July 22, 2011, - 8:27 pm
Per usual, there isn’t anything spectacular at the box office, but the best pick–very relatively-speaking is “Captain America: The First Avenger.”
* “Captain America: The First Avenger“: Steve Rogers is proud to be American and wants more than anything to kill Nazis. Problem is that the filmmakers ain’t so proud to be American and don’t really want people to hate Nazis, so they eliminated American military insignia and Nazi swastikas from the equation. Read my complete review.
* “Friends With Benefits“: I liked this better than the first time I saw it back in January, when it was called, “No Strings Attached” (read my review). But not that much better. It was still vile, pointless, and predictable from the first five minutes forward. And, yes, it’s nearly the identical plot as the awful “No Strings”: guy and girl who are attracted to each other but not dating agree to just have sex with no romance or emotions. And predictably, as in the first incarnation, one or both start to have romantic feelings, they have a big melodramatic shouting and crying match, and then make up and live happily ever after, after all that empty sex. Awww . . . touching. Yes, it’s a chick flick that tries to cross dress as a vile Judd Apatow movie but just can’t go both ways. And I hate both genres, so it’s even worse when they mix. And I could do without the usual measure of melodrama, crying, and yelling. Yuck.
I despise Justin Timberlake and I used to like Mila Kunis, until I saw her in this movie. He cannot act, and she got on my nerves. And it’s the usual story of how the girl didn’t have a dad because her loser mother slept around. Who cares? I didn’t. There are some funny lines in this, but mostly it’s just groanworthy, cheesy, and vulgar. No charm here. If you want to see the over-rated Timberlake’s naked butt and the same for Kunis, this is your movie. For everyone with taste, this ain’t your movie. It’s all about promoting promiscuity, which we’ve already had decades of . . . and the results: diseases, kids born out of wedlock and having no fathers in their lives, millions of single mothers, the breakdown of the American family, etc.
In watching this movie, I was like the stereotype of a guy having sex (as promoted in a joke in this movie). After a minute, I was done.
Watch the trailer . . .
* “Tabloid“: During this whole movie, I kept thinking, “Why the heck am I still sitting through this f–king movie?” Answer: because if I walk out in the middle of a screening, I’m not allowed to review the movie. The movie wasn’t just anti-Mormon, it was nuts. And it made me waste two hours of my life on a trivial, insignificant trollop. Is there really such a dearth of valid documentary topics and material that the crazy Joyce McKinney is now worthy of wasting my time and the big screen near you?
This “documentary” is about a bleeping crazy woman, McKinney, who was once Miss Wyoming in the Miss USA Pageant. A nutjob bimbo, in the mid-1970s, she fell in love with a Mormon missionary (Kirk Anderson) because she drove a Corvette and he drove a Corvette. But she wasn’t a Mormon and after they allegedly slept together, she thought they would get married. He disappeared to England to go on his Mormon mission.
Joyce worked three jobs (or so she says), one of them being a prostitute, another being a nude model, so she could save enough money to charter a jet to fly to England, kidnap the Mormon, chain him to a bed on the English countryside, and rape him back to liking her. She carried out her plans, then got arrested for kidnapping and was about to stand trial, which she escapes by using disguises and fleeing Great Britain.
I absolutely hated this woman and couldn’t stand to hear her talk after about the first ten minutes. Oh, and did I mention that later in life she spends $150,000 to clone her favorite dog, Booger, in South Korea. Yup, she’s “barking mad,” as one of the English commentators in the movie noted. And why was it necessary to constantly bash and mock Mormons throughout this movie, when it was clear they are the relatively normal and moral ones, not this crazy lady skank and the gay activist dude?
Not that I cared about this crazy chick, the story, or anything in this movie, but the documentarians didn’t really do much of a documentary. They mostly just interviewed this nutjob, along with an anti-Mormon gay activist, the charter pilot, and a couple of English reporters. And they failed to answer the only questions I had: what the heck does this lunatic loser do for a living that she can afford to sit around and do nothing and has $150,000 to spend on cloning a dog? Where did she get the money? They don’t think to tell you. But, again, like the rest of this crazy movie, I really didn’t care much.
Watch the trailer . . .
Tags: anti-Mormon, Booger, Captain America, Chris Evans, cloining dogs, cloned dog, Corvette, Documentary, England, Friends with Benefits, Great Britain, Joyce McKinney, Justin Timberlake, Kirk Anderson, Mila Kunis, Miss Wyoming, Mormon, movie, movie review, Movie Reviews, rape, South Korea, Tabloid