if you don’t (a method of instruction well suited to the theory).

USCanuckette on April 3, 2012 at 3:51 pm

I think you’ll find American football is a girlie limp version of Rugby.

Chloe on June 20, 2012 at 8:47 am

This blog is a troll, right? It’s far too ignorant to be real.

Zak on August 11, 2012 at 2:37 am

This is the most ignorant post I have ever read on the internet. I didn’t know people were ACTUALLY this stupid.

Zach on December 8, 2013 at 11:35 pm

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