August 5, 2011, - 7:08 pm

Wknd Box Office: Rise of Planet of the Apes, Change-Up, Myth of American Sleepover

By Debbie Schlussel

Can’t recommend any of the new movies, this weekend.  Sorry.  But, if you listen to me, I just saved you at least ten bucks and two hours.  Here are my reviews:

*  “Rise of the Planet of the Apes“:  In addition to being an animal rights fantasy, this movie was long, extremely repetitive, and boring.  How many times do I need to watch apes on steroids torture and eat innocent people alive and then get a gazillionth second chance because a scientist played by James Franco asks for that?  Puh-leeze.  In real life, that ape would have been put down immediately, just as with dogs and other animals that bite.

Yes, this everything PETA a/k/a PUTAh (People for the Unethical Treatment of Animals and humans) dreamed of in a movie.  Apes attack, torture, cannibalize, and kill humans, including cops.  And even more disturbing is that the urban audience with whom I saw the midnight showing (I could not make the critics’ screening) applauded when police officers were beaten and murdered by apes.  Oh, and they applauded at the end of the movie.  Morons.

Brian Cuban tweeted a few weeks ago that he wished they would stop perverting the terrific 1968 original “Planet of the Apes,” starring Charlton Heston, with new versions, remakes, sequels, and prequels.  He’s spot on.  And this waste-of-time movie is Exhibit A.  It’s awful.  And, while it’s being billed as a “prequel” to the original, it has nothing to do with it and is hardly connected.  There’s a reason this movie is being released in August, the pet cemetery where Hollywood studios send all truly awful movies, which they know will die a quick death.

The story:  Franco is a scientist for a pharmaceutical company (yes, evil Big Pharma is exactly the way it’s portrayed here).  He is testing apes because he’s developed a serum that he believes is the cure for Alzheimer’s Disease.  The serum makes the apes instantly smarter and creates new connections and cells within the brain.  But the monkeys become more violent, and as they become smarter, they want to be treated better and rebel against humans.

One ape in particular, Caesar, is brought home and raised by Franco, and he exhibits the violence, as well as the extreme intelligence because of the drug developed by Franco.  Every time he’s violent, Franco gets him and the other violent apes another chance.  One day, they all get out of their cages and just go on a rampage attacking humans and taking over the Golden Gate Bridge, where they beat and kill police.  At this point, PUTAh activists worldwide are having orgasms.

For everybody else, it was a waste of time and money.  You’ve been had.  And don’t experiment on animals.  That’s the message of this horrendous movie.

FOUR MARXES & FOUR TOFURKEYS
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Watch the trailer . . .

* “The Change-Up“: Hey, it’s yet another version of “Freaky Friday.” Please, Hollywood, come up with something new. Oh, wait, it’s an extremely disgusting and raunchy version of “Freaky Friday” . . . and incredibly predictable, stupid, and vile. Well, that’s not new, either. I said it before and I’ll say it again: Judd Apatow ruined movies. And this one stars his wife (Leslie Mann). And, for a comedy, there really wasn’t much worth laughing at. Wasn’t too funny . . . .unless you consider a baby defecating on a guy’s face hilarious. I don’t. Sorry. Nor is it funny that one guy is shaving his best friend’s genitals or sleeping with a pregnant woman he picked up at a birthing class. Yuck.

The story: Jason Bateman, a straight-laced lawyer and married father, is best friends with Ryan Reynolds, a playboy loser and wannabe actor who lives like a slob in his messy apartment. One night, they go out for drinks and then, as they are urinating in a fountain, they wish they had each other’s life. Suddenly, lightning strikes, and they switch bodies, being forced to live each other’s life. Bateman, in Reynolds’ body, has to go to his big-time acting opportunity, which he learns is a porno movie. Reynolds messes up a merger deal, which is Bateman’s chance at partnership. And so on.

You know what happens, as it does in all these movies: amid way too much drama and exercises in the obvious, they realize they like their original lives and want things to change back.

FOUR MARXES
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Watch the trailer . . .

* “The Myth of the American Sleepover“: This film was shot in Michigan by a first-time writer-director, and it shows that this is his first. It was boring, very slow, and pointless. Yes, another waste of time. While there were some good things about it, they aren’t new, and overall, it wasn’t worthy.

The story: several teenage kids in the Detroit area attend sleepovers, parties, and otherwise hang out all night on the last night of summer. Mostly we see various people kissing and making out. It gets old, especially when there’s barely any story to go with it. One girl reads her friend’s diary and realizes the friend wanted her boyfriend. A guy is looking in vain for a gorgeous blonde he saw at the supermarket, and they keep missing each other’s path (a rip-off of Suzanne Somers in “American Graffiti”). One girl and her friend walk around like Peppermint Patty and Marcy. Then, the night ends, and there is a parade in the town (a Labor Day parade, apparently). The end.

Not much there.

FOUR MARXES
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46 Responses

The Planet Of The Apes would have worked as a parable about Islam vs. the West. But no one in Hollywood has the guts to make that kind of movie today. No one wants their heads to roll off to the floor. So we get stuck with stupid movies!

NormanF on August 5, 2011 at 7:31 pm

The best thing about boring movies is they’re better than Sominex. Even the most active person will soon feel sleepy!

NormanF on August 5, 2011 at 7:33 pm

If it’s an ape eating a human, is it really cannibalism? Not that it matters. After the disaster of the Tim Burton re-make, where only the apes were interesting and the ending made no sense, I pretty gave up on this genre.

I know of no one who has given “The Change Up” a positive review. I”m guessing this was one of those movies the actors do to make the house payment so they can go on to one that’s good but doesn’t pay as well later.

Nope, another weekend raiding the grocery store video collection again for me. :)

DavidJ on August 5, 2011 at 7:35 pm

Long ago, “The Planet of the Apes” was and edgy and original concept. Now, it is as edgy as a bowling ball and as original as a Frisbee. One could say the same for the other two films that Debbie reviewed. Political correctness apparently limits script writers to what has already been done. Could we see a film where the priest is not a deviant, the general is not a homicidal killer, and a business owner is not hopelessly corrupt? A film like that would cause jaws to drop, rather than the audience knowing the end of the film ten minutes or less into it.

Worry01 on August 5, 2011 at 7:42 pm

This is where I’m going to have to disagree with DS wrt “Rise”. Since I’m now on vacation from work, I can do a double-header on Cheap Movie Tuesday without stress.

I’ll be seeing bith “Rise” and “Cowboys and Aliens” for the usual giggles that they are. If I want to see patriotic, educational stuff, I’d re-enlist.

The “Change-Up”: I’ll pass.

The last flick: I know a lot of pr0n sites…

So this weekend… I’m cleaning my place. Then I’m going to check out the buskers festival that started yesterday.

(Sorry, Skunky. Too busy for TORRENT.)

The Reverend Jacques on August 5, 2011 at 8:03 pm

    No need to reenlist. If you want to watch cliches from the 60′s, go for it.

    Worry01 on August 5, 2011 at 8:32 pm

I think Planet of the Apes is the equivalent of “Godzilla” from many years ago. I remember when Godzilla first came out in 1998, at that time I was starting college and my old college friend told me that he went to see Godzilla and he told me that the film sucked and he wanted a refund because he told me that the film was horrible.

DS, I was watching numerous commercial ads since early July about Planet of the Apes and I said to myself that “this type of film all of the PETA-ites and vegans will enjoy seeing, it’s man vs. savage animals”. As you said to me earlier this week Debbie, “great minds think alike”!

“A nation is defined by its borders, language & culture!”

Sean R. on August 5, 2011 at 8:31 pm

Idea of the original Planet of the Apes, a misanthrope (Heston’s Taylor) is unexpectedly put in a position to defend humanity. In this one, it’s a film designed to appeal to misanthropes, as if psychotic apes are something wonderful.

Also, if I hear how wonderful motion-capture performer Andy Serkis is one more time, I’m gonna go ape.

The only thing I’m curious about regarding the new one is how there are enough apes to threaten 6 billion+ humans. I’m sure the answer is as asinine as the rest of the premise.

Hail to the Chimp on August 5, 2011 at 9:06 pm

Coast dresses of 2011 summer full of vitality and color. This is your wardrobe an instant update of all those signals through the main trends for the coming occassion dresses 2011.

coast dresses on August 5, 2011 at 9:20 pm

    coast dresses,

    I see that you have a product to sell. If so, would you please go to the upper right hand corner of the page where it says “sponsor my work” and click at the approporiate spot and then follow its directions? I am sure that Debbie would be happy to advertise your product.

    Thank you,

    JeffE

    JeffE on August 7, 2011 at 10:39 am

I wasn’t expecting much in the way of keeping with the canon established by the Apes movies from the 60/70s, but naming the ape Caesar shows just how ignorant the film makers were of the original movies.

Caesar was NOT the original ape that organized the apes to overtake humans, known as The Great Ape in the original movie (which is what Rise should be about; we don’t need a remake of Conquest). Caesar is the child of Cornelius and Zira that led the primitive apes to rebel.

Robert on August 5, 2011 at 11:20 pm

I’ve never seen any of the Apes movies. What’s the fascination with seeing monkeys act like humans??? Borrring.

Even worse, how does one of the world’s worst actors, Ryan Reynolds, keep getting starring roles in movies?

I just don’t understand Hollywood and how any money is ever made there.

Jeff_W on August 6, 2011 at 12:53 am

I liked the 60/70 ape movies for the science fiction of the story. Much like the Terminator series ( first two)..
Will see this but not expecting much

Paul s on August 6, 2011 at 7:35 am

Hollywood is so in bed with the progressive agenda. It is pathetic. What ever happened to entertaining people? Instead we get morality plays, lecturing and propaganda. Entertain me, I’ll educate myself on the issues. That why I go to 2-3 movies a year. Only because we go to dinner with friends and then throw in the best choice available, and it’s always slim pickings.

JeffT on August 6, 2011 at 10:55 am

The new Planet of the Apes movie…NOTHING MORE THAN PROPAGANDA FOR THE EVOLUTIONISTS!

Bob Porrazzo on August 6, 2011 at 12:35 pm

Now we have the procrastination trolls coming on to complain about a week old thread.

I’d rather see the stupid-ass movies poor DS has to sit through (and I would NOT like it…at all!) than to read their stupid posts.

It gets very boring. Number 1) The don’t even know the issue. Number 2) They get angry because they think she is mean and angry (???) and Number 3) The are supposedly offended yet they NEVER posit a counterpoint…instead they just say mean things because they think she is mean.

IT WOULD BE NICE IF THE SO-CALLED OFFENDED COULD COUNTERPOINT AND DEFEND THEIR OFFENSE AND DISAGREEMENT.

These bores must go to the same “How to be a dumb, internet Troll class”. They are boring me to tears.

Skunky on August 6, 2011 at 6:19 pm

Skunky, earlier this week Alec Baldwin was very critical of most of the posters/readers on the Huffington Post (ironically Skunky, Alec Baldwin is a regular poster on the HuffPo). He said that “the commentators on the Huffington Post are idiotic and moronic, I think they have reading comprehension issues”, that’s what most of these anti-DS trolls remind me of. They only read “between the lines”, come to their conclusions, misquote Debbie, make ad hominiem rhetoric against DS, etc.

We all know these trolls who post here have reading comprehension issues, and I won’t be surprised if most to half of these anti-DS trolls are from the HuffPo that Alec Baldwin was ridiculing earlier this week?

“A nation is defined by its borders, language & culture!”

Sean R. on August 6, 2011 at 6:29 pm

    I have to agree with you and Alec Baldwin on that Sean.

    Yes, it’s lack of reading comprehension and understanding of the issue at hand. That’s why you can count on most concern trolls being hit-and-run…they don’t have the attention span to stick around nevermind the acumen to know the issues inside and out. And in the end, they don’t reall care…just want people to think that they do.

    And if Alec Balwin is getting all shirty about it, we know it’s even worse for us. The ones he is annoyed by are on his side!

    Rev., since you have to forgo Torrent…and being that you are gonna see the double-feature, I’d love to read YOUR review once you see the flicks. Your double-feature sounds like a fun day BUT for the films themselves. (I love a great movie theatre experince, but a good film MUST be part of the deal.)

    I think I’ll recommend a fabulous film I saw by happenstance but ended up loving. Netflix it. It’s from the 60′s but was waaaaaay ahead of it’s time. “Last Year At Marienbad”.

    That will put some hair on the chest of youse American film lovers! ;)

    Skunky on August 6, 2011 at 8:16 pm

Debbie not only did the Apes movie blow, but I shelled out 21 big ones for two seats. What a shonde ( a Jewish disgrace).

A1 on August 6, 2011 at 9:59 pm

Amen to both Skunky and Sean R.

On that Norway Karma (I) thread, I bet that that thread won’t die down until election day 2012 and there will be 102,451 comments.

I hope that I’m exaggerating.

JeffE on August 7, 2011 at 12:12 am

“urban audience”?

Hmmm…

I can only guess who likes to see the cops killed….

BethesdaDog on August 7, 2011 at 2:46 am

Jason Bateman, a straight-laced lawyer and married father, is best friends with Ryan Reynolds, a playboy loser and wannabe actor who lives like a slob in his messy apartment.

Dear Debbie: I think you mean “strait laced.”

Did it occur to anyone that RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES might have been “inspired,” in part, by the Charla Nash case?

The 9th of Av is this week. I wish all of you who are fasting an easy one.

Miranda Rose Smith on August 7, 2011 at 4:23 am

    MRS, it’s ‘strait-laced’ actually according to Webster’s and yes, that Carla Nash situation did cross my mind. I wonder if all the “arab spring” uprisings and revolutions we are subject to on almost a daily basis weren’t also a bit of an inspiration? No shortage of people there acting like deranged rabid animals, for sure!

    theShadow on August 7, 2011 at 4:05 pm

Debbie is a brilliant political commentator, but I take umbrage with her tastes in movies.

“Apes” was fantastic. It explains the beginning perfectly, the CGI was convincing, the apes had pathos, the story plausible and James Franco excelled in the role.

There was no “PETA” implication – of anything, it showed how vital animal experimentation is. In fact, the most sympathetic humans in the film were the experimenters, themselves!

If you liked the original, as I did when I saw it as a young kid in 1968, it was an epic film for its time, and still today. Sure, it was bastardized over the decades with inane sequels, TV series and lampooning, but the new “Apes” visits the original with all due respect.

There were a couple of loose ends, but that’s part of the fun.

“Apes” is a wild ride without gratuitous violence, no sexuality and no tawdry language. I HIGHLY recommend for a good romp to forget about your problems and just enjoy a movie for 90 minutes of summer fun.

DS_ROCKS! on August 7, 2011 at 8:24 am

All that awesome film credit money paid by Michigan taxpayers went to make boring flicks. It would sting just a little less had the money made something memorable.

P. Aaron on August 7, 2011 at 8:48 am

Debbie, I’m glad you came down hard on Planet of the Apes. It was Spartacus for animals (revolution, baby!), and there was a PETA subtext. It’s a liberal movie that touts Natural Man over Corruptly Civilized Man. I hated the audience I sat with as well, as when they cheered while the grumpy neighbor–with whom I sympathized– was being pommeled by Caesar. Then the audience laughed when blood leaked out of the neighbor’s face (because he caught the virus). No doubt about it: liberalism is mean-spirited. To top it off, big pharmacy with its “greed” was also ridiculed in a very cliche-ridden, unconvincing way.

(Incidentally, Pierre Boule’s original Planet of the Apes is, in my opinion, one of the funniest, sharpest works of literature from the last seventy-five years. None of the films has captured the original novel’s mischievously satiric touch, nor has any tried.)

After watching Change-Up, I’m finally beginning to see your point about Apatow. This crude, unfunny, disgusting comedy–especially following so closely after Friends With Benefits, Horrible Bosses, and Bad Teacher which all sickened me for the same reasons–is almost the last straw. Already I’ve cut down the number of films I watch in the theater per week from five to two. I can barely stomach them anymore.

Burke on August 7, 2011 at 12:27 pm

Debbie is on to something with the sheeples yucking it up when the apes kill cops.

This reviewer thought it was great that audiences can get “emotionally attached or “down with” the ape uprising.

Review also drips of liberalism.

“And in part, these deeply uncertain political, economic, and environmental times are ripe for a return to The Planet of the Apes: That fantasy world, first created by French author Pierre Boulle in his 1963 novel, is a distopian fable born of Cold War fears and counter-culture doubts about the inherent goodness and rightful dominance of humanity.”

Leftist drivel…

http://blog.redbox.com/2011/08/in-theaters-review-of-rise-of-the-planet-of-the-apes.html

Chris on August 7, 2011 at 4:16 pm

Let me start off by saying that I’m neither a vegan/ vegetarian nor a PETA member. What I am is a normal person that can watch a movie without inserting political messages into them. It’s a prequel to the original nothing more, and an entertaining one at that. I’m disappointed in the review after watching the movie for myself, seems it was written by someone with ADD. Perhaps she filled in some of the scenes she missed out with her own assumptions of what the movie was. No one was eaten. No cops were killed, in fact Caesar the leader of the apes makes it clear to the other apes that the cops and innocent humans are not to be killed. There are no “gazillionth” chances, Caesar is violent once in self defense of the father. At that point he’s hauled away to be caged. Big evil pharma? The character played by James Franco is a scientist working at the pharmaceutical company and is portrayed as a good guy throughout the entire movie. If you read to much into a film perhaps its time you took a day off from politics and unwind a bit.

JP on August 7, 2011 at 4:48 pm

    Funny, JP, I saw the same movie as Debbie did and point for point came away with exactly her take on it. I guess maybe I have ADD, too.

    You must be kidding about James Franco being a “nice guy” and therefore proving that the screenwriter held no bias against drug companies. Franco is an underling frequently at odds with the “greedy” drug company owner who repeatedly refers to how much money he wants to gain from his products. You forgot to mention, by the way, the manner in which the owner is executed at the end by Caesar’s command. This is justice Pol Pot style.

    Let me tell you something about Debbie’s columns. People who read and enjoy them like myself do not want “normal” in your sense of the word. If you want “normal,” listen to the audience laugh and applaud with glee when Caesar violently thrashes his neighbor for no good reason. If you want “normal,” pay attention when the audience hisses with disdain as the drug company owner talks about how much money he hopes to make. That’s politically correct normal. If you want “normal,” read the zillion reviewers who parrot mainstream attitudes and praise the apes as you did because the apes show restraint and don’t indiscriminately kill the innocent (they are “noble savages,” after all, far superior to the supposedly flawed humans). We like Debbie’s columns because she gives us something more than just normal. She sees what’s under the surface. That’s not “normal” in the sense of conventional, but it’s sort of nice to have a least one person out of 300 million in our country doing this.

    Burke on August 8, 2011 at 11:19 am

Soylent Green is people!
Dr. Malcolm Crowe is himself a ghost!.. in Sixth Sense.
Roger Kint, one of ‘The Usual Suspects’ is Keyser Söze!
The Planet of the Apes is Earth!
GASP!
OK…that’s it folks, movie’s over and done. Great concept but the shock is gone, the surprise ending over. Where do you go from there? Some things should just be left alone. No need for remakes, explanations, sequels and all that other ‘riding on the coattails of’ crap.

I think I saw all the PotA movies and each one was progressively worse.
Wasn’t there a lame-o TV series too?

theShadow on August 7, 2011 at 7:27 pm

Deb -

I walked out of ‘Apes’ after the first ten minutes as I realized I had seen it before, when it was first released as ‘Robocop’……

starkexpo on August 8, 2011 at 1:49 am

The original “Planet of the Apes” was a poster movie against humanity’s aggression. Hollywood injected smears like that, as an indirect attack on Vietnam War supporters. PETA has it own current agenda, as Debbie aptly notes.

Films are ideological vehicles. HUAC’s attacks on Hollywood were well substantiated. Ironically, Hollywood’s first ideological hit – “Gabriel Over the White House” – promoted Fascism. (The film also promoted multi-lateral disarmament during the same year the Nazis violated the Versailles Treaty, with their Naval Act).

Jack Mutt on August 8, 2011 at 3:28 am

Jack Mutt–WOW. Now that’s an obscure reference. Not too many on this site–I suspect–would remember a strange film from 1933.

The book was set in a dystopian future 1950s, and was much changed for the film.

You can be sure that *any* film with political overtones in the plot has an agenda, contrary to some posters here who believe that they are “just movies.”

I think the beginning of the end of film criticism came when Bosley Crowther of the New York Times panned “Bonnie and Clyde,” because he was old enough to remember them as vicious sociopaths–not the anti-heroes as portrayed in the movie.

He was roundly criticized for this by all the other “cool” critics, and his long career was effectively over at that point. Too bad he was right.

Red Ryder on August 8, 2011 at 11:55 am

Exactly how is depicting apes as murderous, cannibalistic thugs something PETA would love? I thought PETA’s view is that animals are lovable and helpless. At any rate, perhaps Debbie can rid herself of her “heads I win, tails you lose” anti-Hollywood attitude, and review movies instead of (presumed) motives. She’s great on jihad, but lacks insight into film.

Seek on August 8, 2011 at 12:04 pm

Seek–

I think Debbie’s take is that it is sort of a PETA revenge fantasy.

Surely, you are not defending Hollywood’s current obsession with sequels and comic books are you?

I watched Murder by Decree (1979) last night, and was pleased to see an actual story with real actors. Can you name a current candidate?

Red Ryder on August 8, 2011 at 12:18 pm

    Red Ryder: Here’s a few examples of the last couple years: “Secretariat,” “The King’s Speech,” “The American,” “The Hurt Locker,” “The Social Network,” “The Fighter,” “True Grit.” “A Serious Man,” “A Simple Man,” “Shutter Isdland,” “The Ghost Writer,” and, yes, “X-Men: First Class.”

    Real movies all, and with real actors.

    Seek on August 8, 2011 at 2:40 pm

Seek–

Not to put too fine a point on it, but I did say “current,” meaning this year, for example. Nor, did I mean to imply that 1979 was the last year for quality.

Debbie is sometimes prone to humorless and shrill reviews, but her understanding of the pics suggests that she is head and shoulders above many of the elite critics.

Red Ryder on August 8, 2011 at 3:02 pm

“And even more disturbing is that the urban audience with whom I saw the midnight showing (I could not make the critics’ screening) applauded when police officers were beaten and murdered by apes. Oh, and they applauded at the end of the movie. Morons.”

I’m sure we can guess the racial makeup of this “urban audience”, that would whoop and cheer at such a film and especially the sight of policemen getting murdered, especially at the hands of apes.

Phineas on August 8, 2011 at 3:34 pm

Yeah, after a few seconds of the tv trailors I knew it was something PUTAH would love. Not good.

jake49 on August 8, 2011 at 4:52 pm

Seek, I think that maybe DS and you do NOT have the same taste in movies. That’s all. DS lives by her morals and values and they are important to her and they enter into her reviews of movies. I know sometimes people take their entertainment VERY seriously. I say that because I am always bewildered when someone will get all shirty because I don’t happen to like…for example, Russell Crowe, or some other singer, actor, star, etc. Some people like to defend who they adore. Me, I think it’s kinda gay (non-sexual describer) to take such matters to heart.

I happen to really like DS’ reviews…and I’m not easy to please in that dept. I like her writting style and I am a bona fide movie snob. I just hate certain movies and you will NEVER catch me going to the standard fair (I’m sure MRS will correct me if I used the wrong fair, fare, etc…) unless I am taking an underaged relative. I say all that because I now trust her movie reviews because she hasn’t lead me to a stinker yet…and I’m not an easy customer.

DS is far more tolerable to your standard American movie than I will ever be and I don’t get upset if she likes something I think is crap…or is luke-warm to a film I really liked (ie…”Animal Kingdom). It’s a matter of taste.

As far as humourless…not at all. Her reviews are always filled with humour. And I like her sardonic humour so I always enjoy when she is slagging a film. And she slips in the disses quite masterfully sometimes…which always makes me smile even more.

Skunky on August 8, 2011 at 5:42 pm

Right back @ Skunky, Worry01, et al…

You asked for review… le voici!

http://y2dray.blogspot.com/2011/08/occasional-rant-theatre-or-torrent.html

I’ll let it speak for itself. If they had changed the music for the “Apes” movie, I would’ve liked it a BIT better. But that’s just me, eh?

THIS BLOG IS MONKEY BUSINESS! (And kills Fascists, too.)

The Reverend Jacques on August 9, 2011 at 10:14 pm

The original movie’s screenplay was penned by the great Rod Sterling (a.k.a Mr Twilight Zone), filled with timeless dialogue and the ultimate patented surprise ending, to which it regressed into a Richard Cormanisk downhill in a dumpster trainwreck. With 1 great and 4 flops under your belt what did Hollywood decide to do with their limited imagination – reboot or rather re-screw.

The movie is worthy of progressing the technology that started with LOTR and enhanced by Avatar but technology doesn’t make up for a good story. If I wanted to watch “The making of…” I didn’t need to splurge.

It’s that trend in hollywood to take an original classic movie and pulverize it into a forgotten memory via crappy sequels.

For every Godfather 2 or Spiderman 2 there are a hundred sequel flops.

Fred on August 10, 2011 at 4:51 am

DS I sincerely thank you for saving me the $20. I think my wife and I will just go out for some TexMex fajitas with sopapillas.

cactusjack on August 12, 2011 at 11:24 pm

This is why you don’t let creationists review movies

Nope Nopeser on August 17, 2011 at 1:08 pm

I’m going to review the review for Rise, because most of it is just falsehood, and people actually looking for movie reviews deserve better:

/// How many times do I need to watch apes on steroids torture and eat innocent people alive ///

Umm, what? There is no eating of people or torture in this movie, save how Draco Malfoy (don’t know the actor’s name) treated the apes and monkeys in the primate preserve.

/// and then get a gazillionth second chance because a scientist played by James Franco asks for that? ///

Also, what? They don’t get any “second chances”. After the initial incident, all of the apes they were testing on got euthanized. When Caesar attacked the man, he was put in the preserve while awaiting a court hearing.

/// Apes attack, torture, cannibalize, and kill humans, including cops. ///

Remove everything but attack and kill. When it comes to kill there are MAYBE three deaths. Like JP mentioned, Caesar ordered the other apes to not kill humans.

/// But the monkeys become more violent, and as they become smarter, ///

Nothing suggests that the serum makes the apes more violent, and this certainly isn’t the case for Caesar, the main primate.

/// Every time he’s violent, Franco gets him and the other violent apes another chance. ///

What are you talking about, “Every time he’s violent”? He’s violent exactly one time (in self-defense, might I add) before the film’s climax. Like I mentioned earlier, no second chance is given.

/// One day, they all get out of their cages and just go on a rampage attacking humans and taking over the Golden Gate Bridge, where they beat and kill police. ///

Did you even watch this movie? It seems like you didn’t, because you’re confused as to the events that happened on the screen. At no point were the apes rampaging. They were escaping the city and into the forest.

Austin on August 25, 2011 at 2:56 am

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