September 22, 2011, - 6:00 pm

Girlie Man Nation: 70% of Dads Now Driving Carpool

By Debbie Schlussel

**** SCROLL DOWN FOR UPDATE ****

I was gonna call this “Man Purse Nation,” but “Man without Testicles Nation” might be more like it.  As more and more of America’s women are the wage earners and more and more of America’s men are the Mr. Moms, a new poll commissioned by General Motors shows that the majority of Dads are now the ones doing carpool duty (and many other motherly duties).

A new survey by Chevrolet shows that men are taking a much more active roll when it comes to dropping off and picking up the kids from school. The survey takes its results from an online survey conducted by Harris Interactive. The results show that . . . of American fathers with children aged 17 or younger . . . more than 70 percent drive their kids to school, daycare or extracurricular activities.





“According to recent Census data, there are 154,000 stay-at-home dads and more than 25 million dads who have kids under 17.

Wrong. The Census used a very narrow definition. In fact, 2 million American men are stay at home dads. That’s one in every five stay-at-home parents. And growing.

The trend is shifting and men are becoming more involved with family-driving duties. We’re seeing the rise of the ‘Dadmobile,’” said James Bell, head of General Motors Consumer Affairs.

Wow, that’s an interesting way of sanitizing men giving up their testicles.

Sccording to these fathers, they’d much rather pull dad-duty in a utility vehicle. Moms still love their minivans (58 percent really dig them, thanks to features such as sliding doors), but dads think minivans aren’t manly enough. The survey also asked dads how cool their family vehicles were, and they came up with a 6.4 rating on a 10-point scale.

Here’s a tip: if you’re doing most of the childcare duties, like carpooling, it doesn’t matter what you’re driving. Still not manly.

Ya think the men are the carpool drivers in the Islamic world or at Al-Qaeda training camp?  Just sayin’.

How long ’til they make Hungry Girlieman dinners?

**** UPDATE: For all of you defending the carpooling dads and attacking me, here’s a tip: when 71% of men are carpooling kids, especially to and from school, it means they ain’t at work. Do the math. Two million American dads are stay-at-home Mr. Moms, while the mom is working.  That’s one in every five stay-at-home parents or 20%, who are men.  That’s sad.  That so many dads are now doing the carpooling also means that fewer women are doing the carpooling because they ARE working . . . or because they are making the men do the jobs they formerly did. If you think carpooling means someone is a good dad, you really don’t know what a good dad is. That’s hardly quality time with a father. It’s merely men taking on more and more of mommy stuff and teaching their kids that daddies can be mommies. Get a clue. Some of you doth protest waaaay tooooo much.

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56 Responses

” Don’t ask, don’t tell,” seems to be a more telling issue today. It certainly will create great recruitment opportunities in our military.
Two fags were caught in a crossfire and jumped into a foxhole, One turned to the other and began fondling him.
“…I thought we enlisted so that we could protect Democracy from the infidels,” said the effeminate grunt to his butch partner.
Pulling out his K-rations and spreading a tablecloth, he demanded service.
” The only service you’ll get is a stiff one,” and propagate the Myth of Commander Zero.”

Commander Zero is a Putz on September 22, 2011 at 7:03 pm

I usually agree eith DS, but this I cannot. Guess what, I take my two children to the kindergarden in the morning I don’t feel any less masculine because of that. I enjoy very much the fifteen minutes or so commute in which I get to talk and listen to them and it is a very nice time for everyone involved. You talk so much about involved fathers and then come up with this. Are you ever happy about anyting?

Luis on September 22, 2011 at 7:07 pm

Nothing girly about caring for your offspring. For someone who emphasizes the importance of a Dad in a child’s life, why make a big deal if Dad happens to be the one picking the child up? Now if he’s wearing a dress and heels while doing so, THAT would be girly. lol

Marie on September 22, 2011 at 7:16 pm

Many things are very wrong in America. I blame the women. As a former feminist, I saw with my own eyes how women hindered women in society. And the feminists didn’t seem to really care. As a very young feminist in the 80s, I thought the feminist fight would end “subjugation” and the porn industry. Then I watched in the 90s how many, many women embraced pornography as “EMPOWERING”. I knew then I had been COMPLETELY zoomed. I wasted my time and believed in a farce.

Women hold women back more than men. And now those bitches screaming “I am woman, hear me roar!” are treating men the way they would not want to be treated. Not fair and not nice.

I hate the women’s movement now. In the 80s my dream was movies of females whupping males’ arses…but now the thought of that makes me so sick I won’t even entertain the thought.

Look at the top pop stars today. They are all tarted out. And they want it that way for the $$$. Even if there are men controlling their images today I don’t care…in 2011 every woman has a brain and the capacity to use it in ways unprecedented. And don’t get me started on bimbos who become baby-mamas and date men for decades.

I hope the men of today will wake up and stop the women from taking their testosterone from them. It is NOT flattering. Women don’t like wimpy men. We have gay friends for that. And even as a feminist, I was NEVER attracted to girly-men. EVER.

http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2011/sep/21/mean-women-milquetoast-men/

Skunky on September 22, 2011 at 7:22 pm

Gotta side with Luis on this one. Besides the kids get a kick out of jumping off the running board of the F-350 and landing on top of a SmartCar.
Just sayin’… there’s lotsa ways of “dropping the kids off”.

BilboBaggins on September 22, 2011 at 7:40 pm

    Listen up, please. I don’t believe that Debbie is referring to the isolated circumstance that doesn’t fall in step with the overall 71% demographic. Yours or Luis’ specific situation has nothing to do with the overall point being made here – that perhaps, manhood, as a whole, is losing its sense of identity; and that the carpooling statistic is just one such indicator.

    shegundala on September 23, 2011 at 9:46 am

Let’s see. Before “feminism”: Almost all lawyers were men. Almost all political commentators were men. Women who did not marry or have children were considered to be less than feminine, i.e., they were gender-inappropriate. Most women (then known as “ladies”) did not call people “ho” and “skank” unless they were one or believe that writing f**k meant they were not actually saying fuck.

And this from skunky was priceless: “in 2011 every woman has a brain and the capacity to use it in ways unprecedented” Most of those ways involve taking men’s jobs, do they not? And are those opportunites in some part because of the dreaded feminism?

Women who have careers and professions and scream about “feminists” destroying America apparently avoid examining their own lives.

And echoing another comment, just what should be the extent of a father’s involvement with his children? Just paying the bills? And I wonder do any of those dads drive car pool because they are the sole breadwinner – mom staying home to raise the children and keep house – and the family is living within his means so they have only one car, so Dad drops the kids off on the way to work.

And finally: 154,000 men are stay-at-home dads. Hardly seem statistically significant.

R: Yes, children are soooooo much better off when their mothers are lawyers and they are raised by daycare. Only a blind moron wouldn’t get a clue from four decades of feminism and more women in the workplace and how it correlates with broken families, unwed teen mothers, and more moronic, messed up, criminal American kids on drugs. Here’s a tip, since your obtuse and ignorant comments were directed at me: I don’t have kids. If I did, I couldn’t be a lawyer and spend this amount of time on my site. . . unless I were a selfish feminist as you apparently are (or are married to one who clearly castrated you into assuming the position). You cannot be a successful lawyer or have a career AND raise your kids. You must pick. Those who try to do both neglect everyone–their kids, their husbands AND their clients. You cannot have it all, unlike the feminist myth otherwise. The many women who insist they can do both are the problem, and that’s how feminism has ruined America. Get a frickin’ clue. Spending time with your kids staring at the back of your head in a car ain’t quality time or being a dad. If you think it is, you probably didn’t have a dad, which would explain a lot. A dad teaching his kids about how to be a good Mr. Mom is not being a dad. It’s being a moron. One more thing: in fact, the number of stay-at-home dads is very significant b/c it has doubled since the last Census. And the number is actually far greater–2 million. One in every five stay-at-home dads in America is a dad. Here are the details:
http://www.debbieschlussel.com/36498/girlie-man-usa-women-outpace-men-in-college-grad-degrees-census/
Facts are stubborn things.
DS

Richard on September 22, 2011 at 8:03 pm

    Hey Dick, you can get all lovey-dovey about feminism, but I sure am NOT.

    Sorry if I can’t wrap my arms around a fraudulent movement who didn’t want to castigate “Billy Jeff” because they cared about their politics more than what was right and wrong.

    And sorry, there are STILL lots of females out there who are dumb and don’t use their brains. So much for being the “smarter” sex. That’s bullsh.

    And lastly, the ultimate hypocrisy…treating men the way they didn’t appreciate females being treated. That also proves that broads don’t corner the market on having proper character.

    But you go on being a proud feminist, Dick. I have a box of OB just for you.

    Skunky on September 22, 2011 at 11:01 pm

I usually agree with Debbie but she’s wrong here. Being an involved Dad is not a motherly duty. And in today’s world, where both partners have to work to raise the kids, a strict sexual division of labor is neither necessary or desirable. Men are getting involved with their kids because life is short and if you work 40 to 80 hours a week, you seldom see your family. Debbie is writing from the perspective of a single woman. When you are married, things begin to look very different, particularly the responsibilities. Parents look after kids, not a man or a woman.

Simple and straight.

NormanF on September 22, 2011 at 8:26 pm

Come on, Debbie. I “carpooled” my three boys to everything. I had made a promise when my first was born that I would be at every event/sport/school function I could. And I was about 90 percent perfect. The boys are now 32, 29, and 26 and they still know they can count on me.
Does this make me a girlyman? If it does, I’m proud to be one!!!

Dennis P. Skea on September 22, 2011 at 8:52 pm

    Debbie, I had to get to work around 8 AM, so I dropped the kids off to school in the AM as it was a no detour drive straight to work passing the school everyday (no matter what route I took). My wife got them at 3 PM as I was working. This gave me a bit of time to chat with them, and let my stay at home wife sleep and take care of the house a bit uniterrupted.. Now they are homeschooled and I chat with them as they come home.

    The busiest of men make sure to take time for their kids—note Abraham Lincoln and his children while he was in the White House. Old Abe beat the crap out of the leader of a band of toughs as a young man. No girlie man, he.

    I agree, “Mr. Mom” situations can be problematic. But taking the kids to school is not necessarily Mr. Mom. Men can nuture, too. My kids get lots of hugs and discipline from me. Both are necessary, and both work well.

    I’ve also worked as the Psychiatrist for the Alabama Chain Gang and Alabama’s Death Row, and on a 23 hr /day lockup SuperMax equivalent unit. I don’t feel particularly feminine.

    Occam's Tool on September 22, 2011 at 9:05 pm

      Occam’s Tool,

      No disrespect, but do you also fix your kids’ breakfast and do the dishes and get them ready for school, while your wife is sleeping?

      Was this the case when you were growing up? Your dad would fix you breakfast, get you ready for school, and drive you and other kids in a carpool to school?

      How does this changing of parental roles benefit our country?

      JM on September 22, 2011 at 10:35 pm

        Wife laid out kids’ clothes before school; I just had to supervise that. School served breakfast. Worked as an MD for 300 plus K per year, still do. At the time this was going on, this was 2008 and 2009. My wife was largely an invalid until September 2008.

        My dad didn’t drive me to school. I walked—from Washington and Ballard to Viola H. Nelson in Niles, Illinois from ages 6-11, and to Gemini Jr. High school from ages 12-13. Took the 250 Bus to Maine Township High School East in Park Ridge, Illinois, which two now world famous people attended around the same time as my mother did—Hillary Clinton and Harrison Ford. My mother never made me breakfast growing up—I grabbed my own. Lunch was always at school. (I include addresses and names so you can Google earth the distances.)

        Debbie, the work you do is superb, but you would have been a great mommy, too.

        Occam's Tool on September 22, 2011 at 11:38 pm

Sorry. Men can nurture, too. By the way, thanks to my comfortably large income, my wife now home schools the kids full time as a stay at home mom. I think we’re fairly traditional.

Occam's Tool on September 22, 2011 at 9:06 pm

For those regulars saying that Debbie is wrong on this one, she is NOT wrong.

Growing up, I don’t ever remember being in a carpool driven by any fathers in the neighborhood.

The main reason kids should be carpooled to school is if they attend a private school which doesn’t have bus service and they don’t walk and or take the bus to and from school.

And it is the mothers who should be carpooling their kindergartners or preschoolers to school and back from school or older kids to extracurricular activities, NOT dads who work to provide for the family. And this is how it traditionally was. That 70% of fathers carpool their kids to school and extracurricular activities is not a sign of a healthy society. What are the mothers doing meanwhile? Sounds like they are the “men” of the house.

JM on September 22, 2011 at 10:15 pm

LOL

Richard on September 22, 2011 at 10:34 pm

Hmmmm. Sometimes it is hard to not take something personally, but I don’t think DS was aiming where most thought.

AND I did link an article from a newspaper which stated that the state of the NEW fall TV programming is mean women and milquetoast men.

The culture is going to very bad places. I don’t think DS was attacking proper dads (after all, they are the nucleus of the family…and ought to be the breadwinners) just the new and awful state of dads relegated to the “female” position.

And women, even if they are control freaks and bitchy and like to push around ALWAYS resent (eventually) being in the “dad” position. It will ooze out eventually.

Skunky on September 22, 2011 at 10:44 pm

In this recession, it’s not surprising that some dads might not be working.

But, hey, there’s nothing like someone without kids telling other parents what they are doing wrong. That’s not condescending at all…

NG: 71% isn’t “some.” It’s MOST.

Are you against suicide and murder? There’s nothing like someone who’s never done either telling people they are wrong. Yeah, that’s the dumbest argument ever. Guess what? I’ve never done cocaine, engaged in cutting, or hired a prostitute. Guess I can’t condemn those things ’til I’ve done them, eh? Oh, and criticizing Obama? That’s out, too, ‘cuz hey, I’ve never been Prez. DS

Needless Gripe on September 22, 2011 at 10:46 pm

DS – I love your girlie man nation articles. But I’ve started to wonder, especially with the amount being earned, maybe it is not entirely mens’ fault. I believe it is much easier for a woman to get a high paying job than men at this point. If you’re “white” (whatever that means) and under 40, you’re not part of any kind of victim class, so it is no big deal if you don’t get a break.

In other words, do you think men are not taking these jobs by choice? I think there is a big problem with American men being castrated, I’m just starting to think maybe it isn’t as voluntary as it seems.

What say you?

Hopewell on September 22, 2011 at 10:53 pm

C’mon Needless, grow up.

Did the recession cause the influx of commercials (for decades now) that treat men like idiots and the women like the King?

Is the recession fueling the NEW fall TV line-up of mean women and milquetoast men?

Stop being defensive and see what DS was responding to was eroding cultural rot.

Skunky on September 22, 2011 at 10:53 pm

    No Skunky, most of those commercials like most everything else is written and produced by MEN. The same with most radio ads as well. And the theme is the same – the women in those ads are BITCHES who overrule and/or know better then their husbands.

    I’m inclined to think the writers of these commercials either don’t like women or think most men don’t because the “know it all” women in these ads (especially on radio) come off as unlikeable bitches.

    Scott on September 23, 2011 at 2:45 am

Here’s an alternate theory, unfortunately it is probably not the case:

Women are so self-centered and narcissistic that they no longer care about anything but themselves and their careers. The men, on the other hand, recognize something called reality and realize the kids aren’t going to drive themselves to school and know it has to get done. So the responsible men take care of the adult responsibilities of the real world because they know these selfish women (who only care about their own world) would just let everything fall apart otherwise.

Hopewell on September 22, 2011 at 11:15 pm

Here’s you’re sentiment Debbie:

“When 71% of men are carpooling kids, especially to and from school, it means they ain’t at work.”

You know what, I originally was not going to comment on this thread, but since I read you’re update sentiments Debbie, I completely agree with you that those men who are doing the “carpooling” are men who are unemployed, so you’re right DS! So I believe some of you need to put away you’re feelings and emotions and use critical thinking, those of you who bashed DS are equivalent to the left wingers who uses little thinking!

And BTW, from what I read and heard, the unemployment rate has harmed us men then women. From what I read a few months ago, 1-in-5 of the male population in this country currently are unemployed and looking for employment, so Debbie has a point in this article folks, no need to attack the messenger for emotional reason.

“A nation is defined by its borders, language & culture!”

Sean R. on September 22, 2011 at 11:16 pm

I knew children were anathema to me since I can remember. Shudder. Not for me. Never did.

God Bless you folks who can walk that path well. You’re far crazier than I am.

(my man purse, btw, are saddlebags. on a 17 hand roan gelding answering to MAJOR)

Jack on September 22, 2011 at 11:21 pm

My dad used to drive me to elementary school before work. Whats the big deal?

M: Not the same thing. That ain’t a “carpool.” A carpool is where other kids are also picked up and driven. And here’s a tip: if it was just before work (as my dad sometimes drove me), that would be different. This is 71% of dads now doing the carpooling. That’s not the same as a dad dropping off kids before work. This is Mr. Mom dads doing mommy’s work before AND after school. RIF–Reading Is Fundamental. DS

Matthew on September 22, 2011 at 11:42 pm

    I still haven’t changed my mind but there’s one thing that does need to be said. When women choose not to be mothers and focus on their careers, men are often left to pick up the slack. That change in our culture is far more dangerous than guys car-pooling which is only a symptom. We’re not dealing with the underlying pathology. Whatever I think about the proprietary of guys doing car-pooling, this in no way alters Debbie’s conclusion that no matriarchy has ever survived. And I do agree with her they aren’t raising men to be the New Women in Greater Barbaria.

    Without strong men, we are losing in more ways than we care to realize.

    NormanF on September 23, 2011 at 6:36 pm

To the regular visitors here – Stop,…Think!
The problem here isn’t men doing womanly duties, it’s women who don’t. Helping out isn’t wrong, it’s the chivalras thing to do, but when you take over all the chores while the other half lives it up and ignores their half of the work is. I know too many men (vs. women) who were abandoned along with the kids because, hey, she has to live her own life you know.
For better or worse, pfffft, well that’s just manmade crap like global warming…I am woman, hear me roar!
And yeah, theiy’re all white empowered women…thanks hOprah.

theShadow on September 23, 2011 at 12:33 am

you’re way off DS. so how should we men be? distant from our kids? beat them every night with a belt to show how ‘manly’ we are? what the f does it matter if the dad drives the kids to school and where ever else and if the mom works and earns more? i really don’t see where you’re getting at. so does this mean that you should be pregnant, married, and not have a job or an opinion or a blog, etc? so if you get married, you should quit your job and have babies and stay home with them? looks like you just crossed into irrelevance debbie.

always amazed on September 23, 2011 at 2:38 am

I’m blessed that I can drive my kids to school of my own volition and let my wife do her stuff around the house. (Cooking, cleaning, laundry, everything else a wife does).

I mostly see women dropping off the kids here, be it carpool or just their own. Are there per-region/city figures?

lynch on September 23, 2011 at 2:39 am

and another thing. school starts at 0805, 0810 and 00830 for my kids (elementary, middle and high schools). i start work at 0900, which i wouldn’t doubt is when most people start work. so how does this square with your assertion that more men carpooling means fewer men working? and making the jump from “men who carpool means women aren’t doing their job and fulfilling their role” is plain wrong. in fact, that sounds taliban to me. cover women with blankets, don’t let them drive because that is a man’s job, etc. yeah, i drive my kids to school, i earn 3x more than my wife, she works, too, and guess what? on the weekends when we go to the store, shopping, movies, where ever, i drive! wow, i must be a wuss. i think i should go beat my wife up to get back my man-card.

always amazed on September 23, 2011 at 2:43 am

and guess what? i take off from work sometimes to volunteer at the school pta functions and serve as chaperone on school trips. my kids are definitely gonna need counseling in the future and it’s all my fault. dam.

always amazed on September 23, 2011 at 2:47 am

When it comes to “battle of the sexes”, Debbie’s got some ultra-reactionary ideas. Who gives a bleep what Islamic terro groups think of it.

A carpool is just that – a pool. It means several parents fathers and mothers share driving duties so no one parent is likely to be driving more than once or twice a week, and it fits into our work schedules(assuming we all have jobs).

Debbie doesn’t seem to get it. It isn’t so-called “gender-reversal” that makes us more vulnerable to the Islamic threat, it’s a lazy,poorly informed populace and incompetent and/or corrupt dhimmi politicians and news people.

Scott on September 23, 2011 at 2:59 am

Debbie is incorrectly paraphrasing the article. It doesn’t say the “majority of the ones carpooling are dads “, it says 70% of dads drive their kids to school – a big difference.

It’s entirely possible (and likely) that most of the trips to and from school are driven by the mothers.

The article doesn’t say how often or what percentage of the trips are being driven by the dads, only that 70% of dads drive their kids to school. For all we know those 70% of dads could be doing on only an occasional basis.

S: Wrong. I read the original survey. It’s carpooling (and picking kids up from school in the afternoon, when most working dads would and should be at work), not merely dropping kids off at school in the morning. Facts are stubborn things. Face ‘em. You are very defensive on this issue. DS

Scott on September 23, 2011 at 3:22 am

    Debbie,re-read my post. I’ve looked up that story in many places on the net, and it says 70% of fathers drive their kids to and from school. For the sake of this discussion, we’ll stipulate that includes carpooling to and from school.

    HOWEVER, the article does NOT say that the majority of men are the ONES doing the carpooling, it says 70% of dads carpool or have carpooled. It does NOT say how OFTEN they do it. It could be everyday, once a week,once a month, who knows?

    If you’ve got the actual poll that gives a breakdown of carpool trips done by moms vs dads please post it or give a link to it.

    Otherwise,my point of you’re being in error stands.

    Scott on September 23, 2011 at 9:08 pm

Debbie, do you have children yourself?
Just wondering… A man who helps out in the household does not make him a “girlie man”. Real man help out, for example they could buy groceries and do things with their children. It’s not he 1950s anymore.

I am sure you would not want a man, Debbie, who would come home after work, and who’s first words are: I am hungry woman, feed me! It’s called modernity.

Simone R. on September 23, 2011 at 6:37 am

    Shut up Simone. Like all dopey Liberals you can’t keep to the context of the issue…you just take it to the extreme.

    And let me remind you men had nothing to do with the Feminist movement and yet that is a crashing disaster.

    It’s time to let men be GOOD men and stop emasculating them. And women better check themselves because they have become what they hated in men.

    Skunky on September 23, 2011 at 9:51 am

    Hey, I call the wife every day before coming home from work asking what she needs me to bring home to make for the kids and me for dinner. When I arrive home, I kiss my son and daughter, give them their hugs, and then turn to the wife and go, “Hi, hon, I love you! That smells great! I’m hungry!”

    Then my wife and kids tell me how homeschooling went that day, and the kids show me the results of their latest science project.

    Oh, yeah, she’s a stay at home wife. By choice—she’s homeschooling our two little ones. She married a guy making 300 plus K per year, who lives in a rural area. Cities suck.

    Occam's Tool on September 26, 2011 at 12:29 am

Debbie, you are way off on this one. Agreed that this is a sign of Obama’s America (i.e. a lot of people out of work) BUT I think it is wonderful that more MEN are seeing themselves as parents instead of rearing children is only “the woman’s job.” This is a postive, not a negative. It takes a MAN and a WOMAN to raise a child. The fact that Dads are being Dads is a good thing. Are you married? I mean if you were married (like I am with two kids) you would realize this is a wonderful stat.

Jill D on September 23, 2011 at 8:39 am

Well Deb, the only mistake you might have made with this article is not considering that all too many people think that their personal world represents the society as a whole, and that because their individual need(s) – or, at least those needs applicable or necessary to a given period of their lives don’t fit the model that you’re reflecting on, that you must be wrong. But isn’t that the primary societal problem? Don’t must of us think that society should conform to or accept our subjective model of what’s viable, and not what is in fact viable on a broader societal scale?

shegundala on September 23, 2011 at 10:05 am

    No Shegundala, I think the problem is most people feel very defensive about what the thread was about. When one is defensive they start shadow-boxing. It’s unfortunate, because most of the people who are defensive are not in the category DS is spot-lighting.

    And what Sean said. Good on ya, Sean.

    Skunky on September 23, 2011 at 10:17 am

Can you say whipped?

Scenario 1: “Honey can you pick up the kids from school and take them to soccer practice. While you are at a pick up a pizza, remember I don’t like meat. I have to be with my boss Stephanie our deadline is tomorrow and we must work overtime.”

CaliforniaScreaming on September 23, 2011 at 10:57 am

@Always Amazed and the other ignoramuses that being a “man” constitutes beating up the wife and perpetrating violence on the family.

I have notice that is a trend whenever Debbie puts up a topic of the feminization of the American male, the critics immediately equate being a man as violent to the nTH degree. I believe that is straight out of the liberal/feminist agenda of the male as inherently violent and self destructive. These fools are arguing against stereotyping but yet they do it themselves by equates all males as violent.

When I was growing up, yes my father would spank or use a leather belt to hit our COVERED (i.e. wearing pants) bottoms. He would just hit me or my brothers once and with enough force to let us know we f**ked up. This never turned into a free for all where my father took out his aggression on us or my mother. Yes they argue and even shouted at each other but there was never one time I saw my father lift his hand in anger toward my mother. We would be hit on the rear, and never slapped or even punched. Now I am not naive there were no child abuse going on with the other children I was friends with. My point is why use the same spiel that the feminist/liberals use to demonize the traditional family into your talking points. By doing this you have advanced the feminist cause even further unknowingly or, from reading some comments, willingly.

Now about this carpool thing that Debbie mentioned. I believe she is saying what are the men doing to have enough time to be driving the kids all day. I help my wife when she can not pick up our son but 90% of the time she does it since 1) her work route is closer to the school than mine, and 2) she gets out of work closer to our son leaving school.

Oh and one last point, I read on some comments that it takes BOTH a mother and father to raise a child, no argument there. However, does that also apply when it comes to a divorce and that a judge should review the merits in deciding who has custody of the children and not automatically having the woman get custody? What about child support, does that mean the man needs to fork over up to 75% of his pay while the wife can spend it with no oversight? I laugh when I hear this arguement of equality but there is cricket chirping silence when it comes to dividing assets and custody between the two parents.

This can also apply to the so-call right to an abortion, where all the argument is based on is that the baby is carried in the woman’s womb therefore its “her” child. Yeah right, last I heard it takes a male’s sperm coming in contact with the egg to make that baby come to this world. Therefore the man only comes into play when the issue of money is at stake, then suddenly the talk about the baby belonging to the father comes to play.

This is why I hate when people use the feminist silliness that men=bad and all women= goddesses of purity.

Mario on September 23, 2011 at 10:58 am

Wow. I don’t have kids either, Deb, but to castigate men who dare help out with the numerous duties of parenting is insane. I have many friends in loving marriages who share duties. If you were married, I bet you’d be really, really grateful for a husband who helped out.

maatkare on September 23, 2011 at 11:20 am

Part of the problem that Debbie is alluding to is that over the last 50 years, Western Civilization has totally converted the gender roles that mankind has used for thousands of years. No one wants to admit it, but most of the problems in our society today are DIRECTLY related to this.

Women have traditionally been the nurturer and heart of the family. Is it a surprise that when soldiers are dying on the battlefield many instinctively cry for their mothers (and NOT their fathers). We as a society are rapidly losing that role for women and effectively have women that act like men with a a focus on their careers, are casual about sex and relationships, and in a spouse effectively want a wife with a male appendage. Men meanwhile have been emasculated and boys are taught “to talk things out” and never to get into a fight or defend themselves. Boys are also taught that competition is wrong and “that everyone is a winner”. All children are also taught that there is no difference between boys and girls and if a boy wants to wear a dress and play with dolls, that’s OK.

Meanwhile, people get married and both pursue their careers and if they have kids they are shuttled off to daycare and barely watched by minimum wage workers and get no love or bonding time with their parents or family. Is it any wonder that kids are so screwed up now and drugs among teens is an epidemic across all socio-economic lines ??

I personally believe that women should be able to do whatever they want in life, and I do not want to go back to the rigid gender roles of the past. However, we as a society have to realize that all of this gender change isn’t necessarily a good thing. As a father of three kids, I also agree 100% with Debbie that the idea of you both can have a career and kids is bunk. One of the parents must sacrifice for the kids, or the kids will end up messed up. Anyone who has kids knows that this is true.

jimmyPx on September 23, 2011 at 11:44 am

Hi Debbie,

I am a 6 year reader and fan of your column; kudos and thanks on most of your posts. Once in a while, it goes a little overboard and it think this may be one of those times. (it’s okay to be off once in a while, it keeps us humble). As a lawyer, you MUST know of the pressure put on dads to be The Mom when the family goes kaput and custody comes into play. Not that I don’t enjoy that time with my kids (I’ve been a single Dad to 2 toddlers since ’08), but as a man, there are things higher on the list of rather-do’s. Sometimes, due to the BS of Family Court, we have to put on the good show and fortunately, time spent with our children is never a bad thing.
Respectfully,
Michael Roy

Michael Roy Gutierrez on September 23, 2011 at 11:57 am

I drop off my kids off at school because I work a lot from home there is alot of firemen and policemen I know that do the same thing!

But… I agree with you when I see these families and other fathers trying so hard to be their child’s best friend instead of their parent.

I also think its a joke when I see so many families so scared to even let there child play outside now days… because the media has brainwashed them on being so scared of everything out there in the world.

I am also angry at the modern media trying to dismiss the father figure making him the joke of all commercials and the idiot to the kids!

Brad on September 23, 2011 at 12:29 pm

I think it’s a bigger indication of the fact that most men are out of work right now, because they can’t get hired. I’m not quite clear on what your contention here is, simply because I come to a different conclusion based on the facts. Do you want both parents working? Do you want a guy to take a job from a woman? Do you believe only men should be working? We don’t live in that society. I believe it is you that doth protest too much.

Mike Shields (@MatchesMalone) on September 23, 2011 at 2:04 pm

I wish I could have gone to my little girl’s first horse riding lesson yesterday. I was keeping people alive instead.

Occam's Tool on September 23, 2011 at 2:18 pm

    Her mom went instead, with her little brother. But I got second by second replay at home.

    Gotta tell you, if I had independent wealth, I would spend all my time with them.

    Occam's Tool on September 23, 2011 at 2:21 pm

Debbie, think about adopting some Chinese kids. You would make a great mom.

Occam's Tool on September 23, 2011 at 2:19 pm

Debbie,

LEAVE MY MINI-VAN OUT OF THIS!!

Signed,
John Tesh

CaliforniaScreaming on September 23, 2011 at 4:45 pm

You’re off on this one Debbie. Time spent with kids is time spent and I admire men who take the time to be a part of the every day with their kids. I wish my kids had a dad who did this. Their dad provides, and I know he loves his kids. But time spent with them? Almost nil. That’s not the kind of dad that I had or that I wish for them. Find something else to get upset about.

Suz on September 23, 2011 at 6:19 pm

It appears most readers, myself included, don’t care if guys car-pool their kids. Fine. But as I already said, turning women into the new breadwinners doesn’t strengthen the country or families. Can they be the wife to their husbands and the mother to their children? Common sense says “no.” That is what needs to be written about. You won’t see women taking the lead in Islam. There’s a reason for that just as feminism has steadily undermined the traditional fabric of Western society. Ironically enough, female equality may in the long run be the very factor that leads to its demise. And for every one’s information, Islamic feminism is an oxymoron. That’s why there is no female Ahmedinejad running for President in any Muslim country.

NormanF on September 23, 2011 at 6:45 pm

In my POS town the girly guys who push all the strollers around are useless asses, for one most of the loosers arn’t working cause they have been popped to many times for drugs, have felony arrest records and their women are the only ones who can get a job. Alot of places I have worked at even have daddy drop by with the stroller or peice of shit car and actually visit mommy at work, it never impressed me and the clothes that they wear say’s stoopid from the get go. No your right the testosterone is definitley missing big time. Oh and most of the men are 2 timing and still doing drugs. Good father material. POS.

Terry Morlan on September 25, 2011 at 6:12 am

It would just be easier to say that anyone that works a high powered career that requires you to work 100+ hours a week, is probably not a great parent. I agree with Debbie that if you want that kind of career, you need to choose but should also apply to men. Too many people think a male that works 100+ hour workweeks are great family men but it is the farthest thing from the truth. How involved can you be when you only see your children maybe one month out of the whole year (like Sam Walton did)? When you actually look at it, their personal and familial life are a mess.

Theres nothing wrong with males actually doing some parenting. Driving kids around is just one of those tasks that need to be done, who cares who does it. I’m all for males scaling back in order to spend more time with their children, you know to actually get to know them?

gl on September 25, 2011 at 11:36 pm

In the compialcetd world we live in, it’s good to find simple solutions.

Kaed on October 13, 2011 at 5:30 am

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